Give Them Siblings!

Maryan is due tomorrow. She's been ever so eager patient to go into labor. Personally, I'm thinking tomorrow a very fine day to have a birthday;-). Just ask Brendan Fry (number eight of nine closely spaced siblings), who will be three tomorrow. Lots of good things happen on January 10th. So, won't you please join me in praying for Maryan today? For tomorrow, of course.

Maryan is encouraged by Danielle's thoughts on closely-spaced siblings. And well she should be, for Danielle is very wise and very experienced. I thought of Maryan yesterday while I pondered the storm  over Danielle's parenting philosophy.  Maryan and her husband Dan are real life friends, so I can personally vouch for the very happy, healthy family thing they have going there, despite the fact that they have closely spaced boys. Proof positive in my book that this is a bit of hogwash:
But the AP response would be that, unless God has somehow specifically called a person to act in a manner that is contrary to what he created the child's body to need (which would be remarkable considering Pope Benedict's assertion at Ravensburg that the Christian God is a God of order and reason who does not contradict the laws of his own creation) then it is imperative to the bonding process and the health of the mother that children be spaced about 2.5 to 3 years apart (give or take).Heart Mind and Strength
Um, pardon me for being simplistic, but doesn't that sort of call God's wisdom into question every time someone is blessed with twins or more? Let me be very clear, I believe in attachment parenting and I believe that it is parents who benefit most from it. But I don't believe that it is the only way to be a good Catholic parent. And I know Maryan Vanderwoude so I'm here to vouch for the fact that perfect attachment parenting doesn't always space babies 2.5 years apart. What bothers me most about the fray at Danielle's is the idea that attachment parenting has somehow become all about control. Frankly, I think the blessing of attachment parenting is how much it teaches us about relinquishing control--openness to life and attachment parenting are our path to holiness and holiness is not at all about our control. Actually AP is so hard sometimes that we need to let go our grip on the illusion of control in order to hang on firmly to God with both hands. So, when I read this :
Attachment parenting and the Catholic concept of "Integral Procreation" go hand-in-hand. Integral Procreation is a corollary of responsible parenthood which asserts that being open to life requires parents to not simply say "yes" to conception, but mainly be willing to say "yes" to  all the needs a child presents in every age and stage in order to give that child the best chance to become the saint he or she was created to become.Heart Mind and Strength
I was horrified.
My second child was conceived seven months after I finished chemotherapy and radiation. I didn't even know if I'd be alive for the next five years, never mind able to say "yes" to answering his every need personally. Happily, a good priest and a good oncologist encouraged me to say yes to life and all its unknowns. God, I love that child and I thank you every day for the miracle he still is to me.

My fourth child was a nursing toddler when my fifth was born. We were home, happily settling in, when he became very ill with RSV. We spent the second two weeks of his life in the hospital. I was with the baby, ensuring that he was breathing; my nursing toddler was with her father and her devoted older siblings, who did everything they could to comfort her in my absence. They all grew from the experience. I definitely didn't answer her every need, but in the infinitely wise design of a big family, her needs were answered.

I could go on and on in outlining all the needs my children have presented over twenty years--needs that I could never have imagined. And it's a good thing. Because if I'd known how needy they'd be and I'd known how imperfect I am and I'd read about "integral procreation" and thought that was what I had to believe to be Catholic, I would have turned my back on God's choicest blessings in my life and never had them at all. I would have been very afraid. Perfect fear drives out love.

I am open to life. Open to the mystery of what God has in mind for me. Open to the idea that I don't know right now what I am capable of when I open myself up to the possibility of another and I open myself up to God's infinite grace.It's the grace that does it--the grace that makes us grow in ways we could never have imagined. The grace that more than makes up for my lack.

Do I nurse my babies until they three? Yep. Do I nurse more than one at a time, if necessary? Yep. Do I sleep with them well into their childhood? Yep. Do I carry them every where? Well, no, not really. My babies have been known to pass the 25 pound mark before they are six months old. I have a very well worn pelvic floor (I've had 8 babies). Carrying 25 pound babies for hours and hours a day is really medically contraindicated. But I keep them with me. I sit and hold them as much as I can. And when I can't, I enlist a willing older sibling to carry. There are lots of them here. If I'd had all my children 3 years apart, there would be very few of them here. But I had them when God offered them to me. And what I lack in holding/slinging ability, my children provide to their siblings.I don't need a scientific study to tell me that a baby sleeping on the chest of a stressed out teenager is good for everyone's cortisol levels.I don't need a study to tell me that an eleven-year-old is a perfect bed buddy for a three-year-old. That's just the way we do things. We've learned from other holy families. We've learned from watching each of our children and taking our cues from them. We've learned from the fruits of our own earnest prayers. Isn't that a beautiful thing?

