Gathering my Thoughts

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I find myself:

::noticing God's glory

We are in the midst of one of the infamous wintry mix storms so familiar to this region. Right now, ice is coating everything. My fervent hope is that I can get some pictures before the whole things turn to cold rain.

::listening to 

Ice falling hard and fast against the house.  

::clothing myself in 

A sweatshirt and sweatpants. Schools have been closed for the day. That might just mean I have no where to go unless I choose to go to the gym later this afternoon. And that might just mean I'll wear sweats all day long. 

::talking with my children about these books

Snow books. Poor Sarah was absolutley traumatized by My Brother Loved Snowflakes . Bentley dies of pneumonia. Mary Beth has had pneumonia this winter. Just a little too much for my sensitive four-year-old to process.

::thinking and thinking

about renewal. It's been a long time since I've intentionally taken care of my body. I tend to push myself to the absolute outer limits of endurance, but not in a good way. This January, at Mike's insistence, I've really been paying attention to exercise and relaxation and sleep. Still don't have the nutrition thing nailed down, but the rest is coming together. Now, I see just how merciless I've been to myself.

::pondering prayerfully

"Remember the precept that St. John the Evangelist used to give to his disciples: “Love one another.” Since it is not a mere exhortation, but a command, it would be sinful to do otherwise. Therefore, do away with insults, quarrels, envy, revenge, mockery, or bad will. Be good to one another. This will prove that you love each other like brothers."

- Don Bosco

The feast of St. John Bosco is January 31. There is a treasure trove of great information and resources here.

::carefully cultivating rhythm

Schools are closed today, but not here. I remind my children that all those January long weekends for teacher workdays and the random snow days easily add up to a week in the woods in April when the bluebells bloom and everyone else is stuck inside. Now, if we were to get significant snow, I could persuaded to call a snow day .

::creating by hand

I really must tackle those nightgowns anew this week. And hustle along with knitting plans for Easter sweaters, because they're not moving nearly as quickly as the shrugs did two years ago. All my projects seem to be for Katie and they all seem stuck at the yoke. Hmmm...

::learning lessons in

teenagers. I am not a quick study, but I do think I'm making progress. 

::encouraging learning 

This week we'll begin our study of Matthew. I'm really looking forward to doing this study with my kids and I think they're pretty enthusiastic, too.

We've also been meandering down the Alphabet Path. Last week, H was for "heart" and we did some tweaking to the Valentine plan.

::begging prayers

for all the intentions of our prayer community. Also, Elizabeth DeHority is facing a formidable struggle this week as she battles an opportunistic infection. Her bone marrow is utterly depleted and her body has very little with which to fight.

::keeping house

Up this week: Reorganizing the linen closet (It's been a long time since it looked like this, but I have photographic evidence that it once did, so I'm motivated). Also,  the storage room in the basement is in need again. Last time I did, it was a big emotional epiphany. I don't have time for epiphanies this week. I just want to clean it up. 

::crafting in the kitchen 

Christian took over my kitchen several times last week. He made New England clam chowder that was met with deep sighs of approval,  an amazing dinner of grilled chicken, creamed spinach and mashed potatoes, and then a raspberry chocolate cheesecake. He's got some impressive skills. He's got absolutely no desire to cook according to anyone's dietary limitations;-).

For my part, a friend challenged me to eat a salad every day. Nicholas took it a bit further and asked if I could somehow turn their dinner meals into salads for myself. I played with my food a bit last week and it was fun. I'll share it here on Wednesday, I think.

::loving the moments

When I have a chance to catch up with a friend. My friend Barbara joined me to watch Stephen and Nicky play basketball on Saturday and we had a whole hour to just sit and chat. And Colleen called from Costa Rica on Sunday and we had absolutely the best phone connection we've ever had.

Patrick was there for the basketball game, too, and he brought a friend home from school with him. It was nice to have them in the stands and I know the "little brothers" loved it.

