Happy Birthday, Katie!

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Last night, we went to Michael's soccer game. And after the game, families and friends of players congregated around the field fence waiting for the players to come. This is a funny scene and I'm new to it. Lots of middle-aged parents, a smattering of girlfriends, a few college guys,  and the Foss kids, including an exuberant Katie and baby Karoline. Katie is a pixie, a sprite, a sunbeam.  She is all joy. And last night, sensing perhaps the downturn of emotion after the loss, she donned her silly hair and danced in and out among the people there, drawing smiles and giggles despite the mood. It's her calling really--making people happy. She does it all the time here at home. She's not oblivious to grim moods or crankiness; she's just determined to dispel them.

Her Daddy has told her since she was born that she's the "Queen of the World." And he treats her so. He hoists her high onto his shoulders and lets her wave like a queen (much like St. Therese's father carried her). She calls him on his way home from work and asks him to bring her ice cream. If he declines, she reminds him that she's the queen of the world. He acquiesces and all is right with the universe. Spoiled? Not really. It's more like a family tradition.

She sprinkles happy dust everywhere. She's also very strong-willed. Katie's birth was traumatic. She had been breech at 37 weeks and then she flipped to vertex at 38 weeks. I thought all was well until an appointment at 39 weeks. She was breech again, with her foot in the birth canal and I was about five centimeters. Surgery was indicated immediately. After six unmedicated births, I was ill-prepared for this one. And I reeled for a very long time. Recently, Katie happened upon the books I'd used to prepare Mary Beth to be with me when Karoline was born.

Katie: I'm never going to have a baby.

Me: (surprised because she loves babies, real and imaginary) Why in the world not?

Katie: Because I saw how they come out and I'm never going to do that. Ever. Ever.

Me: (kicking myself for not being more careful with the books and wondering about future grandchildren) Katie, it's not so bad. You don't have to watch if you don't want to (o.k. so this was totally lame but I was on the spot and grasping at straws) and really, it's pretty cool when it's happening. Trust me on this one.

Katie: Nope. I"m not doing it. And you know what? If I were a baby, I would not come out that way. If I were a baby I'd tell them that I"m the queen of the world and they'd have to find another way.

Right. You would.

And that is the first time in five years I've had a good, hard laugh about Katie's birth. Happy dust. Everywhere.

I told her yesterday that it was her last day to be four and her face clouded. "I love four. Four is a very wonderful thing to be." I'd love four, too, if I were Katie. I've loved four with Katie. Her Daddy is gone today and her Mikey is, too. She's very attached to these men in her life. But I'm going to do the best I can to make the first day of five even better than four. And I'm going to stay very close to Katie. I'm looking forward to a sprinkling or two of happy dust.

(The bear says "Someone at George Mason University loves me." She carries it everywhere. And someone really does.)

Happy Birthday, Michael

Nineteen years ago today, I became a mother. It's all I ever really wanted to be. When I was a little girl, all my play was sprinkled with babies. I fell in love early and  I knew then what it was to want to be a wife.  We were married and had a baby shortly after our first anniversary. So, there has been a baby in our lives most of our married life. And I've been married  all my adult life.

That baby, that first baby, was better than my best imaginings. He was a sweet, beautiful blue-eyed, blond-haired, bundle of utter joy. He kept me up all night. I didn't mind; I was still happy to see him first thing in the morning.Looking back, he was rather spoiled. I remember making pancakes from scratch every morning for months on end because that's the only thing he liked for breakfast (and lunch, too, for that matter). I remember putting him in the car and following the trash truck because he was fascinated by it. I remember offering moral support while my husband stayed up all night crafting a Peter Pan ship out of cake and frosting for his fifth birthday. He slept on our bedroom floor, with all his action figures arranged, just so, until he was seven. There's nothing quite like getting up in the middle of the night and stepping on Captain Hook.

