Gathering Resources Before 9/11

I'm hoping to give you a head start on talking with your children about 9/11. This year, when threats seem so very real again, I've noticed that my children (the older ones, who have heard recent news) are more anxious than in years past. The events of 9/11 no longer seem like early childhood memories or the reminiscences of older siblings. There is a real and present danger. And so, we talk and we learn and walk together in faith.

A few years ago, my mother attended a book signing by author A. B. Curtis. She bought a book for my children and mailed it to them. I have to admit I was skeptical of a children's book about the tragedy of September 11, 2001. How do you capture the horror in rhyming verse and whimsical pictures? You don't. Instead, Ms. Curtis tells the story of St. Paul's church, an historical church that stands fewer than 100 yards from where the towers stood. The chapel became a refuge and launching point for the rescuers who were on the scene. Every time I read the book tears well in my eyes at the thought of the fireman who hung their shoes on the chapel fence before they went into the towers:

Oh what gallant men did we lose

Who never came back to get their shoes!

The book is a gentle re-telling. Our children are surrounded every day by references to the horror that forever changed our world. They will ask what "9/11" means and they surely deserve to be answered. But, little ones should not see that footage and they should not be bombarded with remembrances more appropriate for grief-stricken, terrorized adults. Childhood is all too brief. Very soon, they will be old enough to learn the details of the day. For now, this book tells them a story of hope amidst the charred ruins. A story we all need to hear.

You can read the entire book and see the pictures here. But get the book. Really. It's worth holding in your lap.

Fireboat is a whimsically illustrated children's book that tells the story of John J. Harvey, a fireboat that witnessed the growth of New York city throughout the 20th century. There are lots of intersting little things to learn about culture and about fireboats. It's a gentle, happy picture book. Then, the book takes an abrupt turn and becomes stark when the author reaches September 11, 2001. She focuses onthe heroes and not on the violence, but this is still a very realistic book and the whimsy evaporates into the bright blue sky, just as it did that Septmember day. It's a good read and it's a story that somehow sticks with us long after the covers of the book are closed. I strongly suggest parents preview it--you might you want to use it with children older than the typical picture book age.  To extend the conversation, you might visit the John J. Harvey website or take a peek at the study guide for the book.

It's not technically a 9/11 book, but I love to read (sing) Wendell Minor's inllustrated version of America the Beautiful. On the page where we sing, "Thine alabaster cities gleam/Undimmed by human tears" Minor has painted a picture of the fallen tower site with the towering lights gleaming upwards to commemorate the loss. It's an image that just fits that particular place in the song written so long before the event. And this book, this song, these words--they do so much to heal hearts and remind us of the blessings of this great country.

As my children have gotten older, I've tried to find some new resources for them  A Nation Challenged (the Young Readers' Edition) is a favorite. America is Under Attack is still a picture book, but its edges are not as soft as the ones above.The 9/11 Report: A Graphic Adaptation is a graphic interpretation of the 800 page government commission's report that is appropriate for teenagers who really don't remember and are now old enough to begin to study the history of the event. New to us this year is 9-11: Artists Respond , a collection of stories and art in response to tragedy. Art is therapy. And art is part of our national culture. Creating some art on this day might be therapeutic for all.

It's rare for high school students to interact with primary source documents that are written by people just a decade older than they are. With Their Eyes: September 11th--The View from a High School at Ground Zero is just such a work. Ten students at Stuyvesant High School, four blocks from Ground Zero, conducted interviews with the high school community in the days after the attacks. This work is a compilation of responses and recollections. This one is new to us this year, too. I started reading online while waiting for it to arrive and find it gripping. 

What we want most from our study of history, even recent history, is to learn from the mistakes and to go forth wiser. I think the the first lessons we asked of ourselves were lessons in compassion and in seeking peace in community. We banded together to bind our wounds. Then came the lessons in safety and security. We have a new normal now when it comes to things like airline security and unattended backpacks in shopping malls. It is critical, however, that our children broaden their understanding and begin to become aware of who the perpetrators were and how they think. There is evil in the world and teenagers are not too young to know that. PBS has a whole series of lesson plans for further investigation. And our teens are listening to and talking about the Teaching Company course Utopia and Terror in the 20th Century. 

