It's April 29th again

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And the tulips are blooming, again. It's been eighteen years since I was diagnosed with cancer. I was thinking yesterday about what ran through my mind the morning after the biopsy surgery. I was very much concerned with my eighteen-month-old nursling. In the near term, there was the formidable task of weaning before chemo. In the far term, loomed the fear that I wouldn't see him grow up.  He's grown now. 
And he's weaned, too;-)
But when I wasn't thinking about Michael, I thought about the oddest random things. What's even odder is that I still remember them.

  • I thought about whether I'd live to make pesto of the basil I'd just planted.
  • I thought about whether scrunchies--the latest hair craze--would still be in style by the time I had enough hair to again make a ponytail.
  • I thought about how much I wanted out of the hospital gown and into a pair of jean shorts and a hoodie.
  • I thought about how much I looked forward to going home and washing my kitchen floor (weird, I know, but I loved the smell of Murphy's oil soap on the afternoon breeze while Michael napped and I chatted with my friend Martha on the phone and mopped).
  • I thought about how eager I was to get to church and make a good confession and spend some time alone with God.
  • I thought about how little I knew about what the Church teaches.

Cancer brings you face to face with mortality in a way that is startlingly real. For me, it brought an unquenchable thirst to know God, and then, a longing to love and to serve Him. And it was the Church from whom I drank deeply. I am still caught by surprise when I encounter lifetime Catholics who have never thought to read the Catechism, who don't know what the Magesterium is, who haven't read a single thing written by John Paul II, or still haven't taken the time to get to Benedict XVI. Don't they care? Don't they know the treasure they have been given? Don't they want to know why we live and why we die?God himself gave us this Church to shelter us and to teach us and to heal us. Time is short--even if you're perfectly healthy. God calls you to Him with urgency.

Life-threatening illness is great way to understand very well how short our lives here are compared to eternity. When one is ill, she yearns to be healed. If one has faith, and is facing a serious illness, she yearns for physical healing, but even more, she yearns to be spiritually whole and healthy. It's a tremendous gift of grace to know that we are wounded and to know where to go for healing. I found healing in the Catholic Church. She nurtured me and she continues to bring me to the Great Physician. There is no doubt that with cancer comes suffering, and not just for the person who is sick. My whole family suffered. But with that suffering and with healing came an understanding that God allows us to suffer in order to bring us closer to Him. And if we will come closer, we will be consoled and we will be cured.

Not Clutter, Legacy

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I gave away an extraordinary amount of clothing during our Great Purge. One of my criteria was to keep no boy clothes smaller than my smallest boy. Since Nicholas is larger than Stephen, my smallest boy is nine years old. I figured that even if we had another baby and that baby was a boy, the clothes would be at least ten years old before the baby wore them. Most of them would be older than that. And little boys aren't particularly gentle on their clothing. So, out it all went.

Except.

April_2008_003 Except for the blue blazers. I didn't give away any of those. I like the way they look, hanging there in the closet. They are a family history. They are First Communions, Easters, Christmases, Confirmations, and siblings' baptisms. They are weddings and feast days and funerals. I couldn't bear to part with a single one. And my husband reassures me that blue blazers are classic enough that there's no need to let them go. He says our grandsons can wear them some day. There's something comforting and optimistic in that idea.

Powerful Witness

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It is a rare politician who speaks out clearly to defend and promote life from conception to natural death. It is even more rare to find a politician who welcomes children generously in his or her own life. They are out there--but they are rare. The Governor of Alaska had a her fifth baby this week. Her words--and the witness of her life-- moved me to tears. What an extraordinary woman!

Anchorage, Apr 24, 2008 (CNA).- Governorof Alaska Sarah Palin on Friday gave birth to her fifth child, a son who has Down’s Syndrome. She said that she and her family had been “truly blessed.”

Governor Palin’s labor began while she was in Texas at the Governors’ Energy Conference where she gave the keynote luncheon address. She was able to fly back to Alaska in time to deliver her son, Trig Paxon Van Palin, at 6:30 a.m. He was born one month early and weighed six pounds, two ounces.

Testing during early pregnancy revealed the baby had Down’s Syndrome. Governor Palin said she was sad at first, but her family now feels blessed that God chose them.

The family released a statement which said, “Trig is beautiful and already adored by us. We knew through early testing he would face special challenges, and we feel privileged that God would entrust us with this gift and allow us unspeakable joy as he entered our lives. We have faith that every baby is created for good purpose and has potential to make this world a better place. We are truly blessed.” [emphasis mine]