When Rejection is Really Protection and Redirection

Have you ever suffered the humiliation and disappointment that comes with rejection? Been sad about a breakup? Been crushed by the loss of a job? Struggled with a "no" when you really wanted a "yes"? 

With rejection comes disappointment and worse, humiliation. Who witnessed that rejection? Who saw my story unravel? How many people know I dreamt that dream and wrote that story and it dissolved into a puddle at my feet? Then, humiliation reluctantly acknowledged, with rejection comes fear. Maybe it’s just a little fear, a niggling doubt that I don’t have the resilience to weather this bump in the road. Or maybe it’s the staggering fear that I’m not good enough in this scenario, that I don’t deserve the happy ending in my story. Finally, with rejection, comes sorrow. It hurts to be rejected.

Please read the rest here.

My Very Favorite Stocking Stuffers:: Hurry! Giveaway!

It's been quite awhile since I've hosted a giveaway. The sidebar ads are gone and posting here has been regrettably rare. Outside, the leaves are brilliant orange and red and purple (yes, purple--we were all about looking for purple this year). Soon, the trees will be bare and Advent will be upon us. Then it will be too late;-).

Now is the time to visit Garry Brix at St. Luke's Brush and choose a peg doll or two for Christmas stockings. If you wait until it's starting to feel like Christmas, you will miss your opportunity. So, go look. I'm such a huge fan of these sweet dolls and they are so much a part of my family's culture (see Sarah's first birthday cake? And this All Saints music video?), that I'm happy to offer a rare giveaway. 

Visit St. Luke's Brush and find something you like. Come back here and leave a comment telling us about it. You will be entered to win a St. Nicholas doll. The winner will be chosen by Sarah on her birthday, October 31, the Vigil of All Saints. And it will be announced promptly:-). 

In addition to the giveaway, Garry is offering 10% off orders that are $100 or more with a coupon code CHRISTMAS2015 which will be good through November 8. Orders placed with this code will arrive in time for the Feast of St. Nicholas.

In our home, we do stockings on the Feast of St. Nicholas and these dolls really, truly are perennial favorites. I can't say enough good things about them.

Go shop! Then come back and tell me all about it!

WINNER: The winner is Jennie Lou, who wrote "My favorite (if I have to choose!) is St. Nicholas so I really would love to win it! It will go in my baby's shoes when we all put our big boots out on St. Nicholas Eve."

Encourage One Another

Care Package sent to me by my friend Aimee, because sometimes, we can extend care to other women across miles.

“I’m not being ridiculous," she said, as she pulled one napkin after another out of the box. “I have four children at my table. We need all these.”

“Take your time,” I said. “I’ve got nine kids. I get it.”

She stopped her hurried napkin-pulling and turned to look at me.

“You have nine kids? And you survived? How do you do it? I mean, I know we can’t have a long conversation, but just tell me one thing. One piece of advice. How do I do it?”

She was so earnest, there in the restaurant in Charlottesville, her husband and children waiting. Glancing at the table, I saw a child in a soccer uniform other than the ones local to the area. Her youngest was about kindergarten age. Her oldest, about 13.

“You’re in the thick of it now,” I replied. “Everyone needs you to get anywhere. No one is really old enough to be left on her own or to drive by herself, but they are all old enough to have their own circles of activity and interest that need you. It’s exhausting. The one thing I wish I’d done more is ask for help. You can’t be pulled in four directions all day every day without time to re-charge. Ask for help in order to be able to take care of yourself. “

“Yes,” she said. “That’s it exactly. I have no help. It’s all me. I work fulltime teaching school and then I come home and face more needy children. Everyone needs and needs and needs, and there’s no time for me to recharge. No space, either really.”

“Find some. Find time and space. That’s key. Can you trade off with another mom, maybe?” I encouraged her.

“I’m not from around here. I live outside Washington. Everybody’s busy. Everybody keeps their heads down and just plows through. I don’t have anyone else to ask.”

“Yep, I know. I live in Northern Virginia.”

“I live in suburban Maryland,” she said, beginning to notice the cluster of people behind her waiting for napkins. She thanked me and hurried off to her family.