September 11 tends to be a melancholy day. A couple years ago, we began a new tradition. In the afternoon, we all sat together and spent some time thinking about peace. We were guided by one of the excellent e-courses offered by Mariah Bruehl, author of Playful Learning, easily one of my favorite educational resources.

 This course, Be a Peacemaker, is an opportunity for parents and children to discuss with each other ways to bring peace into ourselves, our homes, and ultimately, the world.

Peaceful children--intentionally creating peace in our homes and helping children to create peace within themselves--is an important purpose in the education of souls. Over the course of conversation, using Mariah's prompts, we shared what comforts us, what brings us peace. I could see Katie plotting ways to make the house smell like the Basilica next time she thinks I need to bring a little calm into my soul. At first, I was going to exclude Stephen and Mary Beth from the lesson time, but I invited them to  join instead. As she set off with her printable, Mary Beth (a teenager nearly ready to leave home) asked, "Will you use this to help us next time we feel stressed?" Good plan. I think these are keepers, for sure.

Wishing you peace in your homes and your hearts!

O God of love, compassion, and healing,
look on us, people of many different faiths
and traditions,
who gather today at this site,
the scene of incredible violence and pain.
We ask you in your goodness
to give eternal light and peace
to all who died here—
the heroic first-responders:
our fire fighters, police officers,
emergency service workers, and
Port Authority personnel,
along with all the innocent men and women
who were victims of this tragedy
simply because their work or service
brought them here on September 11, 2001.

We ask you, in your compassion
to bring healing to those
who, because of their presence here that day,
suffer from injuries and illness.
Heal, too, the pain of still-grieving families
and all who lost loved ones in this tragedy.
Give them strength to continue their lives
with courage and hope.

We are mindful as well
of those who suffered death, injury, and loss
on the same day at the Pentagon and in
Shanksville, Pennsylvania.
Our hearts are one with theirs
as our prayer embraces their pain and suffering.

God of peace, bring your peace to our violent world:
peace in the hearts of all men and women
and peace among the nations of the earth.
Turn to your way of love
those whose hearts and minds
are consumed with hatred.
God of understanding,
overwhelmed by the magnitude of this tragedy,
we seek your light and guidance
as we confront such terrible events.
Grant that those whose lives were spared
may live so that the lives lost here
may not have been lost in vain.

Comfort and console us,
strengthen us in hope,
and give us the wisdom and courage
to work tirelessly for a world
where true peace and love reign
among nations and in the hearts of all.

Pope Benedict XI--Prayer at Ground Zero
New York, 20 April 2008 

{Just a note: we have been encouraged to pause and remember and pray every time we notice that the clock reads 9:11. In this way, we remember; we teach our our children to remember; and we truly will not forget.}

The Best Things Happen in the Margins {The Wider, the Better}

It’s funny the moments that stand out clearly in one’s memory. I remember driving to work the first day of school, the first year I taught, ready to begin an adventure with first grade. The traffic reporter was waxing sentimental for a moment and told the greater DC commuting community that his daughter was heading off to her first day of first grade.  In a very tangible way, I was reminded that every child in my class, faces yet to be learned, was someone’s precious first-grader.

By my calculations, that little girl is now about 33 years old. She might even have a first-grader of her own. That makes me old. On the other hand, this week, my five-year-old begins her kindergarten journey. That makes me young. Then again, my fourth child and first daughter begins her senior year of high school this week. That makes me old again.  One last year to begin the schoolgirl journey with a child in pigtails. One last year to teach my first little girl everything I want her to know before she leaves home. Let’s do this right.

I’m glad that popular convention holds that September is the new January. For me, September has always been a “January” of sorts: fresh notebooks unblemished with rips or tears or the scars of backpacks and bus rides; new school shoes that squeak and make one self-conscious as if the whole world could hear; the wood and carbon smell of a “bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils” — a whole academic year unfurls before us, full of promise and opportunity. September is a hopeful month.

I am most hopeful that September will have very broad margins. Amidst the busyness of a new school year and all the new commitments that come with it, I appoint myself sentry over the broad margin. I entrust myself with guarding the time and space for relationship and connection. If we’re going to “do this right,” we are going to have to connect with one another in meaningful, intentional ways.

September always has a pulling-away quality about it when considered in the context of home. This September finds my eldest “child” celebrating his own birthday for the first time as a father. It finds the next two boys each in a different college town. Pulling away, there is always pulling away. For children still at home, well-considered activities and burgeoning friendships pull them from the house, broadening horizons and enriching experiences.

