Gathering my Thoughts

Outside my window: The air conditioner in the car sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. And, sometimes, that's a real drag. But other times, we all learn how heavy the honeysuckle scent is in the air every evening in late May and early June. And if by chance, we're driving just after those frequent thunderstorms? Downright intoxicating.

Listening to: barista noises and jazz.

Clothing myself in: This new nail polish. I've never been much into nail polish, but since I can't get the scale to budge, I figured I'd let my nails grow. Nail polish is pretty toxic stuff, but this, maybe not so much?

Talking with my children about these books:  Sarah has this pile in a basket by her bed this week. We're making sure we get in our Three Books at Bedtime. She's definitely super interested in all things science right now and since we're all about planting these days, we're spending the next couple of weeks reading about flowers and gardens. So, this week, it's a flower theme:

Miss Rumphius

Sunflower Sal (Prairie Paperback Books)

Dancers in the Garden

Camille and the Sunflowers

Jack's Garden

Planting a Rainbow

Waiting for Wings

Sunflower House

Where Butterflies Grow (Picture Puffins)

The Reason for a Flower: A Book About Flowers

In my own reading: friend of mine sent me Anatomy of a Soul. I promised I'd read it. I'll get back to you on this one.

Thinking: Has social media become more unfriendly, or is it just me? Last week, it felt like every time I turned around someone wanted to argue. At one point, on Twitter (where it's ridiculously easy to be misunderstood), I protested that I didn't want to argue. She responded with, "If you don't want to argue, then don't engage." OK, then.

I don't want to argue. I really, really don't. I am so not the arguing type, even in person. I do not like conflict. Not one bit. 

Also, I find that when things like this happen online, I'm pretty good at clicking my computer closed and walking away, but then they must live in my brain because I find myself snapping at the real life people around me who have no idea why I'm cranky. Not a good thing.

Pondering: Psalm 52, Go visit Cari and see what a beautiful, free printable Kristin has made so that we can all spend the summer in the psalms. Really. Free. For you! It's gorgeous.

Carefully Cultivating Rhythm: The New Summer Schedule had a rocky start, but I sat everyone down on Thursday and really explained all the reasons it absolutely has to work. They were receptive. And I think it is honestly going to be a very good thing. We'll see how well we do when it's challenged by summer's comings and goings, but I'm very optimistic. 

Creating By Hand:  Finished the first sundress! Hooray! This week, I'm going to work on a belated birthday gift and do one more dress for Sarah before moving on to some long-awaited quilts. Oh, and this arrived Saturday. So, I might have to make it into something for me before the weekend.

Learning lessons In: Reaching out, creating community, both online and in person. 

Encouraging learning in: Spelling. I have a child who is old enough to be spelling well, but still is not. We are spending the summer working through as much of this program as we can. I have the old-fashioned, black and white version of this program. So far, my student is very receptive and, I think the word is "grateful." I think what we all want is for someone to notice our struggle and come alongside and sit awhile to help make the load lighter. When I linked for you, I looked briefly at the DVD version. I think I'll pass. As much as spelling is the issue, time with me is, too. So, side-by -side you'll find us, at 9AM Monday through Friday, for as long as it takes.

Keeping house: Every day, I list the chores that need attention that day. This is a definite change from the previous chore schedule type arrangement. So far, I think it's effective. 

Crafting in the kitchen: OK, so my lofty Whole 30 plans have been amended. I just can't eat that much animal protein. Just can't. I'm tweaking and revisiting Joel Fuhrman and reading the vegetarian section in Whole 30, because, in the end, it's about listening to one's body. My body tells me things on no uncertain terms. But it's exceptionally whiny;-). I try to listen, obey, and not whine back. 

To be fit and happy: Still no Fitbit. But, I'm working on reclaiming that morning habit. I want to get back to this place, because I know it's what I need to do. The more I move, the better. Just pushing past the inertia for now...

Giving thanks: For a really encouraging phone call with a new friend last week. I'm feeling like I can make some things happen in this space now. That's a new feeling that I kind of like a lot. 

