Gathering my thoughts on the cusp of summer

Outside my window:  Virginia is in full bloom. And it is utterly breathtaking.

Listening to: the sounds of the orthodontist’s office on a very crowded morning. Wow. A lot of people here. Let’s see how well I can filter out the competing noises.

Clothing myself in: White shirt. Bright blue (borrowed) capris. I have a lot of white shirts. Actually, almost all my shirts are white. I love them. However. Big sigh. I have nearly nothing to wear. I stopped running regularly around mid-March. Then there was some sort of thyroid storm. The combination was lethal. As in none of my clothes fit. For me, this is a hard reality. I’m super sensitive about body image. Back out to run. Early and often. When no one’s watching, because it's not going to be pretty.

Talking with my children about these books:  I’m kind of holding my breath. Nick has moments to go before he’s depleted all the Percy Jackson stories. And I know there will be mourning. I think back to the books that have become beloved for my kids. Michael loved Redwall—all of them. Both of those series are amazing audio books. Redwall is read by the author who wrote it originally for his radio show. Christian loved Harry Potter. Patrick is still waiting to fall in love with a book and is still a reluctant reader. But we know that once upon a time, Anne made an impact on him. Mary Beth first fell in love with The Penderwicks. Stephen’s favorite series was also Harry Potter. The Harry Potter fan club is curious considering Michael's adamant opposition to it. Katie would rather listen to Adventures in Odyssey than read. Karoline is a Shakespeare fan. It’s hilarious to hear an 8-year-old drop the Bard into everyday conversations. (She has some of these books memorized. I'm surprised to see they're only available from third-party sellers. Snatch them up; you won't be sorry!). 

In my own reading: Every year, when I go to the garden store near our house, I take these books off the shelves. They are nestled next to books about  herbs (that's a really good one). Tom DeBaggio founded this store. When my big kids were little, he’d come out and chat with them while I browsed the lavender plants. He’d teach them a thing or two about plants (or about airplanes, depending on the day and what struck his fancy). He was always very kind. His son is rather brusque with the kids, but Tom never was. Those were the early days of his journey with Alzheimers. Without fail, each spring, I pick up his books, which are memoirs of his time with the disease. And then I put them back. I like remembering him my way. The other reality is not so pretty. This year, though, I picked up a book, put it back, and then went back later and picked it up again. Kristin noticed the second time.

            “I have that book,” she said. “I own it.”

I guess this is the year that I will read it. 

Thinking and thinking: Last week, after I posted these pictures, Jen asked on Facebook, "Do you have so much fun with your life? I mean, I'm sure it's not always great, but you must wake up sometimes and be like, "I love my life". So much love and joy!"

To which I replied, "There are times when I do, but in all honesty they are often embedded in times of just plain hard. These pictures are fun and the night *was* fun, but some things to remember: I was coming off some extreme logistical (and emotional) nightmares (for about 8 weeks). I spent the day in the ER with Katie and it wasn't fun at all. These pictures were taken in the middle of the night. I stayed up until 4:30 and got up again at 6:30. The day that followed this night was yuck. Also, my husband was home for this night. He was not home the week before it or the week after it...My point is that it is fun and I do love this life, but it's not all moonlight and movies;-). Another thing that comes to mind here is that I don't often blog when things are hard. (Notice how little I've blogged in recent months?) I tend to put my head down and focus on the task at hand. I like to blog. It's a great creative outlet, but I haven't had a whole lot of time for fun creative outlets. The hard things get blogged much less frequently because if things are hard, then they take my full time and attention and tapping away at the keyboard isn't a priority.

It’s kind of a vicious cycle. I’m happier when I write, but I don’t write when I’m unhappy. Chicken or egg? Whichever it is, I'm going to try to break the cycle this summer. I need to find a way to write every day, much like I need to run or walk every day. I've learned the hard way (again) what happens when I don't.

