The Warmth of Your Smile

It’s a quiet early September morning. Very early. In just a few moments it will not be quiet at all. A flurry of activity will begin to encircle me and I will be needed in all sorts of ways. Right now, I focus on the wisdom of the saints and try to gather my thoughts and offer my prayers; this is a habit that has blessed me abundantly, a habit I know is the very sustenance of my soul.

St. Jane de Chantal, who writes so directly to the heart of mothers, of women, reminds me without reservation or exception: “First, upon awakening in the morning, turn your thoughts to God present everywhere; place your heart and your entire being in His hands. Then think briefly of the good you will be able to accomplish that day and the evil you can avoid, especially by controlling your predominant fault. Resolve, by the grace of God, to do good and avoid evil. Then, kneel down, adore God from the bottom of your heart and thank Him for all the benefits and graces he has given you.”

What is the good that I can accomplish today? Surely there is the omnipresent to-do list. And the crazy, ridiculous, drive-children-everywhere schedule. Those are good things I can do. They benefit my family and contribute to the well-being of the people I love. I am an efficient listmaker. I’m quite sure I’ve earned an honorary degree in iCal. I’ve got driving to soccer down to such a science that I can be certain dinner is cooking while I’m driving. Check. Check. Check. All good.

But blessed Mother Teresa warns those of us who are queens of efficiency: There is always the danger that we may just do the work for the sake of the work. This is where the respect and the love and the devotion come in — that we do it to God, to Christ, and that's why we try to do it as beautifully as possible.

Work for the sake of work? I do have days where I barrel through. I go from one item to another, forgetting that the list serves the people and not the other way around. I fall victim to “just a minute” and small faces crumple as I achieve. They don’t want “just a minute”; they don’t want a tower of efficiency. They want a warm lap. They want me to look them in the eyes when they recount the latest teenage drama. They want my undivided attention. They want me. And, truthfully, it is my job to bring warmth and beauty into their lives just as much — or more — as it is my job to be chauffeur and cook.

Therein lies the challenge of my September morning. Dear God, please show me all the good I can do and show me how to do it as beautifully as possible. The answer rings forth readily — a very simple thing really. All He wants from me today is the gift of my smile. Nothing is more beautiful to a child than his mother’s smile. With every task, at every chore, He wants me to smile. And every time I address a child’s needs or answer the call of my husband, I am called do it with a warm and genuine smile. Upon smiling, I will feel my shoulders relax and my countenance soften. I will generate unique beauty. Good things will follow.

The warmth of a September smile: It sets the tone for a busy, productive, beautiful new season.

--reviving this one from the archives at the Catholic Herald today (they've reformatted the site there:-) as we work at home. It's Boot Camp week before our autumn rhythm moves into full swing. I'm posting this as a genuine reminder to myself.  We're working hard to prepare the environment for our studies and to establish excellent habits so that each member of this family can serve the others well in the coming term. 

Guest Post: Lesson Planning with Simply Charlotte Mason

I'm taking a computer break this week. Jenny has written a great kick-start to lesson planning  and since I'm knee deep in that right now, I'm grateful to have her share some steps with us.

Thanks, Jenny!

I watched with keen interest last year as Elizabeth planned her learning year using the Simply Charlotte Mason Organizer.  I even signed up for the free trial, which is a fantastic way to see if it will work for you and your family.  But I never used the resource due to one faulty component...Me.

I lack the necessary discipline to organize our learning day on the computer.  I may have the best intentions in the world of just turning on the computer to get our plans for the day, or just getting on the computer to check off the pages we have read, but that’s not how it happens in reality.  I am weak and easily fall into doing the browsing I don’t wish to do.  So I have to avoid the computer during our formal learning time all together. (Can anyone sing, “Easier, easier said than done!”)  

But the Simply Charlotte Mason Organizer is an awesome lesson planning tool doggone it, so what’s a weak willed momma to do?  Plan our learning on paper using the book Planning Your Charlotte Mason Education.  

These past weeks have found me buried deep in books lists, books, spirals for note taking, and lesson planners.  I have followed the easy to use and very understandable chapters on lesson planning.  I have jotted notes for each child, I have scribbled books for family read alouds.  Along the way, I have learned a thing or two about lesson planning:

1.  Find Your States Homeschooling Laws (& Review Them Every Year in Case of Changes)

I live in one of the easiest states to home school and yet I was over schooling my children.  Everyone knows there are 180 school days per calendar year.  But as I read this year I was surprised to read that only 175 of those days are for instruction.  The other 5 are “Teacher In Service Days.”  Woo Hoo!  I just gained 5 extra wiggle days in my schedule.  

