“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God,” (Mt 5:9).
I must say this verse aloud a hundred times a week.
To the children squabbling in the kitchen over who gets the last white peach.
***
To the big one who taunts the little one and the little one who whines on his cue.
***
To the girl with tears streaming down her face when the infamous girl triangle of friends goes awry and she owes an apology.
I planned on beach sewing. I packed all the things necessary to have a little creative fun in the sun. Well, actually, not all the things. I left the sewing machine pedal at home. This was very unfortunate on lots of levels. The most minor was that I have some nicely cut headbands that will have to be sewn at home. The most distressing is a costume malfunciton that might just haunt me for years:-(.
But there was plenty of costume handsewing. I've gotten to be expert at repairing fishnet tights while they are being worn (they snag on everything) and I can whipstitch a bodice to a tutu like nobody's business. Psst: I'm really looking forward to sewing with good fabric and making some real clothes in August.
And just in time for that, Fat Quarter Shop is having a Moda sale. 25% off. But hurry. I didn't check my mail until today, so Friday July 18 is the last day. I have a Fat Quarter Shop gift card that my kids gave me for Christmas sitting on my desk at home. I can't reach it until July 19th. So you all buy some Moda and let me live vicariously, okay?
The morning walk routine is going nuts. I've had some pretty horrible insomnia here at the beach. I'd imagined long walks on the beach or along the golf cart path or down the trail that leads to the marina. Those places are very, very dark at 4 AM. So, I've been logging 8,000-10,000 steps around the well-lit parking lot. It's something, right? And it's a great way to get lots of books read. I'm listening to The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. I highly recommend the book. It's excellent. I don't recommend the audio version, though. There are lots of checklists and it just doesn't convey very practically on Audible. I poked around the website a bit to see if those lists are available there for audio "readers," and only found one of them online. You can take the quiz to see how well you know your partner here, but that's the only one I see online. If you find something, let me know. I'm happy to be corrected.
Gottman says that his research proves that marriage counseling most often doesn't work because most conflicts aren't solvable in the first place. After just 5 minutes of watching a couple converse, he can predict divorce (or not) with a 91% accuracy rate. That's mighty impressive. What's more impressive is the way he does it. He's nailed down marriages biggest demons. If he sees one of the "four horsemen," he knows the couple is in trouble. Those "horsemen" that escort the demise of relationship? Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
The book is a worthy investment, and not just for newlyweds. There's a great deal to think about there. Here's a little sample, from the website. The top seven ways to improve your marriage:
1. Seek help early.
The average couple waits 6 years before seeking help for relationship problems. (And keep in mind, half of all marriages that end do so in the first 7 years). This means the average couple lives with unhappiness for far too long.
2. Edit yourself.
The happiest couples avoid saying every critical thought when discussing touchy topics.
3. Soften your “start up.”
Arguments often “start up” because one partner escalates the conflict by making a critical or contemptuous remark. Bringing up problems gently and without blame works much better.
4. Accept influence from your partner.
Gottman and his colleagues found that a relationship succeeds to the extent that the husband can accept influence from his wife. For instance, a woman says, “Do you have to work Thursday night? My mother is coming that weekend, and I need your help getting ready.” Her husband then replies, “My plans are set, and I’m not changing them.” As you might guess, this guy is in a shaky marriage. A husband’s ability to be influenced by his wife (rather than vice-versa) is crucial – because research shows that women are already well practiced at accepting influence from men. A true partnership only occurs when a husband can do the same thing.
5. Have high standards.
Happy couples have high standards for each other. The most successful couples are those who, even as newlyweds, refused to accept hurtful behavior from one another. Low levels of tolerance for bad behavior in the beginning of a relationship equals a happier couple down the road.
6. Learn to repair and exit the argument.
Happy couples have learned how to exit an argument, or how to repair the situation before an argument gets completely out of control. Examples of repair attempts: using humor; stroking your partner with a caring remark (“I understand that this is hard for you”); making it clear you’re on common ground (“We’ll tackle this problem together”); backing down (in marriage, as in the martial art Aikido, you often have to yield to win); and, in general, offering signs of appreciation for your partner and his or her feelings along the way. If an argument gets too heated, take a 20-minute break, and agree to approach the topic again when you are both calm.
7. Focus on the positives.
In a happy marriage, while discussing problems, couples make at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship as negative ones. For example, “We laugh a lot” as opposed to “We never have any fun.” A good marriage must have a rich climate of positivity. Make regular deposits to your emotional bank accounts!
What would you put in yourTop 7 Ways to Nurture a Happy Marriage?
What are you sewing and reading this week? I really do want to hear all about it!
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This week, Leila and I talk about the practical aspects of bringing God's Word closer for ourselves and our families. Leila discusses the very fine points of Lectio Divina and I take an opportunity to talk a bit what scripture study looks like in my life.
