Sing a New Song: Creativity

One of the things that drew me to a Charlotte Mason-style education all those many moons ago was the inclusion of music, art, and handicrafts. I wanted to be sure that education in our household never resembled the checklist style of learning being propagated in other educational venues. To me, educating a child is like weaving a tapestry. A utilitarian tapestry of only dark colors was not my goal.

I wanted several different tones and textures of threads. I wanted a fine (sort-of-classical) academic education, to be sure, but I also wanted to touch the heart and soul, the creative spirits of my children.

Recently, a conversation with a very creative soul led me to think about whether or not this is a creative household. Looking back, the train of thought seems rather ludicrous. My husband is a television producer/director/writer. I write a little myself ;-). My kids all have blogs and love to write and take photographs. Yet, there is a part of me that longs to "touch" creations. And then, I looked around.

This is, by far, my favorite piece of furniture. Michael  painted it for me last year for Mother's Day. He's always been creating--paper, pencils, paint, photos. He's a visual guy who loves to both create and to appreciate art.

But then I considered the next child. The one who can take a cardboard box and packing tape and replicate an entire television set. The one who decides that they can't play basketball in the basement until the walls are hung with NCAA banners of his making and the floor is marked to look like a basketball court.

And then to the next child. Ah. Stuck here a bit. He wants a kit and detailed directions. He's afraid to make a mistake. Perfectionism is not a good creativity enhancer. File that away to ponder a bit. Perfectionism will kill creativity. And perfectionism breeds burnout in a big way. We can't be afraid to make mistakes. We need to stretch and to grow, lest we wither and die. We need that creative stretch not just for our children (though they really, really need it), but for ourselves as well.

The fourth child has been begging me to learn to bead jewelry, to learn to sew, to learn to crochet. She loves to make flower fairies, to redecorate her bedroom frequently. Yep, creativity here, for sure. In a minute, dear...

But it was the fifth child who brought me up short. Just before Easter, I went into his room to look for a Sharpie. He hoards them. We're not sure why; we just know that if we need a Sharpie, Stephen always has them. So, he wasn't home and I needed a Sharpie. I opened his desk drawer. There were two packages of Prismacolors still sealed, a  brand new package or water colors, and a whole rainbow of Sharpies. Basically, two years' of art supplies were untouche din his drawers. He'd borrowed and scrounged when he wanted to draw.

When he got home, we had a heart to heart. He loves to draw, so I knew it wasn't that he was uninterested. Indeed, he tends to keep things "just so": clothing, food, toys. He doesn't want to mess them up. As he was telling me that he just wanted his supplies to stay nice and new, I thought of all the times I've hesitated to begin a project because I was overwhelmed by the thought of the mess, the loss of control over my environment. I thought of all the times I've said, "in a minute, dear."

Stephen and I read the parable of the talents and we talked about how eager God is to see what we DO with the creative material in our lives. In the past few days, I've noticed one brightly colored picture after another coming from his hands--and his heart.

Shortly after my discussion with Stephen, I sat down with Sewing with St. Anne. Long have I promised to learn to sew with Mary Beth using this book. No more promises. It was time to move. The girls set off to the fabric store. All you fabric junkies might not understand, but this was a trip to feed our souls if only because of its novelty.  Mary Beth and Katie had never been to a fabric store before. I took them to G Street Fabrics. Eye candy everywhere. We were drawn to the cotton florals. Half an hour later, we left the store with a stash of fabric and seam binding and thread. We are going to make bibs for Karoline (and probably some kerchiefs and hair scrunchies too--I am sure I overbought). Admittedly, these might be the most expensive bibs ever made, but I think it's cheaper than therapy and how creating will feed our souls! Just working with beautiful materials fends off the burnout.

The boys are eager to watch the bibs take shape and have already thought of some needlework projects of their own. Something about monogramming numbers on cleats and soccer bags...

As I seek to understand how important creativity is, I've been blessed with very creative women who share ideas and philosophies on creativity. Kim and Alice and Rebecca listen to me muse and encourage me with the gentle nudging of kindred spirits who know that the soul yearns for more than academics. They ensure me that nursing mothers don't have to put creativity on hold. I am reminded that one of our friends creates extraordinary rosaries while nursing a baby and another writes novels.

