Get Back on the Horse

Courage is being scared to death...and saddling up anyway.  ~John Wayne

One of the earliest religious disappointments in a young girl's life devolves around her unanswered prayers for a horse.  ~Phyllis Theroux

Riding a horse is not a gentle hobby, to be picked up and laid down like a game of solitaire. It is a grand passion. It seizes a person whole and, once it has done so, he will have to accept that his life will be radically changed. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

He saw me coming out of the barn with the tack and he bit me. I showed him. Later that day, I saddled him up and I rode him. ~Katie Foss 

The horses paw and prance and neigh,
Fillies and colts like kittens play,
And dance and toss their rippled manes
Shining and soft as silken skeins;...
~Oliver Wendell Holmes

The daughter who won't lift a finger in the house is the same child who cycles madly off in the pouring rain to spend all morning mucking out a stable. ~Samantha Armstrong

needle & thREAD

I knew it was only a matter of time. I'm here before you this morning to confess I didn't sew a thing this week. I was gone all weekend and spent the first part of the week recovering my household. The only thing I did in my sewing room was rearrange the furniture.

It's an odd paradox. I've been tired and overwhelmed and in a bit of a funk pretty much all summer. I always feel better when I sew. And yet, I sometimes can't bring myself to get started. Inertia. It's a bad thing.

I've been reading Talking Back to Facebook. I think this book is well worth my time. I'm only about half way through it and I have the Kindle version, so it's tricky to skip around. The book is focused on social media and children and teenagers. So far, I'm nodding right along. I do think he underestimates the effects of social media for the rest of us, though. Or maybe he's going to get to that. Or maybe it's just me who feels those effects...

What about you? Sewing? Reading? A little of both? What's on your summer reading list? Do you have a summer sewing list?  Or are you embroidering? Pulling a needle with thread through lovely fabric to make life more beautiful somehow? Would you share with us just a single photo (or more) and a brief description of what you're up to? Will you tell us about what you're reading, also? Would you talk sewing and books with us? I'd love that so much.

Make sure the link you submit is to the URL of your blog post or your specific Flickr photo and not your main blog URL or Flickr Photostream. Please be sure and link to your current needle and thREAD post below in the comments, and not a needle and thREAD post from a previous week. If you don't have a blog, please post a photo to the needle & thREAD group at Flickr. 

       Include a link back to this post in your blog post or on your flickr photo page so that others who may want to join the needle and thREAD fun can find us! Feel free to grab a button here (in one of several colors) so that you can use the button to link:-).

God gives Strength, If not Sleep

A couple of weeks ago, I posted a whine about whining. There were lots of thoughtful comments and even more email. I think I've answered everyone, but I'm not the world's best email manager, so if I've missed you, please ping me again.

One of the notes asked, "When you were a younger mom, with lots of little kids and no one big enough to act as your own personal nanny, weren't you tired? Didn't you feel like you couldn't even get out of bed and do the day some days? Did you ever just break down and cry at 3 in the afternoon from the sheer tiredness of it all? I don't think you're remembering right if you think you were cheerful all the time."

Um, yeah.

When I look back on my 20s and 30s what I remember most is fatigue. I was nursing or pregnant or pregnant-and-nursing from 1988 to now, with a "break" for cancer and another 4 month "break" in 2005, hoping to get pregnant. That's a whole lot of hormones and a whole lot of sleep deprivation. 

When I got this email, I first remembered a time 15 years ago. Mary Beth was an infant, we'd just moved into a new house, and Mike was working two fulltime jobs, one of which he hated. He was exhausted and grumpy and things were tight and tense all the time. He was rarely home and the physical care of house and children was wearing on me. We lived in a neighborhood full of new construction. On this particular day, our next door neighbors, Ed and Kelli, were having a housewarming party. 

They had just moved in and invited family and friends to help them celebrate. Our houses were practically right on top of each other. They didn't have curtains. I saw Kelli light a great, big apple-shaped candle on the counter. All night, their friends had fun and that candle glowed. I walked my cranky baby, got my rowdy boys to bed, cleaned the kitchen, folded laundry, all while the candle burned a bright beacon of carefree fun next door. It's been fifteen years. I still see that candle. I wished we could afford beautiful scented candles. I remember feeling frumpy and leaky while what looked like a scene from Friends played out next door. 