One more thought before I move on: I am 42 years old tomorrow. I have 8 living children. I married young and was pregnant the first year. With the exception of the year I had cancer, we have been entirely open to life our entire twenty year marriage. For that, I am extremely grateful to God (I believe He blessed us with abundant grace and saved us from some very prideful decisions) and to my husband.He is a man of great strength and quiet courage. And I think that's a surprise, even to him.It's not easy to be a dad these days. He has so much on his plate, so many, many responsibilities. And when he comes home at night, there's a wiggling, giggling baby in his bed. It's a 24/7 job, no doubt. But if that baby's asleep, he is sure to ask me if he can wake her up just to play. He loves her more than words could ever adequately capture. He's given her so much. He works incredibly hard to provide for all his children. But if you asked, he would be the first to acknowledge that the greatest gift he's given, by far, is the gift of those seven siblings who love her beyond compare. We are old. They will be here for her long after we are gone. We know that we won't provide for her every need. We know that children have needs--big needs, real needs--well into adulthood. And we know better than to assume that even tomorrow is ours. We trust that these children will be family to each other forever. We trust that the big ones whom we have loved so well, will continue to love the little ones and that they will teach that love to the next generation. We pray we're here to watch it all unfold. We trust that we will be able to meet every need God desires us to meet and that He will provide for the rest. On the eve of my birthday, as I'm counting my blessings, I am ever so grateful again, that we were greedy for babies. I'm grateful that we never let a mere man, whether he was a well-meaning stranger or a misguided medical doctor, tell us to outguess God. Despite all the very hard, physically grueling years of lots of littles, I have no regrets. No second guesses. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Because I know that the baby years are very short in light of eternity. I'm so glad that I didn't tell God, "Not right now. I'm not able to do this perfectly for another child right now and I can't guarantee tomorrow." I'm glad, instead, that my husband and I said, "We are willing. Please God, make us able--in whatever way is right and holy for our family."

The Rhythm of Prayer

When I first starting reconsidering Rhythm and Beauty, I began to make notes about how I wanted to incorporate the rhythm of the Lord into every moment of our day. It seemed at once overwhelming and simple to infuse our days with God's rhythm. After all, our God is a God of order and our Church has its own daily rhythm. But, I am not a monk and often my monastery bells are of the childish variety.This post is nearly six months in the writing.
    The Church's rhythm is the Liturgy of the Hours. The Catechism of the Catholic Church states that , "The Liturgy of the Hours is intended to become the prayer of the whole people of God." Even mothers with houses full of little children:-). John Paul II had great faith in the ability of the laity to prayer the Divine Office. He used his Wednesday audience to teach on the Psalms and he began his teaching with these words:

In the Apolostolic Letter Novo Millenio Ieunte, I expressed the hope the the Church would become more and more distinguished in the "art of Prayer" learning it ever anew from the lips of the divine master. This effort must be expressed above all in the liturgy, the source and summit of ecclesial life. Consequently, it is important to devote greater pastoral care to promoting the Liturgy of the Hours as a prayer of the whole people of God...If, in fact, priests have a precise mandate to celebrate it, it is also warmly recommended to lay people.

