First, there was a Super Birthday Party. The score on the cake reflects the score of the great, big backyard football game, a harbinger of things to come.
Then, there was a Super Bowl party (I forgot to take food pics). We held the first annual Foss DSRL competition.
The Big Game was everything we hoped it would be. And the Little Brother was a big winner!
Most of all, after a very long, very lonely, end-of-January stretch, Daddy's home!
It was a constant, fervent prayer for all of late January, "Please God, just let this baby stay put until Mike gets home." Super Bowl Sunday was fairly mellow. We made it to halftime and then I urged everyone off to bed (those were the days). I fell fast asleep. And awoke at 3AM to an unmistakable "Pop!" Sure enough, my waters had broken. There was no holding this baby back. I called the hotel. At first, the clerk wasn't going to put me through. When I explained the situation, the creeping edge of hysteria in my voice persuaded him. Mike tried to tell me that this couldn't possibly be happening. Again, the creeping edge of hysteria. He'd take the first flight and be to the hospital before 11. Could I hold on until then? Oh sure, no problem. My first labor was 5 hours. The second was 2 hours. The last two were 3 hours each, but 15 minutes from ruptured membranes. Eight hours should be no problem. I pictured myself sitting up in bed, happily nursing our newborn when he arrived.
My friend Lynn came to stay with the children. My friend Barbara came to get me. My friend Leah met us at the hospital. Mike's sister came to take pictures and to narrate the birth over the phone to Mike should that be necessary. Heretofore, I was a relaxed childbirther. Mike and I had a routine, a rhythm. Driving to the hospital with Barbara, I was pretty sure that we could find that rhythm and get this baby born quickly and safely.
My doctor was out of town. We were greeted by a strange doctor who made a snide comment about it being a birth and not a slumber party when he saw the four of us walk in together. The nurse began her incessant questioning. When was the last time I ate? "Halftime," I replied. The nurse didn't even crack a smile. Oh, good grief,if I have to have a Super Bowl baby, can't we laugh about it a little? No.Time to discuss my entire cancer history. I realized that usually Mike handled this and that it was making me crazy. Barbara and Leah tried to field the questions and they tried to stop the needle-wielders, too. But the tension was ramping up. And I wasn't contracting at all. We started walking. And walking. And walking. At some point my mother-in-law called. The plane had landed and Mike was fighting rush hour traffic and to get to me--not the airport close to the hospital ,but the one we call "National Airport"--DC rush hour on a Monday morning. I envisioned a scene from a sitcom-meets-Bruce-Willis-movie. I smiled briefly.
The doctor spoke with a heavy accent. I am hard of hearing. I understood almost nothing he said. I did pick up on the word "pitocin." Walk more. Walk faster. I could not relax for anything. My sister-in-law suggested that I just sit and save my energy and wait until Mike arrived. I heard the word "pitocin" echoing in the air. No sitting. No way. I was stubborn and determined to have my typical quick labor.
And then I was tired. I got into the bed for the mandatory 20 minute monitoring. I turned away from my labor support people towards the curtain around the door. Tears gathered in my eyes. This wasn't what I pictured. Why couldn't I get it together and do this? And then I saw his sneakers beneath the curtain.I will never forget how happy I was to see those shoes. He was with me.
From that moment on, I had a typical 3 hour labor.
Mike cut the umbilical cord.
And the baby? We call him "Super."
A funny thing happened on the way to the Real Learning Conference last summer. I asked three of my friends to speak at that conference. Kim, Rebecca, and Bridget all considered it, ever so briefly. And all three of them turned me down. Each explained that she needed to be home, with her family, and, in particular, with her husband. Each of them expressed to me that they knew that they were needed at home, by the men in their lives and that while I could find another speaker, their roles at home could not be filled by someone else. Time told us just how wise each of those decisions were in the lives of their families. I promise you none of them has regretted her decision. But...they had persuaded me to take my talk on relationships and expand it to include marriage. And since they weren't coming in person, but I knew that they had so much to offer on the topic I begged them to help me write the marriage section. What follows is what we brainstormed together. The whole talk can be found here. It's called "A Loving Lifestyle: It's all About Relationships."
…my
husband and I have weathered our first teenaged storm, with two more well
underway. What did we learn? How do we make a family-centered lifestyle of
learning work over the long haul? How do
we stay connected to ALL our children?