One of the essential lessons I want to impart to my big girl, even as she pencils calendar squares with academics and work and dance, is to highlight the margins in ink. The margins are where the soul work happens. And the margins are where rest, relationship and recollection make sense of the stuff of life.

There is a broad margin around the calendar entry that holds place for my kindergartener’s dance lesson. It’s an extra 20 minutes before the start time and another after the finish time. In that margin, we will walk hand-in-hand to and from dance, instead of driving up five minutes before the class begins and driving straight home afterward. During our walks, she will be filled with all the little observations she always makes when she moves slowly through her familiar world. And I will be filled with the lilting sound of her still babyish voice telling me all her very important “things.”

There is a broad margin at the end of the day, after children are tucked into bed and prayers are said. It is reserved for a FaceTime conversation if my husband is away — a chance to catch up on the day’s happenings and hold each other’s attention, complete with the nuances of inflection and expression that evade our too-often text messages. If he is at home, it is reserved for pillow talk, television silenced and cell phones far out of reach — all the better.

We fill our lives with many important things. The lessons and the appointments and the practices woven so carefully make up the fabric of our lives. But it is the warm, bright border that frames the fabric — the margin — that makes this a quilt of artistry and comfort, something in which we will wrap ourselves for a lifetime. So, here’s to a happy “new year,” one filled with setting firm foundations, making happy memories and loving well in the broad margins of our lives.

On Instagram, Kelli Sanders tagged this post with a variation of #smallstepsinwidemargins . I think she's nailed the prevailing philosophy for the fall. And maybe the whole year. Thanks, Kelli! I'm going to keep tagging with it and I hope you will too. Join us?

We're all About REAL: Pumpkin Spice Latte

Last week, my friend Marcia sent me this post, thereby ending any lingering fascination I might have had with Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte. (I'm so over Starbucks sweet stuff anyway.) This morning, my son, who has long loved the lattes of fall, is lamenting the ubiquitous pumpkin. 

Today seems like the perfect day to repost this recipe and embrace the coming crunch of the leaves::

As the season changes, I'm drawn to those orange chalked signs that promise steaming mugs of fall, complete with whipped frothiness and steam infused with nutmeg. 

They cost a small fortune. They require leaving home. And really, they're sticky sweet.

We can do better.

My friend Sarah has her hands full these days. She's got three babies under two and they have three siblings. Busy, busy. And sleep deprived beyond imagination. Sarah has sacrificed milk in order to try to conquer her wee ones' tendency towards ear infections. So, she's been drinking Pumpkin Spice Via mixed into coconut milk. She froths it with a handy-dandy dinglehopper. It's quick and tasty. But the mama bear in me says,

"Girlfriend, you are demanding incredible things of your body. You're depriving it of sleep. You're the sole source of nutrition for two babies who have deliciously fat cheeks and thighs. You need to take care of you. So let's make this sweet indulgence a little healthier."

We have two choices here, the hot and the cold.

We have two choices here, the hot and the cold.

First the hot:

12 ounces warm coconut or almond millk ( I prefer almond) Homemade almond milk here for people who aren't loving on twin babies right now.

1 teaspoon instant expresso (or just plain old instant coffee)

1/4 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice

1/4 cup canned pumpkin (or up to half a cup, which is a legitimate vegetable serving)

scraping the seeds of a vanilla bean into this mixture makes it an exceptionally undulgent luxury

sweetener to taste:  here's where you can make a huge difference. I think PSLs at Starbucks are too sweet for my taste. Pumpkin Spice Via has 60 calories--all of them sugar calories, the equivalent of 4 teaspoons of sugar. I drink my version with unsweetened almond milk and just one teaspoon of raw honey. You can play with this to your taste; think maple syrup or molasses or honey or even sugar if it's just too much work to look at alternatives. It's unlikely that you really need 4 teaspoons of sugar, though.

You stir it all to blend and then froth it with a dinglehopper. Alternatively, you can put it all in the blender and give it a whirl. Sprinkle the top with more pumpkin spice.

