Small Steps Together: Mother Courage

I think back to those times: a little girl undergoing one surgery after another to construct an ear that was never there; a young mother facing chemotherapy and uncertainty; a mother of many warned by doctors that she could die delivering the baby she carried. In each instance, people commended my courage. But those weren't instances of courage to me. They were just doing what had to be done.

Courage was what I'd beg of God when I just couldn't keep breathing on my own, when my breath caught and I needed God just to exhale. Courage was my prayer when I let my teenagers go out into that great big world. What I wanted was to keep them home, hold them close, protect them forever. As my big boys began to march forth into life, they walked around with pieces of my heart inside of them. Suddenly, I was vulnerable. I saw that they were going to be hurt and I was going to watch them suffer. There was no way around it. They would make mistakes and get hurt. They would learn about what's out there in a fallen world, and get hurt. They would meet many, many people and some of them would hurt them. Nothing was ever so simple as it was when they were babies in my arms. Then, I could gather them up and soothe their hurts, chase away their fears, make every little thing “all better” just by my presence.  But as they grew, I found myself praying for courage. I began to understand that, for mothers, the heroic effort is in letting them go.

It's not so much that I wanted them to be little again. To want that would have been to wish away the beautiful people they had grown to be, to wish away years of loving and living together. No, instead, I wanted to be the mother I was when they were babies. I wanted the power to gather them on my lap and soothe them as I rocked. I wanted to shelter and protect and to be their whole world. I wanted to be able to ensure that their days were happy and healthy and holy. I wanted to cradle them in the protection of my arms. I wanted to love them with all my heart. And I wanted that to be enough. Instead, I must remember that for all their lives, my calling is to have the courage to love them, knowing that they will leave, and trusting that God will care for them more tenderly than I ever could.

Mothering older children takes courage, because just as sure as the sun will rise, so will there be trouble in the lives of our children. I am left to storm heaven on their behalf and to thank the Lord for the gift they are.I shore myself up for the years of mothering that lie ahead by reminding myself of the words of Blessed Mary MacKillop: Whatever troubles may be before you, accept them bravely, remembering Whom you are trying to follow. Do not be afraid. Love one another, bear with one another, and let charity guide you all your life. God will reward you as only He can. 

~republished from Small Steps Companion Journal

Small Steps focuses on courage this month. Would you share your thoughts with us, let us find you and walk with you? I'd be so grateful and so honored to have you as a companion. Please leave a link to your blog post below and then send your readers back here to see what others have said.You're welcome to post the Small Steps Together banner button also.

You're kidding;

John Paul II's feast is going to be October 22? Seriously?!

