Spanking

The search widget on my lefthand sidebar lists the search terms in order of frequency. I cannot tell you how annoying it is to me that SPANKING is being shouted from the lefthand side of my blog.  To you who are searching (relentlessly it seems): there's not much here. I have spanked one child, one time, while under the *very temporary* influence of the Ezzos and I still rue the day. My third baby was five weeks old and I was seriously sleep deprived and desperate to figure out mothering once and for all so I could get some sleep. The Ezzos told me it was all Le Leche League's fault and a good swift spank to my recalcitrant toddler would ensure much needed peace to all (well, they didn't say it in so many words, but that was what I took from my speed reading of ALL of their books in one weekend). So I did. And not one single problem was solved. As a matter of fact, that child still reminds me to this day that he is the only one who was ever spanked in our household. He says he's scarred for life;-).

Anyway, if you're searching for "how the Foss family does the discipline thing" and you typed in "spanking" as a shortcut, you might find what you're looking for here  or here and definitely here.And I would so appreciate it if some of you would take a moment and search for something other than "spanking" or its runner-up "depression" and bump them off the really big font honors. Something cheerful and pretty? That looks good on the sidebar? Please? Because we're all about looking pretty:-)

Thank you.

January Daybook

Outside My Window::

::It is bitter cold. The wind is blowing 30 miles an hour and the wind chill is 4 degrees F.

I am Listening to::

::Katie practicing the piano.

I am wearing ::

::Under Armor sweatpants and a Middle Tennessee sweatshirt. Do the cashmere socks redeem it all? Maybe?
 

I am Thankful For::

::a good night's sleep. Or two. Maybe even three. Makes a huge difference.

::the real grace of the sacraments.

I am Pondering:

::You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; in just the same way, you learn to love by loving.

- St. Francis de Sales

I am Reading:

::Pioneer Woman's love story. It's riveting. Really. I read a couple of Pioneer Woman's posts a few years ago and never went back. It bugged me that she called her children "punk rugrats" and I figured we didn't have a whole lot in common. But I'm utterly charmed by High Heels to Tractor Wheels. Darling. And now I sort of see how "punk rugrats" fits her whole schtick. Sort of.

From the Kitchen::

::I watched Julie and Julia this week. The next morning, my friend Jan called me. Jan and I learned how to make some very good meals in an ancient electric kitchen in an apartment in Charlottesville, once upon a time. My Italian heritage met her Alabama roots and we emerged from that little kitchen with something that sounded like Carraba's, if nothing else:-). Anyway, she was in a kitchen mood and I was in a bloggy mood and we wondered aloud just what cookbook we would cook through if we were to undertake a similar  mission. We agreed that Julia Child's masterpiece wouldn't work in our current state of life. Ina Garten? The Monastery Kitchen? Giada? Hmmm...what about The Pioneer Woman? Stay tuned. It's just an idea right now.

I am Thinking:

::that twenty years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. Somewhere in the middle of treatment, I swore I'd never complain about bad hair days or birthdays again. My birthday is next week and my hair is graying as if on cue. But I'm not complaining.

I am Creating::

::order. Yes! I'm creating lots and lots of empty spaces, at least temporarily, as I prep to have hardwood floors installed throughout the house. It's like moving--everything is being moved to the basement. Moving is very good for thoroughly purging and cleaning. We were long overdue for that.

On my iPod::

::Oh. my. goodness! I am in iPod heaven. I have an iTouch. I have iBreviary (seriously changing my life already). I have Lose It (making no difference whatsoever, but hope springs eternal). I have iCal. I have the Weather Channel. I have ESPN scores. I have decided to leave comments open on this post should you have apps to recommend. And many thanks to Lissa for getting this ball rolling in our household.

Towards a Real Education::

::Ahh! Back to the books! Mike and I had a long heart-to-heart (or two or three) and tweaked the routines around here. I'm ready to get back to work.

::Well continue our geography studies, relying heavily upon Ann's volume exploring the Holy Land.

::Our writing workshop is shifting into high gear (just for the teens) and we're going full steam ahead with Shakespeare studies.

::It's M week on the Alphabet Path and we'll linger here a couple of weeks. There is richness in these plans that I don't want to rush. I've taken those four baskets from Advent and left them where they were on the window seat in the family room. Now, they are filled with Mother Goose, Robert McCloskey, St. Martin, Miracles and the Mass, and Manners and Mirette and Mailing May.

Towards Rhythm and Beauty:

::Let's talk beauty: Danielle was spot-on when she recommended Revlon Colorstay Lipcolor:. The color really does last forever.There's Colorstay concealer, too. Top notch. 

