The "Plan" Part of Planning for a Peaceful Home

In prior columns, I’ve explored the ideas of a morning offering andof time set aside to listen and hear God. Now, for the “plan” part of the plan for a peaceful home.

We begin by offering the day to the Lord, opening ourselves to the grace He freely offers and ensuring that even our failures are redemptive. Then, during a time of spiritual reading and meditation, we listen to Him, and we resolve to do whatever He tells us to do that day. Usually, I write this resolution in a little notebook, where I can refer to it and remind myself of it throughout the day. The resolution fits within the context of my daily life, my work in the world, my vocation in the home. And it’s that “daily life” component that needs a clear direction.Read the rest here.

And then c'mon back and tell me your best planning tips in the comment box.

Relaxed Education at Home

Laura writes:
 Elizabeth, in your daybook entry you said, "I'm also sensing that we're in for a relaxed homeschooling season--Ihave a few children who have their own projects they want to pursue." What does that mean? Have you abandoned the plans on Serendipity altogether?

DSC_0402  No. Actually, I haven't abandoned Serendipity at all, except for the fact that I can't quite get pretty lesson plans up for you all just yet. We're still using it. Remember, we didn't have a baby one day and get on with life as usual the next. We had a baby on Halloween. Then, we spent eight days in the NICU. I had just had a c-section and I pushed myself to the point of exhaustion during those days in an effort to spend as much time as possible with Sarah Anne and to bring her home more quickly. During that time, my children stayed with my sister-in-law and their cousins. Mike's sister did her very best to "make it a party." She offered to go back to our house and get their schoolwork but four of those days were weekend days and two were school vacations. The rest were just plain fun with their aunt. I didn't even try to resume school. Our family was focused on Sarah Anne and on our transition from a very stressful end of pregnancy to life with a premature infant. Real life dictated the lessons, The hours that my children spent learning about their sister or just sitting with me in the NICU were priceless lessons in God's mercy and goodness. Priceless.DSC_0275

Then, we went home. For the first week, we were on our own. I caught up on sleep as best I could and eased back into normal life with my family. I became reacquainted with the parts of my house I hadn't seen in two months (read: I found all sorts of "treasures" left by oblivious children.). I kangarooed.  My mother and stepfather came for Sarah Anne's second week home. I did a little reading aloud and everyone did some math every day and then we just hung out with Grandma. And then it was Thanksgiving, followed quickly by Advent.

 Advent is planned in our house. We have numerous variations on familiar themes and my children ensured that all those happy traditions were greeted with joy. I deliberately chose not to pursue "school as usual" during this time. To educate in the heart of a home, a family, is to have the opportunity to tightly weave the fabric of our family during times of transition. Having a baby is one such time. No matter whether it's the first baby or the ninth, a baby changes a family. And I wanted to be sure that we embraced and cherished that change. We journaled Sarah Anne's arrival and her meaning to us in words and pictures. We spent hours holding and watching her, just letting her become one of us. And, serendipitously, we did all those things while preparing for the birth of the Holy Infant. It was a beautiful, treasured time.

Then, it was January. I have little time to sit and convey my plans to paper (or your screen) just now. I can't make it all look neat and tidy and pretty, but Serendipity is serving me right now and I hope it's serving you, too. During bedrest, we experienced some -- ahem --issues with kids drifting off and getting super distracted during the day. I wasn't up and about to corral them. So, Mike and I devised a plan. I endeavored to write out the week's goals and intentions and then emailed them to each child and to Mike. At the end of the week, they would present their notebooks for his approval and for discussion. For self-motivated children, the process of writing the plans is a conference. We chat about what they want to do and where they want to take their studies. Within the framework of Serendipity plans, they can pick and choose and alter the plans. And they do so very well. For the children who would prefer to do nothing but play Rock Band all day, we settled upon a format: a math lesson and a subject area discussion and narration every day. So, I covered five subjects a week and I planned reading or videos (or both). I either read aloud or discussed with the student something we'd both read. And then, they narrated. Those narrations (which included drawings, maps, charts, whatever they thought convey ideas) were filed behind subject tabs for Mike to peruse at the end of the week. We continue that format now.

