I LOVE You Tree!

 

The "Honey-Do List" in this house is quite long. In the interest of preserving marital bliss, I won't share it with you here. Let's just say that "Honey" started a new job just before the baby arrived and he's been working and traveling enough for two men ever since. That is the segue to revealing that (drumroll, please): The Foss Family Christmas Tree still stands proudly in my family room on this seventh day of February!

There was a time in the life of my marriage when I would have actually written that "Honey Do" list and I would have oh-so-carelessly left it lying around. Or, I would have invited his mother to dinner, knowing that he wouldn't want her to see the tree in the corner. Or, I would have pouted and moped and complained about (1)the fact that he was gone and/or (2)the fact that the tree is annoying my sense of order. Neither #1 or #2 does me or anybody else much good.  It's wasted energy and does nothing to contribute to the atmosphere around here. His mother isn't coming to dinner any time soon. And the last thing the poor, overworked man needs is another list of things to do.

There was later time in my life when I would have taken it down myself. But I have since learned that some jobs are better left to big, strong men (and I have the scars to prove it).  Now, I have a couple of big strong, young men in my house.And both of them offered to take down the tree. But I know my Honey--he wants the tree in the box just so (and rightfully, I might add--trees last longer when they are handled with care and they are far easier to assemble when put away properly). And I know my young men--better not to let them touch the tree. Family harmony next advent is worth far more than freeing up space in that corner of the family room.

So, it stands in my family room, ornaments long since put away. And it reminds me every day of just how hard my husband is working to feed and clothe and shelter and educate this very large family.  It stands there and very early in the morning when it's still dark and no one is looking, I turn on the lights and I say prayer for the man who wishes he were home more.  I ask God to show us how He'd have us live, which choices He'd have us make. And I thank God for the Honey who chose that tree and who provided for it and for the house where it stands.

So, it only seemed natural on one very cold winter evening, when Honey was still at work long after dinner was done, to turn to those beautiful children and ask them to help me make that tree everything it was meant to be.

We took the pink paper hearts on which we'd written all the things and people we love and rested them firmly on the "God" doily and we hung them on the Daddy Valentine Tree! Martha Stewart, you can have your efficiency calendar that tells us all when to take down the Christmas tree. Mine just became the Tree of Love in this house full of life!

Peace, Pegs, Asking, Order, Obedience!

Over fifteen years ago, when Michael was preschool-aged, we participated with two other moms in an at-home preschool co-op.  We used the Joy School curriculum written by RIchard and Linda Eyre. (Yes, I know they're Mormon--we just used the curriculum, we didn't convert.) Part of the curriculum was the inclusion of darling little songs to help teach the lessons and all the lessons were virtue based.

In one lesson, we introduced family rules.  And the song went "Peace, pegs, asking, order, obedience! These are our family rules." I can still sing that song today and I often do.

I want to zero in on "pegs" today. Pegs are set times of the day around which other activities were organized.  For the Eyres, there was a real pegboard and when the duties ascribed to a certain peg were finished, the child put the peg in the board. For us, those pegs are "food times." And in my house, children expect to be fed at the same time every day. So, even though I really don't keep a strict schedule of the time between the pegs, the pegs happen at the same time every day. With each peg, there is prayer. This provides order in our days. And all the rest takes on a certain cadence.

My alarm is set to play a rosary CD.  I try to stay in bed and nurse for a decade or two. IThen, do a quick read through of message boards and Bloglines, while still nursing.  I get the baby dressed and then, I wake Mary Beth to hold the baby while I spend twenty minutes exercising and then take a shower.

First peg: A morning offering is prayed before breakfast. Breakfast is at 8 o'clock. I bring my husband breakfast in bed and we have some time to talk. The children have certain chores and duties which are "after breakfast" jobs. Those are completed and then we move to the schoolroom. A decade of the rosary can set the tone. I keep an eye on the clock and make sure to get everyone outside for a stretch and fresh air before the next peg: Lunch.

Lunch is always at noon, with the Angelus. After lunch, we have another chore each and we settle into an after-lunch routine.  It looks different depending on the child.  Little ones get downtime with a Signing Time video.  Primary age boys go back outside for a bit. Bigger kids go back upstairs. I go to my room with the baby to nurse her to sleep and pray the rosary. After the video, the little boys come back in and we are all in the room again for whatever unit we're studying together. When it's warmer, this will be outdoor time for everyone. Then, it's on to the next peg: tea time.

Tea time is more food, a drink, praying the collect and whatever novena is our current plea, and a book (chosen usually from the Five in a Row crate).  Sometimes, the tea and the book are keyed to the liturgical year. I read; they eat; and then we do a major clean up. Hopefully, the house is in order before my children are launched in a dozen directions to various activities.

The fourth peg is Dinner.  As much as possible, we eat dinner together, around the table, after grace, with no TV. Dinner is at 6 sharp, right after Daddy's shows.

