Gathering my Thoughts

Some babies are allowed to sit on my dining room table. If I'm not careful, I'll be one of those overindulgent types of grandmothers;-).

::outside my window

My garden is a neglected mess. Today, we'll see what we can salvage.

::listening to 

silence. My new rhythm puts writing time at 5AM. Pretty much guaranteed quiet.

::clothing myself in 

a tank top, running capris, a jacket (it's been cool in the mornings) and some shoes that need replacing. The plan is to head out around 6:30. 

::talking with my children about these books

Mary Beth's youth group girls are reading Lies All Young Women Believe. So that means I'm reading Lies All Young Women Believe. Because then we can talk.

:: in my own reading:

I've been listening to audiobooks in binges lately, logging lots of  miles on foot, with a book in my ear. While listening to The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, I kept thinking that much of the relationship guidance had relevance in other relationshps beside married ones. So, I went on to read The Relationship Cure. This one is a must-read for everyone over about 16. Such good wisdom. If  people understood the principles here, the world would be a better place. Certainly, if families operated along these principles, they'd thrive. The problem with books like this, of course, is always that one person reads them and it's not always easy to get anyone else interested...

::thinking and thinking

about productivity. After the  The Relationship Cure, I went on a rabbit trail of reading. My Fitbit really has changed my exercise habit in an extraordinary way. So, I've started to consider other habits and how they could be refined. I'm naturally a very disciplined person, so it isn't so much a matter of will as it is a matter of education. The digital age has changed so much about the way we work, the way we relate, the way we rest--everything is touched by digital media. I've been reading extensively about studies done on the effects of media in general and smartphones in particular. Right now, I'm listening to Manage Your Day to Day. I highly recommend it. I'm also re-reading parts of The Shallows.

::pondering 

...between digital technology and rising complexity, there's more information and more requests coming at us faster, and more relentlessly than ever. Unlike computers, however, human beings aren't meant to operate continuously, at high speeds, for long periods of time. Rather, we're designed to move rhythmically between spending and renewing our energy. our brains wave between high and low electrical frequencies ,  our hearts beat at varying intervals our lungs expand and contract depending on demand. It's not sufficient to be good at inhaling. Indeed, the the more deeply you exhale, the calmer and more capable you become. --from Manage Your Day to Day.

::carefully cultivating rhythm

The rhythm is being rocked in a big way. I'm deconstructing my day and then very deliberately building it back by 90 minute increments. There's a new book project I'm working on. I still have to move this blog and fire up the new things I have planned for it. I'm very excited about the new twist on The Storybook Year set to launch in my own home momentarily. And, I'm super-committed to having firm boundaries in place for computer and smart phone use. I mentioned on Instagram last week that we've been having issues with magically disappearing data on our shared family plan. As I've carefully tracked everyone's data usage, I've noticed things about mine. Admittedly, my first big crime is merely leaving windows open when not in use. But still, I'm seeing that I do have a tendency to just "pop in for moment" and I'm learning that those moments are really robbing me of peace and productivity. 

Last week, I sharply curtailed data usage by taking a four day sabbatical from screens and surfing and social media. It was excellent and will be repeated without hesitation. 

Here's to exhaling deeply and creating space for the things that matter most. (Feel free to take both the image and the hashtag.)

::creating by hand

I finally finished those Quick Change Trousers for Lucy (the ones I cut out before she was born)! And Kristin and I have several more projects lined up for this week. Lots of reading and lots of sewing. Stay tuned for a big edition of needle & thREAD on Friday.

::learning lessons in

Data usage and my iPhone. I asked on Facebook and learned so much!  There are some very infomrative links in that thread.

::encouraging learning in.

Karoline politely declined a playdate yesterday, saying "I was at the beach for a week for dance and then I had dance camp and Stephen had Nationals all last week. I haven't been home at all. I just want to stay home and read."

Yes!

Good girl. I shall carve out lots of time to just hang out and read.