I sat down with my own little brood of whichever of my children were with me that day and I pondered all the pieces of the hurried conversation. She was right. I’ve noticed the head-down-and-barrel-through posture that comes in neighborhoods where people work long days and then commute long hours.

We are meant to live in community. We are meant to bear one another’s burdens and to connect in meaningful ways. Clearly, this lady was so starved for emotional connection with another woman that she would allow herself to be vulnerable in a restaurant in a town away from home. And I really believe that if we weren’t both far from our usual stomping grounds, I would have offered to be that leg up for her. What I hope is that she tucked my words into her heart and she thought about how to share that same vulnerability with a neighbor or a co-worker. Maybe it’s harder to express a need to someone nearby than it is to express it to a stranger far from home.

I’ve thought about her often in the month or so since we met. And I look for her — or rather, the mom like her — in all my own familiar places now. I’ve thought about all the times I felt the way she did and all the times I still do. I’ve resolved to take my own advice: to seek someone else and to ask for help, to allow myself to be vulnerable. At the same time, I’m looking other women in the eyes and praying that they will let me into the places where they need shoring up.

Because we really do need one another.

That Scary Hospitality Thing

Photo credit: Karoline Foss, or maybe Sarah Foss. 

Hospitality scares me. You, too?

Did you grow up in a home where everything had to be magazine-perfect when guests were coming? And now, when after a soccer game, your husband turns to the couple standing next to you on the sidelines and says, "Come by our house; let's cook out," you die a thousand deaths. Because you know there are no guest towels in the foyer bathroom, and you know the kitchen floor is sticky under the bar stools by the island. And you know you hadn't really budgeted for an impromptu cookout. But he's smiling warmly and they are offering to bring something, so you also know this is going to happen.

Die, you tell yourself. Die to your perfectionism. Die to your pride. And don't you dare start barking orders at your children as if you could whip things into shape quickly enough to keep up the image that your household is perfect.

It's not. And you know it.

Instead, shove aside your Martha Stewart imagination and resolve this one thing: Offer hospitality without a side of sin. Offer gracious hospitality. Offer grace-filled hospitality.

In 1 Kings 17, the prophet Elijah goes to Zaraphath and drops in unexpectedly on a widow, who has only a handful of oil and a little water with which to feed herself and her son. The prophet asks for a cup of water and some bread. She explains that she has very little, even as she goes off to prepare something for him. And he assures her all will be well.

I think it’s safe to assume the widow is remarkably unconcerned about guest towels and sticky spots. She is a bit concerned about quantity, because she barely has enough for herself and her son. She extends herself anyway, offers hospitality to Elijah and is blessed beyond her wildest imaginings. You can't outgive God.

But you can stand rooted in pride and miss the opportunity to both give and receive blessing. The key to hospitality is humility.

In order to truly extend hospitality we must put away our pride. We must be willing to open our doors, no matter the state of homes or our wardrobes, and to graciously seek to make our visitors feel welcome and at ease. When we do this, we allow people to see us as we are. We put away the pretense and we offer ourselves with all our weaknesses. When we offer ourselves to other people and allow them to see our imperfections, we take a chance.

A chance is all God needs.

He'll step into the space you create in that chance and He will bless it. It may not look perfect. It very well could be disastrous by magazine standards. (I've had that happen exactly once in 28 years, and I'm still learning from that particular experience.) But it will be blessed.

As we begin to practice the ministry of hospitality, we allow ourselves to be vulnerable; we live genuine humility. We open our doors and our hearts, and certainly some people will come through those doors who don’t view our efforts through the same lens of charity. On occasion, we will hear a critical comment; we will be judged according to the world’s standards. We will feel as if we’ve come up short. But we haven’t truly. Those are the times the hospitable hostess will offer to Christ, imperfect and heartfelt, knowing that He will redeem the time and the effort.

When it's 11 a.m. and you're still in your pajamas and the doorbell rings and it's your neighbor, let her in. Clear a spot on the couch. Find a clean mug and make tea.

Take a chance.

In every guest, see Christ. Open your heart wide; risk allowing people to see your weaknesses. For it is in that very weakness that His power is made perfect.

