What happened on the trail in July

In the beginning of July I told you about my Fitbit Flex. If you missed that post, take a minute and read it now; it's kind of necessary to this post. I'll wait. 

This picks up where that leaves off.

I resolved to walk 150 miles in July. I have a very short stride, so I'd noticed that 10,000 steps for most people was about 5 miles. For me, it was 4.2 miles. It took considerably more steps to get to 5 miles. I figured that I'd have my 10,000 steps a day goal and then I'd have my 5 mile a day goal. July has 31 days, so I left myself a buffer in case I just wasn't feeling it one day. But only one day. I wasn't going to to leave myself much margin. 

I quickly settled into an early morning routine, mapping out various routes in my neighborhood carefully so I knew how far to go and which way to return home to keep within my allotted time and distance goals. If I could get around 8,000 steps first thing in the morning, as long as I was conscious of taking the active route throughout the day (parking further away, going to fetch things in the house myself instead of sending an active child), I could hit the 10,000 steps goal. Then, an evening walk around the block usually capped the five mile mark.

A little before the middle of the month, we went to the beach. I say "we," but I took the four girls and Nick to Myrtle Beach, where the girls were competing at a dance competition. So, it wasn't a family vacation. It was a half-a-family trip to the beach. I was a little concerned about my walking routine--partly because I'm a creature of habit in a big way and partly because I knew that this particular parenting endeavor was going to take serious stress  management on my part. I'm very much out of my element at dance competitions (a subject for another lengthy essay, no doubt).

I had insomnia at the beach. I could not will my body to sleep past 4AM any morning I was there. So, I gave up trying. Instead, I got up and walked. It was dark and I was a little concerned about safety in a strange area, so I essentially walked the parking lot of the condos where we were staying, weaving in and out of lit stairways, for about an hour and a half every morning. I'd come to the beach with some heavy things on my heart and as I walked I listened first to Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake (reviewed a bit here) and then to John Gottman's The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (reviewed extensively here). Note: I wasn't having a proper midlife crisis; my marriage wasn't falling apart. I just had a lot of thinking to do and in the quiet of the South Carolina mornings, to the rhythm of my feet falling again and again, I started doing it. Soon, I was logging 10,000 steps first thing in the morning and only reluctantly going inside.

It was dark when I started and I watched the sun rise every day. I was glorying in being outside. Thick, humid Carolina air was having a field day with my hair and leaving me drenched by the end of the walk, but the sunshine? Absolutely golden. As soon as the sun came up, I moved from the parking lot to the many ponds and walked around them. I recognized quickly how much I'd missed fresh air and sunshine and how restorative both were to my soul. 

Then, we'd all trudge off to the air-conditioned convention center for the dance competition. At varied moments throughout the day, when the noise and the drama and crush of the crowd overwhelmed me, I'd take my iPhone, my earbuds, and my perpetually sneakered self over to the adjoining hotel. I'd get to the halls of guest rooms and I'd walk, listening to Divineoffice.org. In the quiet. Up one hall, up the stairs, down the next hall, up those stairs, up to the top and then down again. Then back to the convention center, a much calmer person. It ocurred to me that I was sneaking off to walk and I did briefly wonder about the addictive behavior aspect of that, but really, it seemed all good.

The  Fitbit Flex began to give me smiley faces and trophies and then, I watched something else happen. I'd gathered just a few people around me on Fitbit's "friend" page. Not long after starting to use it, I decided that I was going to limit my "friends" to only people I knew in person. I didn't want exercise to be another occasion of social media. I needed this walking world to be my world away from social media. So, I've got my kids there. Chrystal Hurst and Kat Lee, who walked with me in Colorado and inspired me to get going in the first place. And then, I have three college women who are Division 1 athletes. They're friends of Patrick's, but they're absolutely real life people. Could I be as active as they are, at least now, in the offseason? I watched as my stats stayed above theirs most days. And one of them became one my biggest encouragers. She was in Charlottesville, walking all the places I used to walk when I walked way more than 10,000 steps every day and I was home from the beach by then, nearly 30 years older than those fit college days, wondering exactly what the next thirty years might hold. Somehow, the connection and the raw numbers were very encouraging.

I had very few conversations at Sally's in Colorado. I was just too sick. And too shy. But Chrystal Evans Hurst went out of her way to find me and one of the things we talked about was finding writing time. I told her that I used do my "quiet time" on a stationery bike in my closet. I'd listen to Divine Office, pray, read something inspirational. Then, I'd write for awhile. Last winter, I realized this time was becoming less fruitful and I abandoned the bike for a couple hours of  time with Bible and journal every morning in a chair in my living room. 