If John Paul II warmly recommended it, that works for me. There was no caveat against mothers praying the Hours or no warning that it is not intended for households with children under three. Just a warm recommendation. Like pretty much everything else worthwhile in a homeschooling mom's life, this endeavor required organization. It took a good deal of time to learn about how the Divine Office is prayed and for what all those different ribbons were sewn into Christian Prayer. The Unversalis site is an excellent source. If you don't mind sitting in front of your computer, you can almost pray the entire office from the site. It's a good way to become familiar with the different components as I fumble with all those ribbons.I've linked the site at the top of the righthand sidebar.  I learned that the Office is flexible enough to work in my household, provided that I'm disciplined enough to make it happen.
     Morning Prayer is meant to be said first thing in the morning. First, I pray the Invitatory Psalm (the Church's introduction to her gifts for the day).After that, Lauds consists of a hymn, two psalms , an Old Testament canticle, a short reading, and prayers of intercession. These prayers are ideally followed by Mass. Morning Prayer is fairly simple for me to pray on a regular basis. I am a morning person and this is what I do first thing. Ideally, I follow my morning prayer with the Office of Readings. This is the flexible part. It can be said at any time of day at all. Usually, I fix Nicholas a cup of tea and set him up with the sports page after Morning Prayer. Then, I can do the Office of Readings. If Kari awakens, she'll nurse while I pray. Anyone else can wait for me. This is my time to truly immerse myself in the Word and to listen to God. It's a good time to take notes and make resolutions. It's also a time to consult Divine Intimacy, for Carmelite inspiration. If, for some reason (and I can think of eight or nine), I am interrupted, I can move the Office of Readings to naptime. If worse comes to worst, I can take it with me and go early to pick up at ballet or soccer and pray it in the car while I wait.
    The Office of Readings contains much food for thought and prayer. There is a sizable Scripture reading, followed by a second reading, taken from the early Church or old homilies or from the writings or biographies of the saints. Truly, our faith is so beautifully revealed in the Office of Readings that I'm astounded that it's such a well-kept secret! This is the good stuff--the stuff that will sustain us and make us holy. This is the Word of God and the living faith of His people. It's all here. And it's so organized. Perfect, perfect rhythm (and those who know me, know I never, ever say "perfect").
    I do like to pick out the collect for the day and a brief biography of the saint to share with the children before we begin lessons.Usually, I find these at Catholic Culture.We also pray a decade of the rosary and a morning offering and consecration prayer. I love the Patmos rosary book for the joyful mysteries and I do hope that there are more coming soon. The daytime prayers--Terce, Sext, and None--are to be said separately at about nine, noon and three or I can choose to say one single daytime prayer, depending on the time it's said. Usually, it's simple enough to say this one with the children at noon, before lunch.
    Vespers is tricky. Frankly, my life is pretty crazy and entirely lacking in rhythm at this hour of day. Every day is different and it even differs from day to day and week to week. I'm told that this hour is supposed to take me from the bustle of the day to the calm of the evening. I find that I need to put it off until I'm nursing the baby to sleep.And, truthfully, this is where I start to fade. So it takes real effort for me to focus and stay awake during Vespers.
    The Compline is the Church's night prayers.These are fairly easy to say in community--my community is my family. The Compline can be combined with Vespers and as my children get older, I'd like to see that happen. For now, I use The Night Prayerbook with the children and we say the Compline together.This is also our time for any seasonal novena.The exception is Sunday Vespers. Patmos has done a beautiful job of making Sunday Vespers accessible for family prayer and so,we get to that as often as possible.I've found it helps to light a candle and make it quiet, holy and apart from the rushabout routine. I'm slowly working on ideas for special candles. We have very much enjoyed using my "JOY" luminaria since Gaudete Sunday. So I'm brainstorming for what to light during ordinary time.It also helps to pray at the same time every night, as much as possible.
    I fall asleep saying the rosary. If I don't finish (and I often don't), I ask my guardian angel to finish for me. I am also a huge, huge fan of a rosary CD in the car and the iPod so that I can hear the rosary while driving or while pushing a stroller around the block. I sneak a decade in when nursing or washing dishes. I'm still pretty much addicted to the rosary.
    This sounds like so much!And it is. But it's not. It's one of those things that, once you do it, you wonder how you ever functioned without it. Truthfully, tell me, if someone told you fifteen years ago that you'd be spending the time you do sitting in front of a computer screen, wouldn't you have been amazed? How would you find that kind of time? But you made that time, didn't you? And in many ways you are a better person for the things you've discovered during that time. Praying the Liturgy of the Hours comes with no caveats. The time you found for the computer has been good time and it's been wasted time. Really.
The time you spend with God? It's all good.

I'm in!

Sarah who is making a beautiful Catholic home in the Great Plains has issued a challenge. Here are the parameters:

Strive for these Goals

1. Invite the Blessed Mother to my home. . .daily, with a Memorare for the intention of asking her to visit me as she did her cousin, and to help me keep my eyes toward heaven.

2. Begin my day with a Morning Offering-to offer my all to God

2. Follow a simple organizational routine

3. Take on little things to help our household stay beautiful and joyful.

4. Write about household topics and link others' blogs who are motivational

The Rules:

1. Remember People are more important than things

2. Remember that messes look bigger than they are

3. Small things done in the home can add beauty

4. Stay real: we will never be perfect, especially with children around us

5. Keep a sense of humor

6. Forgive myself for imperfection and limitations, focusing on those thing I do accomplish

7. Persevere

I'm in; are you?

