Five Minute Friday: Deep Breath

5 minute friday

I read the prompt words on Lisa-Jo's page and tears spring to my eyes. Just yesterday, I sat creekside with Lisa-Jo. We watched our children play and I tentatively asked her about her mother. Tentatively, because I didn't want her to catch her breath in pain on that glorious spring day. Tentatively, because to ask, I would have to admit that I have heretofore skipped her posts about her mother. Tentatively, because if we are being honest, I just don't talk about cancer and dying. Not for the last 21 years.

I don't go there.

But yesterday, I asked. Because I wanted to understand more than I feared her answers.

I asked because because cancer is real and concrete and I cannot click away this time.

Love keeps me on these pages. In this life.

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Deep breath. It brings tears to my eyes because I want so badly for Elizabeth to take a deep breath. I want to breathe breath into her. Instead, her breath catches. She uses precious breath to talk to my children via Skype, to encourage them, to ask about their days. And it's not just about knitting and little girls. It's big teenaged boys on the brink of adulthood, who escape to a quiet corner and talk to this kind woman, the woman who breathes life and hope into others even as she struggles for deep breath. My children--the ones who have never watched a movie where the mother dies, because I have long worked to keep them from knowing that such things even exist. (Yes, I am aware that this is a bit crazy.) I have brought Elizabeth into their lives because I have learned that love is well worth the risk of pain. And we love her. Truly, truly love her.

She wills herself to breathe so that she can mother her five dear children with all her heart and all her might. She breathes gentleness and joy into their every minute, knowing that every minute matters. She worries about how to allocate breath so that she can accomplish the most important things.

It's not cancer that has robbed breath. It's chemotherapy.

First, do no harm.

No harm.

She must breathe. Must.

And we? Who love her? We hold our breath, waiting to know what comes next.

What will I do with my every breath today?

 

 

Row 11 and Beyond: Baby Surprise Jacket

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I've been clicking around, looking at blogs, checking the Flickr group, there are some beautiful sweaters happening out there!

And you all knit fast! I'm not sure I can write about knitting as quickly as you're knitting. You're begging for Row 11 and beyond. I'm driving to soccer (and ducking out for a creek day). Fortunately for all of us, Elizabeth has notes on Row 11 all good to go. So, knit on my friends!

Here are the good lady's words of wisdom:

So we are done with row 10.  Hopefully you've gotten into a rhythm, you have something tied or clipped on the right side of your work so that you know when it faces you, you are about to start an odd numbered row. 
 
But before we begin row 11, let's look at our knitting.  This is the trickiest row, and since we promised the folks at Schoolhouse Press that we would be so careful to respect their copyright of the pattern, make sure all of our knitters had their own to work from, and only post our collective wisdom or information freely available on the internet, they agreed to let me type out stitch by stitch instructions for this row.  Once this row is done, all the rest is easy, easy, easy.
 
But back to looking at our knitting.  You might have read that there are several ways to keep track of where your decreases are supposed to go.  I like the one we chose, with the two pairs of markers, and counting in from them each row.  Once those markers are in the right place, it's just a matter of counting up to five (or four, or three :-)  But you might have wondered what we're going to do when we use up all the stitches between the markers?  It turns out that we run out of those stitches at the same time as we have to add stitches on the sleeve... but also at the same time that our knitting is big enough that we can really look at it and learn from it.
 
Being able to read your knitting is such a valuable skill.  I guess some people don't need to know how, if they never forget where they are in the pattern or if they never make mistakes, but being able to look at the stitches and match them up with each other and the pattern makes life much easier for the rest of us.  So we are going to practice, right where those decreases are.
 
When you look at your work so far, can you see where you're making a corner?  Believe it or not, that's going to be the top of the cuff.  Put your knitting down, right side up, and look at that corner.  You should be able to see a diagonal row of stitches from that corner up to the live stitches on your needle.  Remember when we do the PSSO?  We take the slipped stitch and drop it off the end of our needle and it ends up being a necklace around that first stitch on your right needle  If you look at that diagonal line from the corner, you should be able to see those stitches with necklaces, all lined up. 
 
We are going to want to continue that diagonal line for a LONG time.  You have several choices about how to mark it. 
 
Brave knitters just look at their knitting, and when they get close to that diagonal line, they watch carefully... they know that they need to turn three stitches into one there, and it needs to be centered over that diagonal row.  When they are one stitch before the one over the diagonal, they slip it, and then knit the next two together, then pass the slipped stitch over. ... then knit along will the next one.
 
