That Scary Hospitality Thing

Photo credit: Karoline Foss, or maybe Sarah Foss. 

Hospitality scares me. You, too?

Did you grow up in a home where everything had to be magazine-perfect when guests were coming? And now, when after a soccer game, your husband turns to the couple standing next to you on the sidelines and says, "Come by our house; let's cook out," you die a thousand deaths. Because you know there are no guest towels in the foyer bathroom, and you know the kitchen floor is sticky under the bar stools by the island. And you know you hadn't really budgeted for an impromptu cookout. But he's smiling warmly and they are offering to bring something, so you also know this is going to happen.

Die, you tell yourself. Die to your perfectionism. Die to your pride. And don't you dare start barking orders at your children as if you could whip things into shape quickly enough to keep up the image that your household is perfect.

It's not. And you know it.

Instead, shove aside your Martha Stewart imagination and resolve this one thing: Offer hospitality without a side of sin. Offer gracious hospitality. Offer grace-filled hospitality.

In 1 Kings 17, the prophet Elijah goes to Zaraphath and drops in unexpectedly on a widow, who has only a handful of oil and a little water with which to feed herself and her son. The prophet asks for a cup of water and some bread. She explains that she has very little, even as she goes off to prepare something for him. And he assures her all will be well.

I think it’s safe to assume the widow is remarkably unconcerned about guest towels and sticky spots. She is a bit concerned about quantity, because she barely has enough for herself and her son. She extends herself anyway, offers hospitality to Elijah and is blessed beyond her wildest imaginings. You can't outgive God.

But you can stand rooted in pride and miss the opportunity to both give and receive blessing. The key to hospitality is humility.

In order to truly extend hospitality we must put away our pride. We must be willing to open our doors, no matter the state of homes or our wardrobes, and to graciously seek to make our visitors feel welcome and at ease. When we do this, we allow people to see us as we are. We put away the pretense and we offer ourselves with all our weaknesses. When we offer ourselves to other people and allow them to see our imperfections, we take a chance.

A chance is all God needs.

He'll step into the space you create in that chance and He will bless it. It may not look perfect. It very well could be disastrous by magazine standards. (I've had that happen exactly once in 28 years, and I'm still learning from that particular experience.) But it will be blessed.

As we begin to practice the ministry of hospitality, we allow ourselves to be vulnerable; we live genuine humility. We open our doors and our hearts, and certainly some people will come through those doors who don’t view our efforts through the same lens of charity. On occasion, we will hear a critical comment; we will be judged according to the world’s standards. We will feel as if we’ve come up short. But we haven’t truly. Those are the times the hospitable hostess will offer to Christ, imperfect and heartfelt, knowing that He will redeem the time and the effort.

When it's 11 a.m. and you're still in your pajamas and the doorbell rings and it's your neighbor, let her in. Clear a spot on the couch. Find a clean mug and make tea.

Take a chance.

In every guest, see Christ. Open your heart wide; risk allowing people to see your weaknesses. For it is in that very weakness that His power is made perfect.

Monday Night Football Geography and Cuisine

One of the benefits that comes with having taken the time to archive lessons in years past is that I don't have to start from scratch when I want to begin with a child's interest and take it somewhere constructive. Below is a post from 2007 together with an update. 

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Next week begins Monday Night Football, noted on my calendar for the entire season as "MNF."  Why does a middle-aged mama note Monday Night Football on her calendar? I like to keep track of my husband. He won't be on the couch with a beer and a bowl of chips. He'll be at every Monday Night Football site all season long (with the exception of the double-booked nights--he can't bi-locate so when MNF is at two locations, he's only at one of them;-). As much as we love sports around here and as grateful as we are for this job, this is a very long haul through the fall.

Last year, as my younger children began to figure out the rhythm to Mike's travels, we started moving a Post-it note arrow around on a big wall map so that they could see where he was. But a flat map on the wall doesn't really do much for a child's imagination. They couldn't really picture him where he was working.  Kim introduced me to the idea of geography textboxes  and I found these wonderful picture books, and an idea was born.