Mary Beth and I have spent hours looking at the art on Kimberlee's rosary site and Alice's Garden of Grace. As Kimberlee has shared her passion for creating with me in conversation, I've become more aware of how important it is to deliberately nurture creativity in a household. Posts like these make me pause and re-evaluate the atmosphere in my home. Am I giving time and attention to ensuring that creative pursuits are supported or am I just benignly allowing them to squirrel away cardboard and packing tape and calling it good? There's a place for cardboard projects,to be sure, but my children also need more from me...

And I need more. We have a house full of good writers, due, in large part to the example my husband and I set. If I never back away from the books and the keyboard, I set a one dimensional example. That's not good for the children. And it's not good for me. My soul, created in the image of the Great Creator, longs find expression in art.

Inspired by her Easter present, which was created by Kimberlee, Mary Beth reminded me again how much she wants to bead. And now I do, too! And I think that Patrick is captivated by the stones and the patterns and the place for precision in the creation of rosaries. So, we went off to buy crimping pliers and a few stones to get us going. With a creative spirit whispering in my ear and giving me a generous shove, Mary Beth and I made a simple St. Therese chaplet. I even managed to do some of it with Karoline on my lap. Admittedly, babies and toddlers can make the experience  of creating a tedious one, but if I can be content not to have everything "just so" and not to complete everything according to my time constraints, we can be happily creative here.

Handcrafts, art, and music cannot not just add-ons in this lifestyle, things we get to if there's leftover time. They need to be deliberate pursuits to which time and energy are eagerly donated.

Do we get burned out because we are stuck in a predictable but controlled rut?  It's simpler to make the checklist and hit the same routine of read, narrate, drill every day. This is one of the points which bothered me most about the CM Planner. There was no way to record those things that were not in the read-and-narrate or complete-a-page modes. If we are slaves to the checklist mentality, we will  begin to burn out because we will drive out all creativity and recreation. (Note how "creativity" and "recreation" are such similar words.)

That is not to say that all creative pursuits are spontaneous. Indeed, you will have to plan for creativity.You will need to find supplies and instruction, mentors and direction. And you will need time. Creativity isn't as easily contained. It needs a bit of breathing room and some time to germinate. It's hard some times to "justify" taking time for "real school" for paints and papers and sewing and songs .  Those creative pursuits are just as real. And they are necessary. Denying the time and opportunity  to be creative is setting oneself up for burnout. John Paul II reminded us that "With loving regard, the divine Artist passes on to the human artist a spark of his own surpassing wisdom, calling him to share in the creative power." God is calling! Can you hear him?  Put away the morning books and spend the afternoon sharing in His creative power.

Sing a New Song!

I've been at this home education thing for some time now, long enough to recognize the symptoms. When I start to say and write things like this I know I'm coming perilously close to burnout. I know; I wrote the book on burnout. Well, not the whole book, but I did write a chapter on it. And it's easily the most-requested and discussed chapter in the entire book. Since I wrote that chapter ten years ago, one would think that burnout was not an issue in my house. One would think.

But our lives are constantly evolving and one thing that mothers of many learn is that just when you have it all figured out, the family dynamic changes. A new baby is born, a husband begins a new job, a child takes on a new challenge, we pack, we move, someone is ill, someone dies. Slowly, without our recognizing it, we are like the frog dropped in temperate water who doesn't recognize it when the water begins to heat to boiling. We are rapidly approaching burnout.

Recently, a reader wrote to ask me about a passage in Real Learning. She asked me to clarify what I was trying to say when I wrote this:  Burnout occurs when we are out of sync with God. It happens when we shoulder a yoke that is not His.

When I responded, I told her that God tells us that his yoke is easy and his burden is light. So, if we are straining and fall under the yoke and the burden, it's not God's. Something that we are doing, or something in the way that we are doing it is out of God's plan. I don't mean that life is never hard or that our homes must always be filled with only sunshine and roses. But I still mean that if we are straining and falling and sinning under the strain of the yoke, it's not God's yoke. He never leads us into sin. Yes, we will suffer, but I have learned that it is indeed possible to suffer joyfully. Burnout is not suffering joyfully.

So, is it a sin to snap at your children all day long? How about only half the day long? Is it a sin to be unavailable to your husband? Is it a sin to find yourself, at the end of the day, surrounded by mountains of laundry and the remnants of an scarcely nutritious meal? Is it a sin to go about your daily round feeling as if you are always on the brink of tears, scarcely ever sharing a smile or an encouraging word? Well, yes, it is. None of those things are God's will for your family. And whatever circumstances of your life are causing you to behave that way need to be pruned. You're burned out and that is sad, scary, place to be. But you don't have to stay there. And God doesn't want you to be there.