The cold version:

This is a legitimate breakfast. Real food:-)

12 ounces milk or milk alternative

1/2 cup canned pumpkin

1/4 cup almonds

1/4 teaspoon pumpkin spice

1 teaspoon (or more) raw honey or maple syrup  (if you like)

1 teaspoon instant coffee or expresso

the seeds of a vanilla bean if you are so inclined

Blend all of the above until it's smooth. Then add a handful of ice and blend again. Pour and sprinkle a little more pumpkin spice on top. 

[Alternatives: You can eliminate the coffee altogether. You can add half a frozen banana. You can freeze brewed coffee into ice cubes and use those instead of water ice and in place of instant coffee.]

So, there you go, a healthy alternative to pricey autumn-in-a-cup.

Paths Unexpected

It's been so long since my last post about walking, and one of the things I promised myself about the blog move was I'd make more time for the combox, so I've lifted comments from the last post and answered some of them here. 

August was a good month outdoors--I'm really sorry to see it end. I think I might have lost a pound or two, certainly nothing terribly exciting. I've gained some muscle, for sure. I see it and I feel it. I've discovered beautiful trails to walk. And I've started to run (something entirely unexpected). I found encouragement in some really lovely places. Patrick, who is the finest athlete I know (and now I'm going to have to do some 'splaining with five other boys who call me "Mom"), has been my biggest cheerleader. There's no condescension. No patronizing air of superiority. He's just really, super encouraging.

Mary Beth has started texting me pictures of her own runs. When Sloane noticed my old running shoes were showing signs of wear, Bobby supplied the latest pair of shoes. Paddy noticed that, so he sent Nikes to Katie and Mary Beth (we might be a tad competitive even in the generosity department around here;-).  Paddy made sure I had rain gear and then complimented me on how well I wear his hand-me-downs. I really do love that rain jacket.

My stepmother walked with me in Charlottesville. She's got hills on her path! And I'm pretty sure she was pacing herself so that I wouldn't get winded. She handled the hills just fine. She's graceful, active aging personified and she inspires me.

And Kristin, who is finding her running legs again after Lucy's arrival, is able to deep-down understand that whole thing about having super short legs and more determination than natural inclination. We've had long talks about the ins and outs and she's incredibly patient with all my questions. Yesterday found us looking online for local 5Ks. So I guess I'm in this thing. 

My little girls check my Fitbit stats regularly. Karoline promises to run my first 5K with me. Sarah promises to take pictures at the finish line. Nick likes to compete (when he can find his Fitbit). And Mike spent last weekend patiently listening to me strategize about trails and training and how much distance would be too much. I'm really very concerned about negative effects of "too much" because I tend to, well, sort of obsess about things and I can easily go overboard.

I have a "running community." I call them "family."

My friend Nicole shared the Runmeter app with me. I've been using Couch-to-5K and I'll stick with it a few more days, but then I think I'm going to switch over to interval training using Runmeter. After the fourth week, the C25K program is really just increasingly long jogs. I'll do those jogs, but I think Runmeter can give me more information and more coaching prompts. One bonus is that I can share with Nicole, which I couldn't do before, because she has a Jawbone Up and I have a Fitbit. I'm not letting go of my Fitbit, though. It keeps me informed-- and moving. What started in June as a quest to walk 10,000 steps a day has become something so much more than I expected. I've loved every minute outdoors. I've learned I won't die if I run (I'm not exaggerating. I still have these leftover chemo fears and one of them was dying while running.) 

I'm still out there alone on the trails, not the slightest bit interested in running clubs or running buddies. I invited Katie to come along one day and she played by the rules and walked very quietly beside me. I might invite her back one day. I'm still hoping to meet my Fitbit buddy Aimee and hike in Charlottesville. If not, I'm going to do that hike alone in a couple weeks.

I might meet Kristin and run behind a stroller with her, just because that's something I've always wanted to do (and because I kind of love Kristin and Lucy). Oh, and I've invited Mike to come along on walks. He has a standing invitation. But only him.

I've got a few folks steadily encouraging me from afar-- checking my stats, cheering my progress, answering my doubts with kindness and knowledge.

So, I'm all for fitness community of the encouraging and brainstorming kind. And really, if one day I found myself running alongside someone on a regular basis, I'd be surprised, but only in the same way I've been surprised by so many things on the trail this summer.

Speaking of fitness community, let's get to your questions.