There is no picture link today. Leila has a place now at her blog for each of us to share a link to oratory pictures. I really think the more visuals, the better, so please go join the party over there. But before you go, do stop and talk about this podcast. I love to know you're listening and to know what you're thinking. As you read, if questions pop up, please don't hesitate to mention them here and I'll see if we can get you some answers in future podcasts. I'd love to hear what you're thinking about living the spirit of this book in your very own home. Leave a link to your blog post or just speak up in the combox. Also, if you'd like to share photos on Instagram (I always like to do that;-), use the hashtag #littleoratory so we can find them!
Psst! I think you'll be able to hear Leila a bit better than you did last week. We recorded the same day, so all my voice issues remain. Sorry. Bonus: Because we ran really late, you can also hear the comings and goings of ten or so boys gathered to watched Argentina's rousing defeat of Brazil. If you consider how exciting that game was, they weren't all that noisy, right;-)?
Show notes:
Ignatius Study Bible (note this only the New Testament--the footnotes are remarkably excellent)
Ignatius Bible (this is the whole Bible, not as detailed footnoting)
Navarre Bible (Old Testament)
Navarre Bible (New Testament)
The dog-eared Bible Karoline is reading beside me. (Out of print and not Catholic, but much loved)
Bible Studies
The Great Adventure study for teens
Mark Hart's Bible Studies for teens
Church documents
And then there's this:
::outside my window
We overlook the golf course and a swimming pool and a pretty stand of palmetto trees. Scarcely a moment passes when I am not intensely grateful. I am so sensitive to my environment (my husband says I'm "high maintenance" in this regard). This setting is balm for my senses.
::listening to
my children playing card games. They have been enjoying one another tremendously this trip. Another thing for which I am unspeakably grateful.
::clothing myself in
Mornings find me in a tank top and yoga shorts, logging 4-6 miles in the neighborhood before leaving for dance obligations. At the convention center, it's jeans, a t-shirt, and a sweatshirt. Early mornings are hot, sweaty messes dirpping with nearly tropical beauty. Daytime is an overactive air conditioner in a dark, loud room punctuated with loud music and flashing lights.
::talking with my children about these books
Hotel Deep: Light Verse from Dark Water
We're having fun with these this week, bringing them to life in real life.
Also, Shakespeare. Karoline is obsessed with Shakespeare. I think she might know Shakespeare better than I do. (This has everything to do with it.) So, I find myself talking about plot twists with her all the time and I hear her just dropping a little Shakespeare quote into--you know-- normal, everyday seven-year-old conversation.
:: in my own reading:
I listened to Anna Quindlen's Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake all the way down to the beach. What an incredibly great writer! It's such a pleasure to me to read long, thoughtful chapters woven with great words--such a contrast to many of the memoir books I've recently read, which are really just compilations of quick blog posts. This book is meaty. It was also thought-provoking and jarring. At the beginning, I found myself nodding with the recognition of shared experiences. Then, abruptly, we diverged.
In her arrogance and her misinformation, she has intellectually eschewed her faith. The faith chapter doesn't even make sense in her illogical assumptions. I listened to book on Audible, read by Quindlen herself--an experience which brought depth to the book. I could hear her voice choked with emotion as she talked about her mother's death, now 30 years ago. I felt her pain and I strongly identified with how cancer in one's early twenties can change the perspective she has on life forever. You never take a moment for granted and you barrel through all of life, determined to squeeze every second out of it for the good. I get that. I live that.
But I also heard Quindlen's the contempt and the superiority in her voice when she spoke about the Church. I wish I could access my Audible bookmarks so I could share a quote or two. She has clearly been poisoned by secular thought and one wonders how someone so bright and so well-read has managed to avoid reading the actual teachings of the Church to which she professes to still belong. She says she's Catholic, but she also says she doesn't believe in heaven or hell. Huh? I have so much to say about this book. Maybe we can talk about it again on a needle &thREAD day. At the bottom of it all though, I have yet to find a midlife memoir that ends hopefully. I've also yet to read one that is rooted firmly in faith. Coincidence? I think not.
::thinking and thinking
:: About marriage. At Anne Bogel's suggestion, I've been listening to The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work. Very interesting. Very, very interesting.
.
::pondering
You're never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream. ~C. S. Lewis
::carefully cultivating rhythm
Every day is a little different here. The dance obligations are inked in. I determined to get up well before the children and make time to walk and spend quiet with God. Everything else that happens during the day is intentional--we don't want to waste a moment--but is dictated by weather and energy levels and budget. It's all worikng rather well. The only glitch has been (and I so can't believe I'm writing this) IT issues. IT issues just follow me around wherever I go. It's absurd now. In ana attempt to save data usage on my phone, I've clearly disabled something critical. And Internet use at the condo is throwing a wrench in some time management and challenging my dependence (and more importantly, Sarah's dependence) on divineoffice.org. Oh, well. I love the internet. I hate the internet. I love the internet.
::creating by hand
I brought my sewing machine. And I cut some very pretty headbands for the girls to give as gifts. Then I realized that I didn't pack the pedal. No sewing happening this week...
::learning lessons in
Data usage and my iPhone. I asked on Facebook and learned so much! Very eye-opening. the post isn't too far down on my wall. I can't figure out how to link to it directly. If someone knows, please enlighten me.
::encouraging learning in
good manners. We are surrounded by people all the time this week. Time after time, my children have opportunities to practice graciousness.