The evening is all about baths and stories and settling in. After stories, everyone (but the biggest boys) settles into bed and I hear bedtime prayers. The girls listen to a rosary CD as they fall asleep and the sweetness of those roses waft throughout the upstairs.  I fold mountains of laundry. I nurse the baby one last time and I fall asleep praying.

In the jingle, "pegs" is bound by peace, asking, and order. "Asking " is simply never doing anything outside the routine or going anywhere without asking first. Peace and order are built on pegs and asking.  I find that when the pegs are in place, there is peace and order, at least relatively so.  There are nine children in this house most days.  They need to know what to expect next.  Surely, every day, something will come up. Something will be different. But the default is orderly; the expectation is for peace. And prayer is the peg we upon which we hang it.

Every Family Shall Carry Home a Blessed Candle

"On Candlemas Day every family should carry home a blessed candle, which will have a special place on the home altar and will be lit in all moments of danger, during thunderstorms, during sickness, in time of tribulation." ~ Around the Year with the Von Trapp Family

My pastor announced that he will bless candles on Candlemas Day, February 2nd. Now, my only challenge is finding a box big enough to carry our candles to church to be blessed! This feast, so rich and sensory, is a true treasure, nearly lost to modern times.

I am just beginning to understand how the candles of Candlemas are inextricably tied to the Feast of the Presentation.  My dear friend Donna is such a good listener.  I think that she is especially blessed with this virtue because she has suffered so in her lifetime.  She was widowed very young and has since cared for her aging mother. Whenever I go to her to sort my own trials, she prays with me on the phone.  And then, she promises to "light a candle." She almost always has a prayer candle lit, I think.

When Our Lady took Jesus to the temple and Simeon greeted them, he recognized the light first. He said that Jesus was "the light for revelation to the Gentiles, and glory for your people Israel."  Then, he told the Blessed Mother that she would suffer: "Behold, this child is destined for the fall and rise of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be contradicted and you yourself a sword will pierce so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed." 

She did not understand but she did know that she knew the Light, the Lord, was hers in her suffering.  When we suffer, we turn to the Lord, who came as light and life to the world. And we can light a candle to remind us of those words of Simeon who coupled forever the suffering with the Light. What beautiful sacramentals candles can be in the domestic church!

I've always loved candles; I am drawn to light and beauty.  In candlelight, the hard edges of the world are softened. Now, I feel drawn to them as I'm drawn to prayer.  Christ settles over the candlelit room and softens the edges of the harsh world while illuminating my soul with His holy will.  We appeal to our senses when we prepare our homes with candles to use throughout the year.

For many years, my family has enjoyed advent candles.  My children like to light them, like to snuff them, like to sing about lighting them.  Those pink and purple tapers bring the liturgical year to light every night at our dinner table and I'm always sad to put them away. They are replaced right after advent with gold candles for the Christmas feast, but when that season ends, there are no candles on our table.

This year, I decided to buy some blue pillar candles for the table for the Feast of Mary, the Mother of God.  I was so pleased with this new tradition (just once and it's a tradition), that I started thinking about how we could bring the liturgical year to our table all year 'round. Combined with traditional prayers keyed to the calendar, the candles would be a visual reminder of the life of Christ in the Church.

I researched traditional symbols for different seasons of the liturgical year and I bought pillar candles in appropriate colors. To the traditional green, purple, and gold or white, I added blue candles to use for Marian feasts. Next year, I will make the candles from beeswax, but in the interest of time, this year I purchased paraffin candles.

Using very thin beeswax, the children cut liturgical symbols and melted them onto the pillar candles. There are flowers and hearts on the Marian blue candles, fish and loaves of bread on the green candles, an empty tomb and an egg on the white candles for Easter. The result is a series of liturgical candles to use throughout the year at the dinner table.

Then, we made some blue novena candles using beeswax and soy wax with some blue dye in large Mason jars. We'll use these throughout the year on our Marian prayer table. I love the idea of a perpetual candle to remind us to continually come to the Blessed Mother for a good chat. What the children don't know is that my husband will be reminded on all the Marian feasts to bring home flowers for Mary.  With fresh flowers and candlelight, this table will always look lovely.

We also have some tapers to bless.  These belong with our miniature Mass kit. Katie is particularly fond of lighting candles when she sets the altar. And she is also fond of snuffing when she has finished there.

Finally, I stocked up on beeswax votive candles. These are sweet smelling candles that I will light when I offer my prayers for friends and family.  And I ordered an extra box for Donna--I figure I've used at least that many in her house over the years.

I guess everybody is multitasking this morning!

A Good Wife

Homeliving Helper has much good food for thought today as we ponder our roles as wives. She writes in part:

Some people do admit though, that the mother who stays home to take care of her children is something good and noble, but an idea that a wife actually, can do the same for her husband, is a novelty to them. Why, women should be independent from their husbands, they will say. Behind nice sounding words about equality, the core idea of feminism is women's independence from men. A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle, remember?

Wrong. Women need men. They need to be protected and nurtured and held. They need the complement to their very souls that men were created to be. What do men need? What do men want?

Do read the rest of the Homeliving Helper's post and let the conversation continue.