Jenny wrote: I love this! I'm anxious to settle into some better writing and walking routines myself. The brain dump activity is something I know would benefit me, and I love to journal that but can't manage to do it without little ones climbing all over me. My question is - after you brain dump into notes, do you go back and read that? or just leave it alone? How do you distinguish between the things you want to remember to act on later and the stream of consciousness? Thank you for always being an inspiration.

Thanks for your kind words! The speech-to-voice function or the Notes app isn't perfect, by any means. So, it's pretty critical for me to look over what I dictated when I get home and fix Siri's crazy translations. Then, if there are things there I want to keep for later (column ideas, profound thoughts I want to pass on to my kids, menus for Christmas dinner;-), I transfer the notes to files where I can find them. I really should learn Evernote. It would be perfect for this kind of thing.

Catharina said: Love this post!I feel that I have rounded a corner with regards to self-care, too, but some more encouragement is always good :-)
I was wondering about your bedtime. If I would get up at 5 AM, I would need to be in bed at 9 PM. I don't have teenagers yet, but I'm guessing that would be highly unpractical. Or not?

Along the same lines, 

Christine commented: I was also wondering if you are able to get 7.5-8 hours of sleep with big kids in the home and such an early rising time. I have found weight control to be SO much easier when I have gotten enough sleep. The experts concur with that. I have also read and heard that weight loss is around 80% about what you are eating and 20% about exercise. It is very difficult to lose much weight solely through exercise, but it certainly has many other benefits. I go to the YMCA six days per week. I wish I would have taken better care of myself when my children were younger. I was a martyr and I did no one any favors. It was so much easier to read on the couch than to exercise.

First the sleep: I don't stay up until my big kids go to sleep. As long as they're under roof, I can sleep just fine even if they are still awake. If they're out, I tend to doze and then wake when they come and sleep soundly when I know everyone is here. But we keep pretty strict and reasonable curfews for all involved. Mike has traveled a lot this summer. When he is out of town and when the children have all their activities during the daytime (instead of after school and into the evening), I can usually be asleep by 10:00. That's been the case this summer. All that changes, oh, right about now;-). 

I've learned that soccer practice is very late four nights a week. Too late and dark to run (though I'm going to test that). I certainly won't be able to run the wooded trails. I might be able to do circles around soccer fields, but I'm not likely to like that at all. I will, however, be able to sit in the parking lot, without wi-fi, and write in 90-minute to two-hour chunks. That means I'll only need about a half hour in the morning to link and upload pictures on days I blog. So, I'll be getting home from soccer around 10:00, but I won't have to be up at 5:00 to write. I can just get up at 6:00, spend a half hour at the computer, and then head outside. I think it's do-able. We shall see.

As far as diet and weight loss go, I've read research. Lots and lots of research. Seriously, you should see my shelves of books on the subject. I've talked to health professionals. It's not a simple matter of counting calories. I don't eat sugar, or grains (except occasional rice, maybe once a week), or dairy. I don't do soda or processed foods. Period. I'm careful about portions. Heck, I'm careful about everything I eat. I walked 243 miles in August and had absolutely no refined sugar all month (until Friday, August 29, when I ate 1 of these amazing peanut butter cups. Worth it. Worth every single calorie;-) But clearly, there is more to the puzzle than calories or even "clean eating."

There's more to this for me than calories in/calories out.

I have Hashimoto's disease; it's complicated. In terms of overall health and weight loss, for me, exercise is at least half the equation. Maybe more. I can't eat any better than I do. That's my reality. Peace will coming in learning to accept my body for what it is while also doing everything I can to maximize my health. It will also come when I tune out the voices, long ingrained in my subconscious, that tell me the truest measure of my value is the number on a scale.

most importantly, perhaps, exercise for me is not primarily motivated by weight loss. Maybe exercise is only 20% of the weight loss equation. For me, exercise is about 75% of the weaponry in the war on depression. It's a war I've been fighting all my life. To be outside and to move is a critical component of the battle plan.

I hear you about self-care. I went through really good periods of excellent exercise routines when my bigger kids were little. Those were happier and healthier seasons for me. The martyr periods weren't good for anyone.