::begging prayers
Please pray for people struggling with doubt and faith and fear and hopelessness.
The Pope asks us to pray for this intention in July:
That sports may always be occasions of human fraternity and growth.
::keeping house
It's always simpler on vacation, isn't it?.
::crafting in the kitchen
Lots of watermelon smoothies (watermelon is $3.99), tacos and leftover tacos, hamburgers on a charcoal grill, South Carolina peaches, and a ham that just keeps on giving...
::to be fit and happy
I'm getting lots of fresh air and sunshine. I'm eating well, and I'm working that walking program. It's taken me a very, very long time, but I've finally learned that self care is not selfish. Period.
::giving thanks
for safe travels, good friends, and a beautiful place to spend the week.
::loving the moments
when I have a good FaceTime connection and actually get to see my husband's face.
living the liturgy
Mass was amazing here. Totally packed and the whole thing was sung. And, we saw lots of familiar dance faces in the parking lot.
Thursday, The Little Oratory series continues. Leila and I chatted about scripture study for this one. Come join us!
::planning for the week ahead
Just going with the flow...
Ah! Needle & thREAD! I’m so glad to be back. I’ve saved pictures of this sweet journal cover for nearly a month. I wanted to make something to bring to Sally when I visited. It needed to be light and pack flat. And it had to be pretty.
Ta-dah!
I’ve made journal covers with the girls before, but this one is my very favorite. I combined thoughts from Rachel’s tutorial and this one at Moda Bake shop. The simple embroidery pattern is in the Moda tutorial. I’ve had a Fig Tree Butterscotch and Roses jelly roll sitting on my shelf for nearly three years. A "jelly roll" is a sweet little bundle of 40 precut 2 1/2" X 45" strips that show off all the prints in a collection. It was intended to be a quilt for my father-in-law. He was so excited when I started quilting and said he wanted to come over and make one with me. Alas, it never happened. So, the fabric strips stayed on the shelf in their very pretty little roll until a couple days before I was to leave to Colorado, when I got a burst of inspiration to make an embroidered journal cover to bring to Sally Clarkson when I visited. I’m just so pleased with how it came out! I pulled the fabric from my stash, found embroidery floss from the Anna Maria Horner collection I bought a couple years ago and pieced it together in a couple days. It was nice to embroider again, even if only a little bit and those sweet flowers just make it all feel special to me. This last minute impulse was one of those times when I was glad to have fabric stashed and to be able to find all the necessary ingredients for a sweet hostess gift without leaving home. A little stash is a good thing, I think. Kind of like a well-stocked pantry on a day when people drop in unexpectedly.
And now that I’ve broken open the roll, feel free to share ideas for what to do with the other 36 strips or so. I figure that I have at least left. I'm sort of challenging myself to see if I can think of how to turn these into teacher's gifts and sew and stash them before September, so that I can know that that part of the Christmas list is finished. There are those very fun towels, but I did those last year. Please let me know if you have jelly roll ideas (links are a happy thing). And if you don’t have a jelly roll of your own stashed away, look how scrumptious Joanna Figuera’s current line is. doesn't look like there are any jelly rolls left. But then again, there's this one, coming soon. Oh, sew many ideas, so little time;-).
One of my favorite things about my time at Sally's was getting to know her daughters, Sarah and Joy, a little better. They are such beautiful young women. Each of them gave a talk and I was utterly mesmerized the entire time they spoke. I took copious notes. These girls know their stuff. They're remakably well read and solidly rooted in faith. It is a pleasure to speak with them because they have such a grace about them. One evening, as they were leaving the house to go for a walk together, one of them looked over her shoulder to call back to us in the living room, "Listen to my mom; she's very wise."
The words sunk deep into my bones. There is no doubt in my mind that Sally is very wise. And what a testimony to have a young adult child spontaneously announce that to a group of women gathered! Sally's book 10 Gifts of Wisdom is her collection of eclectic essays written to answer that quesiton, "How can I raise a gracious competent adult?" It's a quick and very valuable read. I'm still hanging onto every word because, really, I'm grateful to have Sally's words--she's very wise. Sally is offering an econference on the book next week. So, if you want to curl up with a cup of something warm in your very own living room and litsen to the wise words of Sarah's and Joy's mom, you can totally do that! I'm hoping to be there with you!
What are you sewing and reading this week? I really do want to hear all about it!
Make sure the link you submit is to the URL of your blog post or your specific Flickr photo and not your main blog URL or Flickr Photostream. Please be sure and link to your current needle and thREAD post below in the comments, and not a needle and thREAD post from a previous week. If you don't have a blog, please post a photo to the needle & thREAD group at Flickr
Include a link back to this post in your blog post or on your flickr photo page so that others who may want to join the needle and thREAD fun can find us!
Feel free to grab a button here (in one of several colors) so that you can use the button to link.
I'm Elizabeth. I'm a happy wife and the mother of nine children. I grab grace with both hands and write to encourage myself and others to seize and nurture the joy of every day. I blog here with my daughter, Mary Beth, a wholehearted young lady on the brink of adulthood.
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