2. Figure Out How to Divide Your Days into Smaller Portions

        How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.  The thought of 175 days of school can seem intimidating.  I gave the children a couple of choices as to how our school year could look.  We decided on nine weeks on, one week off.  That gave us four, forty-five day terms with a summer break.

3. Get Out Your Calendar & Mark It Up

        I started counting days 1-45.  As I counted, I payed attention to the times we wanted to take a break other than the one week off between terms.  My husband is a hunter and we camp with him during hunting season.  No matter how many times we lug our books up there with us, we never crack ‘em.  We’re too busy exploring nature and snuggling down at night to a family read aloud.  So this year the weeks we are camping, we are officially taking off school.

        We also decided which days to take off around Christmas. And we’re trying something new this year.  At the suggestion of a veteran homeschooler, we are taking a break the week after Easter. This does not coincide with the local school schedule, but it makes sense liturgically.  When we take off the week before Easter, we are in Holy Week, not really a great time to watch movies or bake sweets.  

Next, I took out a green and yellow highlighter and marked up the calendar.  Green means “go to school,” yellow means “take a break.”

4. Decide What Resources Will Be Used & By Whom

        We are memorizing Scripture, catechism questions, prayers, and poetry together as a family.  Artist appreciation, and famous composers will also be a group activity.  Using a history textbook as a spine, we are going to study the early exploration of the New World up to the present day.  This study will cover lots of ground and I want everyone to enjoy it.  I scoured book lists (The Charlotte Mason Book Finder and Serendipity web site were invaluable resources) for complementary books: picture books, beginning readers, chapter books and longer novels.  I also found some DVD’s at our library I plan on borrowing related to the various time periods.

5. Break Your Books Into Smaller Pieces

        I now have a beginning date, scheduled breaks, and an ending date all nicely divided into four terms.  Next I needed to grab my resources and fit them into the plan.  Remember, I have four, forty-five day terms.  I looked over each book and decided how much we could realistically read per day or week and then wrote page numbers or chapters down on the individual plans or family plan.  I know, this seems daunting.  But each book was easier to assess than the last.

6. Start Filling in the Blanks

        Each child has their own lesson planner.  I filled out the months and days for the year.  The I went back and filled in the blanks (with pencil) for out first nine weeks.  Just putting “Read from family read aloud” does not work for me.  So I needed to put something more specific like, “Read chapters 1 & 2...”  This will help keep me consistently moving forward at a steady pace, rather than days of reading a page here and there and then three chapters all at once and then skipping some days.

Above all this planning though, I need to keep a sense of the sacred.  Meaning, I need to plan with God, instead of around God.  I am the primary educator of these souls, but they belong to Him.  There will be days when all my planning will come to beautiful fruition.  But there will also be days when I serve Christ most by tending to one of His little ones.

How do you plan your school year?

Tell me again: Why Bother?

One thing that my massive clutter clear out has unexpectedly done for me, is give me some time and space to think about my role in my home and my goals for how I want to serve my family here. It's been a bit of an odyssey, actually.  About a year ago, the house felt like the walls were closing in. I just could not seem to keep up. Two friends in particular offered me advice when I solicited it. One of them was local and one was a far-away friend. Both have known me for years. I went looking for home management advice and what I got from both was time management advice. They both said to back away from the computer. Both of these women understood online communities and were part of the same ones I was. And, frankly, their advice surprised me. I couldn't imagine backing away. So, I continued to bumble along, doing the best I could (which wasn't very good) to "balance" homeschooling, general parenting, being a wife, and my outreach on the computer. Oh, and the house. And frankly, the house didn't get much better.

My family and I went to visit another large family. I've known this woman to be gracious and lovely. She is always nicely dressed and her children are always tidy and beautiful. The public areas in the front of her home are neat and welcoming. On this day, though, my husband was going to help with a repair, so we went into the parts of the house which were not public. Everywhere I looked was clutter. There were books and toys strewn about and piled high in the family room. The bathrooms were dingy. Upstairs, the beds were poorly made, if made at all, and the mattresses were sinking. Wallpaper was peeling. It was a shocking experience. Here was someone who clearly placed a great importance on her public image, but in the private parts of her home, there was no care at all. It mattered to her that her home welcome friends, but clearly she did not care to make it a haven for her family.