Every week, on Monday, we spend the afternoon reading and writing about the state where Monday Night Football is being played. The books are packed with information and illustrations and pictures. There is a short rhyming verse on each page, perfect for the little ones. The older children spend more time with the book, reading the more involved columns on the page for detail.

The year the baby arrived four weeks into football season. I relied heavily on the idea in these free unit studies which are keyed to the books. This year, I think we are going to focus only on the information in the book during our study time. Each child is creating his or her own book. The books vary according to age and interest and I'm giving the children free reign to pull out of the alphabet books what matters most to them and then to express that in their notebooks.

On Monday evenings, we watch ESPN beginning well before the game. In all honesty, this has nothing to do with geography and everything to do with our Daddy's shows. But, the bonus to our devotion is that we see great scenic shots of the places we've just read in the books. All the way up through the pre-game show and the introduction, there are sights and sounds of the state we've studied.

Finally, as he dashes through the airport on his way home, Mike collects a few postcards from each state to add to the book. All the books we will use for Monday Night Football geography (and plenty more) are linked on the sidebar. Maybe you'd like to travel with us this fall!

LOTS more resources here.

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Update:

Mike is no longer traveling with Monday Night Football. The child whose narration is pictured above is now a a couple months away from graduating college. What follows is from two years ago. I thought the tradition would do a slow fade this year. It hasn't. Nick isn't letting this one go--maybe ever. So, tonight, we are having bratwursts with cheese. Stephen really lobbied for Kansas BBQ, but Nick, faithful keeper of the tradition, won out.

Thoughts from 2013:

 I am ever so grateful that I recorded this study when I did, because I was reminded this morning.

Longtime readers will recognize Paddy as the boy who always had a ball at his feet. In the absence of a ball, he had wadded up newspaper, socks, pillows, whatever he could get those feet on. Paddy is playing soccer at UVa now, but the incessant sound of dribbling is still making me nuts on Monday mornings.

"Nicholas, quit kicking."

"Nicholas, keep your feet still."

Nicholas, please try to finish up that lesson."

"Good golly, child, will you PLEASE stop with the dang ball!"

All before 10:00. 

Mary Beth looked at me and said "Does this feel like Paddy all over again?" 

Indeed.

The big difference is that Paddy was never a huge football fan. He was a huge Daddy fan, but football wasn't a passion. The Monday Night Football hook for him was tracking Dad. Nicholas, on the other hand, is obsessed with all things ESPN, especially football.

"Hey Nick, who plays tonight?"

"Cincinnati and Pittsburgh."

"How about if we study them today? You read these two books and then make two main lesson pages (see Paddy's examples) and we can make football food from Cincinnati and Pittsburgh."

"Wait, you mean we can have Philly Cheesesteaks?!?!"

"NOoooo, research Pittsburgh and Cincinnati food and get back to me."

And so, tonight, we will have cabbage rolls and pierogies for dinner.

Then we'll have Buckeyes for dessert. 

He's already planning menus for the rest of the season.

And later today, he's going to treat himself to T is for Touchdown.

Katie and Karoline are joining in because that's how we roll...

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Lots and Lots of Books for the Feast of St. Francis

In honor of her birthday, which happens to fall on the Feast of St. Francis, I invited Karoline to read and review a new book Amy Welborn sent to our house. We have an extensive St. Francis library, linked below Karoline's review. This new book is a breath of fresh air. I think you might want to add it to your book basket before the feast on October 4th. But don't just take my word for it; Karoline (who will turn 9 on the big day), chimes in with some persuasive enthusiasm.

“This book just is AMAZING!
It just so happens that the feast of St. Francis is my birthday: October 4th ! Since St. Francis’ feast is my birthday, reading this book when it came in the mail this week was very interesting to me. But it doesn’t have to be your birthday to be interesting for you. Now I’m going to tell you a little bit about the book, but the rest you’ll have to find out on your own.