Loving the moments: I didn't really love this moment. Actually, I kind of cried through it. But I know that when I look back on it, I will see that a legacy of love was at work. When you're the goalkeeper, there are times when you're the hero. And then there are other times. The memory of this year's State Cup final will hurt Nick for a very long time. When the game was over and he had to stand to get the runner-up medal and then to applaud the victors (who might have been taunting him), his siblings pressed into the spaces around him. Sometimes a strong arm around you steadies you in the moment when your own knees go weak at the shock and horror of a very bad 14-year-old day.  When the memory of this loss breaks his heart again in the years to come, I hope Nick will remember that he wasn't alone and there was an arm firmly around his shoulders. 

Living the Liturgy: So, I think you like the reprise of Lord, Hear Our Prayer. Yay! You keep praying my summer schedule works and I'll keep those coming every Saturday morning, so you have them for your weekend intentions. Deal?

Planning for the week ahead: More steady, ordinary days. The spring was brutal. These few weeks of every day being pretty much the same before we launch into summer comings and goings? They are just magical.

All photos kindness of Kristin Foss

Lord, Hear Our Prayer

Kristin and I were talking the other day and she mentioned that she'd like it if I wrote about Sunday's gospel. Every Sunday;-). She said she'd just like to know that the readings were there and that she could have something to think about--you know, in case a certain sweet toddler got all squirmy and led her mama out of the sanctuary, thereby causing her to miss the entire Liturgy of the Word. Not that that ever happens. Much.

Well, turns out I used to do that every week.(Both the being lead out of the sanctuary and the writing a post for such an occasion.) I have a whole bunch of just such posts. And I'm happy to do it again. These are for you, Kristin, and for any one else who wants a virtual community with which to hear and pray.

First Reading 

 Deuteronomy 4:32-34, 39-40

Moses said to the people:
"Ask now of the days of old, before your time,
ever since God created man upon the earth;
ask from one end of the sky to the other:
Did anything so great ever happen before?
Was it ever heard of?
Did a people ever hear the voice of God
speaking from the midst of fire, as you did, and live?
Or did any god venture to go and take a nation for himself
from the midst of another nation,
by testings, by signs and wonders, by war,
with strong hand and outstretched arm, and by great terrors,
all of which the LORD, your God,
did for you in Egypt before your very eyes?
This is why you must now know,
and fix in your heart, that the LORD is God
in the heavens above and on earth below,
and that there is no other.
You must keep his statutes and commandments that I enjoin on you today,
that you and your children after you may prosper,
and that you may have long life on the land
which the LORD, your God, is giving you forever."

Responsorial Psalm

 Psalms 33:4-5, 6, 9, 18-19, 20, 22

R. (12b) Blessed the people the Lord has chosen to be his own.
Upright is the word of the LORD,
and all his works are trustworthy.
He loves justice and right;
of the kindness of the Lord the earth is full.
R. Blessed the people the Lord has chosen to be his own.
By the word of the LORD the heavens were made;
by the breath of his mouth all their host.
For he spoke, and it was made;
he commanded, and it stood forth.
R. Blessed the people the Lord has chosen to be his own.
See, the eyes of the LORD are upon those who fear him,
upon those who hope for his kindness,
To deliver them from death
and preserve them in spite of famine.
R. Blessed the people the Lord has chosen to be his own.
Our soul waits for the LORD,
who is our help and our shield.
May your kindness, O LORD, be upon us
who have put our hope in you.
R. Blessed the people the Lord has chosen to be his own.

Reading 2

 Romans 8:14-17

Brothers and sisters:
For those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.
For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear,
but you received a Spirit of adoption,
through whom we cry, “Abba, Father!”
The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit
that we are children of God,
and if children, then heirs,
heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ,
if only we suffer with him
so that we may also be glorified with him.

Alleluia

 Revelation 1:8

R. Alleluia, alleluia.
Glory to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit;
to God who is, who was, and who is to come.
R. Alleluia, alleluia.

Gospel

 Matthew 28:16-20

The eleven disciples went to Galilee,
to the mountain to which Jesus had ordered them.
When they all saw him, they worshiped, but they doubted.
Then Jesus approached and said to them,
"All power in heaven and on earth has been given to me.
Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations,
baptizing them in the name of the Father,
and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit,
teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.
And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age."

Today is Trinity Sunday. In our house, that's a good reason for Neapolitan ice cream sundaes--Neapolitan being the flavor of choice for three-in-one.  But beyond the special theme for our usual Sundaes on Sunday, what's this feast all about?