Pondering: In matters that are obscure and far beyond our vision, even in such as we may find treated in Holy Scripture, different Interpretations are sometimes possible without prejudice to the faith we have received. In such a case, we should not rush in headlong and so firmly take our stand on one side that, if further progress in the search of truth justly undermines this position, we too fall with it. That would be to battle not for the teaching of Holy Scripture but for our own, wishing its teaching to conform to ours, whereas we ought to wish ours to conform to that of Sacred Scripture. -St. Augustine

Carefully Cultivating Rhythm: The new summer schedule was to begin today. I was going to get up and run at 5:30. Be back and showered by 7. Then something domestic until 8. Then kids up and breakfast. School kinds of things until 11:00. Then Mom ducks out to get some work done for a couple hours (also known as writing therapy). Then summer fun. Sounds like a good plan to me.

Today was the first day. Kari woke up at 4:30--totally awake and wanting to chat. About life. So, we had about 5 quality hours of one-on-one time. I’m not kidding. I dragged everyone else out of bed at 9:30. We were late to the orthodontist at 10. Le sigh.

Creating By Hand:  Those afternoon summer fun hours? I’m calling them “swim and sew.” And it’s totally going to happen.

Learning lessons In: Apology. I’ve decided that one of the most important things we can teach our children is how to sincerely examine one’s conscience and then to apologize honestly and promptly. I am very serious about how much I think this matters. This article is a good one on the topic, though I think it’s message is not at all limited to marriage, and certainly not limited to men. All relationships would benefit tremendously if we become a community of humility.

Encouraging learning in: Math. We’re going to hyperfocus on math this summer. This and this and this and these. Oh, and Karoline has announced her plans to write and entire Bible story book.

Keeping house: In late March or maybe it was early April I registered for The Nester’s Cozy Minimalist course. Around the second week, I found myself reluctantly begging to withdraw. Life was kicking my butt and I couldn‘t even begin to keep up. Further, it’s hard to take a class in homemaking when you’re not there. I was gone so much of April.  So, to console myself, I’m going to really dig into The Nesting Place and Love the Home You Have this summer. I’m pretty happy with my house (well except for my perennial basement issues) but, I think it will be nice to use that part of my brain a bit as I consider how to nurture myself. I’m super sensitive to environment. Home needs to be a sanctuary. I think I’ll enjoy considering how to make it so.

Crafting in the kitchen: Whole 30. I was one of the first people to review It Starts with Food on Amazon. And I wrote:

One quote that keeps popping up is "this is not hard compared to birthing a baby, quitting heroin, or beating cancer." Actually, it is. I haven't got any experience with heroin, but I had 7 unmedicated births, 2 c-sections, and I beat cancer. Those things are hard, too but that doesn't make this easy. This is hard. It's hard to eat this way in a world that doesn't. It's hard to cook for a big family -- either all eating this way, or them eating this way and me not eating what they're eating. It's hard to stick with it day in and day out. It's not too terribly hard for a few weeks, but it is hard as a lifestyle. I feel anti-social. I know my eating habits put a damper on others' enjoyment when our eating out choices are dictated by my "can'ts." I know I've offended more than one gracious hostess with my polite, "No thank you." And I do miss crafting a perfect loaf of artisan bread or making my grandmother's homemade pasta. I miss tomatoes fresh from the garden with olive oil and fresh mozzarella. I miss handing on food traditions of generations to my own children. I couldn't care less about sugar and I'm not lamenting processed foods at all. They were never in my diet. I'm struggling with the limited choices of real food left for me...I still think this is a valuable resource, but for most folks, longterm success with eating this way is going to take more than, "You can do it. It's not as hard as childbirth or cancer."

They addressed those things in the new book! I think that’s pretty cool. Actually, I think that's really cool. They‘ve also included white potatoes in the plan this time. For me, that’s not good. I love potatoes, but they don’t love me. So, I think I’ll just keep kicking it old school. I like this new book a lot. I thought it would be redundant and it’s not.  Instead, I think it’s more measured, more practical, maybe just a little more compassionate. It’s good. Back on the wagon. I’ll never be a giant meat eater. But I know that the principles in Whole 30 are likely the most anti-inflammatory way to eat. So, I’m not a bacon and duck fat paleo person (actually, there’s no bacon in the new book), but I am fill-the-plate-with-veggies, skip the sugar and grains, eat real food person. I need to be a no dairy person. And I’d probably be a good deal happier if I could kick this stupid coffee habit again.

