Well, I've been crafting a thoughtful, inspired post for about an hour. I thought that before I begin I'd catch the first few minutes of American Idol. MISTAKE!!!!
First, my mind began to slip into the abyss of deranged wannabees, tone-deaf singers wearing tie-dye and glitter eyeliner and blush, and of course, a British accent. But I was saved from the painful auditions by the commercial break. However, it was merely a case of leaping out of the frying pan and into the fire. For I was immediately distracted (oh, by the way, does anyone know the definition of ADD?) Anyway the commercial I saw was for the lottery, I think. I can't remember (Oh, look! A shiny penny!) I can't find it (the commercial, not the penny. Has anyone found an ADD definition yet?) online so I will do my best to retell it here:
Job Applicant: Thank you for seeing me.
Interviewer: You're welcome, John. Now, tell me what qualities do you have?
Friend #1: Oh, John is a master of the video game Kung Fu Ninjas!
Friend #2: And he can fit four ping pong balls in his mouth at the same time!
Friend #3: When I think of John, I think he is like a poster in his room of an eagle. Below the eagle is the word 'Motivation'. And that's true for both John and the eagle. They are motivated by fish.
Then the narrator says something about how you shouldn't bring your friends to a job interview but you should bring your friends to play the lottery.
That commercial isn't as funny as I previously believed now that I've had to walk through the entire dramatic structure.
But what remains funny, regardless of times viewed or times retold, is the newly released Tom Cruise interview on Scientology. Below are excerpts from the interview to be read out loud while listening to 'Old Time Rock and Roll' by Bob Seger:
[B]eing a Scientologist, when you drive past an accident, it's not like anyone else. As you drive past you know you have to do something about it because you know you're the only one that can really help....It's what people don't know, but I know - but I know - you know? I have to do something. And I can't do something on my own, so I have to do something. So it's contributing something on your own on my own....And you see the spectators who say, 'Well you know what you're doing, I see what you're doing.' And that thing, I've removed from my area....And this is the way it should be done and we are doing it this way and people are getting better so let's get it done - let's do it - do it right....I have to tell you something and it's - it's rough and tumble, but it's a blast, it's fun, it really is fun. But dammit, it's fun, every day....Get those spectators in the playing field or out of the arena....I do it the way I do everything. There is nothing *hysterical laughter* me an*mass hysteria*.
You can't make it up. See for yourself here
So can you imagine the mental state I am in at present? After two hours of Simon Cowell, Tom Cruise, a lot of glitter, and the Lottery? Take those four things and you have a dream from David Bowie's mind. Add sunglasses and a gap tooth and David Bowie becomes Elton John. Kill the hypothetical Elton John and he hypothetically becomes Liberace. Since this post exists for the sake of tangents, let me go off on another. Apple just released a new laptop, which is really cool, called MacBook Air. It is the thinnest Apple laptop ever. Yet, it is more expensive than other, larger Apple laptops. It really is a counterintuitive principle. Since the computer is smaller, that means there are fewer components, so it costs more than a bigger, component abundant laptop. Well, I'm confused, how about you? Oh look! A quarter!