On this day, as we contemplate the mystery of the Trinity--that God is at once Father, Son, and Holy Spirit--imagine for moment what that means. It's kind of overwhelming--this whole mystery thing. Tim Keller writes, "The doctrine of the Trinity overloads our mental circuits. Despite its cognitive difficulty, however, this astonishing, dynamic conception of the triune God is bristling with profound, wonderful, life-shaping, world-changing implications."

The early church fathers used the phrase perichoresis [Ancient Greek περί (peri, “around”) + χορεύω (khoreuō, “dance”)] to describe the Trinity is a kind of holy dance. It's a dance of joy and love. There are three distinct persons, each of whom moves around the other two.  In a beautiful dance, each member of the trinity circles the other two and pours love into them. In this house, we understand just a bit the complexity and the artistry of that kind of choreography.

Jesus tells us that the Holy Spirit will glorify Him, “I have yet many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now.  When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth; for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come. He will glorify me, for he will take what is mine and declare it to you. . (John 16:12-14)

Then He tells us that He glorifies the Father (John 17:4) and the Father glorifies the Son (John 17:5).

So each person of the trinity is glorifying the others. But what does that really mean?

Do you ever stop to think of what it means to glorify someone? It is to take utter delight in them. It is to pour self-giving, overflowing love into them. It is pure love and joy shot through a being. In the unique, extraordinary case of the Trinity, three beings are all dancing pure joy around the others in what C.S. Lewis astutely remarked is, “the great fountain of energy and beauty spurting up at the very center of reality.” (Mere Christianity)

And where are we in all of this gloriousness?

Today's reading in Romans tells us that we are right there. The Holy Spirit is bearing witness to our spirit. Further, the Savior has died for our sins. Even more, we are created in the image of the Father. All so that we claim the inheritance: We, too, are glorified in a holy dance. He's pouring all that love in to us.

Pretty exciting stuff, huh? 

Don't you want to sing and dance and shout for joy right along with them? 

That's good.

Because today's gospel calls you to go tell it from the mountaintops: notify the world. You have a pastoral mission to trumpet joy to all nations. You have a liturgical mission to baptize them in the Spirit. You have a prophetic mission to teach them everything He has commanded you. And how, how will you do this? 

He will be with you to the end of time.

You're in the dance. The music of the Holy Trinity is welling up from inside of you and it's spilling out. You're not doing it. The Lord is. The same Lord that somehow is three persons and is still one God. If He can do that, don't you think He can fill you with His glory? Glory enough to do everything He's called you to do?

He's the music and the rhythm and the movement. All you have to do is get up and dance.

~*~*~*~

The internet is a formidable force for bringing the comfort and consolation and hope of the Lord to all of us. It can be an incredibily powerful medium for community. There is an unfathomable resource for prayer here. We have on the 'net the privilege of praying for people and of being witness to the miracles brought forth when fervent, faith-filled people pray for one another.

Let's be that community of hope and faith for one another.

How about this idea? What if I pop in here every weekend, share Sunday's gospel and talk a wee bit about how we can live it and pray it in our homes? And then you tell me how we can pray for you that week? Deal?

{And please, do return and let us know how prayer is bearing fruit.}

needle & thREAD

The first summer sewing project is for Sarah. She has chosen fabric for a Popover Sundress (free pattern) and a reversible bucket hat (also a free pattern). I got it all cut out yesterday (when Kristin was around to snap some pictures) and it's nearly finished this morning. The fabric she chose for her bucket hat is brilliant. She's got an eye for coordinating across lines; the bucket hat will go with this new dress and that one Karoline wore three years ago. Smart girl! I should have them both finished this afternoon. Check Instagram (heartofmyhome) to keep me accountable, please and thank you.

One of my (many) summer resolutions is to be screen-free after sunset. My brain needs a significant amount of time to "un-wire." Also, we all know there are reams of research reports on the detrimental effects of screens before bedtime. Towards the goals of better sleep and more peaceful repose, I'm settling in with something light before bed--at least for the next three months. Habit, then? One can only hope.

I'm reading The Little Bookstore of Big Stone Gap: a memoir of friendship, community, and the uncommon pleasure of a good book. Sounds pretty perfect, right? A rural setting, stories of good people, and, well, the uncommon pleasure of a good book. I love stories about bookstores! Have I ever mentioned that my favorite movie is You've Got Mail? (Incidentally, people tell me all the time that my husband looks like Tom Hanks. Joe Fox/Mike Foss---I'm just looking for the right bookstore...) Anyhoo, this one is a good one. The author, Wendy Welch, and her husband leave high-powered job and take a chance on a bookstore in a small, Appalachian coal town. They filled a  ramshackle Edwardian house with 38,000 used books and then they fostered community in, about, and beyond the books.  So far, I'm thoroughly enjoying warm stories of good Virginia people and the quiet dreams and tenacity of a couple in love.