::begging prayers

for Sarah Harkins. Twenty-one weeks pregnant, Sarah went into anaphylactic shock yesterday. She is in a coma in very critical condition. Please storm heaven on behalf of Sarah and everyone who loves her.

Please, please pray hard. 

::keeping house

Ugh. My house looks like I've been gone for two weeks but other people have been here. Today and tomorrow--major cleaning happening. 

::crafting in the kitchen 

Before any cooking at all, these tents are being pitched. Oh my stars, the moth population is out of control.

::to be fit and happy

I'm certain that I've logged more than #150milesinJuly. I'll report official numbers later this week.  I'm working that walking program. It's benefiting me in ways unimagined. Truly, the Fitbit was a brilliant investment. Just brilliant.

::giving thanks 

for a beautiful week with lots family and lots of treasured friends gathered. Stephen's team lost in the semi-finals of the U. S. Youth Soccer National Championship. It was a heartbreaking loss, but the tournament was exceptionally, incredibly great and this group of boys is truly a gift. It was good. Remember this time last year? All the angst over moving the boys and making big changes? It's all good. In the picture above, Stephen's best friend from his old team is there (with his little brother, Nick's friend) to watch Stephen play great soccer with some very good new friends. In the tent picture at the top? Siblings of soccer teammates from several teams, both old and new, all gathered happily. And, remember that magical team of Patrick's? There were guys there from that team, too, on Saturday. And Nick's former coach was there. And the manager from Paddy's youth team, who also happened to be the mom who swooped in and took care of my children on the scariest day ever. Such community.  

I couldn't have scripted it better. So grateful. 

::loving the moments

when Mike and I are both home and both relaxed. Rare moments lately, but they happened this weekend and I'm grateful. 

living the liturgy

We celebrated St. Anne on Saturday. Sarah Anne called the shots, even though we share the name day. There was sushi and chocolate ice cream. Good girl.

::planning for the week ahead

I talked with Ginny late last night and told her I'm all hers this week. There's been a terrible local tragedy. I have no plans except to be there in whatever way I can. Please, please pray.

Summer in the Little Oratory: Devotions

Perhaps you had a childhood filled with Catholic devotions. Your family prayed the rosary together. You marked the nine days before feast days that were special to your family with novenas and you had special celebrations on the feast. Life had a distinct cadence within the rhythm of the church and you brought all those devotions to your new family. Or maybe you are a convert and you'd never heard of such things until recently.Now, devotions seem a strange, cultural practice of  group to which you belong but with whom you are not entirely at ease. Let's talk for awhile and learn together what devotions can mean to a family's faith life.

At the end of the podcast, I asked Leila what her favorite devotion is and she shared with us what St. Joseph has meant to her throughout her faith journey. Then, she surprised me by posing the same question to me! I share her love of St. Joseph and mentioned my daily (hourly) connection to him. Throughout the day yesterday though, after we'd finished recording, I thought of other devotions to which I am very attached. There is St. Andrew, wonderful soul whom I love to share with others. and there is St. Anne, who found me just about six years ago and who has grown dearer this year as I've added "grandmother" to my roles in life. There's St. Therese, whose story has never quite been properly told here, but who is absolutely,  positively, integrated into our daily life.  I look at this list of weekly and monthly devotions in The Little Oratory and I think for a fleeting moment that I'm missing so many! And then I stop and consider how we've made so many our own throughout the years. 

I encourage you to pray that certain saints find you. And when they do, take them into your home and let them live there.

Show notes:

A Variety of Prayers and Devotions to peruse (and to pray)

Seven Sundays of St. Joseph

Saints and how to get them into your family life

St. Joseph: Shadow of the Father

Begin with Sundays

Preparing for the Feast of St. Therese

 (note: Trish's candles are coming back! New link here. I think we'll be able to get them in time for St. Therese. I'm burning the last of my St. Anne candles in just a couple days. I'm so, so happy Trish is returning to this craft.)

