Embracing Autumn
/I didn't want to embrace autumn this year; didn't want let go of summertime. June and July were perfectly lovely. Just about the loveliest summer I can remember. We didn't go anywhere special. I actually missed my one chance to go to the beach. We mostly stayed home, taking just a couple of trips to Charlottesville, which is "home," too. We made memories here-- happy, happy memories. Good, good days.
August was not good. It began with an infection that left me sicker than I remember being in the last two decades. And then, it just bumped along some more--one in-real-life hit after another, each one surprising me more than the next. I sort of staggered through September, trying with all my might to recover my midsummer joy.
With all my might.
September ended with a heaving sob. My might depleted. Joy eluded.
October dawned cold, blustery, brittle. We celebrate the feast of my favorite saint on October first. An old friend challenged me to look for roses. Roses in the October cold. "Please pick for me a rose from the heavenly garden and send it to me as a message of love."
The roses of midsummer have faded and fallen. I cannot gather their blooms and bring them into the heart of this home. Instead, I have to find the October roses. With the waning summer, I feel my idealism fading; I feel some longheld notions finally acknowledging defeat after years of fighting with all my might; I fully feel the reality of messy lives. And I see that I cannot , no matter how hard I try, create the perfect childhood and hold it safely for all my children. They will be hurt. They will hurt themselves. We will feel pain and there will be fading blooms and browning leaves.
It's time to embrace autumn. It's time to acknowledge that there is suffering, to let myself know it, meet its gaze, and accept it. Time to stop fighting change, stop denying that this, too, is a fallen world in need of a a Savior. Time to stop trying to play on through the pain. It's time to remember that pruning is painful, but ever so fruitful. It's time to recognize that perhaps my most important role as a teacher of my children is to teach them how to greet the hurt and then to carry on in faith.
The breeze blows and lifts my chin; it's time to look up from the rain-sodden, trampled underbrush of late summer's waning blooms and to see His glory above me. It's time to know that it's not about my might.
It never was.
I see that now.
The joy of the summer was never of my making; it was the fruit of His grace. He waits for me, watching patiently, asking me to trust Him with this new season of life.
"God is good," the Spirit whispers through the gathering storm, the rustling, autumn-gloried leaves, "all the time."
Fat Quarter Shop Giveaway Winner!
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The winner of the Fat Quarter Shop giveaway of a Home Sweet Home Quilt Kit is Carmie!
Carmie said...
you can check out my Pinterest pages for some beginner quilt inspiration. I recommend a couple of charm packs for a patchwork quilt. I enjoy sewing the toppers. Also, a jelly roll is perfect for a simple strip quilt. Simply lay out the strips and arrange them how you like and sew the strips together. I really enjoy precut fabrics like charms, jelly rolls, layer cakes and fat quarters. I wish quilting projects were more portable (like knitting). I would quilt more. I'm trying to move into more applique now, but for a beginner, I recommend enjoying the process of arranging squares or strips and sewing them togeter. I have a lot to say on this. I've been quilting for several years now.
Congratulations, Carmie; I'm guessing you're mighty glad you came back with a second comment:-)
Yarn Along: Happy Knitting
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I have knitting progress to report this week! Yesterday, my friend K.C. breezed through Virginia on her way from Texas to Massachusetts. She stopped to sit a spell in my sewing room. After months of saying, "I wish you were here to knit (or sew) with me," she actually was here. I showed her fabric and patterns and told her all about my lofty sewing dreams. We talked sewing machines and ruffler feet. Our children played and played and played.
And she helped me past my knitting slump. No, I think she picked me up and lifted me over it. See that button band on the yellow sweater? I picked up stitches. K.C. show me how to do it and then watched me all the way up the band. And, she offered some very helpful tips on posture that seem to have decreased the hand cramps to almost nothing. Happy, happy knitting afternoon.
I'm reading all these quilt books, following suggestions here (not too late to enter that giveaway--winner this afternoon). All of them:
Seams to Me (good tutorial on binding)
The Practical Guide to Patchwork
I'm reading every tip and every instruction. And I'm about to commit to actually quilting. But that's a sewing post and not a knitting one, so I'll just leave you with progress on my red scarf-that's-becoming-shawl (gauge issue) and a yellow sweater that might just be wearable by next week.
Join Ginny for more knitting and reading.
Dear Child of My Heart
/Not a day goes by that I don't look at you and remember.
I remember how I begged and begged God for just one more. I remember how I just knew, deep down inside, that you were you and He was going to give us the great gift of this dear girl.
I remember how still I was while waiting for you, so sick I could barely move, the whole nine months, but so afraid, too, that this precious little one might not be mine to hold.
And I remember that glorious day when I did hold you. And hold you. And hold you. When all the world seemed utterly perfect.
I remember your perfect rosebud lips and that delicious smell. I remember that your name, chosen weeks before your birthday, suited you the moment we first whispered it to you.
The day you were born might just be my Best Day Ever.
Except for all the days that have come in the five years since.
All the times you have twirled and charmed and delighted and danced your way into my heart and made the whole world sparkle with joy.
All the times you have shown me how tenderly He loves me.
And I still hold you, golden hair against my cheek, your heart beating next to mine. This life we share? It's very sweet, indeed.
Happy Birthday, Karoline Rose.
