The Feast of St. John Bosco is January 31. He is the patron of our home education endeavor. Michael had always affectionately referred to our home"school" as "The Foss School for the Athletically Inclined." Good to know he had his priorities straight. When he began applying for college and we actually did need a name to put on the line asking for one, he chose St. John Bosco Academy after the good, Italian saint who was a lover of athletics and a, well, saint with boys. Perfect.
Tomorrow, Patrick will attend a talk at a local church on athletics and religion, an activity long planned and very fitting for the feast. Then, we'll all finish watching this wonderful, fabulous DVD. Then, following the Italian theme, we'll turn our attention to Days of the Blackbird: A Tale of Northern Italy. Dawn's got it all planned out ever so nicely. We'll enjoy our own version of her tea and a craft.
For dinner, it's Chicken Cacciatore over angel hair pasta and Frutti di Bosco alla Zablagione (HT: MacBeth)
For parents and educators and especially parent-educators, this is a a little bit of the good saint, well worth reading and pondering and meditating upon. A candle will be lit and my prayers will be that I can be the "teacher" Saint John Bosco envisioned:
It seems to me that the words of the Holy Gospel which speak to us of the
Divine Saviour come down from heaven to earth to gather together all
the children of God scattered all over the world, could be applied
literally to the young people of our times. They constitute the most
vulnerable yet valuable section of human society. We base our hopes for
the future on them, and they are not of their nature depraved. Were it
not for struggling parents, idleness, mixing in bad company, it would
be so easy to inculcate in their young hearts the principles of order,
of good behaviour, of respect, of religion, because if they are ruined
at that age, it is due more to carelessness than to ingrained malice.
These young people truly have need of some kind person who will take
care of them, work with them, guide them in virtue, keep them away from
harm.
When teachers are
thought of as superior and no longer as fathers, brothers and friends;
they are feared and little loved. And so if you want everyone to be of
one heart and soul again for the love of Jesus you must break down this
fatal barrier of mistrust, and replace it with a spirit of confidence
in you.
How then are we to set about breaking down this barrier? By a friendly informal
relationship with the young, especially in recreation. You cannot have
love without this familiarity, and where this is not evident there can
be no confidence. If you want to be loved, you must make it clear that
you love. Jesus Christ made himself little with the little ones and
bore our weaknesses. He is our master in the matter of the friendly
approach.
In general, the system we ought to adopt is called Preventive, which consists in so
disposing the hearts of our students that they ought to be willing to
do what we ask of them without need of external violence. I would like
to think that coercive means are never to be used, but only and
exclusively those suggested by patience and charity. If we wish to be
seen as friends wanting the real good of our students, and require them
to do their duty, we must never forget that we represent the parents of
these young people. If therefore I want to be a true father to these
children, then I must have a father's heart, and not turn to repression
or punishment without reason and without justice, and only in the
manner of one who does so under duress, and for the sake of duty.
How often in my long career have I had to convince myself of this great truth! It is
certainly easier to lose one's temper than to be patient; threaten
young people rather than reason with them. I would say that it better
suits our lack of patience and our pride to punish those who resist us,
rather than bear with them firmly and with kindness. The charity I am
recommending to you is the one St Paul used towards the faithful
newly-converted to Christianity, who often made him weep and implore
them when he saw them less docile, and less responsive to his zeal.
Hence I recommend all teachers that they should be the first to
practise fatherly correction in respect of our dear children, and this
correction be done in private.
Sometimes it might seem to us that a young person was taking no notice of our advice,
whilst deep inside they were well-disposed to cooperate, and meanwhile
we were ruining him by our harshness which they cannot understand.
Perhaps they did not believe they deserved so much punishment, for
something they did; more from weakness than malice. Quite often, when I
have sent for trouble-makers, treated them in a kindly way, and asked
them why they were so unruly, I was given the answer that they were
being picked on, as the saying goes, or given a bad time by one or
other teacher. When I looked into the matter calmly and without making
a fuss, I had to admit that the fault was not nearly as bad as it
seemed at first, and sometimes simply wasn't there at all. For this
reason I must say to you with sorrow that we always must bear part of
the blame for insubordination. I have often noted that those who
demanded silence, handed out punishments, exacted prompt and blind
obedience, were invariably those who showed little respect for the
useful advice I and other colleagues found it necessary to give, and I
became convinced that teachers who never forgive their pupils, are in
the habit of forgiving themselves everything. So if we want to know how
to command, let us be careful to first learn how to obey, and let us
set out first and foremost to make ourselves loved rather than feared.
Everything at its proper time, says the Holy Spirit. When there is the need to punish,
great prudence is required to choose the right moment. Nothing is more
dangerous than a cure applied incorrectly, or at the wrong moment. We
can get to know the right moment only from experience which has been
fine-tuned by the goodness of our hearts. First of all then, wait until
you are in control of yourselves; do not let it be understood that you
are acting because of a bad mood, or in anger. In this event you would
put your authority at risk, and the punishment would become harmful.
