Marrying Young

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Rebecca Teti has opened a conversation on marrying young. She's beautifully articulated my thoughts on the matter, quoting heavily from another favorite author and speaker, Frederica Matthewes-Green. In the interest of full disclosure, I fell in love hard, in high school, and married that boy when I was 21. I'm a big proponent of early marriage for all the reasons Teti has put forth. I think it can work and work very well.

As I rummage through my memory, I find that almost all the high school sweethearts I knew who married are still married. I'm sure someone who went to high school with me will write and correct me, but my early morning recollection definitely points to the successes of these early marriages. The two cases I know who divorced weren't commited at the beginning. Both brides admitted before marrying that they weren't sure this was going to work.

I don't know that I took a deliberately serious attitude towards dating (the way some circles approach formal courtship now), but I do know that there was a lot of grace sprinkled on that high school relationship (incidentally, my first real dating experience and my first real kiss). I distinctly remember talking about marriage with him when I was fifteen. We just knew right from the beginning that there was something special there.  That doesn't mean we had a straight path to the altar. We didn't. We went to separate colleges and one of us very deliberately made sure to sow his wild oats. But that grace was sufficient, more than sufficient, and marry we did, just as soon as we could.

We did grow up together. We're still growing up together--it a habit! This year, I've been married half my life--the better half, by far. I know the boy my husband was and I was there, holding his hand, as he became a man. We have history together and sometimes, it's history that gets you through the rough patches. We also had energy and youth and--frankly--hormones on our side in those early days of growing. Now, I think that perhaps the habits of affection step in and take over when energy and youth and hormones fail. We know each other. We know what works and what doesn't. It's not perfect. We still have rough patches, but time has always been on our side.

I know how much I love this man and I'm still as grateful as I was at 15 and 21 that I have a whole lifetime to live that love.

That Was a Long Day

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Yesterday was our first official "back to school" day. In all earnestness, I've been looking really forward to it. I wanted to dig into the lesson plans I spent all summer dreaming up and talking about and playing with (lots of dangling prepositions there. It's 5Am, whatever). I had plans and schedules and I was ready to roll. The day got started on time. We actually ran ahead of schedule all day long, much to my relief. I was worried I had too much planned and I don't. At least I didn't yesterday. The refrigerator guy never showed up, but other than that, everything went off without a hitch. The new, complicated afternoon driving schedule turned out to be really flawless. And actually very simple, now that it's all figured out.

So, why is it that when Mike called around three o'clock and asked how things were going, I told him I was looking for a good Catholic school or two? And why is it that he barely paid attention? Probably because this is just the way the first day always goes. It's utterly exhausting. I feel like I'm spinning plates all day long. So many, many needy children!

Who knew that Karoline would be outraged that she didn't have her own bookbag full of books and would follow me around all day long signing and saying "Book! MY book!" Yes, we gave her several old workbooks and now they all have blue Lyra circles on every single page. Not sure what we'll dig out for today. Clearly, she expects to be a full part of the book action.

Who knew that a certain child would meltdown as soon as he saw the math book? I did. And I took a deep breath. But still my shoulders tensed and my voice grew pitched. Who knew a different child would repeatedly ask how many chapters this week and would stress out loud the entire day over whether there was ample time to complete them, despite my reassurances and the eventual reminders that the asking and the stressing was wasting time? I did. Who knew another child would be reduced to tears when Ben Franklin's nose was drawn "too pointy?" I did. Who knew Katie and Gracie would be mesmerized by the school bus stop across the street--first the embarking and then the disembarking--and would spend their free time playing "real" school? Who knew how hard it would be to remember the chore schedule in the midst of the school schedule? I knew. I knew it all. We've been here before.  And still, it surprised me with its intensity.

I didn't cry. I did enjoy a good whine with a friend (the kind with the "h," though the other kind would have been appropriate, too). I did my driving thing, dropping children as I went. And then I found myself alone in Trader Joe's. For a whole forty-five minutes. As I shopped, it dawned on me that the day was full and that looking at one day after another of such fullness was indeed overwhelming. But if I stopped in that singular moment, there was peace. It's complicated, but it works. It's busy, but it's peaceful.  It's a bit pathetic that I sought and found tranquility in the grocery store, but hey, it's also proof positive that the Holy Spirit is boundless.