To be fit and happy: lacing up and heading out. My Fitbit wasn’t working; I couldn’t get it to record my steps. Then I lost it.  Then my Fitbit friends applauded me for getting back after it. That was hilarious, because I wasn’t wearing a Fitbit. They saw my step count increase, but I still have no idea where it is. Somebody is getting some exercise on my behalf, but I don’t think it’s actually overcoming my inertia. I need to solve this problem, because I’ve discovered that I really am motivated by my Fitbit .

Giving thanks: For the intercession of wee saint Bryce. It’s his birthday today. He would have been six. Say a prayer for his mama?

Loving the moments: when my backyard is full of teenagers gathered around a bonfire, philosophizing late into the night. Pretty magical childhood.

Living the Liturgy: I’m praying Divine Office on my morning run. Also, I’m also listening to this new album. She Reads Truth is taking this week to look at five hymns. Yesterday’s post really hit home for me. So good. And so is the album.

Planning for the week ahead: Nick Foss plays in the State Cup semi-final this weekend. Some of you might remember the agonizing decision I made to move him to new team---just after he won State Cup two years ago. (That's a favorite post of mine.) It’s been a hard couple of years for him, no lie. He misses his friends. It’s been hard to watch that team win more than his present team. And it’s been super hard to be the new kid (for two years). But he’s just on the cusp of something good. Pray this weekend is one of victories? One on Saturday and then—big miracle needed warning—one on Sunday, too? That would be good. Really good.

All photos courtesy of Kristin Foss. 

Gathering my Thoughts in the Waiting Room

Outside my window:  Charlottesville is coming awake. It’s early and I’m sitting by a sunny window overlooking the Corner. Ill be here for the next hour and a half while Patrick is back in surgery.

Listening to: the noise of competing waiting room televisions. I’m contemplating going back to the car to get my earbuds.

Clothing myself in: Jeans, a poet’s shirt, walking shoes.

Talking with my children about these books:  The girls have begun a dance alphabet writing project, using T is for Tutu.  For Sarah, it’s a dictation and drawing project. For Karoline and Katie, the longer sidebars will be source material for IEW-style writing and springboards for further research.

In my own reading: The last couple weeks, much of my reading has been with Mary Beth. She’s just about finished with a complete semester of college. This was to have been the final semester of her senior year in high school, but she got going early, so the transition definitely had its bumpy moments. Her reading is interesting and we’ve done a lot of talking about her subject matter. All in all, I’m well-pleased with the experience and she’s done extremely well.  I spend a lot of time talking to my college kids about what they’re studying. A habit cultivated when they are little and their education is my responsibility, it has grown with us. The real goal of home education is to develop a learner who wants to learn, who is eager and self-motivated. I think, like so many things in life, a love of learning and an appreciation of education matures as we age and it goes through a series peaks and valleys.  As I peek into their books and discuss their papers, I learn so much! I’m well aware that dialogue of this sort is not commonplace. That’s a shame. We are all benefiting from the education afforded the older kids.

Thinking and thinking: Time management. The last two months have been all about time management and every last bit of my brain power has gone to figuring out how to make it all work—to stretch ourselves to meet the needs of many children at various ages and stages without stretching to the breaking point.

Pondering: “The willingness to be and to have just what God wants us to be and have, nothing more, and nothing less, would set our hearts at rest and we would discover the simpler life, the greater peace. “–Elisabeth Elliot

Carefully Cultivating Rhythm: Rhythm has been elusive. I miss the easy rhythm of last summer when morning walks gave way to morning runs and days unfolded with purpose and with time. The last few months of have been relentlessly demanding. Mike has been away far more than he has been home. We’ve fallen out of long-established rhythms together.  The children have numerous unexpected happenings which have disrupted rhythm. I’ve begun to think of rhythm in the context of much smaller increments of time. What will just this moment look like? Does it have a rhythm? Can I at least adjust the rhythm of my breathing and slow the rhythm of my heart? What about the next hour? The coming gloriously beautiful afternoon?