Because I remember it so clearly, I think I must have written about it. I dug around a little, but can't find it. Ed and Kelli are still our friends to this day. I was at their wedding (I remember I didn't take my coat off in the church and didn't go to the reception; I was wearing a dress two sizes too big because I couldn't afford to buy something new). And we've lived a few crises together that look nothing like a sitcom. So, yes, it didn't all glow honey-tones of joy. In searching for some "tired" pieces from years past, I ran across this one to share with you. My five children were 10, 6, 4, 2 and 6 months at the time. I'll leave you with this for now. Perhaps I will address the snarky reference to my teenagers as nannies later.

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I am weary as I write this morning. Stephen, six months old, has discovered that it is quiet and he can have me all to himself at three in the morning. It isn't very often that he takes advantage of this opportunity. He seems to know that if it's not a routine, he can get away with it. Every once in awhile, he awakens and refuses to go back to sleep. There was a time, two or three babies ago, when I would have fought this nighttime rendezvous. I would have have worried that I was spoiling him, that he would never learn to sleep, that all the experts advised against such encounters. It has been some time since I consulted the experts. Now, I find myself agreeing with Stephen. It's nice to be alone together in the quiet and the stillness.

Last night, I sat with him on the porch. It was blissfully cool, as a long awaited cold front blew in. The streetlights cast a glow across his rounded cheeks and he looked positively cherubic as he smiled and cooed at me. I talked to him and sang to him. Itickled him with a flower from the garden. He yawned and stretched and I melted as he drifted off to sleep smiling. When Stephen was snug in bed, I drifted off smiling, too, feeling good about motherhood and life in general.

Then it was morning. Bright and early, my two-year-old, unaware of my date with her brother, bounced on me and insisted on breakfast. I have never handled sleep deprivation well. My mother will certify that I have always required a lot of sleep. I used to lose sleep, worrying that I was not getting enough sleep. Not anymore.

For nearly twelve years now, I have been sleep deprived. When I am tired, I can be cranky and impatient. Little things that should not bother me become big things. I am tense and irritable. And I lose sight of why I am doing what I am doing. I forget that there are moonlight and flowers, because all I can see is carpet stains and diapers. When my second child was about six months old, it dawned on me that I wasn't going to sleep like a normal person for a very long time. If I wanted to be at all happy, I needed a coping strategy.

Now, when I have a bad night, the first thing I do in the morning is acknowledge that it was a bad night. I tell God that I am grateful that I was able to be there to meet the needs of my children the previous night. I tell Him that He knows better than I do that I don't handle fatigue well. I tell Him that there is no way I will make it through the day under my own strength. I ask Him to help me. I remind myself that I can form my children positively or negatively that day. I can be a grouch and set a negative example: "Look, children, you only have to be nice to one another if you are feeling well and rested and all your ducks are in a row." Or I can beg the Lord to help me be charitable and patient, despite my human weaknesses. After I have thoroughly discussed the matter with the Lord, I usually tell my older children as well. They need to know I'm struggling--so that they can help me and so that I can be a witness to the Lord's strength when He comes through for me. And He always does.

That's the simplifed plan for coping with child-induced sleep deprivation. Pray about it. Come to think of it, that's really the plan for all of life. It also helps to remember that nap time is never more than a few hours away.

Monday Morning Almanac

I find myself:

::noticing God's glory

The garden is absurdly overgrown. I need to commit to geting up pin the morning and heading out to weed first thing for the next few days. It gets so hot, so quickly that the only way to stay ahead of the weeds is to dig around in the dawn.

::listening to 

absolutely nothing

::clothing myself in 

A crisp white shirt and butter yellow shorts (just as soon as I do that weeding and take a shower). I need some new shoes that are sutable for walking, maybe light hiking and that will carry me into the fall. Suggestions? Good support is an absolute must.

::talking with my children about these books

G is for Gold Medal: An Olympic Alphabet. I'm a big fan of the Sleeping Bear Press Alphabet books. Michael is off to spend nearly a month in London covering the Summer Olympics for USAToday. We're going to thoroughly explore this book and we're going to revive the highly successful World Cup Geography, Olympics version. (ESPN has no Map Madness for the Olympics. Bummer)

::thinking and thinking

about being 20-something. And how much conversation those musings provoked. More tomorrow.