 DSC_0392 So, how is that relaxed? Good question! I guess what makes it feels relaxed to me is the general atmosphere of our home. Our whole family has gained a priceless treasure. She is at the forefront of our attention.She has changed us and is changing us. Personally, she is the reminder to me that every child here is not mine. They are His. What is important to me is the charge He's given me. I am to educate them in the faith. I am to lead them to Him. And He makes no promises about how long I have to do that. He makes no guarantees that I will have the time to finish a whole week's or a whole semester's or a whole year's plans. (I have often thought about the fact that Sarah Anne has twenty fewer years with me than Michael does.)  What He guarantees me is that He will grant me sufficient grace for the day. As long as I am in His will, I can pull our ample resources, make educated suggestions and corrections, work together with my husband, call upon the Lord frequently, and relax in the knowledge that He will ensure the important things get finished.

I've learned not to take pride in saying that we got right back to work the day (or the week or six weeks) after the baby was born. We didn't. We stopped. We exulted in the joy of her. We celebrated and savored the miracle of her.  And then, we never went back to the way we were. Instead, we began anew, better for having experienced the joy of new life.

Eating Our Own

Well that didn't take long.

Dear Elizabeth,
I can't tell you how disappointed I am that a former editor of Welcome Home would write such strong support for Sarah Palin. Don't you think that Mrs. Palin should be home with her children, particularly since she has a new baby with Down Syndrome? Shame on you!

Holly ( a longtime reader)

Dear Holly, thanks for writing. You really are a longtime reader! Because of your note,  I spent a pleasant evening reminiscing fondly about my days at Welcome Home. I wrote my first published piece for that wonderful magazine when I was twenty-five years old and had one child. I was honored and grateful to be the managing editor until after I'd had my third baby. I was blessed by the professional mentoring I found there--bright women who were articulate and savvy about the publishing business shared freely from the wealth of their knowledge and experience and encouraged me unabashedly. It was a truly beautiful place to learn and grow. More than the professional experience, though, I will always, always treasure the mothering wisdom I learned from some of the best mothers on the planet.Welcome Home shaped me in so many, many ways--all of them good.

I think that you, Holly, might not understand fully the mission of Welcome Home and the Mothers at Home organization. It was never, ever to judge or condemn mothers who chose to work outside their homes. Instead, it was to encourage mothers (or fathers) who had made the decision to be at home with their families. That's a big difference in purpose. Mother at Home staunchly refused to enter into the "Mommy Wars" when media outlets persistently called for interviews and asked if we'd go on record disagreeing with the choice to be employed outside the home. It was the belief of the organization that it is counterproductive for all of us to sit in judgment over one another. Far better that we should encourage one another and build each other up. (see 1 Thessalonians 5:11)

We stand here at a precipice. We can elect a president who believes that babies who don't die in the course of abortion should be left to die alone on a dirty shelf in a hospital. Or we can elect a solidly pro-life team of candidates. The truth is, Christian women can make or break this election and the appointment of the next justices to the Supreme Court. It greatly disturbs me to read the buzz out there.  We need to come to our senses. Christian women who are threatening to stay at home instead of voting for a woman who has a baby and growing family are really missing a valuable point. And it's a point we miss again and again on large and small scales.

We eat our own. We make up litmus tests and then level judgments. Does she dress the way a Christian woman should? Does she wear her hair the way a Christian woman should? Does she go to the "right" parish? Does she manage her finances the "right' way? Use the "right" curriculum? Spend her time the "right" way? Does she have enough children and are they spaced the "right" way? If the answers don't fit what we've decided--in our opinions--constitute holiness, we chew the woman up and spit her out in disgust.

And we become women of opinion, not conviction, to use a phrase coined by Colleen Mitchell. We become women who are so preoccupied by judging and condemning that we tear down our own homes with our own hands. The spirit of condemnation pervades the very being of the woman and erodes at the gentleness, peacefulness, and goodness her family deserves.  She becomes a bitter women and her life bears bitter fruit.

I appreciate the trip down memory lane, Holly. I was the youngest member of the staff by far in my Welcome Home days. I learned so much from the women with whom I worked. Now, with the benefit of time and experience, I appreciate even more the "policy" Mothers at Home always had regarding women employed outside the home. It's a policy that we should extend to all our relationships.

I can't imagine being Vice President. I can't even imagine being the managing editor of a magazine, working from home, any more. And you know, I can't imagine running a lacemaking business from my home either. But Zelie Martin did. And she will be canonized a month from now. I can't imagine being a busy doctor while caring for several young children. But St. Gianna Molla did. I can't imagine starting a ministry with my husband, involving my children in it, and moving countless times as necessary to see it grow. But Sally Clarkson did.  I can't imagine having to enroll my children in school and resume a professional career because my husband is gravely ill. But one of the holiest women I know did exactly that. And in every case, those women did what was right for their families. In every case, the fact that mom had a job was part of their family culture. In every case, these women and their husbands raised great kids. Every one of those women is heroic. Every one of those women was an intimate friend of God and listened to and followed His call, no matter how daunting it seemed. And God blessed that courage and conviction and discipline. God is big, very big, much bigger than our narrow notions of how women should look if they are holy women. God has big ideas for women.