Very fruitful. 

I wrote Restore following those intense quiet times and it is and probably always will be one of my favorite writing projects ever. But I was completely unmotivated to write much else. And I wasn't exercising at all. In early March, I got strep throat (and probably undiagnosed mono) and then I began the exhausting and unrelenting task of caring for several children with rare serious manifestations of adenovirus (another visit to the specialist today, by the way, pray?). The class times at the gym were always inconvenient. The pace of life unrelenting. All the way to mid-June-- when Chrystal persisted in asking, "But when will you exercise? And how will you find time to write?" She was the preacher's daughter. Couldn't she just say, "Wow! Two hours of quiet time in the morning every day? That's awesome. Go you. Nothing else matters."?

But she didn't. Instead, she said, "When will you write?" and "How many steps today?" The question hung heavy through the end of June and I pounded it out on the pavement those first few weeks of July.

Tomorrow, the answers and the unfolding of walking magic.

Thinking about Educating at Home?

Hi, there! If you are coming from I Take Joy, welcome! I've gotten several requests lately for thoughts on curriculum. It's that time of year again. As we move this blog from Typepad to Squarespace, I'll be sure to move homeschooling posts this month. In the meantime, if you're hunting around, wanting to know what I think, here are some links to get you going. 

There are lots and lots of notes on real learning at home and detailed booklists here.

I'm a firm believer in balancing academics with the rest of life. 

My thoughts on early chidlhood education are here, among other places. 

There is a complete, literature- and art- based early childhood curriculum here. It needs some sprucing up, I know, perhaps this year... 

Our learning at home is brought to you by storybooks. The idea is here and some of the ways we've lived it are here, in words and pictures. 

Oh, and I wrote a book on homeschooling. You don't have to pay $45.00 for a used copy on Amazon;-).  I think there are still new copies available here. And it's only $18.65.  

The First Day Never Goes as Planned

Good morning! Did you notice the proliferation of back-to-school ads popping up all over the place last weekend? Are you like me? You take comfort in the fact that you're homeschooling, so you don't have to join the crush to acquire necessary wardrobe and supplies, while simultaneously shaking in your shoes as you pull book after book off the shelves in the quest to finally get the plans just right?

Whatever ;-). 

I'm at my friend Sally's this morning, sharing about how the first day won't go as planned, anyway. 

Life-changing Books & Super Cute Baby Pants

Let's see, what have I been reading since last we chatted? I finished  The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. I still highly recommend the book. I listened through the entire audio version and then ordered the print version so I could actually see all the checklists and surveys. As I listened, I thought about how much of the research and the resutling advice was good for all relationships, not just marriages. So, of course, that meant I had to listen to The Relationship Cure: a 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships. Lots of fascinating stuff here!! I highly recommend this one, too, particularly if you or one of your children has difficulty reading social cues. This book has the potential to unlock a myriad of previously locked doors and to help people deepen important relationships.

One thing about the Gottman books that I wondered incessantly is what impact the internet and smartphones, in particular, would have had on his data. Most of his work predates the ubiquitous smartphone. I went to his website and found some good things there.

Then I dug deeper around the web and found the 99U site and  stumbled onto this gem: Manage Your Day-to-Day: Build Your Routine, Find Your Focus, and Sharpen Your Creative Mind. I listened to the audio version of this one, but I ordered the hard version, too. The audio version is just fine, but I am going to insist everyone over 13 in my household read this book and I know for some print is better than audio and for others, audio is the only way. This book is a game changer. A life changer. A this is my guide-to-how-to-function-in-a-world-that-has-drastically-changed-in-the-last-five-years one-of-a-kind kind of book. It's essential. I see it being the most important read the summer before starting college. I see it being the best way to lift oneself out of the deep trench made by bad internet and communication habits that have crept up on mostly all of us. I see it as the roadmap towards identifying both roles and goals and then determing how best to fulfill them. 

And after I devoured that, I decided that my new walking habit had most definitely blown the book budget. I walked 198 miles in July. And I read 8 books. Time. Well. Spent. So, instead of getting anything new, I went back into my Audible library and started re-listening to Walking in the World. I thought I'd listened to its precursor, The Artist's Way, but I must have read that one in print. As soon as I finish this one, I'm going to listen to Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project again. 