Creating By Hand:  I made a couple more journal covers over the weekend. Katie made one for a friend as a confirmation gift and she was so pleased with how it turned out. I’m bringing some hand work with me this weekend. There will be plenty of last minute dance sewing as well, no doubt. 

I have recognized how much it means to mean to be able to create with my hands. I'm making a list of creative activities I want to pursue this summer. Bucket hats for little girls are first on the list. This little love is still a bit bald. 

Learning lessons In: Self care. I've been listening to The Highly Sensitive Person. I have to listen in very small doses. This book is sort of troubling and as I listen to her lay out the formidable challenges to people who are highly sensitive, I admit to be a little overwhelmed. But, in my highly-sensitve way;-), I'm processing it very slowly. One thing is certain: I really do need to take good care of myself, particularly in situations that are noisy and crowded, and that's kind of tricky when I'm the person in charge in a large household. 

Encouraging learning in: Pacing oneself. My college students are navigating all the end-of-semester deadlines. But each of them has some special considerations thrown in. Patrick had to finish up early in order to have surgery. Christian is shooting a movie next week, so he’s had to navigate exams and papers around the myriad of pre-production details.  And Mary Beth had a dance competition last weekend and another next weekend. Her final week of school was condensed to four days this week. She’s got to get it all done before we hit the road. I’ve learned that planning to fit those school deadlines around the rest of real life does not necessarily come naturally to high school- and college-aged kids. It’s learned. And coached. It’s also a very necessary life skill. I am forever moving things around in calendar squares in order to adjust and adapt. 

Keeping house: I’m in Charlottesville today.  I’ll be home midweek and quickly regroup in order to leave for the dance competition. We’ll have a long weekend of late nights and early mornings. Then, on Monday, Christian and his 18 person movie crew will move in to shoot part of the movie in my house.

I’m not a bit worried about housework. Nah. Not a bit.

Crafting in the kitchen: Last week, I packed a cooler full of good things to eat at dance. Some of us ate decently. Others barely ate. This weekend is trickier. The girls and I will be staying in hotel. In Baltimore. We won’t have a kitchen in the hotel. And I don’t think we will be wandering the neighborhood, looking for restaurants. Our hotel is connected to the venue and I think it’s going to be a pretty hunkered down affair. So. What to eat? Right now, I have no clue. I’m open to suggestions, though, so let me hear them!

To be fit and happy: Sigh. It's definitely time to clean up some bad habits that have crept into my days. Exercise needs a regular daily time of its own again. I've learned the hard way that when it gets bumped, it doesn't happen. And I'm super glad to see the produce department at my grocery store come alive again. Nothing inspires healthy eating quite the way fresh bounty does. I'm re-reading (for the fourth time) Better than Before and trying to implement some of the great strategies there. It's time for me to be out there, collecting the sunrises and the sunsets again.

These sunsets happen at soccer practice almost every single day. Pure gift.

Giving thanks: For my second son. Christian celebrates a birthday on Wednesday. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for the very gift of his life. 

Loving the moments: When my little girl falls asleep in my arms. I know those days are numbered, but she still likes to be snuggled to sleep and I'm sure glad she does. (Psst: I got a text last night telling me she hit a major milestone in the life of a six-year-old.)

Planning for the week ahead: So here's the deal: Dance competitions are daunting ​to me for a myriad of reasons. I'm always a little nervous to travel alone with the four girls. That whole "fear of the marketplace" thing gets the better of me. The schedules for these things are relentless, mostly because I have children spanning every age group, but partly because they start ridiculously early and they run ridiculously late. They are loud and indoors--two things that trip my highly sensitive triggers. And this time, this one, is in Baltimore. 

