A new year, without any mistakes...

“Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?” L.M. Montgomery

I love this Anne of Green Gables quote. It is nice to awaken to a new day, fresh without any mistakes yet in it. The celebration of the new year is a little like that, too. All shiny, unblemished calendar pages—nothing crossed out, nothing forgotten, nothing regrettable.

And then we put our feet on the floor. And inevitably, we mess up.

The mistakes make us humble; they drive us to our knees and they inspire fervent prayers. I’ve made such a mess of this God; please fix it. Please, please fix it.

He always does. He always offers the opportunity to begin again. He always extends forgiveness and mercy. And then, He fixes it, if only we let Him.  Often, His “fix” doesn’t look the way we thought it should be fixed. Sometimes, we are disappointed in the short-term. But always, always, God’s will is for our good. He wants only and always the best for us and for our children.

We have to get out of the way. In our pride and in our fear, we can think God needs us to make good things happen.  St. Isaac Jogues wrote, “My confidence is placed in God who does not need our help for accomplishing his designs. Our single endeavor should be to give ourselves to the work and to be faithful to him, and not to spoil his work by our shortcomings.”

When children are little, mothers can fix most of the hurts. They cultivate a habit of creating opportunities, of arranging successes, of healing hurts. It’s fairly easy, in most cases. The challenge for a mom is not to grow to complacent in the role of “she who makes it all better.”  One day, she can’t make it better. Indeed, she can spoil it by her shortcomings. It’s humbling for the mother and it’s necessary for the child, to let God be God.

As a child grows, he has to develop for himself a relationship with God--who is not a magic fairy, not the granter of wishes--but an unfailing, unchanging Savior. God is better than Mom. God loves unconditionally and He is faithful and unchanging. He always knows best and never makes mistakes.

With maturity on the part of our children (and ourselves), it becomes more and more apparent that we need God and they need God. We will never be big enough to fill that role. We’ll never be able to manage all the details, to soothe all the hurts, even to make all the right decisions. But God’s got this. And our job is to believe that for ourselves and then to show our children that it’s true.

It is four days into the new year as I write. I’ve already messed up that blank slate in ways I couldn’t have imagined when the New Year’s horns were trumpeting. I’ve begged forgiveness. I’ve been brought to my knees. I’ve learned lessons in humility. Now, there is more to learn. Tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes yet in it. Can I learn to let God accomplish His designs in the life of my children?

It’s my prayer for the new year that I can.

Hush.

Do you ever wish the world would stop spinning just for a couple of days so you could catch up? Do you wish the calendar would magically clear of every outside obligation and the world would be enveloped in a quiet hush? Do you wish you could just find some time and space to be still and know God? And then to revel in all things hearth and home?

I live in the suburbs of the most intense city on earth. And that intensity spills out into every facet of life. We have intense athletic programs, intense academic programs, even intense grocery stores. This place I call home is peopled by Type-A-to-the-Extremists and they are raising more Type-A-to-the-Extremists. Sometimes the pace is so dizzying I can't breathe.

And then God intervenes.

Enough! He cries. Enough talk, enough manipulation, enough with your misguided notion of power over life and health and welfare.

Be still.

He breathes a blessing of pure white.

We are quieted.

We are awed.

We are  humbled.

We are called to prayer.

Gathering My Thoughts

Dressing room surprise. 

It's been a very long time since I've written in "real time" here. All of December's "Comfort and Joy" posts were from the archives. I thought maybe a gathering of thoughts might get the writing going.

Outside my window:  It rained all weekend. Cold, wet, dreary. How I would have rathered snow! It's been remarkably warmer than predicted this winter, so far. I'm not really sure how I feel about that. It was good to run outside yesterday. On the other hand, I could really use a post-Christmas snow day or two to get my act together.

Listening to:  Silence. I've been up pretty much all night. It's quiet.

Clothing myself in: Pajamas. A Christmas quilt. 

Talking with my children about these books:  We are going to finish reading the last of the Christmas books today. Then, we'll wrap them all back up for next year. That should keep Sarah happily busy for a long while. She's a very good wrapper. 

In my own reading: I think I'm going to accept Anne's challenge for my own reading in 2015. 

Thinking and thinking: About this post on blogging. It summarizes many (most?) of the things I've been thinking myself. Tsh writes from a huge platform and she has kept her readers engaged. I lost many of my readers last year. My audience has shrunk. Still, principles are principles. Like Tsh, I still believe in longer pieces. I like to read them, and quite frankly, the freedom to write them is what drew me to blogging in the first place. I could explore a topic beyond the 500 words of my column. The Pinterest number staggered me. I can't image posting any where  27 times every day. I usually forget about Pinterest. According to the experts, Pinterest drives blog readers. Hmmm... I believe, as well, in remaining true to oneself. Like Tsh, I love Instagram. I love it more than Facebook and much more than Twitter. If Instagram had clickable links, it would be nearly perfect. If Tsh has a comments problem at her blog, I have them more. I know comments here don't work reliably. I have no idea what to do about that. I do engage in conversation on Facebook, so be sure to like the blog page there. Maybe that's a solution to the combox issues here. Still, I'd rather chat here. It's prettier.

I look at the way blogging has changed in the last five years and I hyperventilate. Thanks for visiting my quiet, old-fashioned corner. When I had a full-time job, I was desperate to be a mother at home. All I wanted was to come home to my baby and invest in my family. I've worked in some form or fashion from home ever since then, but never have I felt that pull between my work and my family until the last year of blogging. I don't want a full-time job. I'm a mother at home, antiquated as that has become.

I am very aware that my children are becoming adults and that they are my first readers. I don't care if the rest of the world reads my words. I care very much if my kids do. There can't be a disconnect. It needs to be honest. Always honest. If I'm going to write about wholehearted mothering, I need to be that wholehearted mother. Sometimes, that means I publish nothing but re-runs for a whole month. Thanks for understanding.

