And Now She's Got Me Crying Again

Oh, Amy, do you know how we weep with you? You write your way through your grief, sharing just a portion of your loss, your sadness, your journey in hope. And every time you bare just that bit of your soul, we send a quick note to our husbands, we make a doctor's appointment for a physical, we hold them just a little closer, a little longer. Because really, we don't begin to understand your grief. What we understand is your love for Michael. Thank you for  reminding us of love and for reminding us to love.

Thank you for making it so...

I had about a dozen intros in my head for a Mother's Day post. As life would have it, Mike was gone all last week. It has rained every day since this month. One would think that that would effectively cancel all sports commitments. It did not. Instead, the carefully constructed schedule became utterly soggy and I flew by the seat of my pants, getting children to turf fields so they could practice in driving rains. It left little time for writing and much time for thinking.

I'm still firmly entrenched in glad to be alive mode, counting blessings and singing praises of the Lord who bestowed them. Last night, Paddy played a State Cup game back in the town where Mike and I met and where we first set up house as a family. I called him from the bleachers and told him that I was standing in the same place where I stood all those years ago when he asked me to go to the homecoming dance with him our senior year. I was watching our oldest son, the coach, warm up our third son, the soccer star. Around me were six other small people, who all bear an uncanny resemblance to him. And I looked at Mike's dad--always with me it seems, when Mike can't be--and we agreed that it was a golden homecoming indeed.

There was a dark cloud over the game most of the time. At one point, it rained really hard. Nicholas started to freak out as he does when it rains, but I pointed out that all around the perimeter of the cloud the sun was shining. After the shower, we were treated to a rosy glow of sunset. I remembered the little girl I was in this town, marveled at the mother I had become, and wondered about the children who daily astound me. We've had our cloudy days, even some fierce storms, but that rosy sunlight has always been there, if I just stop long enough to appreciate it.

The game turned into a nailbiter and Paddy's team won in overtime. He and Michael were euphoric. We all were really. The excitement in that stadium far exceeded any I'd ever witnessed at any game in  that town. Giddiness defined the early evening as it crept into the night. But the man who truly loves the game, the man who made this all possible for me and for these children, was 3,000 miles away in a TV truck, limited in his appreciation of the moment by my lame play-by-play into a cell phone while walking a baby.

Patrick went back to school with Michael last night. I took the children in my van to see our first house. We paused for a moment in the darkness and my mind swirled with a million memories of tow-headed boys and learning to be a family.  I felt tears spring to my eyes when I remembered the dreams of the new bride there. Sarah was crying in earnest and Katie needed to go potty. Karoline was beyond tired and Nicholas was carsick. We drove west towards home into the dark and my thoughts were all of Mike. I was ready to roll these children into bed and sleep an exhausted sleep. He was just beginning his night's work. Then, he'd board plane and fly home through the sleeping hours.

He arrived this morning just before 8AM. It's Mother's Day. I'm so grateful to the man who makes it so. 

Marrying Young

Rebecca Teti has opened a conversation on marrying young. She's beautifully articulated my thoughts on the matter, quoting heavily from another favorite author and speaker, Frederica Matthewes-Green. In the interest of full disclosure, I fell in love hard, in high school, and married that boy when I was 21. I'm a big proponent of early marriage for all the reasons Teti has put forth. I think it can work and work very well.

As I rummage through my memory, I find that almost all the high school sweethearts I knew who married are still married. I'm sure someone who went to high school with me will write and correct me, but my early morning recollection definitely points to the successes of these early marriages. The two cases I know who divorced weren't commited at the beginning. Both brides admitted before marrying that they weren't sure this was going to work.

I don't know that I took a deliberately serious attitude towards dating (the way some circles approach formal courtship now), but I do know that there was a lot of grace sprinkled on that high school relationship (incidentally, my first real dating experience and my first real kiss). I distinctly remember talking about marriage with him when I was fifteen. We just knew right from the beginning that there was something special there.  That doesn't mean we had a straight path to the altar. We didn't. We went to separate colleges and one of us very deliberately made sure to sow his wild oats. But that grace was sufficient, more than sufficient, and marry we did, just as soon as we could.

We did grow up together. We're still growing up together--it a habit! This year, I've been married half my life--the better half, by far. I know the boy my husband was and I was there, holding his hand, as he became a man. We have history together and sometimes, it's history that gets you through the rough patches. We also had energy and youth and--frankly--hormones on our side in those early days of growing. Now, I think that perhaps the habits of affection step in and take over when energy and youth and hormones fail. We know each other. We know what works and what doesn't. It's not perfect. We still have rough patches, but time has always been on our side.

I know how much I love this man and I'm still as grateful as I was at 15 and 21 that I have a whole lifetime to live that love.