Knitters who are often distracted, or usually are listening to husbands or children or watching soccer games while they knit sometimes need a bigger clue that their decrease is coming up.  (I fall into this category)  You know how we've tied a piece of yarn on the right side of our work?  I tie another piece of yarn right on one of those stitches with the necklace on the diagonal line.  When I come to that yarn, I know to pay attention.  But I still have to read my knitting.
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Your third choice would be to move your markers five stitches out every ten rows... and just keep decreasing the way you have been.  If you don't feel confident looking at your stitches yet, this is very safe way to go.
 
The other thing we need to do this row is to increase.  There are lots of ways to increase, or to add a stitch.  Every knitter has her favorite, and different methods work best in different situations.  Your pattern tells you what Elizabeth Zimmermann suggests.  I do something different.  When I need to increase, I knit into the front and back of each stitch... this is abbreviated KFB.  And here's a video to show you how:-) When I teach children how to knit, I have them say "IN AROUND THROUGH OFF"  as they make each stitch.  When you KFB, you would say "IN AROUND THROUGH... but not off!  You would sneak your needle around behind and go IN the back leg of your stitch.  Then AROUND THROUGH OFF.  Since I know YOU know this kind of increase, let's just do this one. 
 
So here we go, row 11, all written out, with permission of Meg Swansen, copyright holder:
 
Knit two, then KFB in the third stitch.  (so you now have four stitches on your right needle)  Keep doing this "Knit two, then KFB" nine times total.  You should now be right up to your diagonal line. At this point I take off my markers, but you can do whichever of the three ways above you want to do.  Do your slip, knit two together, pass the slipped stitch over routine.  Then just knit regular until you get to the other diagonal.  Do your slip, knit two together, pass the slipped stitch over trick, making sure it's centered over that diagonal line.  Now you are to the other cuff (yes, I know it doesn't look like a cuff :-)   This time, do KFB, knit, knit, KFB, knit knit... until you run out of stitches. 
 
Big breath, sigh of relief, you have finished the hardest line in the whole thing.  You have done increases and decreases in the same row, you have done a centered double decrease that you knew where to put just by looking at your knitting, and you are ready to turn around and knit back.  Wow.
 
The rest of today's knitting is easy.  Row 12, and ALL the even rows for a while, are "just knit back."
 
Row 13, and all the odd rows for the next few days, will be exactly like the earlier odd rows, with your decreases lined up over the diagonal line. 
 
If you are a fast knitter, and you're doing more than ten rows per day, look at your pattern so you know when to stop doing these rows with the decreases.  Don't worry, for the rest of us, it's not today or tomorrow :-)

Gracious Words

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"Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."

Proverbs 16:24

 

Grace. Grace is the Small Steps virtue for May.

Do you know how many definitions there are for the word "Grace?"

–noun

1.

elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action.
2.

a pleasing or attractive quality or endowment.
3.

favor or good will.
–verb (used with object)

14.

to lend or add grace to; adorn: Many fine paintings graced the rooms of the house.
15.

to favor or honor: to grace an occasion with one's presence.
—Idioms

16.

fall from grace,

a.

Theology . to relapse into sin or disfavor.
b.

to lose favor; be discredited: He fell from grace when the boss found out he had lied.
17.

have the grace to, to be so kind as to: Would you  have the grace to help, please?
18.

in someone's good / bad graces, regarded with favor (or disfavor) by someone: It is a wonder that I have managed to stay in her good graces this long.

And we haven't yet touched the uniquely Catholic definitions. I could write about grace every day for the rest of the month and not run out of definitions to explore. But this evening, I sit in a coffee shop and ask God about grace and the only thing that runs through my head is "All's grace."
It's a signature line, dear and familiar.
And I wonder, could it be a call to action?
This world--inside this screen, connected with the taps and touches on keyboards flung the worldwide--this world of Christian blogging?
It's getting a bad name.
But bloggers can't claim to be purveyors of clarity unless they do so with charity, she said.

"Charity is one of the biggest challenges we face," she said, because "freedom is both a gift and a source of temptation for our egos."

Elizabeth Scalia, quoted here.

It's becoming known far and wide for its vitriol.
Why, as people of a Holy God who instructed us to only use good words, is it so easy to fall into the patterns of this world? Grumbling. Spewing negativity. Finding fault with each other. Making nasty comments (all in the name of differing in opinion, of course). Why? What's the point of it? Are we not set apart to do good works? Are we not called to let our light shine before men? And what about that salt and light thing?