I'm finding that our homemade healing salve is working much better than any nightcream I've ever tried. It was Mary Beth's idea.

I'm still a big fan of Aveda's cream blush. A bit pricey, but it's hard to find cream blush and powder makes me feel like I'm suffocating. And now, I'm in trouble. I went to link to it and discovered that it's no longer there!

Those are all the the tips I have today:-)

To Live the Liturgy:

::an early birthday present, the iPod Touch has brought iBreviary into my life for the new year. This has really helped me to pray the Liturgy of the Hours and bring the rhythm of prayer back into my life. It's only been a couple of weeks, but the difference is palpable.

I am Hoping and Praying:

:: for health and fitness, strength and grace to do His will.

In the Garden:

::there's a good deal of huffing and puffing, storming and blowing.

Around the House:

::The Christmas decorations are mostly boxed and put away, save for a couple of nativity sets high on the mantel. This is highly unusual for us. But the wood has been ordered and it's on its way. Won't be long now before major renovation begins..

On Keeping Home:

::Oh, I'm looking forward to cooking and cleaning in a just regular way this week.

One of My Favorite Things:

::Christmas Eve Tea by Stash. Too bad I discovered it January 2nd. 

Sarah Annie this week:

::She's finally warming up to Michael a bit. He's been quite hurt at her standoffishness.

A Few Plans for the Rest of the Week:

::ballet, soccer, and basketball resume. I did relish the break while it lasted.

::Michael is still home, so that's nice.

A Picture Thought  I'm Sharing:

A very tired me, looking in absolute shock at a very clever husband who managed to pull off quite the astonishing and incredibly thoughtful surprise.

(It's a MacBook, Mom. Computer. Of my very own.Better than jewelry; trust me.)

Now

Yesterday, I was astonished to find hundreds of new blog posts on my Google Reader. The multitude caught me by surprise because I have had absolutely no time to open this computer in the last week or so, never mind actually write anything:-)! I read several posts late yesterday afternoon, though, as my family waged a fierce FIFA tournament on the XBOX. A little escapism, perhaps...

I noticed that this year, as in years past, women are thoughtfully choosing words to guide the new year. And I summarily dismissed the idea. I can't box my hopes and aspirations for this year into one word and I didn't even give it a second of conscious thought. I clicked the laptop shut, went upstairs, tucked myself and my baby into bed and settled under several layers of covers to watch Tim Tebow play his final game. My boys don't like Tim Tebow. They think he's too perfect; it gets under their skin. I think they're jealous;-). Anyway, they were all about virtual soccer; Mary Beth was reading Christmas books to the little girls; and Sarah and I had Tim and the Gators all to ourselves.

I promptly fell asleep.

I awakened at 12:55. Game over. The post-game press conference coming from my television revealed a bright, articulate, very happy Tebow. They won. I missed the whole thing. I heard Mike shutting down the house and then coming up the stairs. Some XBOX tournament!

"I missed the game," I whined.

"They won," his eyes twinkled at the thought that I'd managed to sleep through the whole game.

"I gathered that," I muttered, looking at the television screen. I wasn't even going to give him the satisfaction of asking for any game details. Instead, I got up to take my contacts out and return to bed for real this time.

He was captivated by the baby sleeping there. "She's beautiful," he sighed. "Let's wake her up. She'll smile, then we can see her dimples."

Uh, no. Let's not.

Instead, I snuggled in next to her and inhaled her sweetness.

"I can't imagine life without a baby."

"Me neither. They just keep getting sweeter."

So does he.

My eyes filled with tears unbidden and I was grateful for the dark as he turned out the light. Life marches along; every new year brings changes to a family. People grow taller; some even grow beards. Babies become toddlers (or in the case of ours, a bigger baby who charms everyone she knows into carrying her wherever she wants). Hair grows grayer. And it's not just his hair this year, but mine as well.

Time.

I want to stop time. I don't want to think about the failures of yesterday. I don't want to think about the uncertainty of the future. I just want today--with all nine children under my roof and a comfortable spot in this warm bed between sweet husband and beautiful baby. Sleeps comes again. I am so tired I cannot even finish a thought these days.

Sometime in the night, the baby nurses and I am half awake. That's when my word for the year finds me. I certainly didn't find the word. I wasn't even looking. The word is "Now."

Now.

Now is just fine. Now is good.

In my sleepiness, I am assured:

Don't borrow trouble from yesterday or anticipate the sorrows of tomorrow. He gives you grace sufficient for today. For now. Live in now.

And only now.

One moment at a time.

Assured that He will be present in the moment.