The first day is hard; there's no getting around it. We all chafed at losing some of the freedom of summertime.  But we're finding our groove, settling into the rhythm of a new season. We'll begin again today, making improvements on yesterday, fine-tuning our lives at home together. And we'll be ever so grateful for this opportunity to grow.

What do I think: One Last Time

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From the mailbox:

I'm sure you've heard the news that Palin's daughter is pregnant.  I amterribly sad ... I still believe that McCain's election is necessary in order to put at least one more justice on the Supreme Court in order to reverse Roe v. Wade and therefore save millions of lives (versus Obama who has stated that his first act as president will be to sign an executive order reversing all the anti-abortion legislation), and I believe her daughter's pregnancy can also be a witness to a culture of life (versus Obama's culture of death statement months ago that if his daughters "made a mistake," he wouldn't want them to be "punished with a baby").  However, it unfortunately is also a witness to our culture of immorality (her daughter is already being compared to Britany Spears), it feeds into the arguments of those moms who believe she should be home raising her children (and I have to admit, that is one argument I am now pondering ... would this pregnancy have happened if her mother had been more present?), it buttresses the arguments of those who are against abstinence only education, and it serves as a distraction to this campaign.

I am also sad for me and my own little children, I saw her as a great role model, and now I'm feeling like the tide of our immoral/promiscuous culture is so great that I will never be able to bring them up purely.  I am wondering if it is wrong for me to feel so sad.  I am wondering how you are feeling about it (or how does Mary [Beth Bonacci] feels about the news?

Well, I'm quite sure this wouldn't have happened if her mother had been in the room with her. Beyond that, do teenaged daughters of mothers at home sometimes find themselves unexpectedly pregnant? Yes, they do. Furthermore, do teenaged children from homeschooled families sometimes find themselves unexpectedly pregnant? Yes, they do. And while it might bring to mind Britney Spears, unwed pregnancy is not limited to this generation of our culture. We have been fallen creatures since Adam and Eve and fallen creatures are prone to committing sins. Teenagers are particularly prone to sins of the flesh--even teenagers from good, Christian families. The beautiful thing about this particular sin is that God can bring great good out of a bad situation and He can prove again and again that babies are only and always blessings.

I still see Sarah Palin as a role model. Furthermore, I see her daughter Bristol as a role model. There is nothing rock-star glamorous about this time in their lives and my children know that very well. They also know the enormous love and sacrifice that come with deciding to carry, bear, and raise a child when one is seventeen-years-old. They've lived with that example in their own home for the last four years. For my children, the pro-life movement is much more personal than marching with signs and putting bumper stickers on the great, big van. Did we have to explain a few things I'd rather not have discussed so early? Absolutely. But I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that all of  my children are secure in the knowledge that if they make a mistake and find themselves unexpectedly pregnant, we will not consider that a punishment. We will consider "that"  as part of the family. And we will come together as a family once again with unconditional love and support to nurture both the baby and the young parents in whatever way God shows us.

Since Senator McCain has said that he knew that Bristol Palin was pregnant before he named his nominee, I'm quite sure that Governor Palin knew as well. And now more than ever, it is not my place to offer opinions about another woman's conversations with her God.

Novena for the Election

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It's nine weeks until Election Day. Please join us for the Novena for the Election.

O God, we acknowledge you today as Lord,
Not only of individuals, but of nations and governments.

We thank you for the privilege
Of being able to organize ourselves politically
And of knowing that political loyalty
Does not have to mean disloyalty to you.

We thank you for your law,
Which our Founding Fathers acknowledged
And recognized as higher than any human law.

We thank you for the opportunity that this election year puts before us,
To exercise our solemn duty not only to vote,
But to influence countless others to vote,
And to vote correctly.

Lord, we pray that your people may be awakened.
Let them realize that while politics is not their salvation,
Their response to you requires that they be politically active.

Awaken your people to know that they are not called to be a sect fleeing the world
But rather a community of faith renewing the world.

Awaken them that the same hands lifted up to you in prayer
Are the hands that pull the lever in the voting booth;
That the same eyes that read your Word
Are the eyes that read the names on the ballot,
And that they do not cease to be Christians
When they enter the voting booth.

Awaken your people to a commitment to justice
To the sanctity of marriage and the family,
To the dignity of each individual human life,
And to the truth that human rights begin when human lives begin,
And not one moment later.

Lord, we rejoice today
That we are citizens of your kingdom.

May that make us all the more committed
To being faithful citizens on earth.

We ask this through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.