On the way home, my husband commented that he would not allow his family to live in such a home. This family had the means to make repairs and to maintain the home and the whole thing just really perplexed me. The public persona so conflicted with the private reality. And then, came the epiphany moment. Mike said, "I cannot imagine commuting every day into the city, working well after the dinner hour, and then coming home to that." He went on to explain that he would feel as if his hard work was not appreciated at all. As a provider of a home, he would be discouraged by how little regard his wife and children had for it.

Somewhere during the conversation, I began to understand that it was no longer about the other family, it was about mine. To what did my husband return everyday and how did my home reflect my priorities? Were the public places fine enough and the private places less so? My house did not look like the one we visited, but I definitely was a long way from having my home reflect the respect and appreciation I had for my husband and the sacrifice he was making for our family. Something was way out of balance.

I talked to my friend about her home, gingerly at first. She told me her husband didn't care. She was involved in a half dozen different ministries and he was very supportive of the way she was spending her time. I even asked if I could share this story. She told me to tell you that "apostolic households are always messy." That was the way she was raised and that's the way she's raising her children.

We agree to disagree.  I think our first field of apostolate is to our family. And our homes are the mission field. But I do see that what are priorities in one family might not be the same in another. That level of order and that lifestyle work for her family; she has told me that her husband and even her parents are in accord. That home would not have worked for my family. My husband told me so.

I love the book of Sirach. There are so many nuggets of wisdom for daily living there. We read:

Blessed the husband of a good wife,
    twice-lengthened are his days;
A worthy wife brings joy to her husband,
    peaceful and full is his life.
A good wife is a generous gift
    bestowed upon him who fears the LORD;
Be he rich or poor, his heart is content,
    and a smile is ever on his face.

A gracious wife delights her husband,
    her thoughtfulness puts flesh on his bones;
A gift from the LORD is her governed speech,
    and her firm virtue is of surpassing worth.
Choicest of blessings is a modest wife,
    priceless her chaste soul.
A holy and decent woman adds grace upon grace; 
    indeed, no price is worthy of her temperate soul.  
Like the sun rising in the LORD's heavens,
    the beauty of a virtuous wife in her well-ordered home.

I cannot reconcile these beautiful verses with the idea that being busy with other projects excuses us from welcoming our husbands into well-ordered homes. I'm not talking about a mom with two toddlers and a baby who is struggling to keep up and feels like she's losing the fight. That's a season during which both husband and wife will grow. I'm talking about the veteran mom with a range of ages of children who makes choices every day to neglect her home. That is simply the fruit of bad habits and misplaced priorities.

I want to be a gracious wife, not just a gracious hostess. Not just a lovely face to the public, but a comfort and a blessing to my husband. So, why bother with homemaking? Because God call us to be virtuous wives and He tells us that virtuous wives live in well-ordered homes.

Ouch.

I wish could tell you that after that visit and that conversation with my husband, I reformed my ways, cleaned my house, and became the virtuous wife of Sirach. I didn't. I tried harder, but I still thought I could hang on to some of the bad habits that had gotten me--and my home--into this mess. I allowed myself to become distracted by internet "crises." And then, an honest friend told me that there are no internet crises. Nothing that happens on the internet is a crisis. Actually there are very few real emergencies in any realm of life. There are urgent prayer concerns, but they don't require my presence in front of a screen. She was right; I could not really think of anything that could happen online that truly, truly needed me to rob time and attention from my family. In Sirach, God calls us to "governed speech." Whether on the phone or online, much of what we women engage in isn't governed speech at all, but idle, distracting chatter. We go in search of wisdom and inspiration or to offer encouragement and education and the devil has a field day with the mismanagement of our time.

I prayed hard about what God was saying and how gracious He had been to allow honest women of virtue to speak so frankly to me. I began to see how order and routine and constant, diligent care of our home would bless us all. And I began to see how homemaking called for my full time and attention. I've often heard it said that there are two kinds of large families: very organized ones and very disorganized ones. There is no middle ground. I believe that. I've lived in both. I much prefer the former.

I remember when the message board was founded. I showed my husband the beautiful pages and he was amazed. He did say one thing, though, that I'd nearly forgotten. He said it looked like it had the potential to take a lot of time. I promised him I'd never write there unless the laundry was caught up. And then I promptly forgot the promise. For three years:-).