::pondering prayerfully

Those who seem to be spiritually dead are not always those least accessible to the divine Word; when wood is dead, it needs only a spark to set it afire. ~ Elisabeth Leseur

::carefully cultivating rhythm

The last few weeks, I've made some pretty drastic changes to the ways I'm managing my time. I'm still working on whittling my Google Reader (#13 on the list). The whittling is proving to be time consuming in and of itself. I've always been a "continuous reader." I was the kid who read every last word of the Charleston News and Courier as a twelve-year-old in Charleston, South Carolina. My favorite columnist was "Ashley Cooper," who turned out to be Frank Gilbreth of Cheaper by the Dozen.  I read every Young Adult book in the Charleston Air Force base library. Every one. We only lived there two years! That's a bit of a digression. My point is that I used to read incessantly. I was the kid whose mother was always imploring her to get her nose out of a book. If I'd eaten cereal, I'm sure I would have read cereal boxes. I'm still always reading. The problem is that often what I'm reading is caught inside a smartphone or a laptop. And there is a qualitative difference between web reading and book reading. I think being the girl with her nose in a book is healthier. Much healthier. And I am certain that it's a better model for my children. So, I'm working on it. A lot.

::creating by hand

It's truly time to get serious about quilts (#10 on the list). And, I've dusted off my knitting needles. We'll see where that goes.

{A little wine and chocolate. Hangtime Pinot Noir. Mike says it's a little preview of September plans.}

::learning lessons in

social media addiction. I think we need to be very mindful of the dangers, to ourselves and our children. This generation of children knows nothing else than the instant gratification and constant feedback of peer interaction. It's changing to way we relate to one another, for better or worse. We have to make it for better.

::encouraging learning 

We've got to buckle down. The summer is slipping away and we haven't come close to achieving our academic goals.

::begging prayers

for all the people who have joined our weekend prayer community. I carried your requests with me to Mass and I will keep a candle lit for you throughout the week.

Please pray for Colleen Mitchell and her family. There have been torrential rains and flooding in Costa Rica in the past week. We haven't heard fom Colleen since Saturday. 

:keeping house

Big things happening in August. New paint, new furniture, and all the deep down cleaning that will come with it.

 

::crafting in the kitchen 

Nearly finished fine-tuning a solid three week paleo meal plan. I'm really, really happy about this. I see its benefits and I'm committed to making it a habit for the long haul. My kids seem fairly happy with it, too. I think some nearly-paleo chocolate chip cookies helped. Recipes forthcoming soon. I've been Instagramming pictures faithfully. Follow me there, if you like. I'm heartofmyhome. You can also click on the little button at the top of the righthand column with the camera. This works even if you don't have an Instagram account.

 I'm registered to begin the Whole30 on August 1. From the beginning of Lent until mid-June, I was following this diet for hypothyroidism, more or less. Then Kristen Kill mentioned to me she was doing Whole 30. They sounded essentially the same and I found a lot of support for the hypothryoid diet on the Whole30 pages. I made it to Day 26 in July and then caved for a grain-free, dairy-free and utterly fabulous cookie. I plan to go the Whole30 this time. 

{Dinner at the Inner Harbor. Mostly paleo. I suspect a trace of butter and probably seed oil. Best scallops ever.}

::loving the moments

alone with Mike. He was working in Baltimore last weekend. We took a chance to get away together. After a Thursday night budget meeting that stretched well into Friday morning, he came home to sleep for four hours before leaving for Baltimore. I waited up for him that night and then got up to get the girls off to dance camp for the day.  Then, Mike and I hit the road.Together, we visited Mel Kiper's home to do something with his studio lights. (Mel's wife is amazing--talk about a family business!) After that drive through beautiful countryside, we checked into the hotel. He tucked me in for a nap, pulled all the shades closed, shuttered the door, and slipped out to go work the set day at the stadium. I napped. He didn't.  But he rallied to have a date night before leaving for work in the dark Saturday morning. I amused myself by shopping, lunching, and working on bloggy things. I considered the weekend an amazing chance to get away, catch my breath, and capture his attention without having to compete with Sarah Annie. What's lovely is that he considered this a very good weekend, too. He worked super hard. But I was along on this road trip and that just made him happy. (#25)

