Listening to: Quiet. It’s before dawn as I write. An occasional car or truck rumbles by outside on Main Street, but mostly, I just hear the hum of the radiator.
Clothing myself in: Flannel pjs, a sweatshirt, warm socks, and a Chappy Wrap, currently. Three winters in, and we still haven’t figured out the trick to keeping this house warm.
Talking with my children about these books: Atomic Habits. We’ve slid into some sloppy time “un-management” around here. I love this book for its clarity and its simplicity. Life is really the sum of all the small things you do every day. Those things should be intentional. Lent is a good time to reset, to remember that life here is short and eternity is long, and to live accordingly. Make it matter. Atomic Habits is a secular book, but the conversations around it here in my home are infused with faith.
In my own reading: From Strength to Strength. I listened to the author, Arthur C. Brooks on the Rich Roll podcast, and then I took a deeper dive into the book. His premise is that we all have two seasons of strength. Here’s what the publisher writes:
Many of us assume that the more successful we are, the less susceptible we become to the sense of professional and social irrelevance that often accompanies aging. But the truth is, the greater our achievements and our attachment to them, the more we notice our decline, and the more painful it is when it occurs.
What can we do, starting now, to make our older years a time of happiness, purpose, and yes, success?
At the height of his career at the age of 50, Arthur Brooks embarked on a seven-year journey to discover how to transform his future from one of disappointment over waning abilities into an opportunity for progress. From Strength to Strength is the result, a practical roadmap for the rest of your life.
Drawing on social science, philosophy, biography, theology, and eastern wisdom, as well as dozens of interviews with everyday men and women, Brooks shows us that true life success is well within our reach. By refocusing on certain priorities and habits that anyone can learn, such as deep wisdom, detachment from empty rewards, connection and service to others, and spiritual progress, we can set ourselves up for increased happiness.
Note to moms who have spent the last two decades or more raising big families: your “achievements” may not be “professional,” but it is very likely that your attachments to them and the way your identity is tied to them is profound. “Decline” is a little different for you, but the shift is even more pronounced, I think. He's pretty blunt in the beginning about that “decline,” and I admit I bristled a bit, but the refocus is definitely worth pondering and acting upon. The author has a personal friendship with the Dalai Lama so he’s very open to eastern thought, but he is a professed devout Catholic. His ability to extract truth and apply it to a western, Christian mindset is quite profound. Lots to think on here.
Thinking and thinking: About how it’s all turning out. The last three years have been so unexpected, so not a part of any of my 10-year plans, that I have had a bit of emotional whiplash. I feel things deeply and intensely and processing it all has been exhausting. With my father’s death came an abrupt disruption of my relationship with my stepmother that I never saw coming. (Given my lifelong attachment to fairy tales and Jane Austen, perhaps I should have seen it coming…) With our move to Connecticut, every rhythm of every meaningful relationship has changed. It’s a lot. I’m just now acknowledging how much it has been to process, and I’m coaching myself to be kind and merciful—to myself.
Pondering: “Our thoughts determine our whole life. If our thoughts are destructive, we will have no peace. If they are quiet, meek, and simple, our life will be the same, and we will have peace within us. It will radiate from us and influence all beings around us.” From Our Thoughts Determine Our Lives.
Carefully Cultivating Rhythm: Rhythm has been rocked lately. I’ve been on more airplanes in the past three months than in the first twenty-five years of adulthood. It’s hard to have rhythm in a household with three teen girls when you’re leaving them all the time. This is one of the challenges of my current season. I want to be here, to do meaningful and important things with the girls, and to pour everything I have into these last few years of mothering in my own home. I also want to travel to see the boys who have moved away, to spend time with my husband, and to tend to my aging mother. I’m pulled in several directions (literally). It feels a lot like it did when I had a baby and a full-time job. I had a crushing, overwhelming sense that it was going to be impossible to do both well. And back then, I don’t think I recognized that marriage, too, needs careful, constant, intentional tending.
We have to find a rhythm here. I am intensely uncomfortable when I can’t find the beat.