Now, I understand how important that promise is to keep, even if it means I rarely get to post to online conversations. What I'm doing here in my home is too important. Order precedes beauty. Radiance is the goal.  Our housekeeping routines are crucial to the smooth functioning of our days, our weeks. Life in a well-ordered home does shine. Radiance streams into our lives like the grace of God.  Ordering a home isn't something you do once and it stays that way. Instead, it's a continual commitment. Nutritious meals served predictably and eaten together at a well set table lend a graciousness and civility to everyday life. It's nice to open a drawer and find clothing folded and ready regardless of the day of the week. It's a blessing to go to a closet, see freshly pressed shirts and inhale the sweet smell of herbal ironing spray. It's nice to settle to work at the learning room table and know where all the books are. My family deserves nothing less. Making it so requires all of me.

The Flylady talks about CHAOS--the "Can't Have Anybody Over Syndrome." Certainly, it would be a shame to not be able to have anybody over. But a greater shame, I think, is to neglect the people who actually live in a house by being a poor steward of both time and treasure. A greater shame is for a hard working man to have to pick his way around the mess as he makes his way to a disheveled bedroom. A greater shame is to throw a meal at the kids and run to work on an outside project while they eat.

So why bother with all of this? Because a worthy wife brings joy to her husband, peaceful and full is his life. And her life, too, is full of peace and joy.

--reviving this one from the archives today as we work at home. It's Boot Camp week before our autumn rhythm moves into full swing. I'm posting this as a genuine reminder to myself.  We're working hard to prepare the environment for our studies and to establish excellent habits so that each member of this family can serve the others well in the coming term. 

Intentional Weekend: Something Fun to Wear

"We want three matching capes, Mama.

Red."

I'll see what I can do. Come back later to check on our progress.

 {edited to add: the capes are in Oliver + S--Little Things to Sew

Please check back later to see if the capes come to life this weekend.}

Kitchen Reprise

Once I told someone that if this homeschooling mom gig didn't work out, I'd love to have a cooking show. I like to cook. I like the art and the science of making food taste good and look beautiful. I like messing with presentation. I like to put plates in front of my family that make them slow down and savor the moment. Maybe it's genetic. I come from a long line of Italian cooks who respect the beautiful  .

She scoffed. Scoffed! She actually said that food was just something to make, eat, and clear out of the way. She said she couldn't be bothered with thinking too much about it. She had a family to feed and it was sinful somehow to give food more than its utilitarian thought.

I gulped. Didn't talk to her about food again.

Last year, I relinquished my inner foodie. First, I acknowledged that it didn't play well with all-day-long morning sickness. Then, it didn't hold up to the admonition not to be on my feet more than necessary. Then, it died altogether when I was banished from the kitchen and sent upstairs for 6 weeks of bedrest. After the baby was born, I couldn't really multi-task the premature baby nurturing and tasks that required--well--my hands.

We didn't starve. Remember, the foodie thing is genetic. Almost all of my children appear to have inherited the gene. The jury is still out on the one who puts hot sauce on everything. They COOK, these kids. And they care about presentation. The eight-year-old is particularly fond of finding just the right garnish. 

Now, though, I'm back in the kitchen. I choose menus that are a bit more involved than I probably should. I stand at the counter and do quite a bit of peeling and chopping. I am certain to make a mess as I go. I can almost hear my utilitarian commenter clicking her tongue and telling me that there is no place for creativity in the kitchen, that it's a waste of time and energy. No matter. I find loving, thoughtful creativity has much the same effect in the kitchen as it does in the schoolroom. joy in the beautiful process is contagious and it draws us all in.

I'm not in the kitchen alone. Ever. The creative process and the creative product draw my children to me. They want to help. They see the joy that cooking brings and the want to be a part of it. And there we are, busy creating, when something else happens. They start to talk. Big ones. Little ones. They instinctively know that that recipe with all those steps will hold me here in this sunny yellow room. I will not leave. I will not turn away. I will listen. And they can be assured that I will hear the subtle seasoning in their stories. I will be attuned to the questions they hope to be asked. I will the mom in the apron who knows that it's not about the white sauce at all. It's about the inevitable conversation that happens around good food. It happens at the table, of course. We eat as a family and never are at a loss for words. But the intimate conversation, the sharing of hearts, happens over nearly-bubbling milk, whisk in hand.

I take the time to consider food. To consider cost. To consider skills. To consider time. To consider cleanup. And I decide again and again to choose the thoughtful, creative approach. Because, really, there are so many ways our children need to be nourished. Food is just the beginning.

~from the archives because I'm thinking these thoughts again today.