We have an opportunity now to shape the future of our culture, an opportunity to ensure that our children and our grandchildren are safe in a  culture of life. We have an opportunity as mothers, wives, and women to  effect change: meaningful, positive change. And you can bet that the forces of evil would like nothing better than for us to be sidetracked by judging Sarah Palin's "fitness" as a Christian woman. We are the voting block that can turn the tide in this country.

I've thought almost incessantly in the past twenty-fours about how in the world Mrs. Palin can possibly accomplish all she does. I want her time management skills. I bet she doesn't waste one precious second peering into other women's homes and marriages and families and judging how they should be living out their vocations. Instead, she hears the call of her Maker. She keeps her eyes on her own work.  He's asking her to make a huge sacrifice for His kingdom. He's asking her to take on a daunting task for the culture of life. He's asking her to act as a woman of conviction. Instead of wasting time worrying about the intimate details of her family, maybe we all should spend our time in prayer for her and for our country.

And then we should roll up our sleeves and help get her elected.

Talk About It Here

Nesting List

Edited version: Thanks to those of you who have noticed I've been silent here. I hope to be back soon. I appreciate your prayers and kind emails. Nothing terrible is happening here. Just lots and lots of little details. I've made great progress on my list (though I admit I probably need new list for things that have crept up since;-) . I'm updating here today, but refraining from adding all the new things because, quite frankly, for one day, I'd like to hold onto the illusion of forward progress;-)

What is it about me that makes me think I need to have my house perfectly in order to have a baby? Partly, it's history. The times when I've left an ordered house at home and gone to deliver have been my best labors and deliveries. Coincidence? Maybe. But after eight such experiences, I'll take it as science around here. And then there's the postpartum period.  The more organized I am, the better things go. Absolutely. When one flirts with postpartum depression every time and has met it on occasion, this is a big, big incentive to get one's act together.  This time, the threat of bedrest has accelerated the nesting stage.

Fortunately, last winter, I thought we were moving. So, I did some major de-cluttering and organizing. We were in pretty good shape. For about three weeks. And then, I was pregnant. I spent the first nineteen weeks of this pregnancy in the throes of severe nausea and vomiting. I didn't move much. I didn't clean as well as I would like; didn't supervise as much as needed. I did, however, devote a great deal of time to things I could do while sitting very, very still. I planned most of my lessons in great detail and I reorganized my home notebook. Then, I lost the notebook files in the lightning strike. I'm slowly reworking them on the new computer. Now, I have seven weeks to kick it all into gear and put the plans in motion. Then, if bedrest isn't necessary, I could be in very good shape moving into the third trimester. And if it is necessary, we'll do just fine. So, here, for accountability and curiosity purposes is the list;chances are it will get longer before it gets shorter:

  • bedroom switch: girls
  • bedroom switch: boys
  • shop for Michael's dorm
  • help Michael with menus and groceries
  • get Michael off to school
  • reorganize picture books
  • clean out bookbags
  • re-stock bookbags
  • replenish school supplies (tax free weekend Aug 1-3)
  • completely de-clutter learning room (Did this but it needs doing again already.)
  • reorganize DVD/video closet
  • clean out refrigerator top to bottom; disinfect
  • clean out indoor freezer
  • defrost deep freeze
  • stock freezer
  • clean out pantries
  • re-stock pantries
  • clean mudroom
  • laundry caught up
  • clean out closets
  • wash baby clothes and fill drawers
  • order more diapers
  • new changing table pad
  • shop and wrap Christmas presents
  • wipe out inside of all kitchen cabinets
  • paint kitchen
  • paint trim in sunroom
  • paint sunroom?
  • paint basement
  • basement trim
  • family room trim
  • craft/storage room organized
  • toys organized in the basement
  • new ballet schedule/teacher
  • new soccer teams
  • organize sports driving schedule
  • update religious exemption filing
  • all kids to dentist
  • all kids to orthodontist
  • find a new pediatrician
  • dog to the vet (We did this but he needs a re-check. Not sure when I'll get to that since Michael was doing the vet visits and he's not due back until Thanksgiving;-)
  • finish lesson plans through January
  • write columns ahead of deadlines
  • clean out the garage
  • add new lasagna layer to front bed (Waiting for the weather to cool a bit and I'll combine this with fall planting.)
  • add new lasagna layer to roses