Preparing for the Feast of St. Anne

(note: you have a couple days to get this one together--the Feast is July 26;-) 

St. Martha

(coming up right after St. Anne)

and a family litany of saints

The St. Joseph prayer I pray every hour, each time for a different intention for my husband:

Holy St. Joseph, Spouse of Mary, be mindful of me [us, him], pray for me, watch over me. Guardian of the paradise of the new Adam, provide for my temporal wants. Faithful guardian of the most precious of all treasures, I beseech thee to bring this matter to a happy end, if it be for the glory of God, and the good of my soul. Amen 

Listen to the whole Summer in the Little Oratory Series!

Chapter 1::The Christian Life: bringing it home

Chapter 2:: Home is a Very, Very Good Thing

Chapter 3:: Making the Little Oratory in the Home

Chapter 4:: Towards Living the Liturgical Year at Home

Chapter 5:: Praying the Hours and Sanctifying Every Moment

Chapter 6::Growing Closer to God's Word

Whew! Got all that? If you're still with me, please chime in below. I'd love to hear what you're thinking about living the spirit of this book in your very own home. Leave a link to your blog post or just speak up in the combox. Also, if you'd like to share photos on Instagram (I always like to do that;-), use the hashtag #littleoratory so we can find them! 

Leila has a place now at her blog for each of us to share a link to oratory pictures. I really think the more visuals, the better, so please go join the party over there. But before you go, do stop and talk about this podcast. I love to know you're listening and to know what you're thinking. As you read, if questions pop up, please don't hesitate to mention them here and I'll see if we can get you some answers in future podcasts.  I'd love to hear what you're thinking! 

Blessed are the peacemakers...

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God,” (Mt 5:9).

I must say this verse aloud a hundred times a week.

To the children squabbling in the kitchen over who gets the last white peach.

***

To the big one who taunts the little one and the little one who whines on his cue.

***

To the girl with tears streaming down her face when the infamous girl triangle of friends goes awry and she owes an apology.

Please read the rest here.

needle & thREAD

I planned on beach sewing. I packed all the things necessary to have a little creative fun in the sun. Well, actually, not all the things. I left the sewing machine pedal at home. This was very unfortunate on lots of levels. The most minor was that I have some nicely cut headbands that will have to be sewn at home. The most distressing is a costume malfunciton that might just haunt me for years:-(.

But there was plenty of costume handsewing. I've gotten to be expert at repairing fishnet tights while they are being worn (they snag on everything) and I can whipstitch a bodice to a tutu like nobody's business. Psst: I'm really looking forward to sewing with good fabric and making some real clothes in August.

And just in time for that, Fat Quarter Shop is having a Moda sale. 25% off. But hurry. I didn't check my mail until today, so Friday July 18 is the last day. I have a Fat Quarter Shop gift card that my kids gave me for Christmas sitting on my desk at home. I can't reach it until July 19th. So you all buy some Moda and let me live vicariously, okay? 

The morning walk routine is going nuts. I've had some pretty horrible insomnia here at the beach. I'd imagined long walks on the beach or along the golf cart path or down the trail that leads to the marina. Those places are very, very dark at 4 AM. So, I've been logging 8,000-10,000 steps around the well-lit parking lot. It's something, right? And it's a great way to get lots of books read. I'm listening to The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. I highly recommend the book. It's excellent. I don't recommend the audio version, though. There are lots of checklists and it just doesn't convey very practically on Audible. I poked around the website a bit to see if those lists are available there for audio "readers," and only found one of them online. You can take the quiz to see how well you know your partner here, but that's the only one I see online. If you find something, let me know. I'm happy to be corrected.

Gottman says that his research proves that marriage counseling most often doesn't work because most conflicts aren't solvable in the first place. After just 5 minutes of watching a couple converse, he can predict divorce (or not) with a 91% accuracy rate. That's mighty impressive. What's more impressive is the way he does it. He's nailed down marriages biggest demons. If he sees one of the "four horsemen," he knows the couple is in trouble. Those "horsemen" that escort the demise of relationship? Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

The book is a worthy investment, and not just for newlyweds. There's a great deal to think about there. Here's a little sample, from the website. The top seven ways to improve your marriage:

1. Seek help early.

The average couple waits 6 years before seeking help for relationship problems. (And keep in mind, half of all marriages that end do so in the first 7 years). This means the average couple lives with unhappiness for far too long.

