Daybook: Quiet

Outside My Window::

::The big thaw has begun in earnest. There are still 8-10 inches of snow on the ground and it's becoming really ugly. But outside my back window, there is a single set of tiny little tracks where our sweet friend Isabel made her first journey since the blizzard, across our joined yards to my back steps. She wanted to visit the dollhouse. It's good to have her back with us! 

I am Listening to::

::nothing. We've been besieged with ear infections lately and I'm no exception. Last week was a blur of painful ears and fevers and all sorts of febrile shenanigans. Now, my left ear still has that weird cottony feeling. Since I only have one ear, that makes for some definite "quiet" in my life:-).

I am wearing ::

:: pajamas with roses on them. All the girls went to sleep last night with rose pajamas. Sometimes it is an exceedingly happy thing to find myself in this sorority.

I am Thankful For::

::wise friends who keep filling my inbox with nuggets from their Lenten readings. It is such a blessing to help each other along in quiet contemplation:

Doubtless the terrors of the Lord are often the beginning
of that wisdom, which we name conversion; but men must be frightened in a kind
way, or the fright will only make them unbelievers. Kindness has converted more
sinners than either zeal, eloquence, or learning; and these three last have never
converted anyone, unless they were kind also. In short, kindness makes us as Gods
to each other. Yet, while it lifts us so high, it sweetly keeps us low. For the continual
sense, which a kind heart has, of its own need of kindness, keeps it humble. There
are no hearts to which kindness is so indispensable, as those that are exuberantly
kind themselves. Frederick William Faber Spiritual Conferences

I am so certain God calls us all to kindness and quiet. And I am so grateful for all the ways in which the Church encourages and enables us to overcome our particular Lenten temptations.

I am Pondering:

::St. John of the Cross

"Wisdom enters through love, silence, and mortification. It is great wisdom to know how to be silent and to look at neither the remarks, nor the deeds, nor the lives of others."

This quote will define my Lent. And, of course, the St. Ephrem prayer is  back at the forefront for this holy time. Plenty to ask God's help with here:

O Lord and Master of my life! Take from me the spirit of sloth, faint-heartedness, lust of power, and idle talk.  But give rather the spirit of  chastity, humility, patience, and love to Thy servant. Yea, O Lord and King! Grant me to see my own errors and not to judge my brother; For Thou art blessed unto ages of ages. Amen

I am Reading:

::I have three different books that I'm eager to share with you here. I'm hopeful this week will present some pockets of time for that.

From the Kitchen::

::I made Carmie's cream of corn soup last night. Big hit! Perfect comfort food for a cold, raining, melting kind of night.

I am Thinking:

::about this post. Words are limiting in this world. Sometimes I feel as if we are gathered around the Tower of Babel. Lent is such a gift, because it does beg us to stop. talking. so. much.

I'm thinking about recent news, all in the past week:  about two of my husband's colleagues who face terminal cancer in their early forties, about Rod Dreher's sister, and about a very dear friend who's cancer news is not good at all. I'm a cancer survivor. It doesn't take a very big leap of imagination to know how my world would reel upon that news. I don't often let my mind go there. But Lent does ask us to think about our last days. How would we spend our time? Honestly, I think I would want to live St. Ephrem's prayer as well as humanly possible and then take to heart and live out Fr. Faber's counsel on kindness, focusing intensely on those dear souls in my own home.

So, that's what I'm thinking.

I am Creating::

::some plans for spring. As soon as the thermometer crept above 40 and that incessant melting drip noise began, my children starting talking about Bull Run and my husband starting talking about the beach. Both good ideas. We've got an advanced case of cabin fever here.

On my iPod::

:: This song. I'd never heard it or the artist until I saw it on Kim's blog. Very inspiring.

Towards a Real Education::

::We're buckling down and being productive. Patrick and Mary Beth are focused on their confirmation notebooks, due to be turned in early next month. Nicholas has taken a little rabbit trail to study birds. Stephen, who is a dutiful student and absolutely always completes each day's work just as planned, declared he is utterly bored. So, I'm going to try to enliven things for him a bit.  And the little girls are reluctant to leave "P" week--what with all that pink, and princesses, and paper dolls. They rather like being there.

Towards Rhythm and Beauty:

::The conversation about rhythm continues between the grown ups in my house. It is interrupted frequently by Olympic hockey games, basketball tournaments in far away towns, and makeup ballet lessons.

::To Live the Liturgy:

::have I mentioned how grateful I am for daily Mass?

::I am Hoping and Praying:

::for Colleen and for Elizabeth deHority. Some people don't get to choose their Lenten sacrifices.

In the Garden:

::the laurel took quite a hit under the weight of all the snow. I wonder how it will bounce back. I saw hydrangeas at Costco last week. I'm very tempted to give them a try...

Around the House:

::the floors are finished:-) Now, the great basement cleanout begins.

On Keeping Home:

::I find myself sweeping and vacuuming all the time. Fortunately, I like sweeping and vacuuming.

One of My Favorite Things:

::quiet mornings

Sarah Annie this week:

::she give kisses! Sometimes. If you're very lucky;-)

A Few Plans for the Rest of the Week:

::Christian's basketball team made it to the state final four, so we'll all travel to Winchester on Friday. The championship is on Saturday. I think I might miss it because everyone else has basketball here at home and Mary Beth has her confirmation retreat. 