Judy wrote: A question, Elizabeth - how do you anticipate fitting in an hour and a half of walking in daylight during winter? (Here-Canada- it is not light until close to 8.00am and dark a little after four.) It seems nature is part of what is filling you up, but those short daylight hours are the ones when I assume you homeschool, prepare and clean up meals etc. Do you, plan to follow the rhythm of the seasons in which God (perhaps) intends for both us and his wild creatures a time of greater rest - shorter walks? I'm not sure your competitive streak will settle happily into that (smile!). It is lovely to read about how energized you are by this lovely summer routine - just wondering about a few months from now - how you imagine making it work.

and Sarah echoed Judy: Like Judy, I'm wondering how this will play out with later sunrises and school starting. I'm sure you'll come up with something. I'm also slightly jealous----I am most definitely not a morning person. Every evening, I feel alive and ready to start a new habit in the morning, but then the morning comes with the aches and pains and the despair over a little battle with insomnia. I know I could walk at night, but it gets dark and it seems to make so much more sense to get it in in the morning! I think I'm overthinking it.

You are so right! Nature has played a huge part in what is filling me up. This summer, I made sure to get about 10,000 steps in the morning, give or take 2,000. They were almost entirely in the daylight and they were also mostly on trails. Fill. Fill. Fill.  I didn't think I'd like walking at night, but I learned that I quickly got a second wind and I really did like it. It was cool and, of course, it was still daylight. My boys practiced soccer in the early evening, very close to some beautiful trails (you can see them below). So, I did a lot of evening walking and enjoyed several sunsets around beautiful lakeside paths. I ended many August days having walked 7-10 miles during the day and into the evening. As it gets dark earlier and they train later, those trails will be closed. So, I will go in the morning (mostly in the dark) and probably try to squeeze in a real, live nature walk with the kids during the day at least three times a week. I've written it into our school plans. 

Part of the impetus to start running was to make that morning time more efficient. I can't plan on an hour and half. But I think that by the end of October, I will be able to run three miles in a little over a half an hour and then walk the remainder of that hour. The Fitbit has made me very conscious of seizing opportunities to be active, so I know that if I get that good hour in in the early morning, the rest of the day will be more than enough activity-wise. I also recognize that most of those morning runs will be in the dark, so I'll make a conscious effort tot get out with the kids during the day into the sunshine, however cold that sunshine might be.

I've always loved early morning walks, so I've done quite a bit of dark, winter walking. I wear a reflective vest and stay on sidewalks in fairly busy places. It's not the same as these treasured quiet, wooded summer walks, not at all. This week and last, I've played with routes and tinkered with timing so that maybe I can begin on neighborhood streets and end on trails as the sun rises. Still working that angle.

I think that if you want to start a morning habit, maybe if you push through the tired and just do it a few days, the insomnia will work itself out at bedtime. I know that my sleep quality has improved dramatically. If you genuinely are energetic in the evening, maybe some reflective clothing and this headlamp and you go for it?

Emily said: The line that hit me was how you'll keep on walking, even though you haven't lost any weight. That's a big thing for me--would I keep working out if I didn't lose weight? Because to me, working out---> weight loss (at least that's what my doctors tell me). It's something to chew on, if I'd do it without the weight loss part of it. I think if I had an iPod I'd be much more motivated to do it on my own. But I have to say I do like the physical benefits, regardless of the weight issue...

Oh, Emily! You filling those beautiful, new-to-you lungs and breathing in and out and me pushing past the doubts about what damage was done with chemo and radiation-- that should be plenty, shouldn't it? Just to be alive and well enough to move. But then the people come alongside and they all have solutions on how to achieve a more perfect weight. And why you should reach a more perfect weight.  And the doubt creeps in. And we falter and think, "Why bother? It will never be good enough. I will always be a little soft and a little round. I will never be perfectly fit."

It's good enough. I'm telling you. It's way more than good enough. The privilege of moving and breathing and listening to a beating heart. It's enough. For both of us.

Let's keep reminding each other.

All the photos today were taken with my iPhone yesterday morning, on the first run/walk of September.

And, yes, I gathered pictures from August into another video.

Because I like to remind myself that it was good. 

The song is Matt Redmond's 10,000 Reasons. It's my favorite first-thing-in-the-morning song.

Lots of Reading and Just a Little Sewing

It's been so long since the last needle & thREAD that I'm not sure I can remember everything I've read since we last visited. It's been a very busy reading summer. I've listened to audiobooks for several hours a week as I walk (and run). I started off on a major philosophical/self-improvement trail and made an abrupt turn into fiction.