::giving thanks 

We left Christian, Patrick, and Mary Beth to hold the fort while we were in Baltimore. They did a great job keeping the little ones safe and happy. I suggested a movie Saturday night and Patrick wan't comfortable with a movie theater, so they decided to rent from Netflix instead. Patrick suggested the playground at Chick-Fil-A to get dinner and work out some wiggles before the movie. I'm grateful that this message from Mary Beth:

was followed quickly by this one:

::living the liturgy

July 31st is the feast of St. Ignatius of Loyola. He's the spiritual genius behind the spiritual exercises. I did the Consoling the Heart of Jesus version of the spiritual exercises last April. I will celebrate St. ignatius at Adoration on Tuesday with the "little version" of the CHJ book. (#21 on the list)

::planning for the week ahead

Christian is working at a pool that is mostly empty most of the time. We'll go visit a few times this week. Karoline refuses to jump in. Sarah is nearly ready to swim. I'm happy to keep working on (#31 on the list). There's a new playground near the pool (#18). My big kids took really good care of my little ones last weekend. The house? Not so much. It's going to take me a loooong time to restore order.

{Mike was in Baltimore for the Liverpool-Tottenham match. Stephen and Nicky joined us for the match. After, they just so happened to bump into their heroes Steven Gerrard and Gareth Bale. Nicky was thrilled to snag a signature. We had dinner on Inner Harbor and had a grand time at National Aquarium the next day. }

{photo credit: Stephen Foss}

More almanacs here.

Lord, Hear Our Prayer

The internet is a formidable force for bringing the comfort and consolation and hope of the Lord to all of us. It can be an incredibily powerful medium for community. There is an unfathomable resource for prayer here. We have on the 'net the privilege of praying for people and of being witness to the miracles brought forth when fervent, faith-fulled people pray for one another.

Let's be that community of hope and faith for one another.

How about this idea? What if I pop in here every weekend, share Sunday's gospel and talk a wee bit about how we can live it and pray it in our homes? And then you tell me how we can pray for you that week? Deal?

{And please, do return and let us know how prayer is bearing fruit.}

My heart is with the family of Don Perry, spokesman for Chick-Fil-A, who died unexpectedly this week. Please pray for the repose of his soul and for the comfort and consolation of his family.

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Gospel 

John 6:1-15

Jesus went across the Sea of Galilee.
A large crowd followed him,
because they saw the signs he was performing on the sick.
Jesus went up on the mountain,
and there he sat down with his disciples.
The Jewish feast of Passover was near.
When Jesus raised his eyes
and saw that a large crowd was coming to him,
he said to Philip,
"Where can we buy enough food for them to eat?"
He said this to test him,
because he himself knew what he was going to do.
Philip answered him,
"Two hundred days' wages worth of food would not be enough
for each of them to have a little.'"
One of his disciples,
Andrew, the brother of Simon Peter, said to him,
"There is a boy here who has five barley loaves and two fish;
but what good are these for so many?"
Jesus said, "Have the people recline."
Now there was a great deal of grass in that place.
So the men reclined, about five thousand in number.
Then Jesus took the loaves, gave thanks,
and distributed them to those who were reclining,
and also as much of the fish as they wanted.
When they had had their fill, he said to his disciples,
"Gather the fragments left over,
so that nothing will be wasted."
So they collected them,
and filled twelve wicker baskets with fragments
from the five barley loaves
that had been more than they could eat.
When the people saw the sign he had done, they said,
"This is truly the Prophet, the one who is to come into the world."
Since Jesus knew that they were going to come and carry him off
to make him king,
he withdrew again to the mountain alone.

Think

"The sense of futility is one of the greatest evils of the day...People say, "What can one person do? What is the sense of our small effort?" They cannot see that we can only lay one brick at a time, take one step at a time; we can be responsible only for the one action of the present moment. But we can beg for an increase of love in our hearts that will vitalize and transform all our individual actions, and know that God will take them and multiply them, as Jesus multiplied the loaves and fishes."

~Servant of God Dorothy Day

Act

What is it in you life about which you feel that sense of futility? Is it serving your family by conquering that mound of laundry? Is it opening your home more often in the spirit of hospitality? Is it stretching yourself to go into the corners of despair that aren't really very far from your home? Ask God to give you the strength and grace to begin with the first brick.

Pray

Lord, you give us all five barley loaves and two fish. Please help me to recognize them in my life, to prayerfully offer them back to you, and to be the instrument of your miracles.