2. Edit yourself.

The happiest couples avoid saying every critical thought when discussing touchy topics.

3. Soften your “start up.”

Arguments often “start up” because one partner escalates the conflict by making a critical or contemptuous remark. Bringing up problems gently and without blame works much better.

4. Accept influence from your partner.

Gottman and his colleagues found that a relationship succeeds to the extent that the husband can accept influence from his wife. For instance, a woman says, “Do you have to work Thursday night? My mother is coming that weekend, and I need your help getting ready.” Her husband then replies, “My plans are set, and I’m not changing them.” As you might guess, this guy is in a shaky marriage. A husband’s ability to be influenced by his wife (rather than vice-versa) is crucial – because research shows that women are already well practiced at accepting influence from men. A true partnership only occurs when a husband can do the same thing.

5. Have high standards.

Happy couples have high standards for each other. The most successful couples are those who, even as newlyweds, refused to accept hurtful behavior from one another. Low levels of tolerance for bad behavior in the beginning of a relationship equals a happier couple down the road.

6. Learn to repair and exit the argument.

Happy couples have learned how to exit an argument, or how to repair the situation before an argument gets completely out of control. Examples of repair attempts: using humor; stroking your partner with a caring remark (“I understand that this is hard for you”); making it clear you’re on common ground (“We’ll tackle this problem together”); backing down (in marriage, as in the martial art Aikido, you often have to yield to win); and, in general, offering signs of appreciation for your partner and his or her feelings along the way. If an argument gets too heated, take a 20-minute break, and agree to approach the topic again when you are both calm.

7. Focus on the positives.

In a happy marriage, while discussing problems, couples make at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship as negative ones. For example, “We laugh a lot” as opposed to “We never have any fun.” A good marriage must have a rich climate of positivity. Make regular deposits to your emotional bank accounts!

What would you put in yourTop 7 Ways to Nurture a Happy Marriage?

What are you sewing and reading this week? I really do want to hear all about it!

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Growing Closer to God's Word

This week, Leila and I talk about the practical aspects of bringing God's Word closer for ourselves and our families. Leila discusses the very fine points of Lectio Divina and I take an opportunity to talk a bit what scripture study looks like in my life.

  There is no picture link today. Leila has a place now at her blog for each of us to share a link to oratory pictures. I really think the more visuals, the better, so please go join the party over there. But before you go, do stop and talk about this podcast. I love to know you're listening and to know what you're thinking. As you read, if questions pop up, please don't hesitate to mention them here and I'll see if we can get you some answers in future podcasts.  I'd love to hear what you're thinking about living the spirit of this book in your very own home. Leave a link to your blog post or just speak up in the combox. Also, if you'd like to share photos on Instagram (I always like to do that;-), use the hashtag #littleoratory so we can find them!

Psst! I think you'll be able to hear Leila a bit better than you did last week. We recorded the same day, so all my voice issues remain. Sorry. Bonus: Because we ran really late, you can also hear the comings and goings of ten or so boys gathered to watched Argentina's rousing defeat of Brazil. If you consider how exciting that game was, they weren't all that noisy, right;-)? 

Show notes:

Ignatius Study Bible (note this only the New Testament--the footnotes are remarkably excellent)

Ignatius Bible (this is the whole Bible, not as detailed footnoting)

Navarre Bible (Old Testament)

Navarre Bible (New Testament)

New Catholic Picture Bible

The dog-eared Bible Karoline is reading beside me. (Out of print and not Catholic, but much loved)

Bible Studies

The Great Adventure

Walking Towards Eternity

The Great Adventure study for teens

Mark Hart's Bible Studies for teens

Church documents

Dei Verbum

And then there's this:

How to make your prayer journal pretty