This walking and reading? So, so good. I'll tell you more about the habit on Monday.

I've gotten some sewing done this week, too. I finally stitched together the Quick Change Trousers (from this book) I cut before Lucy was born. Totally cute. I wanted to try them on her as soon as they came off the machine,  but Christian thought otherwise.

We've got some other projects going. A blouse from this book that will probably be made in three different sizes before everyone gets the right fit. It's translated from Japanese and I told Kristin we would have been better off buying the Japanese version and asking her grandmother to translate for us. And there are those headbands I cut at the beach that still need stitching. And...we worked on a special project that we'll show you after the gift has been received.

What are you sewing and reading this week? I really do want to hear all about it!

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...and when they are OLD they will not depart from it.

I am in the orthodontist’s office as I write this morning. Katie, my 11-year-old, is a frequent visitor here. She has a knack for popping the brackets off her teeth. My orthodontist is the most patient of medical men. He sees her coming, flashes a wide (and nearly perfect) grin, and assures her that whatever has gone astray can be pushed back into place. It’s a process, he contends, and he’s in it for the long haul.

The brackets and braces are adjusted once again, everything is glued in place, and she leaves confident that all will be well (and sometimes more than a little sore). All will be well. Her teeth, once growing every which way in her mouth, are being trained to be straight. They want to fight the new posture, to go with the natural bent, but again and again, they are brought back into line and held there. Most of the hard work will be finished by the time Katie is in her mid-teens. Then, according to the plan, a retainer will hold them in place, and when she is old they will not depart from the straight and narrow path.

You see where this is going, don’t you? 

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it”

(Proverbs 22:6).

Parents are assured that the careful, patient training of a child when he is young will mean that when he is old he will not depart from it. It’s not the simplistic, formulaic promise that some would have a new mom believe. I will never tell you that if you just raise them a certain way, they’ll never stray from what is good and noble and true. But God does promise that when they are old, they will not depart from the way they should go.

It’s still a little hazy when “old” is, but my hunch is that some children take longer than others to get there. The other day, I saw a young man leaving the orthodontist with a full set of braces — for the second time. Things didn’t go according to plan the first time — mostly because of patient noncompliance — so the process was begun again. He’ll get there. He’s just taking the circuitous route. He’s slow to grow old.

This training business is continuous work. When our children are young, we are called to imprint the good upon their hearts, to make an impression so lasting that it is indelibly written into the story of their lives. We hold them close, we meet their needs, we let them know that they are loved and valued. We respond again and again, and they grow to know what love is.

Such responsive parenting requires sacrifice on the part of parents. It might be the first time they’ve had to lay down their lives. First and foremost, parents have to live the life of virtue to which we want children to aspire. It begins when we answer the cry of an infant, and I’m pretty sure it lasts until we draw our last breath. It’s easier said then done. So, when we falter and fail, we model for them seeking and receiving the grace of forgiveness and the amendment of our ways. This raising children gig makes grown-ups of the parents.

Children need clear expectations. We train them in the way they should go a little at a time. With every small event — a trip to the store, a family dinner, a play date with a friend — we offer clear expectations and the reasoning behind excellent behavior. And we follow through on the expectation; a disciplined parent is the key to a disciplined child.

Training children well in the way they should go requires a quantity of quality time. Both are essential. Quantity: We have to be with our children in order to coach them. We can’t correct and advise if we aren’t there. That means we drive the carpool, stand on the sidelines, invite the friends into our homes. Such engagement requires a quality of time, too. It isn’t enough to be there if we are glued to a smartphone or disengaged from the conversation when we are sharing space with a child. We have to be fully present in order to effectively train fully engaged, wholehearted excellent behavior.

We train children to be virtuous when we talk to them about our world, when we share our insights and seek their observations and concerns. An intimate relationship with a child means that they become more aware as they grow older. They see the challenges their parents face, and they watch them respond with strength of character. Sure, the children are being trained, but we are being trained also; being a good parent is a call to a higher standard. Some of us aren’t quite “old” yet ourselves. There are moments— maybe even days or whole seasons — when mothers and fathers have to dig deep and discipline ourselves to meet the real needs of our children. They want connection — encouragement, affirmation, security, warmth and, yes, consistent grace-filled correction. It is as essential to a soul that a child receive those things from her parents as it is to her body to receive food and shelter.

With careful attention, plenty of fine tuning, and maybe a little discomfort, children will learn the way they should go. And when they are old, they will smile broadly the confident grin of a virtuous soul.