Actually, it was a friend who suggestion the fictional diversion. I'd been reading Anna Quindlen on midlife and John Gottman on marriage and then on to the really excellent book on habits. I ran out of Audible credit ;-), so I went and reread The Happiness Project and Happier at Home. I truly love both those books. I find them joyful and uplifting and inspiring. Gretchen Rubin resonates with me. I "get" her and I think, if she knew me, we'd be fast friends. 

But all the self-improvement was beginning to sow seeds of discontent. A friend suggested taking a break on seriousness (even happy seriousness) and just indulging in fiction. The problem was that I really haven't read fiction (except for shared fiction with my kids) since cancer. I'm not sure why. I haven't watched movies, either. I think that the inevitable plot complex, with its conflict and its pain, always hits a nerve too sharply. But still, all that self-improvement...

So, I started with Evensong. I think it was the quote on this post of Anne Bogel's that intrigued me. I bought the print version. I read the first few chapters. Then I read the end, just to assuage my anxiety. It was as if I could bear to "feel" along with the characters as long as I knew how it would all resolve. I enjoyed Evensong. Some of the characters were a bit too odd to ring true to me, but the story carried me along and fiction turned out to be a good idea.

Then, I read the print version of What Alice Forgot. I've been eyeing this one for quite sometime. The plot intrigued me. A 39-year-old woman passes out at the gym, hits her head, and forgets the the previous ten years. When she comes to, she thinks she's a happily married 29-year-old about to have her first child. Instead, she's an about-to-be-divorced mother of three. Throughout the course of the book, the young woman she was discovers the middle-aged woman she is and teaches her a lesson or two. I really loved this book. It is the kind of book that sticks with you. It was artfully crafted and well-written. It held up to all my microscopic ifs, ands, and buts. Actually, I'd really like to talk about it more. Maybe we could meet up here in a couple weeks and have a book discussion? I will warn you: despite my best efforts not to, I binge read this one. Bet you can't read just one chapter at a time.

After that, I read Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. It's a book on writing. And on life. I listened to this one and really loved the narrator. The book is excellent, but it's on fiction writing, something I'm quite certain I will never attempt. Still, I took away several points of self-improvement. Oh, dear. There we go again.

After Anne Lamott, I thought I'd give Annie Dillard a try. I started listening to The Writing Life. it was too ethereal. Too much work. I didn't get it. Maybe I'll try again when I don't have to concentrate quite so hard on running form while I listen. 

Most recently, after loving Liane Moriarty in What Alice Forgot, I listened to The Last Anniversary. There were parts of this story I thought were excellent. Postpartum depression (and postpartum psychosis) is explored--and very well, I think. The relationship of depression to poor attachment in childhood was one I found very real and expertly crafted.

I liked Sophie, a rich character of Moriarity's girl-next-door variety.  As in What Alice Forgot , one of the protagonists is 39 and at a crossroads of sorts--only this one is unmarried and without children, but really wants both. 

I finished this one this morning. One thing about audiobooks, it's a little harder to cheat and read the end before the rest of the story (though not impossible, certainly). I made myself read the book in order this time and I'm proud of myself for it. This self-discipline contributed to binge listening. And after all that effort, I found the ending of this book to be a little disturbing and very disappointing. I'm annoyed;-).

Sewing? Kristin was sewing herself some tops a few weeks ago. When she showed me the troubles she was having with them, I thought maybe she could benefit from the brilliantly crafted and even more brilliantly explained patterns of Liesl Gibson. So, we went through all my Oliver & S patterns and chose one I've made several times, but never in a size tiny. We found some very cute stashed Anna Maria Horner Little Folks flannel and I stayed close by while Kristin let Liesl teach her to sew. The shirt is darling and I know Kristin got pictures, but she's got a blog and I'm not going to steal her thunder. ;-)

Oh, and did you see? There is "Miss Kate" yardage at the Fat Quarter Shop. I think that this line is going to go well with Bonnie and Camille fabric I still have stashed. I think I might let my Miss Kate do a little shopping. 

Tell me what you've been reading. What about sewing? What does fiction do for you? I asked for favorite audiobook choices on Facebook and got a wonderful, wonderful list. Chime in here with your favorite books and I'll be so very happy to make us a great big list to listen to together.