I also remember that this was the child who grew to be the big brother. He was the one who was there to welcome every baby. He was the one who had piggybacks down to a science, could change a diaper in a pinch, and stayed up all night with me when I had six stitches in my hand the same night five of his siblings had a stomach bug and his dad was out of town. This was the child who first moved from child to friend.

He's a great conversationalist. He loves to write and to take pictures and it's fun to trade ideas with him for both. As he has matured, his faith has, too, and I find myself lately being inspired by his example. I don't think that we are supposed to be buddies with our children when they are little. I don't even think we're supposed to be chums with our sons when they are big. But I do think that a goal in childrearing is to raise a person with whom you can be friends. What a lovely thing it is to look at the young adult in my life and want to spend time with him! He is my friend. I love him and I respect him. I'm still his Mom and he reminds me frequently that he still needs my perspective and experience and guidance in his life. But he's a man and I am very fond of the man he is.

So, today is his birthday and in many, many ways, it's mine as well. He was nine days late. We'd always known his name was Michael and we think he waited to be heralded by the archangels on the feast. How often lately, I call upon those angels! Defend him in battle, please! Help him avoid the snares of the devil. Be with my baby in that very big world. Oh, and, enjoy the companionship of one of my best friends.

He surprised me late yesterday and asked me to come get him so he could spend a few hours at home. This mom who hates to drive gleefully added an extra hour to the Friday afternoon driving--half of which was perfect heaven because Michael sat next to me and talked about all sorts of things while he ate pistachios and feed Slurpee to Karoline. He asked for another Peter Pan cake, but we opted instead for our traditional Devil's Food Kahlua cake.  What a joy it is this morning to set the table for breakfast and put the birthday plate at Michael's place. All the places are set today (with an extra for my Dad who also surprised me late yesterday).And it was lovely to go to bed last night with all my children under my roof. It's birthday week here. Let the feasting begin!

D is for Donut...and Dump

It's "D" week here, all week long. Seems a good enough excuse for a brain Dump. It's also "tweak week." I'm about four weeks into our new routine and it's taken me absolutely every waking second of those four weeks to reach my stride. Michael's absence echoes in this house--I feel it every time I go to lock the door at night and can't get over the feeling that someone is not yet home. And, I feel it every time I drive all over town and miss the tangible help with carpooling. And, I feel it when I have something to share and I look up to tell him and he's not here. He calls nearly every day and not because he has to, just because he wants to say hello. He's happy enough, though he's not playing as much as he'd like and he's working very, very hard. His schedule is not  his own and considering he's so close to home, we've hardly seen him at all.

But back to "tweak week." There are seven children in my house who need some sort of academic attention (this includes Gracie, who is definitely wanting her own work this year). We have two children preparing for sacraments (reconciliation, first Communion, and Confirmation). We have two with special needs. We have a nursing baby who is going to walk soon. And we have countless other unique factors to consider. I've tried to map this all out graphically. I've spent hours and hours talking about vision and scope and sequence with like-minded friends. But, in the end, we just had to live it for a while to figure it all out.

  • I've learned that Monday Night Geography is a huge hit.
  • I've learned that flower fairies are not just for girls and Elsa Beskow books are family favorites.
  • I've learned that Patrick will binge read Harry Potter but he needs a huge infusion of willfull suspension of disbelief or he's going to get kicked out of Hogwarts.   
  • I've learned that Teaching Textbooks are awesome. My new math goal in the younger grades is just to get them ready for Teaching Textbooks by fifth grade. I'm so NOT a math mind.
  • I've mostly figured out the driving and I live for Thursdays when I only have to take one child to one thing. The rest of the afternoons are painful. I don't like to drive. I do love my kids, though, and I see value in extracurricular activities. We sing a lot of Signing Time in the car. I love Rachel Coleman; she can get my baby to stop crying.
  • I've learned that my husband is enjoying the sidebar photo albums and the chance to see the children's work as they do it.
  • I've learned that Nicholas is not interested in learning letters out of order. He knows how to read and he doesn't care a whit about the letter quest someone else wrote. Instead, he wants to do the letter of the week with us and he's very, very serious about it. So, I've learned that I am going to have to write my own alphabet story. Fortunately, someone else is learning the same lessons and we can have some fun together with this one. Stay tuned; we're getting seriously creative here.
  • Mostly, I've learned that learning takes fire in my house when I have time to think and to plan and to read and then I have the courage to let go of those plans and sit back and see where God wants them to go.
  • Oh, and I've learned that in New Orleans (the site of Monday Night football this week), D is not for Donut at all. B is for Beignet.  And Daddy brought home beignet mix and we had to sell it to poor Nicky, who didn't want  to eat B food on D week. So,  D is Donuts from Dixie. We can cut them like Ds and Dust them with Domino sugar. They're Delicious.! See? Just keep tweaking until it fits.