Monday Night Football Geography and Cuisine

One of the benefits that comes with having taken the time to archive lessons in years past is that I don't have to start from scratch when I want to begin with a child's interest and take it somewhere constructive. Below is a post from 2007 together with an update. 

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Next week begins Monday Night Football, noted on my calendar for the entire season as "MNF."  Why does a middle-aged mama note Monday Night Football on her calendar? I like to keep track of my husband. He won't be on the couch with a beer and a bowl of chips. He'll be at every Monday Night Football site all season long (with the exception of the double-booked nights--he can't bi-locate so when MNF is at two locations, he's only at one of them;-). As much as we love sports around here and as grateful as we are for this job, this is a very long haul through the fall.

Last year, as my younger children began to figure out the rhythm to Mike's travels, we started moving a Post-it note arrow around on a big wall map so that they could see where he was. But a flat map on the wall doesn't really do much for a child's imagination. They couldn't really picture him where he was working.  Kim introduced me to the idea of geography textboxes  and I found these wonderful picture books, and an idea was born.

Every week, on Monday, we spend the afternoon reading and writing about the state where Monday Night Football is being played. The books are packed with information and illustrations and pictures. There is a short rhyming verse on each page, perfect for the little ones. The older children spend more time with the book, reading the more involved columns on the page for detail.

The year the baby arrived four weeks into football season. I relied heavily on the idea in these free unit studies which are keyed to the books. This year, I think we are going to focus only on the information in the book during our study time. Each child is creating his or her own book. The books vary according to age and interest and I'm giving the children free reign to pull out of the alphabet books what matters most to them and then to express that in their notebooks.

On Monday evenings, we watch ESPN beginning well before the game. In all honesty, this has nothing to do with geography and everything to do with our Daddy's shows. But, the bonus to our devotion is that we see great scenic shots of the places we've just read in the books. All the way up through the pre-game show and the introduction, there are sights and sounds of the state we've studied.

Finally, as he dashes through the airport on his way home, Mike collects a few postcards from each state to add to the book. All the books we will use for Monday Night Football geography (and plenty more) are linked on the sidebar. Maybe you'd like to travel with us this fall!

LOTS more resources here.

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Update:

Mike is no longer traveling with Monday Night Football. The child whose narration is pictured above is now a a couple months away from graduating college. What follows is from two years ago. I thought the tradition would do a slow fade this year. It hasn't. Nick isn't letting this one go--maybe ever. So, tonight, we are having bratwursts with cheese. Stephen really lobbied for Kansas BBQ, but Nick, faithful keeper of the tradition, won out.

Thoughts from 2013:

 I am ever so grateful that I recorded this study when I did, because I was reminded this morning.

Longtime readers will recognize Paddy as the boy who always had a ball at his feet. In the absence of a ball, he had wadded up newspaper, socks, pillows, whatever he could get those feet on. Paddy is playing soccer at UVa now, but the incessant sound of dribbling is still making me nuts on Monday mornings.

"Nicholas, quit kicking."

"Nicholas, keep your feet still."

Nicholas, please try to finish up that lesson."

"Good golly, child, will you PLEASE stop with the dang ball!"

All before 10:00. 

Mary Beth looked at me and said "Does this feel like Paddy all over again?" 

Indeed.

The big difference is that Paddy was never a huge football fan. He was a huge Daddy fan, but football wasn't a passion. The Monday Night Football hook for him was tracking Dad. Nicholas, on the other hand, is obsessed with all things ESPN, especially football.

"Hey Nick, who plays tonight?"

"Cincinnati and Pittsburgh."

"How about if we study them today? You read these two books and then make two main lesson pages (see Paddy's examples) and we can make football food from Cincinnati and Pittsburgh."

"Wait, you mean we can have Philly Cheesesteaks?!?!"

"NOoooo, research Pittsburgh and Cincinnati food and get back to me."

And so, tonight, we will have cabbage rolls and pierogies for dinner.

Then we'll have Buckeyes for dessert. 

He's already planning menus for the rest of the season.

And later today, he's going to treat himself to T is for Touchdown.

Katie and Karoline are joining in because that's how we roll...

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