Gathering My Thoughts

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I find myself:

::noticing God's glory

Our rose garden is overrun with weeds. Patrick is home for a few days, so I'd hoped he'd conquer it. He went out, took a look, and came back inside and said he doesn't have time. Ah, well. Perhaps I can do it next week. Kristin has big plans for our gardens. The weather is fine these days. I'm hoping we can get out it in it together and do some serious planting.

::listening to 

Coffee shop noises. This soccer season, I haven't spent much time writing in coffee shops. I haven't spent much time writing at all. This afternoon, with two hours to catch up a bit, feels like such a gift!

::clothing myself in 

Jeans, T-shirt with lace, lightweight cardigan, light dangling earrings. The spring and fall are my favorite months for clothing.

::talking with my children about these books

Heaven is Here- -Mary Beth and I are sharing this one. I found it to be a wonderful book to hand off to a teenaged daughter. 

The Omnivore's Dilemma: The Secret Behind What You Eat, Young Reader's Edition. ---Nick and I are reading this one

We are going to take on this reading challenge this month. Actually, I'm making it a writing challenge, having my kids share their little bookshelves with you here. I'm going to take on the challenge at Instagram (where I'm already behind) and the children are going to write here. Soon. I promise;-)

::thinking and thinking

about a little bit of a miracle in my overactive brain. On April 29th, I marked 23 years since I was diagnosed with cancer. That day, I noticed that when a friend (Hi, Jen!) posted to Facebook about a local wine and farm event that featured an awesome fundraising cause and her spectacularly awesome (priest) brother as an auctioneer and my favorite vineyard, I did something I have not done in 23 years. I said I couldn't make it this year, but I was a definite for next year. In 23 years, I've never let my brain go there, never assumed next year. Of course, none of us knows if we'll be around next year. But normal people do say, "I'll see you next year" or "Let's plan on next year." I never have. 

But I just did.

I think that might be progress. Maybe. What's amazing to me about this whole thing is that I've had a super hard time getting out from under the shadow of cancer the last few months. I've had to do some hard work reconciling survivorship in my own soul. It's not like one day you have cancer and then you're cured and then life rolls on as normal. Physically, nothing is the same again. I'm aware that I'm in uncharted territory. Treatment for my particular disease was changing so rapidly when I was being treated that there are just a handful of us who make up this cohort of survivors. Most people I know in that cohort have some pretty significant longterm effects. I have definitely been spooked.

Part of renewal for me has been confronting this fear and then working to weave a positive strategy of care and realistic awareness into my days. So, hey, chemo destroyed my gut and it's still messed up 23 years later. OK. Time to learn to be assertive about what I can and cannot eat in order to protect myself. And yes, I have a one in three chance of getting breast cancer because I was radiated. But gosh, if pregnancy and extended breastfeeding are protective measures, show me someone has has more of those than I do;-).

And, somewhere, deep down inside, I just had the confidence to say, "Next year..."

::pondering prayerfully

“When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” 
― Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Road to Daybreak: A Spiritual Journey

::carefully cultivating rhythm

I'm here to tell every mom trying to "balance" (hah!, what a joke) work and home, that it's possible to ask God for direction about one's professional life every day for nearly a year. And then, in a fifteen minute time span, have Him make himself abundantly clear. I feel more at peace in my skin and with my plans than I have in a very long time.

::creating by hand

The girls need some summer clothes as soon as possible. My sewing mission is critical.

::learning lessons in

community. I think that a lot of my notions of community, both online and in real life, have shifted dramatically over the last couple years. I'm very grateful for the insight. And I'm very grateful for a genuinely diverse community.

::encouraging learning 

We are finishing up Karoline's First Communion notebook this week. May is going to be all about math for everyone. I have some very lofty goals for the month, but if we can achieve them, I think I'll call the year a huge success.

::begging prayers

these prayers are still very, very much on my heart:

For a child of mine who needs big infusions of grace. Please pray with me?

For my friend Barbara's new grandson, Isaac. (So far, both our homeschooling-friends-grown-up who have had babies have named them Isaac.)  He was born three weeks ago, by emergency c-section, six weeks early. He and his mom are doing fine, but his time in the NICU just keeps extending. Your prayers for recovery and growth and NICU grace are very much appreciated.

And for Rick Warren, his son, and his family.

and a new one:

Mary Beth sustained a significant injury to her Achilles last weekend. It's never fun to be injured, but it's especially difficult when you train all year for a very short competition season and you find you're going to miss a huge chunk of it. Please pray that she will have the strength and grace to bear the crosses that come with this time of stillness.

::keeping house

One must be home in the house in order to adequately keep the house. That is all.

::crafting in the kitchen 

Paddy is home for a few days to study between the end of classes and the beginning of exams. Hence, I am free to drive to soccer and sit in a coffee shop with you. He is at home making a trademark chicken fried steak dinner. 

::loving the moments

When a faraway friend calls just as some interesting things are happening in my inbox and she is able to help me make sense of it in real time.

::giving thanks 

for hope.

living the liturgy

Karoline will receive her First Communion this weekend. I've never seen a child more excited about Jesus! Please note: it's Thursday as I write and she still has no dress, veil, or shoes. I hate that this seems like an eighth child kind of thing. I care very much about this special day; I'm just having trouble making decisions and I absolutely detest shopping and my favorite Catholic store has gone out of business...That flower girl dress is looking like a very good option.

