In the Image of the Creator

I'm talking shamrocks and rainbows and having the confidence to create over at the Herald today. Won't you please join me? Click here:-)

A Bit O' Green

 
Kind of a mellow day here today. We're recovering from what was a totally not mellow yesterday.  A couple of days ago, I posted this to my Facebook page:

The sweater I'm knitting says it's "super quick to knit" and "will only take a weekend to knit one up." I'm thinking that the writer knows nothing of my knitting ability or my weekends:-). I'm praying--seriously praying--I can finish in time for Sarah to wear on Easter.

Yesterday morning, I got up, worked out, had an hour solid of time with my Lenten reading and my knitting, and then had time to blog this. 

And then Christian came upstairs. It's a long saga and I hesitate to share it here because I'd never want to discourage someone from donating blood, but he had a very rare complication after a blood donation and we spent a very long day and night in the hospital. He's going to be just fine and whoa---I got a serious amount of knitting finished. Who needs a weekend? Just give me a medical emergency.

In other news, we're dipping and sprinkling Oreos and pretzels, watercoloring shamrocks after talking about Trinity, planning on green stuffed potatoes for dinner, watching a lot of basketball, and oh, we pulled Michael off the couch to start painting the kitchen. Green. Of course. (No worries, honey, it's just  a sample size pot of paint and we're awaiting your approval.).

And we're missing Paddy something fierce. 

Relationship and Sacrifice

I’ve gotten several e-mails recently asking parenting advice. I don’t know if I’ll ever be comfortable answering those requests. I’m learning as I go and I don’t presume to know enough to comment on someone else’s home situation with an authority at all, particularly when all I know is what I read in an e-mail.

All I can do is offer observations from experience gained in more than 20 years of parenting a large family. From my own experience, in my own house, my overriding parenting principle is to stay close to your children and to stay close to God. It’s simple advice, but not easy advice.

In the excellent book, Hold On to Your Kids, the authors write:

“No matter what problem or issue we face in parenting, our relationship with our children should be the highest priority. Children do not experience our intentions, no matter how heartfelt. They experience what we manifest in tone and behavior. We cannot assume that children will know what our priorities are: we live our priorities.

“Many a child for whom the parents feel unconditional love receives the message that this love is very conditional indeed … unconditional acceptance is the most difficult to convey exactly when it is most needed: when our children have disappointed us, violated our values or made themselves odious to us. Precisely at such times, we must indicate, in word or gesture, that the child is more important than what he does.”

There are two aspects to staying attached to children that I want to unpack from that quote. And then, I’ll look at staying close to God.

The first aspect of attachment is that we absolutely have to be honest with the way we spend our time. If our families are our first priority, then we need to devote more time and attention to them than anything else (except Our Lord — but I think we serve God when we serve our families). That means that every time we are presented with a choice about how to spend time — and there are countless times every single day — we choose according to priority. It’s not a stretch to say that most parents don’t do this. They choose work. They choose adult social relationships. They choose hobbies.

“But I need to work to support them!” goes up the cry. “But I need friends, too!” “But I need to pursue a creative outlet or a sport of my own.” Of course you do. So do I. It’s disordered, however, to ignore our children in order to support them. It’s ridiculous to spend more time developing and nurturing relationships with our neighbors, while our precious child gets the leftovers of our social attention. It’s silly to devote time to creative or athletic endeavors to the neglect of the children we co-created with God. It is up to each of us to discern if we truly manage our time according to our professed priorities.

The second aspect of attachment addressed in the quote is the idea that we love our children even when we don’t love what they do. This seems so simple and every parent I know would affirm that they do, indeed, love their children unconditionally. But many a child would tell you that they don’t know that.

I was in a fast food restaurant the other day. I spoke with six of my children at the table before leaving them to go order our food. I made my expectations for behavior clear. This was one of those times when all the stars lined up and every single one of them was good as gold. Sometimes, it happens. Actually, often it happens, and it has very little to do with the stars and everything to do with how hard we work as a family at behaving well so that we can all enjoy each other. The man in the booth next to them was not enjoying his children. And he told them so. He pointed to mine and asked his why they couldn’t be more like mine. Then, he looked at me and said, “You’re really lucky. You have good kids.”

I caught the eyes of his children and I wanted to cry. His implication was that he did not have good kids. I am certain that this man loved his kids, but if I had been his child at that moment, I would have asked myself if my dad valued me at all or if he valued some stranger’s children more than me.

One thing is certain: I wouldn’t be inclined to go out of my way to be particularly well-behaved for him. If he acted that way often enough, I’d just give up, resign myself to never “winning” his love and move on to other relationships. The best case scenario would find me flourishing in a relationship of well-expressed unconditional love away from my father. The worst case scenario would find me in a string of hurtful relationships. Chances are good I’d not be inclined to behave well.

The point is that everything we say and every behavior we manifest toward our children has an effect on them for good or ill. They feel and absorb our every action. We need to act with them in mind, every single time. Parenting with empathy is good parenting. Period.

We need to stay close to our children and we need to stay close to God. Attachment parenting requires sacrifice. God is the expert at sacrifice. There is no mentor better than Christ on the cross. We are good parents when we embrace our vocations with our whole beings; when we see that there is no greater privilege than to be someone’s parents; when we love wholeheartedly, unabashedly and with the self-donation of the Savior Himself.

{reprinted from the archives of catholicherald.com}

As Lent begins, the thoughts of the church turn to sacrifice: prayer, fasting, almsgiving.  Small Steps focuses on sacrifice this month. Would you share your thoughts with us, let us find you and walk with you? I'd be so grateful and so honored to have you as a companion. Please leave a link to your blog post below and then send your readers back here to see what others have said.

Shadow and Light

I hardly ever think of it anymore.

The dark in that shadow.