I about cried when Colleen broke the news.

~~~~~

Dear Karoline Rose, Nicholas Karol, and Matthew Christian John Paul,

You will now celebrate your name day on October 22. Yes, I do recognize that the stretch of time from September 29 to October 31 already has 6 birthdays and 5 feast days in our immediate family. And I do know that Mary Beth's birthday is the next day, giving us yet another back-to-back feast in the fall. I also know that I had been operating on the premature and erroneous assumption that John Paul II would be celebrated in the spring. Between February 17 and May 6, we've got nothing in the way of name days or birthdays. That feast seemed perfect. Perfect. But it is not to be.

I'm glad for the advance notice. I solemnly promise to the three of you that I will endeavor to make the day special, to set it apart from all the other special days that month. I promise.

And I'm beginning a perpetual novena now to find the stamina for the perpetual party that is October.

Love,

Mom

Bloggity Bigday Giveaway

On April 6, 2006, this blog made its first appearance. I was a very tentative blogger who was really talked into it by a friend, who also did my first blog design. I was newly pregnant (and very sick) with my sweet Karoline. I couldn't imagine ever having enough to say here.

Lots of things have changed since then and I'm surprised nearly every day by the serendipitous, grace-filled  adventures this full life offers and the way that blogging gives them voice.  I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned here. I'm grateful for the opportunity to create and share here.

In all honesty, I've struggled with what to write today, how to capture what this space has meant the last five years. I'll never forget sitting in the hospital with Mike the night Karoline was born, reading so many kind words and sweet prayers, feeling an overwhelming sense of good and community and friendship. Praise God there have been many such days since this blog began. Nor will I forget nights in front of this screen with tears streaming so fast that the painful words blurred and I could not even see to read. I drafted this post weeks ago (so that I wouldn't forget the whole anniversary thing) and left this part to finish today. And what has come to mind, over and over again, is "all good." All of it. Even the painful parts.

All good.

All I've learned--about books, and cooking, and nature, and knitting, and friendship, and God, and myself--all of it is for my good. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart (and home) for that good. Thank you for caring about me, about my family, about this place on the 'net.

To celebrate five years of publishing here, I'm hosting a giveaway. Or two. Or three.

Because knitting is the new passion, I'm giving away this darling knit and read book, Spud and Chloe at the Farm.

And

Small Steps for Catholic Moms

And

 

Real Learning

Leave a comment and let me know which one I can send you (Remember, comments are moderated, so it might take a little while foryou to see your comment appear.)  Winners to be announced on April 10.

And hey, thanks so much for dropping by so often. I'm happy and so grateful to share my heart and home with you.

Yarn Along: Spring Shrugs

I finished Katie's Easter sweater.

I know the many mistakes I made while knitting this shrug. It amazes me that, despite those mistakes, the sweater really does look darling on her. And she loves it. I've had a hard time keeping her from wearing it every day. I think that's a great testimony to the pattern. Truly, before this shrug, I had only knit washlcoths. This is  perfect pattern for learning. (Nicholas did ask me if I was ever going to knit a whole sweater.)

Katie's shrug is a little tight through the top. I should have made the 10 for her and made the 8 instead (so ended up adapting the sleeves a bit). We decided to skip the buttons, since they would strain. But, Sarah's doesn't have button either yet, because I still can't figure out how to do the loop. Comments open for kind-hearted tutorials:-).

And I have begun to work on a shrug for Karoline. Elizabeth is knitting Karoline's Easter shrug in blue. {If you click here, you can see the blue cashmere and you can read a wonderful picture tutorial on how to dye yarn with children, using Easter egg dyes.}

The sweater I'm making Karoline is my first attempt to stripe. So far, so good. It's fun to switch colors so often and it's so much easier to count rows. Seriously, I had the hardest time counting rows with the other two. There must be some row-counting trick I'm missing. I love the Spud and Chloe sweater yarn. It handles easily. The wool content is bothersome. I don't think I could wear it and I do have to put it away and take Zyrtec every so often, but it knits beautifully. I found myself considering allergy shots last night. I wonder if they even do those for wool allergies. I keep telling myself that by handling it, I'm desensitizing myself (I'm not really believing that, though.)

Still following the same Lenten reading plan: knit and listen. When the children are awake, I listen to them read these to me.

I'm also reading quite a few new blogs, thanks to last week's blitz through all the Yarn Along posts at Ginny's. Go!

Small Steps Together: Encourage One Another

Courage--noun : mental or moral strength to venture , persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.

Encourage--transitive verb a : to inspire with courage, spirit, or hope : hearten <she was encouraged to continue by her early success> b : to attempt to persuade : urge <they encouraged him to go back to school>

April's Small Steps entries are devoted to Courage; actually; they are Danielle's and my attempts to encourage you (and us) to be courageous. In our family, encouraging is highly encouraged. One of my most quoted Bible verses is "Encourage on another and build each other up!" (1 Thessalonians 5:11) Actually, that's not entirely true. The verse is

[11] Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing (RSV)

but--ahem--the "just as you are doing" part doesn't really fit. Because, they are not doing it--not so much. The boys, especially, are given to jostling for postition, asserting their superiority, and tearing their siblings down in the process. It's very disconcerting and not a little disappointing for a mother to witness. I want nothing more than for them to be good to one another, to be each other's staunchest supporters and greatest advocates. I keep reminding myself that they are children and I keep reminding them of the verse.

Sometimes, they nail it. I'll see them sincerely lift one of our own. Most often, it's an older sibling who encourages a younger one. That's the easier, more natural inclination. It does a heart good to witness a big boy say just the right thing to a little one and turn a whole game around for the better. It's endearing to watch big sisters patiently stand by and offer just a little assistance when a little girl insists on dressing or feeding herself. But the truly golden moments, precious and rare, are the ones when the older children encourage each other.

It might be as simple as a look, a shared smile, and understanding pat on the back. Every once in awhile, it's a full-fledged pep talk. And those are the times when I can barely contain myself. I want to shout from the rofftops, "just as you are doing!' Do it again!" But I refrain, because they'd probably think that really weird.

What about God? When He watches us, brothers and sisters in Christ? Does He want to remind us to encourage one another? When we get it right does He wish He could say "Just as you are doing! Do it again!" Actually, He already said it. It's up to us to take it to heart.

It's up to us to pray for the grace and the sensitivity to be genuinely encouraging to one another.

 Do we inspire with courage, spirit, or hope?  I know I encourage my children; it comes naturally and I've been encouraging since the day they were born. It's compeltely counterintuitive and unnatural to me to be anything but encouraging.   But what of the non-kid relationships? We are called to community and in that community, we are called to encourage.

Can I do that?

Can I be courageous and step out of my comfort zone in order to hearten someone else, particularly another woman? The encouraging words that flow so naturally when I look into the face of a child, will they come for my neighbor? Yes, by the grace of God.

And I pray for that grace.

Small Steps focuses on courage this month. Would you share your thoughts with us, let us find you and walk with you? I'd be so grateful and so honored to have you as a companion. Please leave a link to your blog post below and then send your readers back here to see what others have said.You're welcome to post the Small Steps Together banner button also.