It’s about two cousins who are named Gianna and Lorenzo and their great uncle , Brother Antonio. Lorenzo and Gianna are not happy because their parents dropped them off early that morning so that they could go visit a winery. This book feels like a true story, because I’ve been left home before so my parents can visit a winery. Brother Antonio tells them about a game where they walk in Assissi and they go where St.Francis did stuff. He asks them what Francis did there. They earn points for getting the answer right. It’s a trivia game, but they walked around. I can’t give away the ending and tell you who wins the contest.

The cousins learn lessons in the book about St. Francis and his kindness and they become friends and learn about kindness and forgiveness. You have to read the book to find out any more.

I like the way my mom’s friend, Amy Welborn, wrote a biography of St. Francis at the end, so that we could get the rest of the story that we didn’t find out in the trivia game.

The illustrations are very nice. They show a lot of details and that’s good because a lot of books leave the corners of pages white and waste space that could have art. I like all the colors that the artist used to show the countryside in Italy.

That’s all I can say without telling you too much. You should buy this book.
”

— Karoline Rose Foss

What follows is a kindness of longtime reader, Chris Scarlett, who generously shares her annotated list of picture books just in time to prepare for the Feast of St. Francis. A few of these are out of print, but please don't be discouraged. They are readily available at the library (St. Francis seems more welcome there than other saints) or used for purchase on Amazon for as little as a penny! Our family has read most of these (though I admit to adding a few new-to-us ones to our library this week), and I heartily concur with Chris' notes.

Many, many thanks to Chris:-)

The feast of St. Francis of Assisi, October 4th, will be here soon. We happen to own and have used about a week's worth of resources, but we have also borrowed some gems from the library in the past. So, I decided to check them out again, and in the process went down a rabbit trail of obtaining and reading a whole bunch of others. Many non-Catholics and other people of good will seem to relate to this holy and creation-loving saint. I am only listing the ones that seem to me to be worth your time; I returned some that just didn't seem serious enough, while retaining a selection that will work across an age span of children.

Each category is arranged from simplest to more complex. 

I strongly recommend reading any authors' notes first to see where they are coming from before sharing these with your family.

* means it is in Chris' personal library

Emphasis on Life of St. Francis:

++ The Good Man of Assisi by Mary Joslin, illustrations by Alison Wisenfeld* (a good place to start)

++  Brother Francis and the Friendly Beasts by Margaret Hodges, pictures by Ted Lewin* (two important people in children's lit)

++  Saint Francis by Brian Wildsmith* (stunning art style)

++  Song of St. Francis by Clyde Robert Bulla, illustrated by Valenti Angelo (retro with very few pictures, more of an early reader)

++  Francis, The Poor Man of Assisi by Tomie dePaola (well-researched, of course)

++  Saint Francis of Assisi by Joyce Denham, illustrated by Elena Temporin (whimsical style, includes a good sampling of episodes)

++  Brother Sun, Sister Moon, The Life and Stories of St. Francis by Margaret Mayoh, illustrated by Peter Malone (lovely biography plus legendary tales)

++  Saint Francis of Assisi, A Life of Joy by Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. (RFK's adult son), illustrated by Dennis Nolan (contemporary art style)

++  St. Francis by Pelagie Doane* (1960 vintage Catholic, will be harder to locate)

++ Saint Francis Sings To Brother Sun, A Celebration of His Kinship With Nature selected and retold by Karen Pandell, illustrated by Bijou Le Tord ( a lot of material, quirky artwork)

Emphasis on St. Francis' Relationship With Animals (in which you will find a blend of history and legend):

++  Brother Wolf of Gubbio, A Legend of Saint Francis by Colony Elliott Santangelo (inks and colored pencils on bass wood)

++  Saint Francis and the Wolf by Jane Langton, illustrated by Ilse Plume (simple, sweet)

++  Saint Francis and the Animals by Leo Politi (1959 classic)

++  Francis Woke Up Early by Josephine Nobisso, illuminations by Maureen Hyde (fairy tale qualities, but by a beloved Catholic author, numerous awards)

Emphasis on the First Live Nativity Scene (great for Advent)

++  Saint Francis Celebrates Christmas retold by Mary Caswell Walsh, illustrated by Helen Caswell (brief)