Baltimore isn't exactly at the top of anyone's list of peaceful places to go this week. Last week, I was carefully following the news, watching and listening and trying to understand the situation. Then I realized that being sucked into 24/7 cable news was really making me crazy. And rather unhappy. So, I've moved away from that constant monitoring and resolved to wait until Thursday to research any of it further. <<---sigh. So, I wrote that this morning in the hospital. Now there's breaking news.

Gathering My Thoughts after a Long While

It's been a very long time since I've gathered my thoughts into one space here. About a week ago, I was too tired to run during soccer practice and too tired, even, to read. Just as I pulled into the parking lot, a friend texted and asked if we could catch up. I wasn't too tired talk. Among the many things we talked about in that hour or so, we happened upon my unintended writing sabbatical. And one of the things she reminded me was that I write to make sense of things for myself. That's very true. So, she continued, it's probably time to start writing again.

Here goes.

Outside my window:  Right now, it is dark outside my window. I'm in bed in "my" room in Charlottesville, where my father and stepmother live. The shutters are open and the windows are wide to let in the breeze. It was an absolutely perfect Virginia spring day. Everything but the the crepe myrtles are in bloom in this town, it seems. They'll be along later when they don't have to compete with the dogwoods and Bradford pears, and crabapples, and tulip trees. Every day, the world outside grows a little more green. I don't remember ever being quite so glad to see the spring as I am this year. 

Listening to:  The whir of the ceiling fan. The faint sound of Adventures in Odyssey coming from the little girls' room.  Incidentally, I love Odyssey. I feel like those characters are family; they've been along on so many road trips with us.

Clothing myself in: Today, I wore capris and t-shirt. But I had a chance to fancy up with lace and skirt tonight. We went with Patrick to a dinner celebrating the soccer team's NCAA National Championship title. He came away with quite a ring...

Talking with my children about these books:  The girls are all aflutter at the new Penderwicks book. In order to maintain some semblance of peace, we settled Karoline into re-reading the first one, and Katie re-reading the second while they waited for Mary Beth to binge on the fourth and then pass it along. Are you a Penderwicks fan? Such great stories!

In my own reading: I've been reading a lot these days, books on audio and books in hand. I've several to share. Recently, I finished The Rosie Project. it was a delightful, funny story of a professor with Asperger's syndrome who falls in love with a most unlikely "wife candidate." It was a sweet, touching, and also fascinating look at Asperger's through a very different lens.

Thinking and thinking: Oh, wow. I really wish I could turn off my brain sometimes. There have been days lately that I'm weary of living inside my own head. Mike went to a leadership workshop last week that focused on Myers-Briggs types. He learned his own and learned a good deal about typing in general. All very fascinating. I've long known my type (INFJ), but never really done much with it. I had never tried to type my husband or my children to see how we all fit together. Last week, I learned that I am vastly outnumbered by Thinking Extraverts. A house full of noisy commanders who leave it to me to feel all the things. And I do. Oh, how I do. For all of us. Ahem. 

 I'm also reading: The Highly Sensitive Person. Because I am one, and they are not (bless their hearts). Are you highly sensitive?

Pondering: Elizabeth DeHority died on Holy Thursday. That was more than two weeks ago. I keep reaching for my phone to text her. I keep expecting to see an email in my inbox. Before the Tuesday before she died, I don't think I've gone more than a day in the last six-and-a-half years without hearing from her. The silence is striking. Ann and Ginny both wrote lovely tributes.  I didn't. I can't find the words. I did start a new knitting project, though. 

Carefully Cultivating Rhythm: I think we are maintaining as much of a regular rhythm as I can expect. I'm driving back and forth to Charlottesville every couple of weeks for one thing or another. Patrick will have surgery in early May and will need to stay here all summer for physical therapy and conditioning. I cannot begin to adequately capture how grateful I am that he chose to go to school here, in this town. I love to be here. And I have a home here. For a kid who moved around a whole lot, "home" is something not to be taken for granted. 

Creating By Hand:  Ugh. I'm sewing dance costumes and not loving it much at all. it's not real sewing--it's rigging to make costumes fit well enough to fool the audience. Oliver + S just announced a super cute new pattern. I plan to make at least four of these. I really miss sewing and I  recognize how important using that part of my brain and my hands in that manner is to me. Making time...