For its darkness.
And not for its light.
It's not just Catholics. It's not just Evangelicals. It's not just the Eastern Orthodox. It's all of us.
All. Of. Us.
Without discrimination. I could link and link and link to examples of words cast into cyberspace without grace.
But now put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and foul talk from your mouth.
[9] Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old nature with its practices
[10] and have put on the new nature, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.
[11] Here there cannot be Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scyth'ian, slave, free man, but Christ is all, and in all.
[12]

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, lowliness, meekness, and patience,

[13] forbearing one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
[14] And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
[15] And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful.
[16] Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teach and admonish one another in all wisdom, and sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
[17] And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

~~~
[23] Whatever your task, work heartily, as serving the Lord and not men,
[24] knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward; you are serving the Lord Christ.
[25] For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.
No partiality. He calls us all to the same standard. When we serve Him as we're called, all's grace.
Pick a definition. Which one would you like? There is no definition of grace that includes ugly words, no definition that exhorts us to eat our own. Last year, I struggled with the dark side of the internet. It was real and close and personal. I sought solace. I made peace. I was granted the grace of clarity and I found it remarkably easy to forgive.
All grace.
This spring, I watch in horror as I see graceless words, barbed and pointed, wound another. And another. I watch in wonder, from a distance this time. A safe distance?
No.
There is no safe distance. We are the body of Christ and the body is abusing itself.
It is time to stop and think and ask ourselves before posting.
Is there Grace in what I say?
Does it bless?
Bless.
Look at every definition, above and then, look at what the Church asks.
We are called to charity, yes, but we are called to more. We are called to be filled with grace. Filled with Grace. 
Actual Grace.

Temporary supernatural intervention by God to enlighten the mind or strengthen the will to perform supernatural actions that lead to heaven. Actual grace is therefore a transient divine assistance to enable man to obtain, retain, or grow in supernatural grace and the life of God.

STATE OF GRACE

Condition of a person who is free from mortal sin and pleasing to God. It is the state of being in God's friendship and the necessary condition of the soul at death in order to attain heaven.

 Fr. John Hardon

My question is so simple: Can we be in a state of grace while spewing or reading muck on the internet?
All's grace.
Or it should be.
To live a life of grace, we must grant each other grace.
We need to use the internet as tool to get to heaven.
It's a matter of life and death.
Would you share your thoughts with us, let us find you and walk with you? I'd be so grateful and so honored to have you as a companion. Please leave a link to your blog post below and then send your readers back here to see what others have said.You're welcome to post the Small Steps Together banner button also.

Yarn Along with my Girlies

The big news on the knitting front this week is that Karoline has learned to knit without repeating, "in, around, through, off" or the full version, "In through front door, once around back, peek through the window and off jumps Jack!"

When this grand milestone was reported to Elizabeth via Skype, the conversation went as such:

Karoline: I can knit without saying the rhyme! I don't have to say it and I still know what to do!

Me: So, what does that mean Karoline?

Elizabeth: Karoline, does that mean that you can now knit quietly?

Karoline: What?! No! It means I can knit and talk about other things. Ahhh, knitting and talking. Two things I love so much!"

In honor of The Great Accomplishment, this week's Yarn Along is all about the girls' knitting. (Mine is documented in the Baby Surprise Jacket KnitAlong.)

 

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We actually took out the sewing machine this week, blew the dust off of it, and made project bags. It's all about keeping tidy:-). The bobbin was annoying, tension was terrible, and I remembered that I have yet to enjoy sewing.I really think that if I could just master the mechanical side, the rest would be fun. But I can't. It's always something mechanical. 

 

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Karoline is knitting and talking. Her favorite "reading" material this week is the Life Magazine issue of the Royal Wedding. She's perusing the pictures and telling stories in her head and to everyone and anyone who will listen to her talk. And talk. As typical for Life, the pictures are gorgeous. A bit of a fairy tale. And we hope they live happily ever after. She's knitting a rainbow scarf with the yarn she dyed a few weeks ago.

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Katie is knitting for Ginny's Hats for Japan project. She's nearly finished with this baby hat. She's reading Ramona the Brave.

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Mary Beth is knitting a beautiful scrunch scarf out of amazing chunky alpaca. It's soft and lovely. And on that blue Kindle? At long last, after YEARS of waiting, the third installment of the Penderwicks series. Oh, the joy! She's waited with great expectation for this week and her sisters are happy to hear her read aloud.

Be sure to visit Ginny for more knitting and reading news. And check out the comments below if you feel like talking and knitting (you and Karoline;-).