We
begin before the child. We begin with our marriages. Does your husband know with all confidence
that despite the fact that you are home all day with your children and you are
undertaking their education yourself (a very fulltime job), you have enough of
you to give him? Does he know that he comes first? Because he does. And he
must. That’s God’s design. The health of your family and the success of home
education really are contingent upon the health of your marriage.
The
overriding principle of attachment parenting is that we don’t want control, we
want relationship. That is, we need to shed our illusion that we can control
another human being and focus instead on how we control ourselves and how we
meet our own challenges and duties.
Briefly, I want to share with you the Beatitudes for Wives.
Let’s talk about how to nurture the lifelong relationship, the one that is left
when all your children are grown and gone. The one that nurtures you –and
them—now. Living God's plan for marriage is the best way to achieve the goal of
helping each other get to heaven. It's also the best foundation for our kids.
When they have been raised in a genuinely loving environment, they are more
likely to respect and honor their parents and embrace the faith as their own.
A wife's
spirit should be simple, joyful and grateful. If you are despairing and you can’t see the
joy just now, look harder! That’s it. Turn off the internal conversation that
is negative and defeating. Just look harder. It’s there. Surely, God wanted
this man for you—look at your children! Look at the real and tangible gifts the
union brought forth. This is a blessed and beautiful life and he is a rare and
beautiful gift—this man who is open to life and provides the opportunity for
this lifestyle. God has a plan and this man most certainly is a part of it. Be Grateful. Always grateful.
We are
meek when we submit. St. Paul clearly told wives to submit to their husbands. How we live this command is not
contingent upon our husband’s behavior. Indeed, it is contingent upon our
relationship with God himself. We are to be obedient and cheerful all the time
because it is our duty, our cross, and our joy. When we take this command to
heart, our will unites to our husband’s will. They are one will, just as we
want nothing more than to want the Father’s will. Jesus didn’t say “Blessed are those who are
meek in upholding their 50% in a perfect partnership.” Or “Blessed are the meek
who are well-rested and have a cleaning lady come in weekly.” He said, Be Meek.
We need
to go about our daily round with a cheerful heart and a joyful spirit and it
should shine through for all to see. We want to be devoted to our duty and to good works in our
homes. Our hearts’ desire is to love these men well and with our whole hearts.
Faithful wives don’t look to the world for comfort and joy but seek instead the
good, holy, and happy things from God. It’s a simple, happy, interior joy that
is genuine, not fleeting and not dependent on what’s on sale at the mall this
week.
A blessed
wife will turn to God for guidance in all things. We look to the Blessed Mother
for comfort and advice. Remember, there is a difference between justice and
fairness. Justice is rooted in truth. It’s not contingent upon anything or
anyone else. It’s pure. Fairness is relative. I remind my children of this all
the time. My good behavior is not contingent upon someone else’s. I don’t care
if Patrick made faces at you, you can’t stick your chewed-up gum on his back.
It doesn’t matter if your husband forgot to kiss you goodbye this morning and
failed to notice how well you pulled off a day with five small children, a
challenge in Latin, a cranky baby, and a steak dinner. You still have to be genuinely
kind and merciful and generous with time, attention, and love. It’s not always
fair. But it is just.
A
faithful wife shows mercy to her husband, quickly forgiving his offenses and
seeking to accept him for who he is. Homeschooling moms tend to be
introspective types. We work hard on self-improvement. We think -– a lot. We have to be very, very
careful not to fall into the trap of expressing ourselves in terms of his change. I am not my husband’s Holy
Spirit. God is quite capable. I leave the changemaking to Him. Seek first and
always to understand. We want to be understood but we need to seek to
understand. God will provide. He will.
A holy wife
intends her words and actions for the good of her family-- not for praise, to
prove she’s right or to win the holy competition. We offer it all to God—all of
it. If you wouldn’t say it to Jesus, don’t say it.
Sometimes,
it’s really better to say nothing. Sometimes, what I have to say isn’t worth
the relationship, with husbands or children. This may mean letting a problem go
altogether or waiting until a better time to bring it up. Good wives make it a practice
not to complain about, belittle, or speak harshly to anyone in their homes. You
may need to turn to one friend who is helping you to grow in holiness and be
honest about your struggles with spouse or children, but never, ever run them
down to anyone. In all things, charity, particularly when it comes to hearth
and home.