::planning for the week ahead

My precious second son will turn 21 on Monday. This fact astounds me. I still can't get over the miracle of him. I will never get over the miracle of him. ...

Needle & thREAD

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    I guess that just before Lent Karoline heard me say that I was going to make Easter dresses during Lent. All through Lent, she insisted that one of her Lenten "sacrifices" was to be making dresses for her dolls. She spent a great deal of time in the scrap basket, twisting and turning and pinning scraps to make clothing. She also spent a great deal of time begging me to help her make "real" doll dresses. I had every intention of making dresses for dolls to match the girls' Easter dresses. I just didn't get to it before Easter.

    Yesterday, I was operating on very little sleep--just days and days of deficit. I planned to push through it to super-clean my house and get ready for Frist Communion festivities this weekend. Instead, I delegated a few housekeeping jobs, sewed with Karoline, and binge-read Heaven is Here. Have I mentioned that sewing with Karoline is really just an excuse for me to have her on my lap so I can inhale her sweetness? 

    It is.

    It occurred to me as I was sewing for a doll that this pattern takes just as long for a doll as for a six-year-old girl and I have some girls who need clothes. So, I think I might make my girls some dresses to match their dolls, too;-)

    And the book? I couldn't put it down. I'd take a picture of it by I handed it to Mary Beth at bedtime and I'm pretty sure she fell asleep on it around dawn. Best part of homeschooling is all night binge reading...

{Warning: there is an incident of religious bigotry that is sadly aimed at Catholics. It's clearly a product of the author's ignorance, but, there it is.} 

    What about you? Sewing? Reading? A little of both? What's on your summer reading list? Do you have a summer sewing list?  Or are you embroidering? Pulling a needle with thread through lovely fabric to make life more beautiful somehow? Would you share with us just a single photo (or more) and a brief description of what you're up to? Will you tell us about what you're reading, also? Would you talk sewing and books with us? I'd love that so much.

    Make sure the link you submit is to the URL of your blog post or your specific Flickr photo and not your main blog URL or Flickr Photostream. Please be sure and link to your current needle and theREAD post below in the comments, and not a needle and theREAD post from a previous week. If you don't have a blog, please post a photo to the needle & thREAD group at Flickr. 

       Include a link back to this post in your blog post or on your flickr photo page so that others who may want to join the needle and thREAD fun can find us! Feel free to grab a button here (in one of several colors) so that you can use the button to link:-).

my little bookcase

There is a sweet new meme floating around Instagram to start the month of May. Using the hashtag #mylittlbookcase, folks are invited to share the best of children's books. I'm going to join in on Instagram. You can follow along @heartofmyhome, or just click the camera icon on the top right of the sidebar.

Here on the blog, I've invited my ten-year-old daughter, Katie, to share her favorites every day. Maybe you have a young writer who'd like to join her?

Confidence

I was up early this morning to write nearly 800 words about how inspired I am by the confidence of my children. I got all those thoughts onto the digital page and uploaded five out of six pictures. Then, Typepad crashed. Poof! The words disappeared. 

The thing is, I write because the words are inside of me and they beg to escape. These words aren't in me any longer. I'm not sure where they are, but they aren't here. I wrote them. 

So, I Ieave you with pictures. I only wish I had pictures of the boys. Even though I wasn't with them this weekend, they were very much a part of my confidence inspiration and they were there in the words...

Have a very blessed day!

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Lord, Hear Our Prayer

Gospel

JN 13:31-33A, 34-35

When Judas had left them, Jesus said,
“Now is the Son of Man glorified, and God is glorified in him.
If God is glorified in him,
God will also glorify him in himself,
and God will glorify him at once.
My children, I will be with you only a little while longer.
I give you a new commandment: love one another.
As I have loved you, so you also should love one another.
This is how all will know that you are my disciples,
if you have love for one another.”

Think

“I gave her a share in this love, which is the Holy Spirit, within her will by making her will strong to endure suffering and to leave her house, in My name, to give birth to the virtues for her neighbors. Not that she abandons the house of self-knowledge, but the virtues conceived by the impulse of love come forth from that house. She gives birth to them as her neighbors need them, in many different ways. For the fear she had of not showing herself, lest she lose her own consolation, is gone. After she has come to perfect, free, love, she lets go of herself, and comes out, as I have described."

~ Our Lord to St. Catherine of Siena

Pray

Dear Lord, Help me to go forth from my house with confidence, knowing that you will show me the countless ways that I can love my neighbor. Help me to forget myself and instead, to offer genuine consolation and friendship to those around me.

Act

Do it. See the weary soul, the wisp of hair that needs a gentle tuck, the shoulders that could use a hug. Have the courage to reach out.

~ ~ ~

The internet is a formidable force for bringing the comfort and consolation and hope of the Lord to all of us. It can be an incredibily powerful medium for community. There is an unfathomable resource for prayer here. We have on the 'net the privilege of praying for people and of being witness to the miracles brought forth when fervent, faith-filled people pray for one another.

Let's be that community of hope and faith for one another.

How about this idea? What if I pop in here every weekend, share Sunday's gospel and talk a wee bit about how we can live it and pray it in our homes? And then you tell me how we can pray for you that week? Deal?

{And please, do return and let us know how prayer is bearing fruit.}