On Our Knees Tonight

This seems like a good plan for the last night of the year:

"When night comes, and retrospectshows that everything was patchwork and much that one had planned left undone, when so many things rouse shame and regret, then take all as is, lay it in God's hands, and offer it up to Him. In this way we will be able to rest in Him, actually to rest and to begin the new day like a new life."

St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross

Through her Eyes: Christmas Gift

The days from the Solstice to Christmas Eve were among the darkest and coldest of my life. Tears were shed, apologies said. Hard won peace felt fragile. I stumbled into Christmas Eve morning in a typical melancholy fashion. I set about making the customary magic happen, all while feeling like an utter failure at just about everything that mattered. It was not a pretty place to be.

Our plan was to accompany Mike to Midnight Mass at the Basilica. Karoline had chattered all day about the "big church."  Earlier this season, we had received a letter from our pastor encouraging us, among other things, to attend Mass at noon on Christmas Day in order to make Christ the center of the Christmas celebration. We've opted for Midnight Mass for several years now and one of the great blessings of that is that it brings the reason for the feast into sharp focus. We are Midnight Mass people. Karoline and Katie talked all day about going to the "big church."

I was exhausted. Sarah Annie has some wicked virus that sounds suspiciously like bronchitis. We're sharing it. My throat is sore. I've slept and eaten very little since that dark settled at the week's beginning. We hosted brunch for 18 people Thursday morning. I caught a quick nap putting Sarah to sleep. At dinner, just an hour before the pilgrimage was to begin, Mike said again that he could just take a few children with him (they'd be just fine while he worked) and I could stay home with the little ones.  Michael, looking green around the gills, contemplated staying home as well. Maybe this just wasn't the year to do this big midnight thing.

I waffled. Katie cried. She wanted to go and she wanted me with her. Karoline announced she was going. We went. It is an hour's drive to the church. Mike needed to be there 2 1/2 hours early. Mass was two hours. Then it's an hour home in the wee hours of Christmas morning. This trek is a huge commitment. On the way there, I discussed strategy with Christian. We decided that I'd take the little girls and visit all the small chapels before Mass began, then I'd duck out with Sarah Anne and not even attempt to sit through Mass. He'd keep Karoline under his watchful care. Michael would take care of Katie. Paddy would be in charge of the little boys. I would spend Mass sitting quietly with my baby in the lower church. They would be together upstairs in the pew.

From the minute we arrived, Karoline was stuck to me like tenacious tinsel on tree. We went to the large nativity, where just an hour earlier, her Daddy had climbed inside and tenderly moved Joseph (to get  a better shot--but still it touched me somehow that he was worried about Joseph). Been a rough week--doesn't take much to make me cry. At the sight of baby Jesus, Karoline's eyes grew wide. She dropped to her knees.

"Hi, Baby Jesus! It's me. Thank you for all the children in our family. Thank you for making Sarah Annie my little sister. I love you!"

And she was up, leaving the strangers who witnessed the moment with me to wipe their eyes.

It's Christmas.

I decided to try to stay in the upper church for Mass. Karoline wanted to be with me and I wanted her to see the beauty that is Christmas Eve with the Papal Nuncio. She was awed and both little ones were hushed for the candlelit procession. She knew the hymns and sang along. Paddy made sure she didn't catch her hair on fire with the candles. It was a bit stressful. Then the lights came up. And she and Sarah Annie chattered away while they took all the donation envelopes for the rack on the pew and "organized" them. We made it to the Kyrie. And then we walked that very long aisle from our reserved seats in front  to the back of the church. Karoline wasn't leaving me for anything. Now I had them both.

We made our way to the crypt church. I knew I'd hear the music and know when to go back upstairs for communion. Slowly, I walked Karoline around the church, stopping at each mosaic to tell her about the saint depicted there. She spent a long time at the nativity, patting the nearby sheep and begging to touch baby Jesus. We saw St. Elizabeth. And St. Anne holding the Blessed Mother with a book to read. We stopped to say a prayer with St. Joseph. Then, we were at the center of the back of the church. "Jesus is here too, Karoline," I whispered, "really here in the Tabernacle."

"In the gold box?" she asked.

I nodded.

She dropped to her knees. I stood in awed amazement.

Thank you Jesus, for Sarah Annie. And especially thank you for giving me to my mommy. I love you, Jesus! Bye bye.

She was off to look at the next mosaic. I was rooted to the spot right there in front of that Tabernacle where the Baby and the King had just touched the tenderest part of my heart and healed the wounds He knew were there.

Yes, thank you Jesus. I love you, too