Just Do It

(You like that title? We're all Nike here now, you know;-)

I'm sitting at Chicken Out in McLean. They have free wi-fi and really good chicken. I have an hour and a half. Mike is in the air somewhere over the midwest. I've already talked to Michael four times today, so I'm not calling him. I texted Paddy and asked him to call when he has both time and privacy. I know better than to hold my breath. Those are scarce commodities for him. My plan was to get on the CM Organizer and do some tweaking now that we've started school in earnest. But there's really very little tweaking to do.

I need to write a column. It's due tomorrow. But I'm not really feeling that right now.

This blog has been decidedly sad lately and I want to smile for you. It's Tuesday. Hmmmm. Nothing special there. Just do it, the Spirit whispers. Beth did it and she has certainly said her fair share of goodbyes in the past couple of weeks. Just do it. You know you should. You know that's a step in the right direction. Just start making that list. Call to mind the blessings. List them one by one. Do it now. You have the time. ...

I'm grateful for

• Julie, who heard me say that the way forward for me is always to polish up the house and look forward to fun things. She painted my bathroom this afternoon. It's amazing how much a little paint can brighten one's perspective. What's even better is an afternoon with a friend who can make you laugh and laugh with you.
• Jen, who comes home from the beach tomorrow and brings with her paint swatches, because certainly we are on a roll.
• Mary Chris, who is there, just there, whenever for whatever.
• Colleen, who--by the grace of God-- comes tomorrow and who has listened to my every whimper and never once said, "At least you still have him; he didn't die, but just went away." Even though she could. She really, really could.
• Jan, who has been praying with me since I was 19, and keeps praying still.
• A darling girl, a blooming romance, and and the welcome opportunity to think happy thoughts along those lines.
• The sushi chef who sent a complimentary delicious roll to our table when Mike and I went out the other night. As embarrassing as it is to be recognized and have a "usual," it was such a kind, neighborly gesture and the food was, as always, amazing.
• Cindy, who says she'll visit my boy often and means it.
• Linda, who knows exactly what I'm saying even if it's unintelligible.
• Katherine, who always know what to say and says it with gentle grace.
• Ann, who prompts me to count my blessings and who helps me to find the words when I don't know what to say.
• Soccer moms.
• Blooming roses.
• Rotisserie chicken to go.
• The wise advice and holy perspective of Dr. deHority and the day after a good night's sleep. Pray for her!
• A sweet baby who insists, "Mama, I LOVE you!" over and over until I pick her up.
• Karoline.
• Podcasts that have become genuine conversations with dear friends. 
• Sweet, warm, kind notes from women all over the world and right in my backyard.
• Texts from Texas and Colorado and several places in between.
• Time--time to think complete thoughts, to snuggle my baby til we've both held enough, to read countless picture books first thing in the morning.
• Mike, who has always, unfailingly and wholeheartedly supported...
• Home Education. Dear Lord, I am grateful anew for the gift of days and days of connectedness and shared experiences that this learning experience brings to our family. It is Enough. And so much more. Truly.

For those of you have have asked, the brief report on Patrick's first day is that the soccer was good, school was boring, and someone brought him carryout to supplement the bad food.

We've got Karoline...

 On Friday afternoon, just before about a million people descended upon our house to wish Paddy farewell, Mike called a family meeting. The purpose, he explained, was to talk about how we were feeling with the whirlwind events leading up to Patrick's departure. We wanted to make sure that the little ones understood that he was going and that contact would be limited and they wouldn't see him for several months. Mike started with Karoline:

Kari, what do you think about Paddy joining the National Team?

I think it's totally not fair that he gets to go to school and I'm stuck here in preschool.

Nothing like a little laughter to break the tension.

Nick, what about you?

Well, I think it's cool that he's going to play for the National Team and I can brag about it tell all my friends that my big brother is on the US Team, but, [chin quivers, eyes fill], there won't be anyone big here to play backyard soccer with me. Paddy's totally cool...[dissolve]

Karoline pipes up: But you have me. I can play with you in the backyard. I'll make you happy.

On to Katie.

[crying] I'm going to miss him... [dissolve]

Karoline, again: But you have me! I will play with you and make you happy!

Stephen's turn.

What Nick said. 

Karoline, again: But you guys... you have ME!

And so it went. Karoline determined to make up for anything lacking in Paddy's absence.

Yesterday evening, I surveyed the state of my house which was absolutely showing signs of neglect. I sighed, "I guess I really do need to re-work the chore chart." I'd been putting it off and putting it off, not knowing exactly how to fill his shoes without completely overwhelming Mary Beth. "Ugh," I said to anyone within earshot, but mostly Stephen, "how in the world are we going to redistribute?"

Stephen shrugged, hoping against hope that he wasn't going to get extra chores.

That's easy! piped the golden-curled one. You have me. I don't have any chores on the chart, so cross out Paddy and write "K-A-R-I" Easy peasy.