::giving thanks 

for safe travels. Patrick came home last weeked. Christian drove down to Charlottesville and back in the snow without incident. And Mike was gone last week, but traveled home from Miami safely last night and is tucked up in bed while the sky rains ice.

living the liturgy

We are preparing for Candlemas. Candles. I do love what they do for our home.

Ginny and I sat down a couple of weeks ago and sketched out some plans for celebrating the rhythm of the Church year with our families. We're really looking forward to bringing those plans to life and our kids are, too! 

::planning for the week ahead

Pretty mellow week, I think. I have a hunch that a popcorn ball nibble did some bad things to a tooth, so there is likely to be some dental visits in my future. Other than that, it's just some lovely "normal" and a visit from friends on Wednesday to do some candle crafting.

Oh, and Stephen turns fourteen on Friday. I'm not a huge fan of fourteen, but I think Stephen is just the guy to change my perception;-) He's on board to take on the challenge of re-branding fourteen.

Gathering my Thoughts

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I find myself:

::noticing God's glory

I definitely have shoots of tulips coming up. It's going to be super cold tomorrow. I hope all will be well.

::listening to 

Nothing. Very nice. 

::clothing myself in 

Layers. Many, many layers. Even indoors. It's cold, my friends. And tomorrow will be colder.

::talking with my children about these books

Misty of Chincoteague. Katie has requested "horse read alouds." We can do that.

::thinking and thinking

About staying warm and keeping children warm. We have no heat and probably won't until the end of the week, depending on how long it takes to receive the part. I'm being very intentional about what we do, where we do it, what we wear, how we cook, and what we eat. It's all about warm.

::pondering prayerfully

Be still and know that I am God.

Psalm 46:10

Aimee pointed out the the NAS version is Cease striving and know that I am God. Seems the perfect verse for someone who just spent six months making list after list and getting to nearly everything on them and trying mightily not to let anyone down. Perhaps it is time to cease striving?

To that, I've added Isaiah 43:1

But now, thus says the LORD,

who created you, Jacob, and formed you, Israel:

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have called you by name: you are mine.

Much more on this thought at the end of the week.

::carefully cultivating rhythm

We're getting there! Tweaks here and there to last week's schedule are going to render this week's nearly perfect, I think. Until the sports schedule shifts again;-). I've been working on our daytime learning schedule because it definitely needed some thought. Think I have that one nailed down now. My greatest challenge has been to figure out where to put our gym time. It's about two hours round trip to get there, work out, shower, and get  home. Some of those trips, I want to do with the children and some will be alone. I'm still working out the work out schedule.

::creating by hand

Flannel cozies. Katie and I sat in the warm, sunshiney window of the sewing room on Saturday afternoon and made eleven new flannel "pillows" filled with feed corn. When popped heated (the corn doesn't pop) in the microwave for three minutes, these become wonderful personal heaters. We filled a basket to overflowing on Saturay afternoon. They were fully utlized during football Sunday. Last night, I slipped a warm one beneath the covers of everyone's bed. Toasty. I'm sure those warmers will be busy all day. This project is a great one to do with children just learning to sew--nothing but straight seams, but some turning, corner practice, and a little filling challenge make for a satisfactory sewing afternoon. Then, when the cozies are so much appreciated, there is a bit of deserved afterglow. Detailed directions here.

::learning lessons in

 renewal. More later this week. 

::encouraging learning 

I have to amend a statement I made years ago. I said I'd never use IEW for a child under ten. Still true. For us, I don't think the Structure and Style Program is a good idea that young--I've had 7 children that age now and none of them would have benefitted at that age.  But now, the folks at Institute for Excellence in Writing have two (fairly) new programs written for beginning readers and writers. We're going to give them a try. I have lots of MP3s to download and listen to this week in order to learn the system. A teacher inservice to wedge into the regular schedule, if you will

::begging prayers

for Elizabeth DeHority and Kelly Davignon and Jen Fulwiler. And for all the folks who have asked for prayers this week.

