So, How Was the Day?

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It was fine; thanks for asking:-)

It started before dawn, when I found five children asleep together in the family room. Apparently, when you're sad at bedtime and you live in a big family, you snuggle in with your best buddies to sleep. I looked up from a cup of very strong black tea and saw Paddy, ready to go. He indulged me in a picture. After he and Mike left and before the children awoke, I had some very peaceful quiet time. I'm forever grateful for God's voice in the quiet. 

Michael and Kristin brought me roses for my birthday last night. On a whim, early this morning, I set them together with our JOY luminaria on the hutch in the foyer. I always hate to put those luminaria away after Christmas. This year, I think I won't. So pretty.

The children all woke at once. Karoline and I had a very solemn conversation about the State of the Family while Katie played with my camera. Then, all at once, it hit Kari. Hard. She began to sob and blurted, "My whole childhood will be people leaving!" There was a bit of a deluge, I admit. And Katie saw it as a picture moment. In all honesty, there is a truth to Karoline's observation and it worries me sometimes. But we aren't the type to hang out in the puddle of tears.

We planned a tea party to celebrate girls and invited Hilary to come after school. I set Karoline to work in the great meditative art of flower arranging. And Mike sent me a picture of Paddy. There he was, looking out at a view I know and love so well. His dorm is almost exactly where my first year dorm was. Since I seem to have a struggle with dorms in general, it's nice to find comfort in thinking of it as a place where I was very much at home. I envision his room with matching peach comforters and curtains we made minutes after we got there--- oh, but that's the 30-years-ago room. I doubt Patrick will even make his bed.

Back at home, we set a very pretty table, complete with a beautiful bouquet that Megan sent me yesterday as a centerpiece and individual bouquets for every guest. I couldn't help but remember that Mother Teresa said you can never have too many children or too many flowers. Indeed.

Hilary arrived and neither of us cried. Big high five there, girl! We might have been helped by Stephen, who agreed to meet her at the front door wearing a bowtie and escort her to her seat. Big brothers are the best. They really are.

And then, unprompted and unscripted, but definitely inspired by Christian and Nicky, Karoline rose to give a toast. To a girl house!  The numbers have shifted. We have more girls in this house than boys. A dozen years ago, when Mary Beth was the only girl with five brothers, I could never have imagine such a thing. God is full of surprises, no?

The last few months have been exhuasting, exhilarating, excruciating, exciting, and extraordinary. Words will never adequately express how grateful I am for your support. Your notes and texts and instagram comments, and especially your prayers, have so blessed me and my family. Thank you.

Good night, y'all.

Patrick Leaves for College Today

The last time a child left for college, I allowed myself  to be very vulnerable online in the days that immediately followed. I mused aloud, did a lot of soul searching, took a long look at homemaking and mothering and home education up to that point. I left my heart bare. It was probably one of the worst mistakes I've ever made. I doubt I'll ever fully recover and I know I'll never do that again.

I know now that there are some people who will never understand the enormity of such transitions in a wholehearted household, particularly in the soul of a woman. They will never understand how a mother's heart and home are not fair game, especially at a tender time.

And I know that there are kindred spirits who understand without words.

For those dear friends, I'm very grateful.

So. Here goes. The leaving-to-college post.

Goodbyes don't seem to get easier for me. If anything, knowing how this whole off-to-college thing can play out makes goodbye harder. I really like our family life, so change doesn't come without a huge struggle. Patrick, however, has said goodbye previously; we've had a bit of a practice. And we have a good coping strategy. Last time, Mary Beth made a slideshow for him. The plan this time was to update the slideshow (particularly to include Hilary), but I have just discovered that all the pictures from the first time (and from most of the last 3 years of family life), carefully saved on an external hard-drive, are now inaccessible. And since that is way too much emotional overload for me to process today, I'm just going to re-run the old slideshow. The sentiments are all the same. We love this boy so much and our "wish" is really a fervent prayer.

Paddy is so ready to take on the world. And he is going to both bless and be blessed by the University of Virginia and that sweet place of heaven-on-earth called Charlottesville. It's going to be amazing!

