I took the Facebook and Twitter apps off my phone last week. The noise had become unbearable. Now, I check in on my laptop, timer ticking, in the morning and in the evening. I'm amazed at the difference in my distraction level. Clearly, I was checking in and engaging way more often than I recognized. It's good to look up more, instead of down at that screen.
Yesterday afternoon, I planned to settle into my booth and write while Sarah and Karoline were at ballet. Alas, there was no charge on my compuer and I'd neglected to pack a charger. So, I took a walk instead.
With me, I carried the the very real and very large medical sadness of Lynn, of Elizabeth DeHority and of another dear and very close woman. It's ironic; after the election I heard a pundit from the "losing side" reflect that at least he didn't get up in the morning and discover a lump. His world would go on and unless there was that crisis, nothing else was a crisis.
But what if there were that crisis? Three people I love are living that crisis. Well, lots more people than that are living that crisis, but these three are in my constant thoughts. And in my mind, I live that crisis, too. With my what-ifs and my very overactive imagination.
I set off on my walk down a familiar path, listening to and praying along with the familiar voices at Divine Office. As the hymn played, my mind wandered. Initially, I lamented the fact that fall was slipping away. Soon, these trees would be stripped bare. I kicked myself for neglecting to get the beeswax and gather the leaves to dip before the hurricane, for failing to capture autumn in its glory. I brought myself back into the prayer.
The Holy Spirit nudged me to capture the day, the very moment for the gloriousness it was, right now. I looked up. I noticed. How absolutely perfect was just this day, just this fading afternoon! What if I could do that with every moment of my life? What if I could stay --constant prayer supporting me-- in the very moment I was living? No lamentations about what could have been, no gripping fears about what lies ahead, just profound and startling awareness and gratitude for what is right now?
“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." Matthew 6:34
"I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." Jeremiah 29:11