Learning lessons In: Grief. And fear. April is always hard in the fear department. This April has been brutal.

Encouraging learning in: Carefully reading the assignment, doing exactly what one is asked to do, and completing it cheerfully and on time. As homeschoolers, one of the biggest benefits is the ability to tailor a lesson, a course, or an entire childhood education. If the lesson as written goes on and on with endless repetition well beyond what is necessary for mastery, we just cut it short. If the method doesn’t work, we switch to something else.  Creativity is encouraged wildly. Rarely is a kid sent off on his own to muddle through vague directions. We’re right there to keep things on course. And if they were away all weekend at a soccer tournament and the bus broke down on the way home and it’s early on Monday and they’re tired, I cut them all kinds of slack. What I’m learning though, is that they need to learn how to work that other system—the institutional system—before they leave home. They need to understand how to follow directions and that sometimes we do stupid assignments because that’s what it takes to get through the class. Unless I teach them how it all works, they’re in for quite a shock.  I’m not sure how to balance the reality that they need those institutional skills with my own philosophy that everything must have meaning and the best education is a creative one, carefully tailored towards a child’s strengths. Daily, there is a striving for balance between two worlds.

Begging prayers: For rest. Please Lord, peaceful rest. 

Living the Liturgy: I love the Easter season. I love to occasionally to something special and out of the ordinary and then just nonchalantly explain it to my children by saying, "Oh, of course, it's still Easter." Mike has been traveling a brutal lot. Sarah and I got up early one morning when we knew he was taking the first flight home. They had a breakfast tea party. Because, you know, it's still Easter.

Keeping house: I've been spending a lot of time in my other home--the one in Charlottesville where my father and stepmother live. It's a beautiful house that is beautifully decorated. There is no clutter. Every time I come down, one of my children will remark that they love a house with no clutter. But then we get home, and they're all about their clutter. I will not wish away these days for an empty nest. I will keep shoveling clutter in this season of clutterstorms, though.

Crafting in the kitchen: Today begins Heather's Whole Food Kitchen Workshop. Perfect Timing. What I love (among other things) about Heather's workshop is that it's not didactic; there's no cramming one way of eating down one's throat. Heather acknowledges that each of us has to find her own way to nourish. What works for me, might not work for you. I've really seen that in my house the last couple weeks. My husband is rocking a low carb diet. He's hit that place where weight is dropping very steadily. I'm eating the same way. Up two pounds. ;-). [Note: this is not an ad for the workshop, Just passing along friendly information. I'm not being compensated for my wholehearted endorsement.]

Speaking of ads, there are no more here. I heard you. I am very, very grateful for the people who sponsored this blog and I hope that you benefited from knowing about them. But for now, we'll just have quiet. I can do quiet very nicely. Of that, I am sure. 

To be fit and happy: The trails are truly calling. Everything is coming alive outside and I'm happily trotting along again--some walking (long distances) and some running (not long distances at all). I've been reunited with my Fitbit, charged the battery, and began anew today. Gretchen Rubin's new book, Better Than Before, has reminded me how monitoring my habits really works for me. Track my steps: move a lot more. Keep a food diary: eat more mindfully. Tell you all about a sewing project with needle & thREAD: sew more and read more. Accountability is a very good thing. Springtime is a great time for a habit refresh! And that book? Highly, highly recommended. Life-changing, I do believe. 

Giving thanks: For my stepmother. Charlottesville has long been home to me. Her house is my soft place to land. I'm grateful for the comfort I find there. 

Loving the moments: Kristin and I have been brainstorming some super fun project ideas. Stay tuned for a homeschool workshop and an advent journal and maybe something special for new mamas. Not a day goes by that I'm not completely and totally awestruck by how much I love that girl. She might be midlife's best surprise.

Planning for the week ahead: The bluebells are blooming. That's all the plan I've got. 

Gathering My Thoughts

Dressing room surprise. 

