April the 29th

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And the tulips are blooming, again.It's been eighteen years since I was diagnosed with cancer. I was thinking yesterday about what ran through my mind the morning after the biopsy surgery. I was very much concerned with my eighteen-month-old nursling. In the near term, there was the formidable task of weaning before chemo. In the far term, loomed the fear that I wouldn't see him grow up.  He's grown now. 
And he's weaned, too;-)
But when I wasn't thinking about Michael, I thought about the oddest random things. What's even odder is that I still remember them.

  • I thought about whether I'd live to make pesto of the basil I'd just planted.
  • I thought about whether scrunchies--the latest hair craze--would still be in style by the time I had enough hair to again make a ponytail.
  • I thought about how much I wanted out of the hospital gown and into a pair of jean shorts and a hoodie.
  • I thought about how much I looked forward to going home and washing my kitchen floor (weird, I know, but I loved the smell of Murphy's oil soap on the afternoon breeze while Michael napped and I chatted with my friend Martha on the phone and mopped).
  • I thought about how eager I was to get to church and make a good confession and spend some time alone with God.
  • I thought about how little I knew about what the Church teaches.

Cancer brings you face to face with mortality in a way that is startlingly real. For me, it brought an unquenchable thirst to know God, and then, a longing to love and to serve Him. And it was the Church from whom I drank deeply. I am still caught by surprise when I encounter lifetime Catholics who have never thought to read the Catechism, who don't know what the Magesterium is, who haven't read a single thing written by John Paul II, or still haven't taken the time to get to Benedict XVI. Don't they care? Don't they know the treasure they have been given? Don't they want to know why we live and why we die?God himself gave us this Church to shelter us and to teach us and to heal us. Time is short--even if you're perfectly healthy. God calls you to Him with urgency.

Life-threatening illness is great way to understand very well how short our lives here are compared to eternity. When one is ill, she yearns to be healed. If one has faith, and is facing a serious illness, she yearns for physical healing, but even more, she yearns to be spiritually whole and healthy. It's a tremendous gift of grace to know that we are wounded and to know where to go for healing. I found healing in the Catholic Church. She nurtured me and she continues to bring me to the Great Physician. There is no doubt that with cancer comes suffering, and not just for the person who is sick. My whole family suffered. But with that suffering and with healing came an understanding that God allows us to suffer in order to bring us closer to Him. And if we will come closer, we will be consoled and we will be cured.

{repost from the archives}

Daybook Confirmation Week

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Outside My Window

All the dandelions have turned to wishing flowers.

 

I am Listening to

The Divine Mercy Chaplet

 

I am so Grateful for

The people who have prayed for Patrick and Mary Beth as they have grown towards this day

 

I'm Pondering

What to wear? "As God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."


I am Reading
lots of books on St. Benedict.

 

I am Thinking

About my home a little differently these days. I wrote a little about it here—still working this one out in my head.

 

I'm Having a Kind Conversation about

Aging gracefully and gratefully.


I am Creating

Lesson plans. Lots of lesson plans.

 

On my iPod

I’m Alive

This song makes me cry this week. Twenty years ago, there was some question.

I’m grateful. So grateful. I’m alive and well.

 

Towards a Real Education

I guess this is the place to admit that we’re doing a whole lot of hanging out at parks and playgrounds. We’re on a serious tadpole watch. We’re soaking up the sunshine while it’s only dripping with pollen and not DC humidity. For the last few years, I’ve settled into the notion that April and May are natural breaking places for us. The soccer and dance schedules are intense. The weather is perfect. And it’s a great time to get my ducks in a row before homeschool conference buying season. So we’re playing and planning.

 

Mary Beth and I have nearly finished our plans for the second year of Literature for the Young Lady. We’re both so pleased with our work. Sharing very soon; I promise.

 

Colleen and I are thinking through Continents and Cultures for next year. We’ll share that, too, eventually.

 

Marisa and I are finding a contemplative mode to be what suits us as we incorporate the liturgical year into our intentional studies. This one we’re holding close for now. Maybe next year on the sharing.

 

And we’re all putting our heads together  (with a new friend, Anne) to pull together plans for a Family Bible Study.

So, we’re in planning mode. And playing. Lots of playing.

 

Towards Rhythm and Beauty

Following the planning theme, I am on a notebook roll. My notebooks needed serious revising as the roles in our family have changed, as the schedules have become even busier, as rhythm takes on a new meaning here. When I commit things—whether chore charts or ideas about vision for my family—to paper, they come alive for me. They settle into my being and they actually live. Weird, I know, but that’s the way it is. So, though I thought a homekeeping notebook was a static thing, to be done once and referred forever after, I am finding that a good bit of changes…

 

To Live the Liturgy

We are praying the St. Joseph novena this week and, most especially, we will celebrate a Confirmation Liturgy on Wednesday.

 

I am Hoping and Praying

That the Church will always be a place of Grace and Goodness, Hope and Haven for Patrick and Mary Beth

In the Garden

Peonies by Confirmation evening? Maybe?

Around the House

Things are presentable and orderly, comfortable and clean. I have no illusions of 24/7 perfection. To do that would require that we sacrifice creativity, community, and yes, competition (which I think is healthy and necessary here).

 

From the Kitchen

 I have the spring menu all polished up and grocery lists written. We’re going back to our one week menu plan. It seems like the spring begs this of me nearly every year. In other seasons, I cycle through two or even three weeks, but springtime demands utter simplicity.

 

One of My Favorite Things

This knife sharpener. Awesome. Absolutely easy and very, very effective.

 

Sarah Annie this week

My goodness, she so blooms! She twinkles great big eyes and chatters personality. She’s getting just a bit braver, letting go for a few steps more to walk alone. Already a little Mama, she totes around her doll “Zoe.” She sings to her, reads books to her, and changes lots of diapers. Darling girl. It’s fun to play babies with you, my baby.

 

A Few Plans for the Rest of the Week

Two soccer games way, way, ridiculously far away today--but not in the same place. Is it bad to pray for rain, until a weekend when Mike is home?

Mary Beth and Patrick will be confirmed Wednesday. That’s the big focus. Other than that, it’s soccer and ballet as usual, the playground twice a day, a weekly trip to Bull Run, another follow-up at the pediatrician, and I really, truly need to find time for a haircut. It’s been six months or so since I last visited my friend the hairdresser.

Confirmation party on Saturday, maybe? It’s frustrating to celebrate the sacrament so late at night. Mass starts at 7:30—not much we can do after that.

And, oh, I almost forgot! I’ll be eagerly awaiting the UPS man. He’s bringing me a very special box of books? Will you be getting one, too?


 

Picture thoughts:

   DSC_0324

Big jumble of children and Godchildren: EVERYONE in the creek