This goes
with verse 6 and it’s interesting to me, when considering the beatitudes in the
context of marriage, that Christ seems to emphasize justice. Next time you
think, “It’s not fair!” ask yourself, “is it just?” Christ will console you.
Living this vocation faithfully brings lasting "joy"
for generations. And heaven. Our
vocations as wives and mothers will bring us to heaven. All in all, as Kim Fry
is fond of saying, it’s not a bad way to suffer.
It sounds daunting; it’s
completely countercultural, but you can do all things in Christ who strengthens
you. I think when we break down the task of submission and joyful motherhood into daily increments, it is very
doable. Can we wake up each morning and smile at our husbands and children,
providing for their many needs, being cheerful (or at least silent) when things
are difficult? Can we honor our husbands with our lips towards our
children? Can we be compassionate and thankful for the hard work they do each
day? Can we have meals prepared and our homes welcoming so that when they walk in the door, they feel
loved and our children know that our hearts are invested in their daddies? Can we be tender and kindhearted at the end of
the day? Can we offer ourselves completely? By the grace of God, we can. And the blessings that come with a holy
marriage will spill over into family life in abundance. Together, you and your
husband will embrace a lifestyle that is unparalleled in its goodness.
We interrupt the regularly scheduled plan for a Snow Day (or two or three)! Yesterday, we had our first snowfall of the year--about 5 inches or so. Since this is Virginia and I can't count on a second snowfall of the year, I put all our regular plans on hold in order to "get real" in the snow. I think I love snow even more than some of my children (definitely more than my littlest, apparently). Must be those early years in New England--I find myself envying some people and their weather. Snow Days are extraordinary in my house. For one, they get capital letters on blog posts. And they get special foods--just like feast days.
So, yesterday, as soon as an early morning phone call confirmed that it would indeed be a snow event (it helps when one's son has godfather who directs the early news--thanks Bill), I started making lists. First, the food list, so that Michael could make a quick dash to the store:
Then, we gathered some snow books, not too many, but a few favorites:
My Brother Loved Snowflakes
Snowflake Bentley
The Snowy Day
Sugar Snow
The Mitten
The Three Snow Bears
Owl Moon
And one to memorize: Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
Yesterday, I just let them play (and eat and read a little). Today, we'll start to think about snow. We'll peruse the links below and scamper off down trails of interest. Reading and notebooking about snow is the order of the day (and probably a few days next week). And we have company coming next week, too. So, the real life of weather and friends will push the Alphabet Path aside until the week after next. It will be there waiting for us when we have finished enjoying and learning from this unexpected gift of God.
Six-fold symmetry of the snow crystal (click here and then click on "Nature, Number, and Geometry")HT: KimAccording to the eight principles of Attachment Parenting International, I'm most definitely an attachment parenting advocate and practitioner. This is the way we're raising our kids. I've written about it (I'd link the whole blog if I could) and talked about it, and, most importantly, lived it. It is what works best for our family. It is not the only holy way to raise a family. And it is not "nutters" (though that's a very cute term). The only holy way to raise a family is to prayerfully discern what God is calling your family to do. We've done that. And we continue to do that. Attachment parenting is what we committed to do when we sought God's wisdom for our particular situation. We have also welcomed each and every baby in God's time, without tinkering with the plan through the use of NFP. We prayerfully considered what the Church allows (but doesn't require) and discerned that God's grace was sufficient and we had no grave or serious reason to delay welcoming a child. He says that complete openness and attachment parenting are mutually exclusive, and that attachment parenting is the most important of the two. They are not mutually exclusive. If attachment parenting and openness to life are God's plan for your family, God will give you the grace to live that life with abundant joy. You will not be the failure he predicts. You will work harder than you ever imagined. And you will fall asleep in prayer more nights than not.You will make heroic sacrifices of time and you will live your life outside the popular culture. But God will not abandon you and you will not fail. You will thrive. And so will your marriage. And so will your kids. It can be done. I'm not supermom. I'm a humble, sinning mom who gets up every morning and begs for strength and courage and grace and a dozen other things. But I do not need to be supermom. I have a very big God. And this abundant life is what He wants from me and this is what He helps me to do, every single day, according to His plan.
I'm Elizabeth. I'm a happy wife and the mother of nine children. I grab grace with both hands and write to encourage myself and others to seize and nurture the joy of every day. I blog here with my daughter, Mary Beth, a wholehearted young lady on the brink of adulthood.
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