::keeping house

We've vaccumed air filters and cleaned creosote from the fireplace. 

::crafting in the kitchen 

There is confusion in the kitchen. I registered for Heather Bruggeman's Whole Food Kitchen Online Workshop, which is supposed to start in February. I had hesitated and hesitated. Honestly, I'm a sucker for good visuals and everything Heather does is a good visual. I was feeling rather alone in my kitchen. It seems like every nutritious cooking endeavor is met with grumpiness, no matter how tasty. Somebody always has something negative to say. I figured the class would give me backup, because I have every intention of requiring it of my kids. 

After I registered, a friend loaned me her notebook from last year's class. Honestly, by the time I'd read the essays from every week, I was in tears. I didn't learn anything new. It was a beautiful presentation of the kitchen lifestyle I've long embraced. Until recently.

It's the grain-based, low meat kitchen that, quite honestly, doesn't work for me. Oh, but I can subsitute! I am assured that Heather's workshop could be totally gluten- and dairy- free. It can. I can completely avoid gluten and cook the alternate grains and potatoes for my family. But I can't eat them. I experimented last week with starches other than wheat. Not good. My entire system reacted violently. As in seven pounds of visible inflammation over night. The reality is that this way of cooking appeals to me. It's beautiful to me. But it makes me miserable. And sick.

But. But. But. An all paleo diet for a family this size would be very expensive and perhaps, needlessly restrictive.

I was feeling really, really despondent, perhaps unreasonably so. Food is such a relational thing for me. (Thanks for joining the conversation there. The giveaway is still open.) I felt like the people who live in this house couldn't care less about the value of the food. I think it and think it and think it. Perhaps I overthink it, you think?

Not so with the people who live here. They want to eat whatever they want, with little or no thought given to what nourishes them. And if I can't eat it? Oh, well. They'll eat without me. Furthermore, they'd be just as happy--happier, even--eating junk. Someone, who shall remain nameless, made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies four times last week. Um, yeah. I inhaled those cookies. Literally. Just breathed them in and tried to avoid the kitchen until they were gone.

By Sunday morning, I was sick and tired of thinking about food. I was also pretty miserable due to the experimentation with grains after trying some of Heather's recipes. Kristin came over for football and made Moroccan zucchini boats--no grains, dairy, beans, sugar, or potatoes. Oh my goodness! They were delicious. I was so hungy! And so grateful! 

Today is a new day. Kitchen adventures continue.

::loving the moments

When we are all home on Sunday evenings. Our friend Molly was home from college this weekend and joined us Sunday afternoon and evening. Patrick was missed; maybe he'll wander this way for the Super Bowl. Seems like he should be here to watch a classic showdown of highly intense, competitive, athletic brothers;-). Michael and Kristin have come over every Sunday since the wedding. We've gathered. I really, really love gathering. I know that, as soccer season begins, these Sundays might not be so cozy and easy to to pull off, but for now, I'm really loving it.

::giving thanks 

Oh, goodness! Am I giving thanks for guardian angels. On Tuesday, I took Mary Beth to the gym. I thought the steam room would do her good. She's been sick since before Christmas--first with the flu and then with pneumonia. She'd been feeling some better and she wanted a try to do something a little more physical than the half mile walk she'd been taking every morning. She got on the treadmill, and well, treaded. I finished working out, and headed downstairs to to check out the class schedules. She followed a few minutes later, down 26 stone steps to stand with me at a granite countertop. And then she passed out, falling against me so that I could cradle her head as we both dropped to the hard floor. I'm sure the EMTs had been called before we hit the floor. I'm so grateful she didn't hit her head. I'm grateful for the care on the spot and the continuing care. And I'm so, so grateful that she was right next to me when it all "went down." (She never did get to the steam room.)