++  A Gift From St. Francis, The First Creche by Joanna Cole, illustrated by Michele Lemieux* (our family's favorite in this category, we say, "pazzo, pazzo" when someone is doing something crazy)

++  The Living Nativity, The Story of Saint Francis and the Christmas Manger by David and Helen Haidle (more fictional, includes lesson-extending ideas in the back)

Three Inspired by St. Francis' "Canticle of the Sun":

(your youngest will love these, all are GORGEOUS, would make great gift books)

++ The Circle of Days by Reeve Lindbergh, illustrated by Cathie Felsted* (collage)

++  Brother Sun, Sister Moon, Saint Francis of Assisi's Canticle of the Creatures reimagined by Katherine Paterson, illustrated by Pamela Dalton (amazing scissor cuttings)

++ Be Blest, A Celebration of Seasons by Mary Beth Owens* (12 months, 12 wreaths, 12 poems)

Two That Include His Friend, St. Clare of Assisi:

++ . Clare and Francis by Guido Visconti, illustrated by Bimba Landmann

++  Francis and Clare, Saints of Assisi by Helen Walker Homan, illustrations by John Lawn (190 page Vision chapter book for a read aloud, or for older readers) 

Mom at Home: You are Enough

“Is it not enough,” she asked me earnestly, “to be a woman at home, caring for a family? Everyone around me has a job that enables her to contribute to her family financially. Even within the church, I’m bombarded every day with clarion calls to do more, to give more. And here I am doing my best to feed and clothe and care for these five children, reserving just enough energy for the end of the day and the man that I married. I feel like both the secular world and the faith community are saying it is not nearly enough. ” 

I have an idea. In honor of the World Meeting on Families, let’s stop for a moment and consider the woman at home. Let’s see her, far from Philadelphia, and let’s cup her face in our hands and tell her, “Yes, you are enough.”

You, sweet mama, who can barely hold your head up for the nausea as you valiantly try to play with your toddler and you wonder how in the world your heart will hold two. You are enough. As your belly swells, so too, will your capacity to love. You suspect it never again will be the same. And you’re right. All of you will grow and you will be enough. 

You, in the carpool pickup lane — you hope you don’t have to get out of the car for some reason because you dashed out of the house without your shoes on. You need to get home and supervise homework and listen with your full attention to hear what’s really at the heart of the playground scuffle. You’ll have to do something with the only-half-thawed hamburger, something that will stretch it to fill all these rumbling bellies. 

You, throwing that last load of laundry in the dryer before climbing the stairs and at last relaxing into the arms of your husband — you will notice the crease between his brows. You will reach up to rub it away, and you will ask why it’s there. You will absorb his news and try to ease the ache from his shoulders and from his soul. You will be the soft place to land. 

You will remember the orthodontist, and you will hear bedtime prayers. You will sign permission slips, clean out the refrigerator and gather hair into ponytails to tie with bows. You will make a house into a home. 

And you will make a home into a domestic church.

You will change the world.

You think that in all this talk about family and marriage in the church, you have been forgotten. You have not. 

Your role is essential. The quiet work at home learning to do those things which nurture a family physically, and so minister to your dear ones spiritually, is work done for the glory of God. 

At the United Nations Fourth World Conference on Women, Pope John Paul II said: 

“No response to women’s issues can ignore women’s role in the family or take lightly the fact that every new life is totally entrusted to the protection and care of the woman carrying it in her womb, (Cf. “Evangelium Vitae,” No. 58). In order to respect this natural order of things, it is necessary to counter the misconception that the role of motherhood is oppressive to women and that a commitment to her family, particularly to her children, prevents a woman from reaching personal fulfillment, and women as a whole from having an influence in society. It is a disservice not only to children, but also to women and society itself, when a woman is made to feel guilty for wanting to remain in the home and nurture and care for her children. A mother’s presence in the family, so critical to the stability and growth of that basic unity of society, should instead be recognized, applauded and supported in every possible way. By the same token, society needs to call husbands and fathers to their family responsibilities and ought to strive for a situation in which they will not be forced by economic circumstances to move away from the home in search of work.”