What are you stitching and reading these days? We are especially looking for some happy, light read suggestions for bedtime. What's your favorite?

Throwback: My Not So Simple Life

In an effort to do some tidying up around here, I'm going to take advantage of Thursdays to pluck some old posts from under the hard-to-find pile and spruce them up for new readers (and people who might want to re-visit with me). I'm editing as necessary, and cleaning up those dead links. 

I've noticed a trend lately, as I sit in waiting rooms of various medical offices with various children. There is a quest out there for simplicity. According to magazine covers, we want simple meals and simply cleaned homes. We want no stress and plenty of simple fun. And the rallying cry for simplicity reaches a fever pitch as summer approaches. I've stopped questing after simple.

My life is not simple. And I am not simple. My life is complex. I am responsible for the care and nurturing of 10 other people. They live under my roof. I feed them and clothe them and counsel them and pray for them. I educate them (well, one of them — my husband — I don't educate, but I do explore new ideas with him). When they are sick, I nurse them back to health. Ten people. There is no way that can be simple. People are complex. All the people here are individuals. They all have individual needs and individual wants and individual personalities.

Running a household of this size is not simple — it's complex. I can try to make it simple. I can try to pin down that elusive system that forces everything to march in a perfectly orderly manner so that it all looks as sleek and uncluttered as an Amish kitchen, but sooner than later I will be frustrated to learn yet again that there is no simple system that will work here. Even if each component is simple, the big picture is a complex tapestry. Life happens. In a family this size, life happens constantly and it's never simple.

Sometimes, particularly when I'm tired, I wish it were simple. But then, I usually quickly recognize that I'm wishing away the very life for which I prayed. I begged God for the fascinating, complex man who is my husband. I begged God for every single one of these children. I begged God for the means to buy them the clothes that necessitate nearly perpetual sorting, washing, folding and putting away. 

I begged God for the good job my husband holds, which provides ample food that requires extensive planning, shopping, cooking and serving (and also means an erratic work schedule and frequent travel). I begged God for this house, for the things in it, which He has so graciously provided and which I must clean and maintain. And I heard God when He begged me to educate my children at home — each one according to his individual needs and abilities. None of it is simple. Not a single bit of it.

This is my mission field, my apostolate. I am reminded of the woman who struggles to raise three small children while being a missionary in a Third World country. The life seems simple enough. The house is humble; the furnishings are sparse; the meals are plain. But I am assured it's actually quite complicated. Washing clothes requires transportation and time and the cooperation of nature. Health care can be sporadic and inadequate. Personal safety is not guaranteed. 

My mission is in suburban USA. My challenges, like the challenges of the foreign missionary, are often the challenges of the culture in which I find myself. But our missions are the same: to make believers of all nations, to bring the Word of God to the culture. My mission begins at home, on a cul-de-sac in Virginia, where the days are very full indeed. In a world that is increasingly complex. There is no doubt I am called to do it.

The only simple part is how I do it. I am called to do it diligently. I am called to do it wholeheartedly. I am called to devote my entire life to working hard for the glory of God in this complex household. I am called to do it — no matter how intricate and complicated "it" is — with love. Mothers love with all their hearts, minds and souls. It's a pure love that God wants us to give to our families. Many, many times, this love looks like plain old hard work, work that requires heroic discipline and almost incessant busyness. Work that is softened by grace falling like rain, rain that sounds like music. It's not a simple tune. It's a symphony conducted by the Lord Himself. And in every family the song is different, each according to the score written by the Creator.

Mother Teresa lived a life of seeming simplicity. But was it really simple? She founded an order, traveled the globe, feed millions, saved lives, dined with heads of state, worked for the kingdom of God. This was a rich and complex woman. This was a deeply spiritual woman. And, I think, what made it all seem like a simple life was her agenda. At the root of it all, all she wanted was to love. She wrote:

“There is always the danger that we may just do the work for the sake of the work. This is where the respect and the love and the devotion come in — that we do it to God, to Christ, and that's why we try to do it as beautifully as possible.”