Then...on Friday, a heating technician waded his way through the mess in Christian's room to the closet that holds our heating unit in order to do a routine maintenance check. He discovered two cracks in the heat exchanger. Two cracks that leak carbon monoxide. He turned off the gas immediately and explained what would have happened when the cracks grew. Yeah. Scary. Ridiculously scary. Christian is fine and happy to have a reason for the headaches and other weird things he was feeling. We're over-the-moon grateful those cracks had not yet expanded. Crazy grateful. I'm also ridiculously grateful my husband was wise enough to provide for those routine checks.

living the liturgy

We are preparing for Candlemas. Candles. I do love what they do for our home.

::planning for the week ahead

If the heating guy isn't scheduled for Friday, I think we'll go downtown for the March for Life. Mike is due to head out of town for a few days sometime this week or next. I have lots of sewing and knitting to do. I'm contemplating watching the first season of  Downton Abbey. Or maybe Call the Midwife. Yes, it's true. I've seen none of either. So, which one? Or none?

 Photo credits: Various children took the camera to record Sunday afternoon warmth yesterday.

Joy

Joy. Pink, sparkly letters glint the word from my mantel.They’ve been there since Gaudete Sunday and they will remain there through January. Joy. That Christmas morning joy. I want to hold it, keep it, live it  well past the last few notes of “We Three Kings.”

 

Christmas is exhausting. Who’s with me here? Moms? There’s so much heart and soul and effort and energy poured into the tastes and treasures and traditions of the holiday. Sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of the soul-gift we are  given.  But when the afternoon light is bouncing off the ornaments and bits of paper and ribbon remain in the corner beneath the tree and I have a moment to sit and be still in the quiet giddiness that comes after Christmas morning, I know joy. I hold it close, examine it carefully, tell myself not to forget.

And then, there is the after-Christmas. This year, in our family, the days after Christmas were filled with even more joy. Our first child was married and the weekend was filled with light, song, and utter delight at the blooming of God’s love. To be married in the octave of Christmas, on the Feast of the Holy Family-- of course that is joy.

 

The happy couple got away for a few days and then returned home to establish their new family in a new household. Meanwhile, back in my household, we prepared to take Patrick to college for the first time. He went a semester early and his leaving caught us a bit by surprise.  He’s bursting with enthusiasm for the adventure. I’m watching bedrooms empty in my home with astonishing speed and helping the children left behind to understand that love in not bound by time or space.

And then there’s the flu. It came to visit, too. Virginia, it’s not Christmas any more.

If it’s genuine joy though, can it be lost? In the tired and the cold and the mundane of the post-holiday days, do we really lose joy?

St. Francis of Assisi wrote “When spiritual joy fills hearts, the Serpent throws off his deadly poison in vain. The devils cannot harm the servant of Christ when they see he is filled with holy joy.” When Christmas fills us, when the Baby truly enters us and stays there, even January is joy.

Mothers, especially, are guardians of joy. Whether we intend to or not, we set the tone in our households. I watch my children carefully and I see the serpents circling. What to do? How to fill their hearts with spiritual joy and banish the serpents from my home? Blessed Mother Teresa gently reminds me that “Joy is infectious; therefore, always be full of joy.” Later, she says, “Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls. A joyful heart is the inevitable result of a heart burning with love. “ It begins with me. I must fill myself with joy so that it spills into every crevice of my home.

Joy is the Small Steps virtue for January. This January, I'm resolved to teach it, to share, to live it together.

New year’s resolution? To fill heart and soul to overflowing with Jesus so that joy is contagious. To listen to Him daily in the Word. To thank Him always, affirming that He is the font of all blessings and that He is even God over adversity. To trust in His sovereignty and willfully make Him lord of all. To worship Him daily in the Mass. To gratefully take Him into myself in Communion. And to remain in constant conversation. Contagious Christmas Joy. All year ‘round.

Part one here.

So, How Was the Day?

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It was fine; thanks for asking:-)

It started before dawn, when I found five children asleep together in the family room. Apparently, when you're sad at bedtime and you live in a big family, you snuggle in with your best buddies to sleep. I looked up from a cup of very strong black tea and saw Paddy, ready to go. He indulged me in a picture. After he and Mike left and before the children awoke, I had some very peaceful quiet time. I'm forever grateful for God's voice in the quiet. 

