in pursuit of happy Joy

"What makes you happy?"

She asked it almost urgently, this dear old friend of mine. "What makes you feel like you did your fourth year in college, when you loved what you were doing so much that you couldn't wait to get out of bed in the morning, that you were so happy during the day it made you sort of sad when it was time to sleep? What fills your day with Happy? I know we talk about joy--that deep down sense of joy that rises above happy and unhappy--but I want to know about happy right now. What makes you smile and sing?"

Good Question.

Shortly after that glorious year--the year I taught in Charlottesville, graduated, got married, found myself expecting a baby--there was the Year of Knowing. I've tried so hard to tell about that year, tried to share the feeling, the knowing that comes with a cancer diagnosis in one's twenties. Things stand in stark relief. You really don't fret the small things. You know beyond a shadow of a doubt what makes you happy and what brings you joy. You understand legacy and you want to shed blessings everywhere. And you don't waste time. At least that's the way I felt. 

It's still the way I feel.

 Things that make me want to jump out of bed in the morning:

• quiet time with Jesus
• Morning Prayer with Sarah snuggled against me
• a new picture book to share with my girlies
• a good discussion about plots and characters with my big kids
• unhurried time to create in the kitchen
• a well turned phrase
• an excellent photograph
• a long conversation over a good bottle of wine
• the Oxford comma ;-)
• the challenge of understanding and helping to edit college papers
• being there in the stands when they play
• tutus--and the girls who wear them
• knitting, ever so slowly
• sewing, but nothing very complicated

I love these things. They make me happy and they bring me joy. These are things He calls me to do. To nurture. To make a home--in a place and in my heart.

The problem is that my list so often collides with the real world. And the times I try to tell them, to say, please know that isn't worth the breath it took to complain about it and/or that is so very worth your effort in making it happen, they shake their heads. Perhaps they don't understand. Perhaps they simply don't want to stop and think because it can be a bit uncomfortable.

It matters not. I see it all in stark relief. It's a sixth sense. Even if no one else sees it.

That's not exactly true. Mike does.

Otherwise, though, they all cock their heads to one side, look at me quizzically, and wander away.

Crazy lady. Crazy life.

Sort of alone out there with her passion to live intentionally.

But that's the crazy I bring to this space. I bring the Happy. And I bring the Joy.  Sometimes, I wrestle aloud with the unhappy. Mostly though, it's that list above that finds its way here. I love those things and I like to share those things. I blog my life, as honestly as I possibly can. I bring vocation here. My vocation. My unique call. I love answering that call. I think that when it is our genuine call, we do love it. That's how He intends it.

What I don't like? I don't like the work of self-promotion. Try as I might, I can't say "Come look at my Happy!" very effectively. I don't like marketing.  I don't like networking.

I love conversation!

But I don't like networking. That might be for other people, but He doesn't call me there. 

So I'm happy when you find your way here, even when I haven't gone to tell you that I'm waiting. I'm happy to have this place to chronicle my thoughts and illuminate my pictures and share my Joy. And I'm over the moon when you leave comments.

I'm happy to have small ways to capture and create beauty. There is joy in beauty and it makes me happy. Pope Francis writes,

 Every form of catechesis would do well to attend to the “way of beauty” (via pulchritudinis). Proclaiming Christ means showing that to believe in and to follow him is not only something right and true, but also something beautiful, capable of filling life with new splendor and profound joy, even in the midst of difficulties. Every expression of true beauty can thus be acknowledged as a path leading to an encounter with the Lord Jesus.

 Isn't that what life in a family is: a living, breathing, daily catechesis? Let's let it be beautiful!

I'm very glad I have this place where I can be unabashedly, head-over-heels in love with a life in pursuit of holiness for Jesus. And still. It doesn't have to look at all perfect. It's not a cooking blog, so usually there's a mistake or two for the first hour or so a recipe is posted, until someone gently points it out. It's not a knitting blog, so I'm going to tell you about my latest project for more than a month before I finish it (or not) and move on. It's not a sewing blog. My sewing time is far too short and my skills too new to emulate. It's not an advice blog. I'm not going to tell you how to live; that role will never fit. I can only share how I live: both the good decisions and the ones I regret. It's not a parenting blog, a speaker's blog, a homeschooler's blog, or even an author's blog. It's just a happy blog (mostly). Where every day, I share little of my joy and hope it meets you where you are. There's no platform, no agenda, no grand plan. 