Pondering:

"My confidence is placed in God who does not need our help for accomplishing his designs. Our single endeavor should be to give ourselves to the work and to be faithful to him, and not to spoil his work by our shortcomings." St. Isaac Jogues.

More on this one on Wednesday. Also, more #morningrun posts soon. Thanks for all your kinds words about those little thoughts. 

Carefully Cultivating Rhythm: I'm ready for the rhythm of the winter to settle upon us. Christmas was wonderful. The transition from Christmas was not. Let's move on.

Creating By Hand:  Christmas pajamas. Yep. Those were abandoned in favor of following a certain someone on the path to a national championship. So, they will be January pajamas. Also, there are four quilts to make. Three for the girls' new bunkbed and one that was promised to Mary Beth two years ago. I really miss my sewing machine and I'm committed to bringing it to life this month.

Learning lessons In: Humility. Oh my. Nothing like really messing up to drive one to one's knees.

Encouraging learning in: True confessions would require me to divulge that it's 6 AM on Monday morning. I haven't written a single lesson plan. We're going to wing it. 

Begging prayers: I am wearing my new favorite pair of Elizabeth DeHority socks. I’m praying so hard for her. Every minute is a struggle and she’s fighting valiantly to meet the struggle with love and grace.

Keeping house: Christmas is still up. My girls won't let me touch anything until after January 6. That's OK with me for now.

Crafting in the kitchen: I cooked a lot last month. It was pointed out that I love people by feeding them. This is true. It is also true that, while I'm certainly not finished loving people, I'm a little tired of cooking.

To be fit and happy: I went for a run yesterday and my legs felt like lead. Not really sure what that is about except that I haven't been as careful with diet and I've gotten not enough sleep. I'm going to sleep more, eat better, and hopefully run further and faster.

Giving thanks: For a very healthy and happy December.

Loving the moments: The waning moments of 2014 and the beginning of 2015 will forever be etched in my memory as some of the happiest this house has held. I'm very grateful.

Living the Liturgy: I admit it. I'm preparing to offer a Lenten version of Restore. So, in my brain, I've jumped a little past the coming brief period of Ordinary Time. I'm feeling rather penitential anyway, so that works out well.

Planning for the week ahead: Going to take it slow, one foot in front of another. Back into our ordinary days.

About the photos: These are from late last November. I never got a chance to share them here. it's still Christmas, right? Photo credit: Michael, Kristin, and Christian Foss.

Exuberant Love

THINK

"It is Christmas every time you let God love others through you."

-Mother Teresa of Calcutta

PRAY

 Dear Jesus, Thank you for the people you have called to love me. Thank you for their kindnesses, their time, their compassion. Thank you for the hospitality offered to me, for the comfort of friendship, for support in stressed moments. Bless those people, Lord. Bless them abundantly.

ACT

Write thank you notes today. Actually mail them.

~*~*~*~

As I mentioned yesterday, these quotes have been queued up for a month. Kristin and I have shared the graphic-making. She took the last part of December and sent me an email with a whole bunch of them. I didn't look until I needed them. December 29th is Kristin's second anniversary. Of course, she'd choose a wedding picture for the graphic! I think this one is a Ginny capture. When Kristin creates the graphics, she chooses the quote to go on the image. sometimes, it's the famous quote. Sometimes it's the prayer. Sometimes, it's something I wrote in the action.

This quote, with this picture?

Did. Me. In.

That is Shawn in the background. Shawn, Master of Ceremonies over the wedding festivities. Shawn, who blessed the first meal Michael and Kristin shared together as a new family, on the Feast of the Holy Family. Shawn, whom we all thought would be a part of their future together. Instead, when the happy couple had their first baby a little over year after this picture was taken, they named her Lucy Shawn, after the the best friend gone too soon.

Shawn was larger than life when he was alive and we are very much aware that we now have an advocate for exuberant joy in heaven. Still, there is Shawn, in the background of the glorious moments (and the tough ones, too). Shawn taught us all a lot about love during his brief and very fierce illness. I cannot look at this image without weeping. I'm still sad. I'm also very grateful. If only we could all learn to let God love others through us the way that he did... If only.

peace in the disappointments...

THINK

“And in despair I bowed my head;

"There is no peace on earth," I said;

"For hate is strong,

And mocks the song

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:

"God is not dead, nor doth he sleep!

The Wrong shall fail,

the Right prevail,

With peace on earth, good-will to men!”

--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

PRAY

We wait and watch and hope and pray and Christmas comes and invariably, there is a disappointment. Something is not just exactly as we’d hoped it would be. But you are, Jesus. You always are. Help us to hear the bells that peal the good news.

ACT

There is someone in your life who is very vulnerable today. Perhaps he is disappointed. Perhaps he has disappointed you. Love him well.

~*~~*~

I chose these quotes as Advent was beginning. I sifted and sorted and prayed that they'd all land in the right spots. When I write these short devotions, I sketch out what I'm thinking in advance, save as a draft, and then I go back and tweak after I've run. I'm not running this morning. I've got an injury that may sideline me for awhile. This has me disappointed in a big way. But I'm sitting in the quiet and looking at today's "act" and thinking how God found me with it. There is someone in my life who is disappointed. It's a disappointment I didn't anticipate at December's beginning. But there it is. And if I were running today, no doubt I'd be begging God to turn it all around and bring the happy back. Instead, I'm sitting. I'm hoping and hedging, but I'm also knowing that what I really want is His will. And the grace to be happy with that. If the Holy Spirit nudges you today and all this comes to mind, would you pray for my special intention, please?