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He really did it

It's official. I know this to be true, because we just threw a party. The children made a list of party food and called the neighbors. I let them eat up there (snickers bars,doritos, buffalo wings, sprite--in that order. Sorry,  Mary Chris;-). And now, it's really official.

Nicky has moved out of my room.

It started last night with a solemn pronouncement:

"Mom, I'm going to sleep in my bed tonight."

With that, he scooped up his blankets and pillow off the airbed on my bedroom floor and carried them to the bed in Christian's room where he has never slept. He pulled the dog off the bed. And there, he slept the whole night.

Today, he decided he couldn't bear to spend another night in a room with football and basketball posters and no soccer memorabilia.  Furthermore, Christian is usually studying into the wee hours of the morning and then sleeping late. So, Patrick muscled Nicholas' bed into his room and now Patrick, Nicholas, and Stephen are happy together.

The dog is beyond distraught. (He's eying that available air mattress.)

And I'm wondering why they all have to keep growing up.

Little Nuggets of Wisdom

September_2007_016Sometimes, when we've been at something for a long while, we hit a bump. It's not burnout exactly. It's more like a fizzle. Willa has tentatively identified it as a bit of a midlife crisis. Whatever it is, I was ripe for it this summer. And, when I consider that I spent the whole summer out of my comfort zone, speaking, traveling, and packing a child to leave for the very first time, I am astonished to find that I'm not fizzling with my friends. Instead, God planted a seed in June that grew, little by little, over the hot, dry summer.

I found myself sitting with my nursing baby in a hotel room in Denver with my friend Kim and her nursing baby. Kim had just given a talk on notebooking. Donna Simmons had been very kind to furnish Kim with lots of samples of Main Lesson books to use during her talk. She'd also supplied Christopherus catalogs. And there, Kim and I set about reminiscing. We remembered the idealistic beginning of our homeschooling adventures. We began a conversation that lasted all summer and into the fall. Our enthusiasm for an arts oriented infusion of new life bubbled over and we started sharing it with friends. I spent hours in the car, driving from Virginia to Florida, back to Virginia and then to New York. Along the way, I talked to my favorite artist about his education, I chatted via cell phone about the things I was reading, and I listened to a lady named Donna Simmons (on audio downloads) discuss big ideas that pretty much fizzle-proofed me.

While life around me grew increasingly chaotic, I just kept reading Donna Simmons. In my head, I wrote post after post. Let's see, I wrote "CM and Waldorf," "Catholics and Waldorf," "Big Families and Waldorf," Learning Challenges and Waldorf," and more...

But I have these books that are littered with post-it notes and colored with Lyra penciled underlining. These are nuggets of wisdom from Donna Simmons and I do want to pass them along. Lots to think about here, lots to encourage and lots to inspire.

From the Christopherus Waldorf Curriculum Overview for Homeschoolers:

"This is why I'm not very keen on set curricula--I feel that no one can anticipate just what each individual homeschooler needs to make her homeschool work. And though many people initially take great comfort from 'having it all there,' the help can turn into a hindrance when family circumstances do not allow for the blocks or lessons to proceed as they're written down. What happens then is usually frustration which can lead to burnout."