It's been a very long time since I've written in "real time" here. All of December's "Comfort and Joy" posts were from the archives. I thought maybe a gathering of thoughts might get the writing going.

Outside my window:  It rained all weekend. Cold, wet, dreary. How I would have rathered snow! It's been remarkably warmer than predicted this winter, so far. I'm not really sure how I feel about that. It was good to run outside yesterday. On the other hand, I could really use a post-Christmas snow day or two to get my act together.

Listening to:  Silence. I've been up pretty much all night. It's quiet.

Clothing myself in: Pajamas. A Christmas quilt. 

Talking with my children about these books:  We are going to finish reading the last of the Christmas books today. Then, we'll wrap them all back up for next year. That should keep Sarah happily busy for a long while. She's a very good wrapper. 

In my own reading: I think I'm going to accept Anne's challenge for my own reading in 2015. 

Thinking and thinking: About this post on blogging. It summarizes many (most?) of the things I've been thinking myself. Tsh writes from a huge platform and she has kept her readers engaged. I lost many of my readers last year. My audience has shrunk. Still, principles are principles. Like Tsh, I still believe in longer pieces. I like to read them, and quite frankly, the freedom to write them is what drew me to blogging in the first place. I could explore a topic beyond the 500 words of my column. The Pinterest number staggered me. I can't image posting any where  27 times every day. I usually forget about Pinterest. According to the experts, Pinterest drives blog readers. Hmmm... I believe, as well, in remaining true to oneself. Like Tsh, I love Instagram. I love it more than Facebook and much more than Twitter. If Instagram had clickable links, it would be nearly perfect. If Tsh has a comments problem at her blog, I have them more. I know comments here don't work reliably. I have no idea what to do about that. I do engage in conversation on Facebook, so be sure to like the blog page there. Maybe that's a solution to the combox issues here. Still, I'd rather chat here. It's prettier.

I look at the way blogging has changed in the last five years and I hyperventilate. Thanks for visiting my quiet, old-fashioned corner. When I had a full-time job, I was desperate to be a mother at home. All I wanted was to come home to my baby and invest in my family. I've worked in some form or fashion from home ever since then, but never have I felt that pull between my work and my family until the last year of blogging. I don't want a full-time job. I'm a mother at home, antiquated as that has become.

I am very aware that my children are becoming adults and that they are my first readers. I don't care if the rest of the world reads my words. I care very much if my kids do. There can't be a disconnect. It needs to be honest. Always honest. If I'm going to write about wholehearted mothering, I need to be that wholehearted mother. Sometimes, that means I publish nothing but re-runs for a whole month. Thanks for understanding.

Pondering:

"My confidence is placed in God who does not need our help for accomplishing his designs. Our single endeavor should be to give ourselves to the work and to be faithful to him, and not to spoil his work by our shortcomings." St. Isaac Jogues.

More on this one on Wednesday. Also, more #morningrun posts soon. Thanks for all your kinds words about those little thoughts. 

Carefully Cultivating Rhythm: I'm ready for the rhythm of the winter to settle upon us. Christmas was wonderful. The transition from Christmas was not. Let's move on.

Creating By Hand:  Christmas pajamas. Yep. Those were abandoned in favor of following a certain someone on the path to a national championship. So, they will be January pajamas. Also, there are four quilts to make. Three for the girls' new bunkbed and one that was promised to Mary Beth two years ago. I really miss my sewing machine and I'm committed to bringing it to life this month.

Learning lessons In: Humility. Oh my. Nothing like really messing up to drive one to one's knees.

Encouraging learning in: True confessions would require me to divulge that it's 6 AM on Monday morning. I haven't written a single lesson plan. We're going to wing it. 

Begging prayers: I am wearing my new favorite pair of Elizabeth DeHority socks. I’m praying so hard for her. Every minute is a struggle and she’s fighting valiantly to meet the struggle with love and grace.

Keeping house: Christmas is still up. My girls won't let me touch anything until after January 6. That's OK with me for now.

Crafting in the kitchen: I cooked a lot last month. It was pointed out that I love people by feeding them. This is true. It is also true that, while I'm certainly not finished loving people, I'm a little tired of cooking.