There's just me, in joyful pursuit of holy and (mostly) finding happy along the way. There are arms wide open to embrace the beauty and to reflect the Creator. There is the wholehearted endeavor to simply be a good wife and mother. There is the tenderness that comes in the moments of brokenness and sorrow. There are the dark threads of the tapestry, the ones upon which the glittering happy tones dance in joyful contrast.

And there is comfort in knowing that is all quite enough.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Wordless Wednesday

.

.

.

.

Gathering My Thoughts Amidst the Beautiful Mess

I find myself:

::noticing God's glory

There's nothing like an ice storm to make one catch her breath and wonder anew at the awesome artistry of our Creator. Awesome. In every sense of the word.

::listening to 

The Nutcracker station on Pandora. I love that my littlest can identify every piece of music from the ballet. Never gets old to hear her pipe up no more than a few notes in to every song.

::clothing myself in 

These amazing boots. I am a big fan of Dansko shoes and pretty much live in them. I baby my feet, I admit. I don't wear heels. I'd rather not wear shoes at all. Still, even with all the babying over all these years, I have a pretty significant neuroma in my right foot. Even the slightest narrowing hurts bigtime (no more TOMS for me). Dansko are nice and wide and very supportive. And these sweet boots are warm, too. I'm wearing them all the time. I got them at that link on a great sale. And I will wear them for a very long time, no doubt.

::talking with my children about these books

Those advent books are wrapped and ready! We've begun the picture book-fest. So nice to hear the old familiar stories. And I've tucked away the first book for our new granddaughter's collection. It's the first thing I've bought for her.  And everyone thought I'd head straight to Hanna Andersson! This is the first book I remember Michael reading to Christian. And Christian had it memorized, so I'm sure it was the first book he ever "read" to Patrick. Karoline read it to Sarah yesterday and there is no doubt Sarah will read it to her baby niece next year. We all still love it so well...

.

::thinking and thinking

about Christmas shopping. I have purchased exactly two gifts so far. Two! My strategy for life in the past couple of years is to carefully consider a week at a time, plan it all out and then do each day as it comes. If I look further ahead, I hyperventilate. It occurs to me that this might not be a good strategy when it comes to acquisitioning for Christmas. Still, I'm short on brain space right now.

::pondering 

Reverend Mother always says when the Lord closes a door, somewhere he opens a window. 

(Maybe that's why it feels so drafty in here. Lots of open windows ;-)

::carefully cultivating rhythm

Advent has a rhythm of its own and even when it's turned on end, there are still the old, familiar traditions, perhaps in new spaces, that bring rhythm to its heartbeat.

The above could also be read: I dumped the contents of Christian's and Patrick's stockings into paper bags while standing with the rear liftgate of my van open in the freezing rain in the parking lot of Klockner stadium on December 6th, but by golly we celebrated St. Nicholas Day!

All good. Different, but good.

::creating by hand

I finished my first Boyfriend Scarf out of Quince Puffin. I love it! Now, I need some blocking advice. I have no special soaps or oils or anything here at home and no plans to leave the house today, but I do need to block today because I'm going to give it on Thursday. So, please, please chime in. I need you!

I've already cast on another. 

::learning lessons in

the Oxford comma. No, not really. I love the Oxford comma and  I don't really care much what Oxford says, I'm going to keep right on using it. 

::encouraging learning in

Gingerbread. 

Want to curl up with some beautiful books and dream of gingerbread? Here's an old post with lots of ideas so that you could do just that and even call it school. And here, are some truly wonderful books.

Gingerbread Friends

Gingerbread Baby

 

.

.

.

::begging prayers

Please come join our community of prayer.

For college students, facing the trials of exams and more.

For my friend Megan and her family and for the repose of the soul of her beautiful mother, Cynthia McMullen.

For our dear friend Shawn Kuykendall, who is suffering terribly, and for his family and friends. Please get to know Shawn a little better here. Leave it to Shawn to get The Washington Post into the National Cathedral to consider God.

For another young friend whose life is being rocked by cancer.

For Elizabeth DeHority who kept her Tuesday chemo date last week and is visiting her sister in England.

For the repose of the soul of Eldo Merlin Foss.

::keeping house

the house is clean enough. Really. Last year, I heard voices as I cleaned and decorated and tried so hard. This year, I know what is enough. And this is enough. 

 .

::crafting in the kitchen 

 We blew up the kitchen with confectioner's sugar and ten tons of candy yesterday. It was so much fun. The nice thing about this beautiful mess is that it all cleans up with a little hot water, a rag, and a mop.