"If, however, parents acquire curricula to have as resources and sources of inspiration, not something to follow the letter, then I think it can work wonderfully. So my advice is: get all the materials you can afford and be creative in how you adapt them to the needs of your family."

"To my mind, family is the number  one reason to homeschool.  I feel that for many people, homeschooling is the way for them to build truly healthy families which nurture healthy individuals. Within such a setting wonderful educational opportunities can arise and by working with Waldorf, which is concerned with each individual's health, we can watch our children and families flourish."

  • First do, then understand
  • Move from the whole to the parts
  • The world is beautiful
  • Make everything into a picture
  • Everything done is imbued with rhythm
  • Relate everything to practical life...

...To these is then added "From knowledge to understanding" as the children move up into high school."

"And so in our homeschools, we can use this wise approach to material by developing an overlapping rhythm whereby we tell a story, for instance, on the first day and then leave it to do other things, other material from the Main Lesson. The following day we ask the child to retell the story: this alone is an extremely valuable thing to do, strengthening both the listening skills and memory of the child. With the little ones, you'll have to help them along and gently steer them back on track: some children will that the story as a jumping-off point for their own story adventures! One will have to be sensitive and not crush such enthusiastic imaginings if this is the case, but one does want to encourage accuracy of recall. Older children should be able to retell material in some depth and their questions can form the basis for discussion. You may choose to pause before discussion and instead work artistically with the material at hand, drawing, painting, writing poetry or whatever seems right."

"One thing to caution against is fashioning your children's school days only in accordance with the needs of your eldest. It's tempting to do this, but it would be good to have regular 'kindergarten time' or even 'baby time' at intervals, too."

"Other families, especially those with larger families, might not find it practical to keep the children so separate. In this situation, I'd again recommend figuring out what would usually be done in a Waldorf  school and then see where children are easily combined and when it's best to keep them apart...to let go of a lot of expectations and just trust that the benefits of having a large family and being able to homeschool together outweigh the benefits of the usual Waldorf approach." (my italics)

From Kindergarten with Your Three to Six Year Old:

"Don't worry if everybody's doing everything and that there are so many of you that nothing seems to get done! Hold onto three three things:  1)the belief that the life you have chosen, including homeschooling, is best for all of you; 2) that each of your children will learn no matter what, even if the form the learning takes is a bit unorthodox; and 3) that having a big family is in and of itself a wonder thing and that, although it may mean all sorts  of compromises, the very fact of being in a large family is right and nurturing for each of your children."

"What I'm trying to get across is for parents to neither be so purist that a plastic farm animal will never be seen in their house nor to be so inattentive to the quality of their child's toys that they buy Barbie disco sets! Quality does matter, children are either nourished or dulled by their playthings. But, as always, one wants to look at the larger picture. If the child has a peaceful home environment, if she's not overstimulated by electronic media or 'educational' toys, if she has plenty of open-ended, creative playthings and is allowed to engage in meaningful work around the house, then a few plastic toys aren't the worst thing going."

"Your task is to find fulfillment in your role as homeschooling Mom...and homemaker and to ensoul your home with your love and peacefulness. Self-education and self-development are a huge part of a Waldorf teacher's vocation: it can be no less the case with homeschooling parent!...The point is for you to work on your inner development, cultivating the artistic, practical, intellectual and spiritual sides of who you are. Not only can such work bring you satisfaction and clarity in your own life, but it will better enable you work with your children in the holistic way we all wish for."

While I appreciate the beauty, the materials and some of the methods of Waldorf education, I am not a follower of Rudolf Steiner, his educational philosophy, or his religion. I am a practicing Catholic who is very clear in teaching the faith to her children. Please see this post for any further explanation of incorporating methods or materials that might also appear in Waldorf schools into your home. Take inspiration from what is good and what in in harmony with the true faith and leave the rest. If you can't discern, then leave it all alone.