To be fit and happy: I went for a run yesterday and my legs felt like lead. Not really sure what that is about except that I haven't been as careful with diet and I've gotten not enough sleep. I'm going to sleep more, eat better, and hopefully run further and faster.

Giving thanks: For a very healthy and happy December.

Loving the moments: The waning moments of 2014 and the beginning of 2015 will forever be etched in my memory as some of the happiest this house has held. I'm very grateful.

Living the Liturgy: I admit it. I'm preparing to offer a Lenten version of Restore. So, in my brain, I've jumped a little past the coming brief period of Ordinary Time. I'm feeling rather penitential anyway, so that works out well.

Planning for the week ahead: Going to take it slow, one foot in front of another. Back into our ordinary days.

About the photos: These are from late last November. I never got a chance to share them here. it's still Christmas, right? Photo credit: Michael, Kristin, and Christian Foss.

Daybook

-I'm listening to 

All the different versions of songs from the Wizard of Oz. I'm choreographing the youngest group of competitors this year at our dance studio and thinking about doing a Wizard of Oz theme. We'll see.  

-I'm wearing 

A pink tank top and jean shorts. 

-This week my top to-do is

Ehhh, I should probably clean my room. The only issue with cleaning my room is every time I start, I end up getting distracted by anything and everything that I come across. "Wow, I haven't seen this shirt in forever." "Wow, I haven't seen the floor in forever." ;)

-I'm currently reading

I'm trying to read the last Divergent book but, it's so incredibly boring. I really enjoyed the first one and the second one was boring, but I got through it. This one though, I don't know...

I also recently read The Fault in Our Stars. I really liked this book but I know a lot of people were heartbroken at the end because *spoiler alert* one of the main characters dies. I tend to like a plot line that is more realistic and not so "happily ever after" all the time. My family teases that the main reason I liked Frozen was because Hans turned out to be the bad guy even after Anna fell head over heals and sang a duet about love with him. Sure, the book still pulled at some heartstrings for me but I loved that it seemed real. No one got miraculously cured from cancer, because a lot of the time that's not what happens. 

-I'm thinking about

My schedule this fall. I'm excited for every single activity and job I'm undertaking. It's going to take a lot of discipline and motivation to stay on track but I think I'm ready. While balancing academics I'm also going to be teaching at the montessori school in the neighborhood, I'm going to be a teen mentor and coordinator for youth group, and I'll be teaching dance as well as dancing myself. 

-I'm praying about

A close friend in the face of personal trial.  

-Quote I'm thinking about recently 

One of my best friends left for college last week. Her promise to the four other girls in our close friend group was to text us every day with a quote. This was the first one she sent. 

"How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." -Winnie the Pooh

-This week I learned

Just how blessed I am to be living the life I am. That sentence probably sounds so cliche but really, I couldn't be any more happy than I am right now with who I am. When you're young, you grow up with this sense of the world that is very innocent. Everyone has a happy family, with a mom and a dad who love each other, siblings who are supportive, friends who help you through life. Then when you grow up, you start to realize more and more that your perfect perception on life isn't all that accurate. I thank God every day for the opportunity to be living a life that isn't always perfect, but is pretty darn close. If you feel as lucky as I do, I ask that you pray for those who aren't living in this kind of a situation.   

-I'm thankful for

My youth group. The group of kids I've grown so close to the past 4 years has helped me through so much and taught me so much. 

-I love it when

I hit every green light on the way to drop Nick off at soccer practice. Hey, it's the little things. 

-With the rest of this week I'm going to

Friday there's a big football game to attend. Saturday a full day of soccer-ing. And Sunday--Monday I'm going with some friends to the river, soaking up the last bit of summer. 

-iPhone pictures this week

iPhone photo dump this week includes a mirror selfie with Lucy Shawn while her Mom and Dad were on a dinner date, a picture of me fixing Sarah Annie's arabesque snapped by a dance mom through the window, a picture of the girls warming up to start their solos this year, and candids from the day Sarah left for college.