So, if you happen by my house and glance at the chore chart on the refrigerator and wonder why my three- year-old is in charge of the mudroom,  the boys' laundry, the kids' bathroom,  wiping down the kitchen at the end of the day, and turning off the lights at night, it's because she wanted it that way;-).

And Karoline, don't worry when you get to that last light and you're too scared to turn it off and go upstairs in the dark. 

Paddy never did. He was scared, too.

Daybook on the Feast of St. Augustine

Outside My Window

A beautiful, unseasonably cool day.

I am Listening to

The little girls “reading” What Do You Say Dear?

Stephen and Nicky talking about how they’re going to work out and get really big and make the National Team…

I am Wearing

A yellow t-shirt that says Virginia State Champions  2009 U14 and a pair of Umbro sweatpants that I’ve long coveted. They are were Paddy’s. He’s sponsored by Nike now and can’t wear any of its competitor’s clothes. Adidas anyone? We have plenty.

I am so Grateful for

~dear friends who have been tender and kind in so many ways.

~ a bushel of peaches on a day when rhythm and beauty around the kitchen island brought comfort and

~ the person who knew that peaches would be a very good idea. That would be the same person who got up early to sit with me at Nicky’s soccer game right after Paddy took off and just talk about normal stuff.

~my mother and stepfather who made a computer possible for Patrick and thereby guaranteed we’ll see and hear him often.

~the chance to see how much my kids care about each other.

~sweet blond heads on my shoulders.

~gifts and blessings, even when it’s really, really hard to see that’s what they are.

~ Patrick, who assured me it was good enough.

~ Mike, because…

I'm Pondering

I have sometime placed my hopes in my own virtue, which was no virtue; and when I attempted to run, thinking I was very strong, I fell very quickly and went backward instead of forward. What I expected to reach, disappeared, and thus, O Lord, in various ways You have tested my powers. ~St. Augustine

I am Reading
Nothing. I can’t concentrate right now. Surely this week that will improve.

I am Thinking

I think that any time a child leaves home, it’s only natural to think reflect on our role in that child’s life. When we homeschool, the role is such a large, all-encompassing one. When a homeschooled child graduates and moves into the next stage, we think about a job completed—what we did right, what we’d do differently. I did that when Michael left. It prompted stinging criticism at a time when I was already raw. So, we’re not going there this time. And this time is different. This time, I wasn’t finished. I had four days to take a child who’d never stepped foot in a classroom and ship him off to boarding school almost a thousand miles away. This time, he left three years earlier than I thought he would. And so, I’m definitely thinking big thoughts. This time, I know better than to share and I’m keeping them very much in my heart. But I offer this for your pondering: if your child unexpectedly left home and went to school next week, no doubt there would be things undone, well-laid plans untouched. But off he’d go and you would be left to think about what you did do, what you did offer. Are you doing things in the right order? Would the important things be done?

I am Creating

Zilch. I am so exhausted that I’m just sitting here waiting for life to happen. It always does.

On my iPod

My Wish. I’m not listening to it though.

Towards a Real Education

On Monday, we will settle into our new normal. I will be grateful for the sweet faces around my table and the opportunity to begin again, a great deal older and wiser, I think, than I was just a month ago.

Towards Rhythm and Beauty

Remember this line, from last week?

Until the inevitable unplanned….

Oh my. The inevitable unplanned. And then some.

To Live the Liturgy

Having trouble getting through Mass without crying. No doubt that will improve, too.

I am Hoping and Praying

~for Patrick, who starts school on Monday, for his teachers, his coaches, and all the people who will touch his life for the next fourteen months. Please, God, be with them all.

~with gratitude for the Campus Ministry at George Mason University, which has been everything I prayed it would be three years ago, and so much more.

~for Michael, who begins his final semester on Monday.

In the Garden

Paddy, I promise—I really, really promise—to take very good care of your roses.

Around the House

The house is trashed. I’ve been gone for the better part of the last two weeks. And the people who moved out of here? The left huge messes in their wakes. Monday we clean. Cleaning is always healing.

From the Kitchen

Peach pies and peach crisp. And we cooked a lot last week. Paddy in the kitchen is a happy thing and we were going for lots of happy. This week, we tweak the menus and make sure they work with the fall schedule. And there will be apples—lots and lots of apples.

One of My Favorite Things

Skype.

Sarah Annie this week

Sweet darling. Snuggle in and sing to me in that dear voice. Be patient as I hold you and inhale your baby head. Know how much you are loved and hear me promise again to treasure every moment.

A Few Plans for the Rest of the Week

Colleen and her boys will spend part of this week with us. We’re planning to go apple picking on September 1^st. I am astounded by God’s providence. Last year, I wanted so badly to be with her. This year, we’ll mark the anniversary together. God is good.

Picture thoughts:

 

Sarah picked the picture this week.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.[ This isn't really a moment I want to savor, but it's a real moment. I look like I've been crying for days and I'm trying not to cry again. I do, however, want to savor all the moments like this one that we've gathered over the course of a childhood. It's a happy place--that kitchen of ours.] If you're inspired to do the same, visit Soulemama to leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Listen Together

Please read my new column at the Herald.