Here's a caveat: Burnout is not another phrase for clinical depression. They are two different things, though they can be related and look very much the same. I'm not saying that mental illness is sinful. I'm saying that if you are burned out because you have a shouldered the wrong yoke, then you're not living in God's will. Depression isn't God's will either--He doesn't want you to live in that kind of pain. If you suspect that you are depressed, don't hesitate to talk it over with a doctor. None of the burnout remedies will hurt if you are depressed--indeed they will be healing--but depression requires even more help.

Now, back to burnout. If your heart is heavy and you are wondering why you ever thought it a good idea to stay home with a gaggle of small children and medium sized children and teenaged children all day every day, it's time to take stock and lighten up! Let's take this love-filled Easter season, the time the Church has set aside to celebrate new life, and let's learn a new song.  Let's look at ways to bring the joy back to the home education lifestyle. Let's throw open the windows and let a fresh breeze blow through our homes (okay, it's 20 degrees outside this morning, perhaps we should only do this metaphorically today:-).

Begin with prayer. Lock yourself in the bathroom (nah, not there; they always want to join you there). Lock yourself in the laundry room and just lay it all down. Give God every last exhausting detail. Share every problem, no matter how big or how small. Tell him how overwhelmed you are. Beg him to right the wrongs and to help you see what His will is for you and your family. Ask Him to be your constant companion on this journey back to joy. And then believe that He will be. Because He will. He wants you to find joy in your vocation. He wants you to know love in your vocation.

Sometimes homsechooling mothers give and give and give and then they crash and burn. They look up and say, "I'm serving, I'm giving, I'm loving...I'm utterly depleted." Why? Because we are not called to love from the depths of our being. We are called to love as He loved. We fill ourselves with Him, first, and then that love  overflows. We know that He is God and that He loves us,infinitely.

So, we love our families and our friends and our seemingly unlovable acquaintances. We love them with His love. We've drunk deep from the well of Him and it bubbles up and out. That love is not going to burn out. Instead, it will be like candle flames. Light one candle after another and it just gets lighter. Brighter. Even warmer.

This is not a "school" day. It's Easter Monday. If you planned to hit the books today, don't. Instead, sit with your children and make a "joy list." Ask them to help you remember all the things they love to do with you. Do they like crafts? Which ones? Nature study? Where? Why? Favorite books? Teatime? What to eat or drink? Revel in your successes. Then, take that list, put it on the refrigerator and resolve to do some of those things this week. Not after the regular school is finished. Do them first. Make the "joy" things the priority.

So, the joy list is the first thing today.

The only other planned thing (the rest will come from the joy list) is to take a praise walk. It's important--when you are burned out--to get outside every day.  If Charlotte Mason could take a walk every day in in Lake district of England well into her old age, so can we! Get outside today with your children and revel in the goodness of our Lord's springtime.

Tomorrow we'll look at another layer of burnout recovery. For today, just pray, make that joy list, and take a praise walk.

Burnout isn't a death sentence. It doesn't mean you need to put the children back in school. It doesn't mean you need to stop having children. It doesn't mean you are a failure.

Burnout is an opportunity. It's a chance to sing a new song. Let's sing it together.

Spring Cleaning Day 2 (or is it Day 3)?

Let's go back a minute to what really inspired this cleaning binge.  Perhaps the seeds were planted here, when I stood, eyes downcast, in front of the Large Family Logistics lady. I'm sure she had something to with it.

Then there were several long conversations with my friend Molly. Molly's house is bright and cheery and sun-filled and CLEAN! She is an inspiration to greater things.

Or maybe, long-lost Martha Stewart aspirations breathed a new breath. Well, I did print this one, but mostly because I thought it would look pretty in my Home Companion book. I don't really imagine doing all the things she says I must (probably because I still have a fair sense of adolescent Martha rebellion about me;-)

There are many spring cleaning checklist out there. This one is not going to be printed: there are links upon links upon links. Cleaning to the max.

Here is an interactive guide from Good Housekeeping for some virtual hand-holding. The folks at GH tell me

Congratulations! You are a member of the Take No Prisoners Housekeeping Club.