Your presence, so critical to the stability and growth of your family, is critical to the stability and growth of our culture, of our world. You have been entrusted with shoring up the most basic unit of society. On your shoulders does its foundation rest. Step into that role with your head held high.

Shoes are optional.

On Missing Out on WMOF

It’s happening. All around me, The buzz is about the family. First, there will be the World Meeting of Families. Quickly following, there will be the Extraordinary Synod on the Family.

The world of Catholic media (and even Catholic Facebook, which isn’t really Catholic media, is it?) is nearly frenetic in its activity. People are moving to and fro, jockeying for position and trying to make sense of news as every picture and quote becomes available.

I can’t even. I just can’t.

I’m taking a different approach to the whole thing. I have a family. It’s rather large. Right now, it’s rather needy. I’m the mom in that family and it’s my vocation to meet their needs. I can’t keep up with the swirl around every new “story.”  Indeed, I find they distract me from the task at hand: raising a family.

So, in honor of the World Meeting of Families, I’m stepping away from Facebook and Twitter. Instead, I’m curling up with some well-worn little books in my home. I’m going to hold in my hands some wisdom of the ages. Honestly, I’m going to look to St. John Paul for some reassurance and some gentle encouragement in this daunting task of raising a family in 2015.

Maybe you’re home, too. Maybe the grand expanse of a world meeting of families seems overwhelming and –honestly—a little ridiculous from where you stand there in your pjs throwing in your first load of laundry.

Let’s read together. Here’s some gentle, but powerful, encouragement for your ordinary day, doing ordinary things for the glory of God.  There’s so much glory in this life at home. Here are  thoughts to get you praying as you sweep and rock and scrub and nurse. I’ll be back tomorrow with another hug.

By means of the sacrament of marriage, in which it is rooted and from which it draws its nourishment, the Christian family is continuously vivified by the Lord Jesus and called and engaged by Him in a dialogue with God through the sacraments, through the offering of one’s life and through prayer. In this priestly role, the Christian family is called to be sanctified and to sanctify the ecclesial community and the world (FC 55).

In affirming that the spouses, as parents, cooperate with God the Creator in conceiving and giving birth to a new human being, we are not speaking merely with reference to the laws of biology. Instead, we wish to emphasize that God himself is present in human fatherhood and motherhood quite differently than he is present in all other instances of begetting ‘on earth.’ Indeed, God alone is the source of that ‘image and likeness’ which is proper to the human being, as it was received at Creation. Begetting is the continuation of Creation. (Evangelium Vitae 43; citing Letter to Families, 9).

"By virtue of their ministry of educating, parents are through the witness of their lives the first heralds of the gospel for their children. Furthermore, by praying with their children, by reading the word of God with them and by introducing them...into the Body of Christ—both the Eucharistic and the ecclesial body—they become fully parents, in that they are begetters not only of bodily life, but also of the life that through the Spirit's renewal flows from the cross and resurrection of Christ" (Familiaris Consortio, #39).

“Family prayer has its own characteristic qualities. It is prayer offered in common, husband and wife together, parents and children together…by reason of their dignity and mission, Christian parents have the specific responsibility of educating their children in prayer, introducing them to gradual discovery of the mystery of God and to personal dialogue with Him…”(Familiaris Consortio #59-60).

“The Christian family is called upon like the large-scale Church, to be a sign of unity for the world and in this way exercise its prophetic role by bearing witness to the Kingdom and peace of Christ, towards which the whole world is journeying” (FC 48).

Human beings are not the same thing as the images proposed in advertising and shown by the modern mass media. They are much more, in their physical and psychic unity, as composites of soul and body, as persons. They are much more because of their vocation to love, which introduces them as male and female into the realm of the “great mystery” (LF 20).

“Christ entrusted man to the Church; he entrusted man to her as the way of her mission and ministry. Of all the many paths that man walks, the family is the first and most important. It is a common path to all, yet one which is particular, unique and unrepeatable just like every individual is unrepeatable” (cf. LF 2).