We mothers are like that. We work. We work hard. And often, our work schedules are very complicated. But we can have the peace of simplicity that emanated from the tiny nun if we work those schedules the way she did: with love, and respect and devotion. With the simple purpose of creating something beautiful for God.

And now I'm off, to spend the day in an increasingly familiar circuit of orthopedist and physical therapist, grocery store and post office. I'll come home to cooking and cleaning and laundry and maybe a little bit of writing. I sat last night and mapped it all out — I had to in order to be sure that I did the work that is mine for the day. It all looks a bit messy on my handwritten list. It looks absolutely nothing like I thought it would at week's beginning. 

And I know the list does not include all the things that I will do which will make me "Mama" to small people. Those go without saying. They are my very being. They are the simple part of me. And all the rest, all the chores, all the scheduling, those I plan as best I can. Now I give it all to Him — the simple part and the overwhelming part. I tell Him I will do the very best I can and I trust Him to show me what's important, to make His will clear and to conduct the rich and joyful symphony that is my not-so-simple life.

This Summer, Maybe Make it About You?

Humidity hangs heavy today and the temperature has crept toward 90; it’s undeniably feeling like summer in Virginia. As I sit with a calendar that has palpably shifted from the frenetic end-of-school-year busyness to a more sanguine, relaxed busyness, I’m making a promise to myself. Summer will be for self-care. 

Summer will be for strengthening the habit of entering into God’s rest.

It is said that it takes 21 days to form a habit. My experience has been that the best habits take considerably longer. Some studies have confirmed it takes 66 days for behaviors to become as much of a habit as they were going to become. And those are habits like exercising every day or giving up a daily muffin with one’s coffee. Resting in God isn’t like giving up smoking. Resting in God is a re-alignment of a life. 

In the pursuit of caring for our families — whether by earning an income or running a carpool — often we fail to care for ourselves. We martyr ourselves on the altars of professional advancement or pleasing others or both. We sacrifice sleep, eat on the run, write way too many things into a calendar square, or neglect the true needs for margin in our lives. In bowing to the urgent, we fail to breathe deeply of God’s grace and see clearly His intention for our lives. Often, self-neglect is slow-creeping and insidious; it begins as dying to self in order to serve others in a vocation. It becomes burnout because we have failed to understand how much we are valued by God and how we actually are called to live in His gentle care and accept His rest — not to power up again and again under our strength and derive the meaning in our lives from the productivity of our lives.

Our work doesn’t define us. Our output doesn’t define us. Our bottom line doesn’t define us. Our homemaking or childrearing capability don’t define us. Instead, God calls us to work and asks us to let Him energize it for His glory. Are you feeling crushed as the school year wraps up and you’ve jumped through a million and one hoops? Jesus is calling. He’s saying, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Mt 11:28-30). If you are bowed down and burned out by the demands of your life, you’re not in His will. Summer is the perfect time to attend to self-care in order to learn a new habit of rest in Christ.

Sometimes, I have to be reminded that not every need must be filled by me. The bone-tired feeling? That soul-crushing fatigue? Usually they are the symptoms of self-reliance. They mean I’ve tried to save the world instead of trusting that God can accomplish His will in my life and the lives of the people I love. I take on every need as my personal mission, and I neglect to seek God’s wisdom and direction in filling the needs around me. I am certain His plan is more prudent than the full-throttle assault that is my default.

So summer is a perfect time to reconfigure the default. It’s a perfect time to stop worshipping at the altar of self-reliance. With a little more breathing room and the opportunity to spend more time outdoors, I’m more likely to successfully re-calibrate. 

Self-care means saying “no” to some people who are very much in the habit of hearing my “yes,” learning that God can step in and say “yes” instead, and we are all better off for allowing Him to do so. Self-care means taking the time to tend the temple of the Holy Spirit. No matter how willing my own spirit, my body can only be pushed so hard for so long. It’s self-abuse and it’s sinful. So, summer is the perfect opportunity to sleep a little more, to exercise outdoors, to curl up with a good book, to journal in longhand for a long time. My brain and my body need time and space to unfurl in the presence of my Maker. 

What things are life-giving for you? Where does God meet you? Can you put your hand in His this summer and let Him take you to a place where He fills your depleted soul and nourishes your tired body?