Family Planning

Don't you love a new calendar, all fresh and clean and ready to take on the adventures that await in a brand new year? Last year, I used a MomAgenda. I was disappointed with the some of the features (mostly offensive quotes that jumped out at me and made me sorry I paid for the privilege of reading them again and again for a week). But I did love the column format of the MomAgenda, even if the columns close to the binding were a bit difficult to use. It was all bound into a book--sometimes a pro, sometimes a con. In September, I started using Google Calendar. I'm still using it, though not as regularly as I should. The nice thing about Google Calendar (well, one of the nice things) is that as soon as I get an email from a coach or a teammate about a practice or event, I can add it directly. No searching for the planner which might be in my diaper bag or might be in the kitchen. The bad thing about Google Calendar? It's not in my diaper bag or the kitchen. The good thing about Google Calendar? I can share the calendar with my husband and with friends, too (a huge blessing when I was tweaking learning schedules). I created a calendar for each child's school plans, a liturgical year calendar, an appointment and activity calendar, a calendar for household chores. I was a calendar-crazed mama! These are printable, though not nearly as nice to print as the calendars one can create on a Mac. Sigh. All that work and I ended up with calendar envy.I'm still tweaking my Google calendars and hoping the geniuses at Google will figure out way to take all the extraneous junk out of the printable versions. Or that I get a Mac for my birthday.

In the meantime, I miss my kitchen refrigerator at-a-glance-where-is-everybody calendar. I wanted something pretty and warm that celebrated the season in a family's life. It's no secret I'm a huge fan of Susan Branch. This year, I'm going to use The All for One and One for All 2008 Family Planner. Susan says that her greatest claim to fame was being the oldest of eight children. This is a family -friendly calendar with columns like the MomAgenda. (There are only five columns, though, which means I might need two.) Instead of politically charged demoralizing quotes there are delightful illustrations and a sprinkling of happy thoughts. Here's an interesting little tidbit: my husband sat and flipped through the entire thing and read all the notes and such. He even noticed all the eye-candy. This is a man who's most recent calendar is dated 1997. And it's not written in at all. At least he looked at this one:-). I think this one will end up duplicating the online appointments and activities calendar but it will stay put on the fridge for reference. The Google one will catch all the updates and it will be printed when necessary for Dad.I'll continue to rely on checking in with Catholic Culture daily to plan ahead and to immerse myself in the day of the Church. As I do that, I note what I want to remember on the Google Calendar for the liturgical year. Eventually, Google will work out its print issues and won't I have a great printable resource for my Faith Home Companion notebook?
I have ceased searching for the perfect calendar for my organizing purposes. Very few (no?) planner people are planning for ten people in a household. Then again, I once talked to Sean Covey about his planners and he has a whole gaggle of kids. We agreed then that the Simplicity pages worked best for large household management.I haven't yet tried Franklin Covey electronic planning. Maybe that would be the solution...Probably not. I have trouble seeing past the whole corporate mentality. I'm organizing and inspiring a family, not running a business. There's a huge difference and that difference really needs to be reflected from the get go. If our planning has a purpose, it has to be a family purpose.
Really, there is no perfect planner. I know that. The key to making all this planning and preparing work is discipline. I need to decide on a system and then work the system.I can tweak a bit as we go and read about other ideas, but in the end, what matters most is that I am faithful enough to stick with it. No planning system works if it's abandoned the third week of January for nothing, or even for the next thing to come along. I can't establish rhythm if I'm twisting in the wind, whether I'm looking for that rhythm in my household management, my school plans, or my prayer life.
The waning days of December are so peaceful. Happy children are engrossed in new toys and books. There is little pressing in the way of obligations. We have a little respite from the regular lesson schedule. it's a great time to build a fire and curl up under a Christmas comforter and ponder how to make it all work in the new year. So, I think I'll do that today. More later. Much more.:-)

Happy Birthday Nicholas!

Dearest, darling boy! You are my angel, my Christmas surprise. You are the baby God sent us when we were quite sure our hands were full. You came into the world at five ticks before midnight on a day that is forever transformed by it being yours. Yours is the first voice I hear every morning, my steadfast companion in the dawn. You are the gentle spirit who reminds me daily that life is very simple.  You are enormous and you are my baby boy.You are Nicholas Karol and you hold a place in my heart that could only be filled by you. God knew exactly what we needed when He sent us you. I am so very grateful.