A Picture Thought I'm sharing:

Mothers at home don't often finish something that stays finished.

This is finished.

Pretty cool. 

Hunkered Down

Do you ever feel like the bad and the ugly and the sorrowful are breathing heavy upon your neck and the necks of the people you love?

We've lit our St. Michael candle today and we're hunkered down in prayer. You ladies have been such warriors for this intention and this one, too. Both these ladies really need your prayers right now. Might you light a candle and hunker down as well? Or just whisper a quick prayer heavenward?

Walk with Me?

I've gotten a few notes looking for the Lenten meditations that were posted here last year and the year before last. I'm not ignoring you! I was waiting to let you know that now you have lots of ways to get those prompts. Danielle has all the news and all the links here.

In addition to walking through Lent with you, we have gathered a whole year's worth of doable devotions into a brand new book:-)! You can pre-order it here.

I look forward to walking with you.

Morning with Sarah

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Disconnect to reconnect?

Yesterday was golden, really. Sarah woke happy and "chatted" with me merrily before we got out of bed. My morning computer check-in time slipped away as I marveled at my baby and told time to stand still.

As more children tumbled out from under covers and down the stairs, it dawned on me that I'd made no grocery trip for Mardi Gras. I was sick at the end of last week and all weekend and the whole thing passed in an inefficient blur. We had a plan because we pretty much always do the same thing, but I had no ingredients.

Mike texted from the airport. His flight was delayed. The morning reunion was moved to noon. At least I would have my act together by then.

I put together a grocery list and pulled on my boots. Karoline wanted to go along. Sigh. Karoline's company would make this trip a good deal lengthier. She was persistent. Her coat. Her boots. Her doll. Her bear. In the car. Off we go.

Karoline tenderly put her doll in the little cart our grocery store provides for wee mommies. She asked me to please strap the bear into my cart. I did. We found the ingredients for king cake, and jambalaya, lots of sparkle sugar in green and yellow and purple. Half a dozen people smiled at us as we went about our business. Sweet girl, spreading sunshine all over the place. Time moved slowly.

We chose hot fudge and whipped cream and then, she remembered. "I really, really need a hot chocolate." I put the ice cream in my cart while I pondered possibilities. Hurry through the checkout, get home, start barking orders and get this day into full production mode? Stop for hot chocolate?

We stopped at the in-store Starbucks. She chose a hot pink balloon and then settled into her chair and chattered happily about next year when she's fifteen and her feet touch the floor. I took a picture of her with my cell phone and sent it to Mike at Newark. He agreed that she should have hot chocolate when she goes on a Mommy date to the store. On the way home, the radio reminded me that all too soon, she will indeed be fifteen and her feet will touch the floor.

The computer was open when I walked inside. Mary Beth had found the king cake recipe and she was ready to bake. Because Mike would have just enough time for lunch before leaving to direct a game locally, we decided to have our Mardi Gras feast a little before noon.

He came home to happy noises about a sparkly cake and all were fed. Three of the boys left to go to work with him. My neighbor took Mary Beth, Stephen, and Katie to sled on a big hill with her kids a few miles from home. I put Sarah down to sleep and planned to finish writing a talk and catch up on some computer work. But as the big kids pulled away, Karoline melted into a puddle of despair.

We spent the next two hours reading every Jan Brett book we own. 

We made gingerbread tea with lots of sugar and heavy cream. Time moved slowly.

Then, we tried out the new floor in the sunroom by twirling pirouettes until we fell into a dizzy, giggling snuggle.

That woke the baby. So, we played "friend moms" with our babies until the floor guys came to finish their job. Karoline helped them with the tape measure.

Mary Chris returned with the other kids and had time for a quick cup of tea before I had to take Mary Beth to ballet. She took everyone but the baby and Mary Beth back to her house so they could have a "curling" competition in the basement. Mary Beth and I hustled out the door. We had time for an errand and dinner on the run. And she needed to have a big talk. We had time for that, too. All good things.

When I got home, there were messages on the phone and messages on the computer. But I didn't get to them. We had dinner and baths and more books and then I got sidetracked by a book that had arrived in the mail earlier in the day. Almost an entire day without much more than a glance or two at the computer...

Around ten o'clock, I started catching up online. And I worried about the yet unfinished talk. And I saw the drastic changes to the basketball schedule. Grace leaked all over the place. I barely slept.

What if. What if instead of reading 300 words here and there all over the internet all day long, I just read one book at a time? One hundred fifty pages or more of complete thoughts and careful writing. Would I stop thinking in those short, snippy, often snarky phrases that mirrored what I'd read online?

What if instead of posting status updates about what's for dinner and how's the weather, I saved up my writing time so that I could write something of substance a couple of times a week? I really think there's room on the internet for longer, beautifully published pieces. I have seen some incredible ones lately--whole pieces that give chronicling life online the beauty and dignity it deserves.

What if I checked the computer after prayer and before the kids got up and then didn't touch it again until time to make sure all afternoon activities were on as scheduled? And then not again? Certainly not right before bed.

Would time move more slowly? Would I have time for more storybooks and pirouettes? More big talks (and bigger listens)? Would I feel more connected to important people and less distracted by near strangers? 

I hear there are rules in the world of social networking. What if I re-wrote those rules for me and my house?

I think we'd reconnect in the important places.