Michael and Kristin brought me roses for my birthday last night. On a whim, early this morning, I set them together with our JOY luminaria on the hutch in the foyer. I always hate to put those luminaria away after Christmas. This year, I think I won't. So pretty.

The children all woke at once. Karoline and I had a very solemn conversation about the State of the Family while Katie played with my camera. Then, all at once, it hit Kari. Hard. She began to sob and blurted, "My whole childhood will be people leaving!" There was a bit of a deluge, I admit. And Katie saw it as a picture moment. In all honesty, there is a truth to Karoline's observation and it worries me sometimes. But we aren't the type to hang out in the puddle of tears.

We planned a tea party to celebrate girls and invited Hilary to come after school. I set Karoline to work in the great meditative art of flower arranging. And Mike sent me a picture of Paddy. There he was, looking out at a view I know and love so well. His dorm is almost exactly where my first year dorm was. Since I seem to have a struggle with dorms in general, it's nice to find comfort in thinking of it as a place where I was very much at home. I envision his room with matching peach comforters and curtains we made minutes after we got there--- oh, but that's the 30-years-ago room. I doubt Patrick will even make his bed.

Back at home, we set a very pretty table, complete with a beautiful bouquet that Megan sent me yesterday as a centerpiece and individual bouquets for every guest. I couldn't help but remember that Mother Teresa said you can never have too many children or too many flowers. Indeed.

Hilary arrived and neither of us cried. Big high five there, girl! We might have been helped by Stephen, who agreed to meet her at the front door wearing a bowtie and escort her to her seat. Big brothers are the best. They really are.

And then, unprompted and unscripted, but definitely inspired by Christian and Nicky, Karoline rose to give a toast. To a girl house!  The numbers have shifted. We have more girls in this house than boys. A dozen years ago, when Mary Beth was the only girl with five brothers, I could never have imagine such a thing. God is full of surprises, no?

The last few months have been exhuasting, exhilarating, excruciating, exciting, and extraordinary. Words will never adequately express how grateful I am for your support. Your notes and texts and instagram comments, and especially your prayers, have so blessed me and my family. Thank you.

Good night, y'all.

Patrick Leaves for College Today

The last time a child left for college, I allowed myself  to be very vulnerable online in the days that immediately followed. I mused aloud, did a lot of soul searching, took a long look at homemaking and mothering and home education up to that point. I left my heart bare. It was probably one of the worst mistakes I've ever made. I doubt I'll ever fully recover and I know I'll never do that again.

I know now that there are some people who will never understand the enormity of such transitions in a wholehearted household, particularly in the soul of a woman. They will never understand how a mother's heart and home are not fair game, especially at a tender time.

And I know that there are kindred spirits who understand without words.

For those dear friends, I'm very grateful.

So. Here goes. The leaving-to-college post.

Goodbyes don't seem to get easier for me. If anything, knowing how this whole off-to-college thing can play out makes goodbye harder. I really like our family life, so change doesn't come without a huge struggle. Patrick, however, has said goodbye previously; we've had a bit of a practice. And we have a good coping strategy. Last time, Mary Beth made a slideshow for him. The plan this time was to update the slideshow (particularly to include Hilary), but I have just discovered that all the pictures from the first time (and from most of the last 3 years of family life), carefully saved on an external hard-drive, are now inaccessible. And since that is way too much emotional overload for me to process today, I'm just going to re-run the old slideshow. The sentiments are all the same. We love this boy so much and our "wish" is really a fervent prayer.

Paddy is so ready to take on the world. And he is going to both bless and be blessed by the University of Virginia and that sweet place of heaven-on-earth called Charlottesville. It's going to be amazing!

Your prayers for him are very much appreciated.

Hilary, tea time is at 2:00 and the girlies are so looking forward to having you with them this afternoon! It's all good. God's got this.