You may recall that saying of Socrates to a slave he was not pleased
with, If I was not angry, I would strike you. young people watch us
keenly, and are good at judging from the expression on our face or our
tone of voice, whether we are upset because of our devotion to duty, or
because we are angry. Even though they are young, they know that only
reason has the right to correct them.
Do not punish anyone the very moment the fault is committed, for fear that they are not yet
able to own up, or overcome their emotions, they might become
embittered, and commit the same, or even worse faults. Give them time
to think it over, to recover, to acknowledge their mistake, and so make
it possible for them to profit by the experience. I have often thought
that this was the way the Lord treated St Paul when he was still
breathing threats and murder against the Christians. It seems to me
that the same rule is proposed to us when we encounter certain young
people who stubbornly oppose us. Jesus does not throw Paul to the
ground at once, but after a long journey, after he has had the chance
of reflecting on his mission. And he did this far away from those who
in any way could have encouraged him in his resolve to persecute the
Christians. There instead, outside Damascus, he showed himself to him
in all his power and might, and with gentle strength he opened his mind
to see the error of his ways. And it was precisely in that moment that
he changed Saul's attitude. From persecutor to the apostle of the
Gentiles. It is upon this divine example that I would want teachers to
train themselves, so that with enlightened patience and diligent
charity, in God's name they await that opportune moment to correct.
When you are punishing, it is difficult to preserve that calm which is necessary to
assuage any doubt that you might be acting to impose your authority, or
to vent your anger. The more you act from spite, the less you are
likely to be heeded. The heart of a father, which we ought to have,
condemns this way of acting. We should regard those over whom we must
exercise authority as we would our own children.
In certain more
serious moments it is more useful to turn to God, to humble oneself
before him, than to let loose a torrent of words which, on the one hand
only harms the one who hears them, on the other hand does nothing for
the one who deserved them. When we see our efforts prove ineffectual,
and we have only thorns and brambles to show for all our labours,
believe me, we must put it down to defective methods of discipline. God
is not in the whirlwind, which St Teresa interpreted as, Let nothing
disturb you. Our gentle St Francis of Sales used to say, I am afraid to
lose in a quarter of an hour that little gentleness that I have managed
to put together drop by drop over twenty years. What's the point of
talking to someone who is not listening? One day he was reproached for
having dealt with excessive gentleness with a young man who had
seriously offended his mother. He replied, This young man was not
capable of gaining anything from any rebuke of mine, because his poor
attitude had deprived him of reason and common sense. A harsh
correction would have done nothing for him, and would have done me a
lot of harm, causing me to act like those people who drown trying to
rescue another.
Young people often need convincing that we have confidence in their ability to improve,
and feel there is a kindly hand to help them. You can get more with a
friendly look, with a word of encouragement that gives his heart new
courage, than you can with repeated blame, which serves only to upset,
and weaken enthusiasm. Using this system, I have seen real conversions
among those one would otherwise have believed impossible. All
youngsters have their off-days - you have had them yourselves! Heaven
help us if we do not try to help them to get through them without
trouble. Sometimes simply having them understand you do not think they
acted from malice is enough to ensure they do not fall again into the
same fault.
Remember that education is a matter of the heart, of which God is the sole master,
and we will be unable to achieve anything unless God teaches us, and
puts the key in our hands. Let us strive to make ourselves loved, and
we will see the doors of many hearts open with great ease, and join
with us in singing praises and blessing of Him who wished to make
himself our model, our way, our example in everything, but especially
in the education of the young.
Pray for me, and believe me.
Your loving father and friend,
Fr. John Bosco
Feast of St Francis of Sales 1883
For more of St. John Bosco's writings, visit the Salesians and Crossroads Initiative. And I highly recommend Keys to the Hearts of Youth.
O glorious Saint John Bosco,
who in order to lead young people to the feet of the divine Master
and to mold them in the light of faith and Christian morality did
heroically sacrifice thyself to the very end of thy life and did set
up a proper religious Institute destined to endure and to bring to the
farthest boundaries of the earth thy glorious work, obtain also for us
from Our Lord a holy love for young people who are exposed to so many
seductions in order that we may generously spend ourselves in
supporting them against the snares of the devil, in keeping them safe
from the dangers of the world, and in guiding them, pure and holy, in
the path that leads to God. Amen.
It was a constant, fervent prayer for all of late January, "Please God, just let this baby stay put until Mike gets home." Super Bowl Sunday was fairly mellow. We made it to halftime and then I urged everyone off to bed (those were the days). I fell fast asleep. And awoke at 3AM to an unmistakable "Pop!" Sure enough, my waters had broken. There was no holding this baby back. I called the hotel. At first, the clerk wasn't going to put me through. When I explained the situation, the creeping edge of hysteria in my voice persuaded him. Mike tried to tell me that this couldn't possibly be happening. Again, the creeping edge of hysteria. He'd take the first flight and be to the hospital before 11. Could I hold on until then? Oh sure, no problem. My first labor was 5 hours. The second was 2 hours. The last two were 3 hours each, but 15 minutes from ruptured membranes. Eight hours should be no problem. I pictured myself sitting up in bed, happily nursing our newborn when he arrived. 