I used Candy Cottages and mini cottages this year. I figured they were a wise investment since we never eat the gingerbread houses (we spray them with acrylic so the bugs don't get them). The kids seem pleased. We had a sweet friend join us, so I did get one of these so she could take it home with her (psst-that's a ridiculous price on Amazon. Harris Teeter has them for $10 and you can get them at Costco, too). We did bake some real gingerbread for eating. Nicholas declared that he likes gingerbread but hates molasses. We're all still trying to figure that one out. 

::giving thanks 

for snow days.

::loving the moments

when the day moves along, busy all day, with good things to do. My to-do list is overwhelming if I look at more than one day at a time and it would be easy to get discouraged (and sometimes I do), but truly, there is no life I'd rather be living and no one else I'd rather spend my days with. It's all good, even if it is real work some days. It's sweet work; a beautiful mess.

  

.

.

living the liturgy

Oh! Our Lady of Guadalupe and St. Lucy and the Sunday of Joy! We are nearly caught up on our Jesse Tree (definitely fell behind in the beginning, but we're getting there).  I feel ike this advent is going at the speed of some sort of Acela Polar Express. I'm trying to slow down, trying to walk softly and gently. This week is so full of advent joys it's likely to move in a beribboned blur. 

::planning for the week ahead

 There will be those liturgical points of light.

And there will be dress rehearsal and Opening Night and Closing Night, a Princess Tea performance day (2 shows), and a Nutcracker Tea performance day (2 shows). Oh, and then there's this other little thing: the NCAA Final Four, also known as the College Cup. Patrick will play (please pray he plays) the semi-finals in Philadlephia on Friday Night, also know as Nutcracker Opening Night. Kickoff should be right around the same time as the Sugar Plum Fairy dances her solo. Mike and I will hope that my cell phone works backstage (it won't). He's going to Philly. I'm going to the show. Then, if Patrick wins Friday night (please God), we'll both be able to go to the finals on Sunday. 

.

 .

.

Small Business Saturday Giveaways

The winners were announced last week. There are still several winners who haven't claimed their prizes. All winners are posted at the bottom of the original giveaway post. Please check and see if you won!

Lord, Hear Our Prayer

photo credit: Nick Foss 

The internet is a formidable force for bringing the comfort and consolation and hope of the Lord to all of us. It can be an incredibily powerful medium for community. There is an unfathomable resource for prayer here. We have on the 'net the privilege of praying for people and of being witness to the miracles brought forth when fervent, faith-filled people pray for one another.

Let's be that community of hope and faith for one another.

How about this idea? What if I pop in here every week, share Sunday's gospel and talk a wee bit about how we can live it and pray it in our homes? And then you tell me how we can pray for you that week? Deal?

{And please, do return and let us know how prayer is bearing fruit.} 

 

 

Gospel

Matthew 3:1-12

John the Baptist appeared, preaching in the desert of Judea
and saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand!”
It was of him that the prophet Isaiah had spoken when he said:
A voice of one crying out in the desert,
Prepare the way of the Lord,
make straight his paths.
John wore clothing made of camel’s hair 
and had a leather belt around his waist.
His food was locusts and wild honey.
At that time Jerusalem, all Judea,
and the whole region around the Jordan
were going out to him
and were being baptized by him in the Jordan River
as they acknowledged their sins.

When he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees
coming to his baptism, he said to them, “You brood of vipers!
Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath?
Produce good fruit as evidence of your repentance.
And do not presume to say to yourselves, 
‘We have Abraham as our father.’
For I tell you, 
God can raise up children to Abraham from these stones.
Even now the ax lies at the root of the trees.
Therefore every tree that does not bear good fruit 
will be cut down and thrown into the fire.
I am baptizing you with water, for repentance, 
but the one who is coming after me is mightier than I.
I am not worthy to carry his sandals.
He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.
His winnowing fan is in his hand.
He will clear his threshing floor 
and gather his wheat into his barn, 
but the chaff he will burn with unquenchable fire.”
 

Think

“Meanwhile,' said Mr Tumnus, 'it is winter in Narnia, and has been for ever so long, and we shall both catch cold if we stand here talking in the snow. Daughter of Eve from the far land of Spare Oom where eternal summer reigns around the bright city of War Drobe, how would it be if you came and had tea with me?”

~C.S. Lewis

 

Pray

 

Baby Jesus, Teach me. Help me to understand that

Wrong will be right, when Aslan comes in sight,
At the sound of his roar, sorrows will be no more,
When he bares his teeth, winter meets its death
And when he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again.

The teeth baring, the mane shaking--they're kind of terrifying in the moment. Baby Jesus, teach me childlike trust.

 

Act

Invite someone in out of the cold for tea. .

 

 

How can I pray for you this week?