Your prayers for him are very much appreciated.

Hilary, tea time is at 2:00 and the girlies are so looking forward to having you with them this afternoon! It's all good. God's got this.

needle and thREAD

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Good morning! I think I'll share some December sewing with you. Just before Christmas, Cari and I made drapes for my sewing space. I know, all the cool chicks call it a "studio," but in our house, studios have long been places where Daddy goes to make TV shows or girls go to dance. So, it's the "sewing room" or my "sewing space."

These drapes were the last to be hung. Cari hasn't even seen them finished! And they're my favorites. Mike's favorites, too, I think. The room is so pretty and inviting. I made some pillows to match for a chair where kids plop while I work (I write in my sewing space, too, just this little side hobby, the writing). I love to be in there. Next week, I'm going to give you a tour of the shelves. I think I need to write a post detailing my intentions for all that fabric and yarn over the next year. Then, you can hold me to it!

There's no picture here of my chair, where I sit to sew. Mary Beth and I have some plans for that chair. Perhaps you'll see it here in the next few days. 

No picture of my book, either. In the past couple days, two people have independently recommended Brene Brown to me. So I've downloaded the audible versions of The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are and Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead.

What are you sewing and reading this week? I really do want to hear all about it!

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Yarn Along

It's time to begin to dissemble the Christmas decorations. First up this morning was the dining room tablescape. I really need to use the whole table today to try to make some progress on sewing nightgowns while flannel is still a desired fiber. So, the promise of sewing was just the shove I needed to get going on the packing task! As I store things carefully, I ponder the fact that I must get back the strict autoimmune protocol Paleo way of eating. I'm consoling myself by remembering that if I hadn't veered off the straight and narrow, I wouldn't have such proof-positive that I cannot veer off the straight and narrow.

Food. Sigh. Such a weighty issue. To that end, it's a good thing I'm slated to share Cravings here with you next Monday as part of the release celebration blog-hop: pray, love, and then eat. It's really a wonderful read, so perfect for me right now. And knitting? I'm knitting a Tiny Tea Leaves cardigan for Katie for Easter out of Amy Butler Organic Aran in Poppy. I very much love to knit ruching. Very much.

~ Two of my favorite things are knitting and reading, and the evidence of this often shows up in my photographs.  I love seeing what other people are knitting and reading as well. Join me at Ginny's to see what the whole bunch of us are reading and knitting.

Oh, those bows!

From the minute Michael and Kristin were engaged, my little girls have been merrily planning for their Flower Girl Day. Oblivious to anything but the happily-ever-after theme of a wedding, they have loved every minute of the last year. 

Very late in our wedding planning, I recognized that I had no plan for their hair. Karoline's hair is very curly. Katie's is heavy and straight. Sarah's is fine and straight . Kristin thought "half up" and curly. We practiced curling the straight hair for a week, trying this method and that until everyone was satisfied. Then it dawned on me that I didn't have bows to go with the dresses.

It was moments before Christmas and the girls suggested I ask "Elle's mom" about her bows. Elle is in Karoline's ballet class. With that, Elle's mom became a part of our handmade wedding. Despite a lack of local ivory ribbon-and-no time to order-and-a classroom full of kindergartners learning a whole bunch of new security things the week before break-and-the fact that she had to get her own family on the road for Christmas in order to get ahead of a blizzard {whew!}, she delivered these beauties to my doorstep, late one night on her way out of town.

Perfect. 

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Thank you for your kind words and prayers yesterday. I think I hit rock-bottom around three yesterday afternoon. I'm pretty sure I sent Ginny a couple of desperate emails. In addition to her warm words, she also helped me find these pictures. Pictures have a way of telling a deeper story, a side story, sometimes sharpening a memory and sometimes offering a unique hope for the future.

And sometimes, the perfect picture, from the perspective of a friend, is just the perfect, perfect laugh. 

(Karoline's bow probably had the most fun;-)

I slept a solid eight hours last night for the first time since Thanksgiving. Hope is definitely on the rise!

All photos are Ginny's.