You regard housecleaning as war. You scrub the kitchen floor every night, park Dust Busters in every room, and change bath towels twice a day.

Time required to complete all of your kitchen, bathroom, and general spring-cleaning tasks: eight days.

I'm not sure if I see it as war; I much prefer the Fly Lady's image of a house blessing. But it's good to know it will take me eight days. I'd hate to have some kind of illusion about finishing in an afternoon. The frightening thing is that the quiz didn't ask me about number of children or dogs or mud puddles in the backyard. Can't help but think that makes a difference (and not a good one where time spent cleaning is concerned).

Really,the ultimate inspiration was a visit to Kimberlee's blog and the news of her new house. She wrote

I’ll never forget waking up that first morning in our new house. The sun was streaming in our bedroom windows, gleaming on the hardwood floors, Michael bringing me my fresh hot tea as always, Mozart wafting through the whole house via the Nutone. I asked Mary Rose how she liked sleeping in a real bed. “It feels like I’m in a hotel,” she sweetly replied. I know how you feel, dear.

I read that and I remembered.  I remembered how our acquisition of this house was very much like how she got her new house.  One very determined, optimistic dad who just  knew this was the right house for his growing family, pushed forward against all odds until we were all moved in. And I remembered how awestruck I was just to wake up in this house--this house that was more than I ever imagined.

That was from where the spring cleaning resolve came. I want to reclaim the splendor of this house.  I want to thank my husband again for our home and to inspire in my children a deep and abiding appreciation for the gift that is our house. Finally, I want my husband to know--this spring and every day thereafter--that he's coming home to that castle he envisioned for his family.

Spring Cleaning!

I've always loved the idea of cleaning on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of Holy Week so that the house is fresh and lovely for Easter. And, I've always been utterly overwhelmed by the idea as well.  It's never really worked to do the other things I want to do during Holy Week and to do my spring cleaning. I'm not sure why: my house is too big or too messy; my children aren't cooperative enough; my dog sheds too much? Whatever, it just never happens the way it reads in guides to the liturgical year. So, this year, I started early. I started yesterday. We did lots of de-cluttering. Today, we were ready to deep clean.

First, we noted that our crown of thorns was still pretty full.  I told the children that for every task done well and without complaining, we would remove a thorn.

Then, we borrowed a vacuum.  We borrowed an animal--a Dyson of incomparable strength. This vacuum makes me sing (literally)!  And my kids were pretty psyched about it too.

My mother always bought new cleaning products to motivate me to clean.  The promise of a smell is pretty enticing for me.  Mrs. Meyers even gives spring cleaning tips with her great smelling products.

Among some other tips, there on the box, Mrs. Meyers herself said that no one was to go out to play without completing the chores.  Better that she should say it than I:-). Spray bottles that sing of honeysuckle and scrubbing powder that hums lavender--we were good to go!

Here's what we accomplished today:

• Moved the refrigerator out from the wall and washed the floor and the sides of the fridge. Cleaned coils, washed the top of the fridge.  Cleaned the refrigerator and freezer inside and out.
• Moved the stove out from the wall and did like with the fridge.  Clean the stove top and the oven.
• Washed the microwave inside and out.
• Wiped all countertops.
• Wiped all appliances.
• Wiped and polished kitchen cabinets.
• Dusted and wiped the tops of kitchen cabinets.
• Cleaned behind the washer and dryer (Stephen fit down in there).
• Washed the mudroom floor.

Washed the tops of the washer and dryer.

Vacuum inside and on all the upholstered furniture.

Washed the mantle cloth and all the table runners.

• Washed all the knickknacks and picture frames in the living room and dining room.
• Vacuumed all the vents.
• Vacuumed basebaords in living room, dining room, family room, kitchen, and foyer.
• Vacuumed front stairs, back stairs, basement stairs.
• Cleaned all the wooden furniture and then rubbed it with wood cream.
• Thoroughly cleaned four bathrooms.
• Vaccumed all the bedrooms, including baseboards.
• Vacuumed learning room.
• Washed, folded and put away three loads of laundry.
• Washed kitchen, foyer and sunroom floors.
• Washed all the first floor windows.

Whew! Now, to get to that "official" cleaning next week;-)

Oh my!

Time to clean! Seriously, we're not living in squalor or in chaos, but some sprucing up is certainly in order and this piece is a virtual swift kick in the pants.