The chill.

The lonely of a sad childhood.

 

I didn't outrun it, though I probably tried.

 

But I have danced in the light of attachment and acceptance.

I have lingered in the glow of unconditional love.

I know the warmth of tender embrace.

 

I didn't run.

Couldn't run.

 

I turned to face the Son.

~~~

blessings in abundance:

the curl of her eyelashes on a soft cheek as she sleeps

the smell of maple syrup as she holds tightly to my face during early Mass

a chilly walk when I didn't want to

a rousing rendition of "Father Abraham"

and the equally compelling "Jesus Loves Me"

new knitting lessons

endless squares of fiber while I sit and listen to him

God's voice in the early morning: Collossians, Matthew

tea without sugar

basketball in the driveway

fish tacos: no meat, no wheat, no dairy.

old friends

a cup of soup offered when I'm so very hungry and it looks like there's nothing to eat

a wink and a smile--and I remember that I'm not crazy

March Madness

a big stack of picture books

baby bedtimes

Remain in me, as I remain in you

Remain in me, as I remain in you. Just as a branch cannot bear fruit on its own unless it remains on the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in me.

I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing.

Anyone who does not remain in me will be thrown out like a branch and wither; people will gather them and throw them into a fire and they will be burned.

If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you.

By this is my Father glorified, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples.

As the Father loves me, so I also love you. Remain in my love.

John 15: 4-9

In the atrium, right before their first confessions, the children gather with their parents and meditate on the  the true vine. It is my favorite of five preparatory meditations. I will never tire of watching the "ah ha" in the eyes of children (and, frankly, their parents) when they see that God is the sturdy vine that supports healthy gowth and He also prunes so that they will bear much fruit.

Lent is a time of pruning. Before the rapid growth of springtime, before the burst of joy at Easter, He prunes. I have been blessed in Lents past. I have been blessed with a gracious God who cares so much for me that He  made clear to me what I must do lest I wither and die. Last year, He showed me how to prune away the branches in my life that were keeping me from spending time in Him, from remaining in Him. He showed me that there is a difference between talking about religion and being drawn into the very being of Jesus Himself.

I turned to the timeless prayers of the Church, to scripture, and to the wisdom of the saints of old. I went again and again and again, with the rhythm of a well-practiced monk, to the Liturgy of the Hours. And there, I lingered, remaining in Him. Easter found me clinging to God.

Let your religion be less of a theory and more of a love affair.

~G.K. Chesterton

Lent is a gift. A grace. An opportunity. Lent calls us to Him.

Lent is a chance for a Love Dare like no other. It's a chance to let the God prune and then to water us with His grace. It's also a chance to rest in Him, to stop trying to struggle under our own strength and let His love be sufficient be more than enough. It's a time to surrender to the love of God. A woman cannot have a love affair with a stranger. She cannot have a love affair with someone she knows only through the teaching of other people.

In order to be in love with God, she has to remain in Him. But how? How to remain in God? How to know Him so well that she rests in Him, abides in Him? How to be always with God?

To be ignorant of scripture is to be ignorant of God.

~St. Jerome

“The Gospel,” they explained, “is to be understood not as a book or a doctrine, but rather as a person: Jesus Christ, the definitive Word of God, who made himself a man.”

~drafters of the preparatory document of the 2012 Synod on the New Evangelization

To know God as a person--to have a relationship--she must know Scripture. And not just a little, not just as read from the missal. Not just on Sundays. But really, really know it. Know it so well that she rests in it, that it is the background music to her life, every minute of her life. Know it so well that it abides in her and she in it.

If you remain in me and my words remain in you..

I want to breathe the Word of God to the point where I don't know where I stop and He begins.

Have you ever met someone like that? Someone truly united, truly remaining in God? It's an amazing thing to behold. She walks in grace. She blesses with her smile, with her gestures, with her words. She lives the life for which she is created because she is the genuine image of God He intended her to be.

I want that.

So, yes, this Lent is about Scripture, with the sure idea that this is not a temporary Lenten habit but a lifetime habit.

I know that in order to make time for Him, I will have to again prune away those things rob time, waste time. I will have to quiet the voices that do nothing to bring me closer to God and nothing to help me hear Him. And then I will make some conscious choices.

There will still be that Lenten spring cleaning list (For those of you to whom I promised it, I haven't forgotten. An unexpected death this week has our family schedule making way for mourning and funeral. Maybe next week I can share). God will accompany me as I clean. I've downloaded an amazing new audio dramatization of the RSV Bible to my computer and my iPod. I can listen as I deep clean corners, as I fold laundry, as I clear clutter. And if my children happen to be with me, all the better. They can listen, too. I start the day's listening every day with Colossians, because I promised a friend I'd memorize with her and I'm woefully behind where I should be by now. And then, I move on to the Gospels.

I'm focusing on the Gospel of Matthew because that's the Church's focus this year. So, it's Matthew again and again in my listening, until it's a part of me. The children and I are memorizing large chunks of the Gospel of Matthew together, using a simple system. I fully admit that I have exploited the ridiculous competitive spirit in this family to motivate some major memorizing. Whatever it takes. I think this gift of the Word could be the greatest gift we ever give our children.

The books baskets have been stuffed with Bible story books and children's Bibles. And I will make time, several times a day, to read them aloud in unhurried, joy-filled moments with my own dear loves. (I hope to make a list of New Testament story picture books to share with you very soon--feel free to email me with your favorites.)

There are Bibles in nearly every room of my house and we've recently begun to consult several translations and commentaries and a Bible dictionary whenever something comes up in conversation. These moments of discovery are joys with older children.

And then there is that lovely electronic version on my Kindle. A Bible everywhere I go.

Lenten reading this year? Oh, it's so much more than just Lenten reading.

It's Jesus.

The Word of God.